"We? What part are you going to play in all this?"
"Besides setting it up, I thought I'd volunteer to coordinate the hotline."
"Lexa, you're not serious!"
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" She only had a few months to stay involved. When the baby came, she or he would take up all her spare time.
Josh's eyes left the road to glance at her sharply. "Because you could want to be somewhat selfish and take a few hours for yourself."
"I am doing this for myself. I like doing it."
She wasn't getting the point. "I want time for us. Don't you?"
Silence had never been so loud.
"You said you admire what I do."
"I do."
"But you don't want me to do it. You're no different than--"
His hand tightened on the wheel. "Don't compare me to anyone else. I'm me. Period. I want more time for us together. I thought you might want the same thing."
She did. Yet she was afraid to pin all her hopes on a relationship with Josh when she didn't know if they had a future.
Josh glanced at her. "I want to know where I stand and where we're headed."
"I care about you."
"What does that mean, Lexa? Does that mean you're willing to make a commitment? Does that mean you'll make time for us?"
She didn't know what to say. And her not knowing became a wall between them.
Josh concentrated on driving. After maneuvering around the busy circular square in Gettysburg, Josh headed toward the Battlefield. Red, white, and blue flags flapped in the breeze as he cruised up a driveway to a parking lot. He climbed out of the truck without a word and unloaded the bicycles.
Lexa was thankful peddling precluded conversation. They rode along the Battlefield's scenic auto route through a portion of the thirty five hundred acre historic site, stopping at focal points, exchanging pleasantries with a few tourists but not each other. At the Pennsylvania State Monument, they left their bikes and walked up the steps. In silence they examined the life-size bronze statues and the ten foot high plaques engraved with name after name of soldiers who had died in battle.
Lexa's stomach began growling as they walked their bikes up the hill to Devils' Den, a group of giant boulders from which the Union troops had been routed. They climbed up the natural stone steps and explored the village of rock formations. When Lexa's foot slipped on one of the boulders, Josh caught her up against his side. She stared up into his eyes longing for the camaraderie and lightheartedness they usually shared.
Josh held her tightly for a few moments then released her. When her stomach growled loudly again, he gave her a wry smile. "We'd better head back to the truck. I have a bucket of fried chicken and biscuits." He gazed at the sky that was getting more foreboding by the minute.
In this historic place, going back in time, peering up at the expanse of blue-grey sky, looking through the gathering fog to see the beyond, Lexa suddenly felt very alone. Tears pricked behind her eyes and she suddenly didn't want any distance between her and Josh.
As if he sensed her emotion, Josh hung his arm across her shoulders. His eyes buckled to hers. "Are we still friends?"
She nodded.
"More than friends?" he pressed.
"More than friends," she whispered.
His hand ran down the back of her hair. It was becoming softer and curlier in the dampness. His arms encircled her in a nurturing hug. He murmured against her temple, "Let's go back to the truck before we get wet."
They'd gotten comfortable, the basket of chicken on the console between them when sleet began pinging against the windshield. Lexa licked off sticky fingers.
Josh leaned toward her and swiped a smudge of chicken coating from Lexa's upper lip with his forefinger. Then he leaned toward her and kissed her full on the lips.
The kiss heated Lexa's cheeks and Josh smiled. "You're beautiful when you have that just-kissed look." When her cheeks reddened more, Josh reached for another biscuit. "I have some news for you. I received information about Ted Stanley."
When Lexa had visited Stanley's office, he had handled himself competently, seeming to know the ins and outs of financial matters. But she still didn't trust the man. "What did you find out?"
Josh ate half the biscuit and swallowed. "It's what we didn't find out."
She was puzzled. "I don't understand."
"Mr. Stanley doesn't exist. He has no social security number or birth certificate. Despite what he told you, he never graduated from Temple." Josh finished his biscuit and brushed the crumbs from his hands into the cardboard bucket.
"I don't believe it. I mean, I don't like him but to believe he's a total fraud...We've got to tell everyone."
Josh shook his head in warning. "The only thing we can do is tell everybody not to invest or to stop payment on checks. We can't make accusations we can't prove."
Lexa was almost bouncing on the seat as she curled one leg under her. "But you said there's no record--"
Josh cut in to explain. "As thorough as Mark is, he says he might have missed something. He thinks this guy is a fraud but there is a corporation on the record for Leisureville."
"So what can we do to prove he's not on the level?"
"Mark suggested we get his fingerprints. If he's a con artist, he's probably done this before and he's using an alias."
"Can't we just give this to the police?"
"Mark says we don't have a case. Believe it or not, Stanley doesn't need special credentials or a license to be a financial advisor. The corporation he's promoting is on the books. It might be a dummy, but we can't prove that yet. There's so much red tape. While Mark does more digging, we could get lucky with the prints. I have to figure out how to get them."
Lexa wiped her fingers on a napkin. "I'll get them."
Josh put the lid on the bucket with a thump. "That's not a good idea. If he's shady and he suspects something, he could be dangerous."
She smiled coyly. "He won't suspect anything."
"Lexa, I don't like the idea of you--"
"It'll be simple. There are so many excuses I can use to see him again. I can tell him I want to add to my portfolio."
"He might think that's strange."
"No, he won't. Believe me, I can be very convincing."
"And how are you going to get the fingerprints? Steal something from his office?"
"I could invite him over for a drink."
Josh scowled. "No. Don't even think about it." He turned Lexa's chin toward him with a gentle nudge of his knuckle. "Understand?"
She sighed, knowing he was right, knowing she should play it safe. "I'll think of something."
Josh's knuckle slid up her cheek tenderly. "We don't know what we're dealing with. I don't want you involved. I'll find a way to get his prints."
She covered his fingers with her hand and squeezed. "It's easier for me. You might make him suspicious if you ask questions. What if he skips town with everybody's money?"
The beat of the sleet on the truck's roof was the only sound until Josh said, "Okay. Try to get the prints. But do not under any circumstances take a chance. Agreed?"
"I'll be careful," she promised.
Josh inclined toward her, but the console and the chicken bucket were obstacles between them. He dragged his finger down her throat to the V of her sweatshirt. "Let's go home." The element of husky promise in his voice made excitement skip up her spine.
Josh packed the refuse from their lunch into the bucket. He was anxious to get Lexa to his dry and warm apartment to finish the conversation they had started. Maybe with a couple of glasses of wine, some soft music, a cuddling atmosphere, she'd let her guard down and tell him what she was feeling--exactly how she felt about him.
After they fastened their seat belts, Josh started the truck and switched on the windshield wipers, but the sleet froze on the windshield and visibility was poor.
Josh drove carefully under the speed limit. The sleet pinged against the hood and coated the road
in the evening dusk. The grinding swish of the windshield wipers only intensified the tension driving in inclement weather brings. Lexa found her hands clenched into fists at her sides and she consciously released them, taking a deep breath to relax. Josh's hands were competently guiding the wheel but the lines around his mouth showed his intense concentration.
What happened next happened so fast it had a dream-like quality. One minute they were driving slowly, the next the car in front of them spun in a circle. Josh swore, sharply turned the wheel and pumped the brakes. His truck spun around and lurched onto the soft shoulder of the road, angling unevenly. Lexa's arm and shoulder had bumped into the door but her seat belt kept her from flying forward.
She was trying to get her bearings when Josh's hand capped her knee. "Lexa, are you all right?"
Before she could get any words out, he had switched on the inside light. "Lexa, are you okay?"
She turned toward him. "I think so. How about you?"
"I'm fine. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, just shaky. What about the other car?"
"He's gone. Since there was no collision, I guess he felt there was no need to stop." Josh unsnapped his seat belt and leaned toward Lexa, examining her face, caressing her cheek. She was trembling. "I've got to get the truck back on the road. I don't want to cause an accident." He kissed her temple, moved away, and refastened his seat belt.
The truck sputtered twice before it purred to life. Josh switched the heater on high and backed away from a fence post they had almost hit head on. "It's a good thing no one was behind us," he muttered to himself. He wanted to take Lexa's hand but after what had just happened, he kept both hands on the wheel.
Josh decided to take Lexa to her place to make sure she wasn't hurt. When he pulled into her driveway, they both heaved sighs of relief. After they reached the dry warmth of Lexa's living room, Josh took her in his arms and held her close. Leaning back, he took her face between his hands. "Are you really all right? If anything had happened to you..."
She stroked his jaw. "I'm fine."
He shook his jacket off, helped her with hers and pulled her down on the sofa. "Let me hold you."
Their emotions were running high and Lexa snuggled up next to him. "We could light a fire."
"We could. But I don't want to let you go long enough to do it."
His blue gaze was so intense, it scared her. Her feelings for him scared her. When his lips came down on hers in a no-holds-barred kiss, their passion scared her. Their tongues met, detonating the fuse on a chain reaction. Josh's passion burned through Lexa's blood, passion that threatened to burst whenever they touched or kissed. She kneaded his shoulders, glorying in the muscular strength under her fingers. He smelled like rain and wind and a much more basic aroma that was purely male and sense drugging. She pushed against him, needing more contact, wanting to get as close as she possibly could. He had a hold on her heart, a strong hold that made her want to give more.
Josh's thumbs pressed into Lexa's shoulders as he pushed her back on the sofa and followed her down. Her hair filtered through his fingers as he angled his mouth for greater access. But kissing wasn't enough. To have her in his arms naked, her legs intertwined with his was a fantasy he had entertained since the day they'd met. Josh couldn't quell the rush of fire to his groin. He leaned toward the inside of the couch so his fingers could unfasten her blouse buttons. He separated the material, unhitched the clasp on her bra, and with shaking fingers cupped her breast in his hand.
He unsealed his lips from hers and cascaded kisses across her chin, down her throat. Desire made his voice raspy. "God, Lexa. You're so soft."
His words were a fiery crackle in her ear. She stretched into his hand, craving his touch. His implacable maleness provoked her hands to canvas his back, explore his definition as his body pressed fervently into hers.
Josh's desire became uncontrolled, as wild as a hurricane's winds. He wanted more. His pulse throbbed as he tasted one nipple. Lexa gasped and murmured his name. His knee slipped between her legs as his hand danced across her midriff. When she arched up against him, Josh's fingers unsnapped her jeans. His breathing was ragged from wanting her, needing her, wanting and needing to love her. He needed to fill her and make her his. Maybe whatever she was holding back would disappear in the wake of their passion. He needed her uninhibited response that would tell him she cared for him as much as he cared for her. He had thought he could control the hunger she awakened in him, but he couldn't. He rubbed against her so she'd know exactly what she was doing, what he wanted and needed to quench the raging inferno she was inciting.
They would scale the heights of passion together. The first time they made love would be unforgettable, he'd make sure of that. He stroked her cheek with a shaky hand. "Lexa, let me make love to you. Sweetheart, I want to love you."
Lexa's nerves were overloading with sensations until she felt as if she'd explode. How would it feel to have him deep within? She wanted his love. She wanted all of him with a need too encompassing to deny. But not now, not yet.
Doubts rose like specters, shadowing what she was feeling. If he wanted more time, if he wanted her to drop her volunteer work, how would he feel about time spent with a child, one that wasn't biologically his? When he knew there might not be any biological children... She needed time to think this through, time when she wasn't under the spell of the excitement and passion between them.
Lexa closed her eyes, took a breath, and said, "No."
Her answer didn't compute immediately. Apparently Josh had expected her to say "yes."
"I'm not ready." She could barely choke out the words, but she knew she had to.
"No?" Josh was breathing raggedly. "What are you afraid of?"
Him, the passion between them, the future. "I'm just not ready, Josh." She wriggled, attempting to pull out from under him.
"Lexa, stay still. I need a minute or two."
Lexa went still, afraid to breathe, afraid she'd make the situation even more awkward than it was.
When Josh shoved himself up and sat on the edge of the sofa, his head in his hands, she managed, "Josh, I'm sorry."
His gaze sharpened as he gained control. Unspent passion gave a hard edge to his voice when he raised his head. "I don't want you to be sorry. I want to know what's wrong. You want this as much as I do. Why won't you let it happen?"
She lowered her eyes, refastened her bra with fumbling fingers and began buttoning her blouse. "I can't. Not yet."
Pressure built like a sneeze that couldn't be stifled. Josh's angry frustration exploded. "Dammit, Lexa, why not?"
She met the question with, "Don't be angry."
He ravaged her with his eyes. "I'm not angry! I'm frustrated with taking it nice and sweet and slow. We're adults and we should both know what we want. I know what I want. Do you?"
Her hands fluttered. "We haven't been together long enough. If you're already beginning to resent the way I spend my spare time, what will you feel later? After I have a child?"
He spoke reasonably in a measured tone. "We need all the time we can get together now. Don't you see that?"
"I see that you want me to stop doing what's important to me."
Josh stood and paced over to the mantle. When he turned around, he regarded her steadily. "I don't want you to stop. I want you to let up. I want to know how you feel about me and what you feel about me."
Her brown eyes pleaded with him to understand. "It's too soon."
Now he was angry and he couldn't keep it from showing. "Do you even know what you feel? Do you want to feel love? Or is it that you have so much compassion to give everyone else you have no feelings left for me? Is that it?"
She dropped her eyes to her lap. "No, that's not it. Of course I have feelings for you."
"Then stop square-dancing around them and tell me what they are!"
Josh was so sure of himself and so sure what he felt. What would happen when she threw him a curve? A curve he might not want or like o
r be able to field. No children. She couldn't have children. Why wouldn't the words come out? She felt her emotions welling up, coming much too close to the surface. She was tired and still shaky from their near accident. "Josh, I think you'd better go."
His gaze locked to hers. "If I go, we can't talk; we can't solve any problems."
"I need some time." The rigidity of his posture scared her. "Josh, please try to understand."
He crossed to her and looked down. "I don't understand. I want a relationship. A commitment. I'm not sure we're any nearer to that now than the first day we met. You can't put feelings on hold as if they don't exist. How are we going to get close if you won't share your time or your passion with me? You have some hard thinking to do. While you're thinking, you'd better decide if you want to put as much energy into your own life as you put into everyone else's." He grabbed his coat and dived into it as if it were the enemy.
Disappointment lined his brow as he gave her a last hard look and left without a good-bye. It wasn't until she heard the motor start that Lexa remembered her bicycle was still in his truck.
CHAPTER SIX
Lexa told herself it was better this way. Yes, she'd fallen in love with Josh. But her life had too many complications for a man to accept. Josh had proven that, hadn't he? Dang it, she had to stop thinking about Josh. The best way to do that, was to do something else, like going to see Ted Stanley.
But how could she get his fingerprints? Looking for ideas, she took her scarf out of her purse and dumped the rest of its contents onto the desk. Then she smiled.
Half an hour later, she hoped that smile was innocent and relaxed as she looked across Ted Stanley's desk. Even if he wasn't trying to swindle his clients, she didn't like him. He was too slick; his answers came too easily. When she had called for an appointment, he had been obliging, saying he could fit her in right away. He was being obliging now, explaining exactly what he could do with the sum in her savings account.
As if considering his suggestions seriously, she said, "Those stocks sound viable, but I'm afraid they're risky with economic conditions being what they are. You know, the trade deficit and all that."
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