I lean in next to his ear and breathe heavily into it. "Eat up, bitch."
I walk off toward my office and can see Tommy tending to Joel in the corner of my eye. Fuck me. I'll probably get fired for that.
What did you just do, Quinn?
JOEL
"NOW HERBERT, I believe Mom wants you to make babies with that woman, not prevent them from being made."
I look up, and Tommy has a huge grin on his face. I know he's right, but I don't know what just came over me. That guy isn't me. I don't do petty shit like that. That girl drives me to the point of insanity.
"Fuck man. I think she knocked my balls up into my stomach." I reach down and see if my balls are still attached when nobody is watching.
"I know, big guy. I know." Tommy pats me on the back as he helps me up.
I slowly straighten myself out and Tommy is trying not to giggle his ass off. I can't blame him. I'm sure it would've been hilarious if I were a spectator.
"You sure you're not mad?" he asks.
"About?"
"Me not telling you about talking to Quinn." He scrubs his hand through his hair.
"Like I said. Mad about what?"
He sighs and relaxes. "Thanks, bro."
"Don't sweat it, man. I mean don't get me wrong, it was a total Lando move. But you had your reasons. Personally, I'd rather be frozen in carbonite right now. It's like my dick just went ten rounds with George Foreman."
"Well not even Ali was crazy enough to rope-a-dope with his cock."
I chuckle and his joking takes my mind off of my swollen balls. She hits like a fucking man.
I suddenly feel sick to my stomach, and it's not from taking a right cross to the nuts. It's the same feeling I got in the closet at work. I immediately want to go and apologize to her. How would that go down though? She'd never believe me.
"Alright, well if you're going to survive, I'm going to go see Megan before I head to the office."
"No worries. I'm going to try and get my dignity back, and hopefully survive this day. Drink after?"
"Can't, hanging out with the ol' lady. Rain check?"
I do my best impersonation of Indiana Jones cracking his whip.
Tommy shakes his head at me. "Yeah right. You gotta actually get it to be whipped."
I shoot him a blank stare. "She's making you work too hard for it."
"That's what I like about her. I'll text you later."
I walk into the conference room, and Quinn's eyes sear a hole in my skull. Time is going by at the pace of a snail. I think that Einstein guy was on to something with his theory of relativity. I plug in my laptop and fire up my PowerPoint presentation. I look around, and it's almost all women. Thank god only one of them is holding me in contempt. There are a few men, but marketing and accounting are usually comprised of females.
I mean sure, I get it, I hurt her friend. I thought I was doing the chick a favor. She's batshit crazy, but I gave her a memory she will never forget. I guarantee nobody has ever gotten her off like that. Quinn needs to grow the fuck up and get over herself.
You are a fucking mess, Sir.
I look up at the room and start my presentation. But there's only one person I can focus on, and she hates my guts.
"Now, many of you are probably wondering why accounting is important to the marketing department."
Quinn rolls her eyes.
Bitch.
"But, you're actually vital to the accounting process. Marketing is on the front lines—securing sales, landing contracts, seeing deals through to completion. You're the first line in capturing information that helps inform management in their decision making processes."
Most of the women are checking me out, probably not hearing a thing I'm saying. Quinn is on her phone, smirking. I grip the edge of the table, hard. She's probably texting Olivia, telling her all kinds of fucked up things. Laughing about what they did to me. How she sucker-punched my fucking junk. I'm sure Tommy has let her know what a mess I was after their little stunt. He's a great friend but he's a little gossip queen sometimes.
The rest of the morning presentation is as awkward as the beginning. I can't get out of this fucking place fast enough.
"Okay, so that pretty much concludes the morning overview of how our software can help integrate and automate a lot of the work you guys do. That way you can focus on doing what you do best—selling, fostering relationships with clients and vendors, and securing new revenue streams. After lunch, I'll be sitting down with different people individually to find out what I can do to make your life easier."
Quinn is practically out the door before I can finish. I can't believe how ridiculous she's acting. Well—I said some pretty mean things to her—but for fuck's sake I was just defending myself from her onslaught. Oh well, what's done is done. I just need to do my job and then I can be rid of her.
Yeah right.
Grabbing my plate and drink, I start walking through the small cafeteria. It's pretty crowded. Their company is quickly outgrowing their building. I weave through the crowd and suddenly Quinn is right in front of me, sitting at a table alone and looking down at her phone. I have to say something. I need to be the bigger person and put the petty shit aside.
Making amends will make this whole ordeal easier. I don't know why I care so much, but I don't want her to hate me. Tommy is also dating her good friend and I'll no doubt have to encounter her outside of work. I need to be a professional regardless, to protect my job.
Instead of doing the mature thing, I look for a way out. But everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by middle-aged women, all talking to each other and oblivious to my predicament.
I take a deep breath. "Look, Quinn—"
She doesn't even look up from her phone. "What is it, Joel? Do your little boys need a hug? The ice machine is across the hall."
What the fuck?
I mean, that shit's pretty funny, but not when it's directed at me.
Why couldn't we have met under normal circumstances? Her quick wit turns me on and she's so fucking hot, even when she doesn't try. How does she just wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, throw on some clothes, put her hair up, and still look like that? I just want her to like me. Even as a friend. I hate knowing that she despises me.
I try to disregard her snarky comment, but something in me just won't let it go.
"What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
"Really? You want to do this right now? While we're at work?" She pushes her plate aside and folds her arms across her chest.
I couldn't care less about where we are at this point. It's killing me. "Yeah. I want to know why you're treating me like this. I didn't do anything to you."
She glares at me and I swear I can see Satan dancing around in her eyes, with flames and shit. Maybe a pitch fork thing.
She gets up and storms out of the cafeteria. Without thinking, I follow after her. It's difficult. She knows this place better than I do and there are people everywhere I turn. I set my plate and drink down on a table and weave through the crowd. I can barely see the top of her head as it disappears around a corner.
I finally make my way through the ruckus and see an exit door closing at the end of the hallway. Hauling ass down the hall, I pause momentarily in front of the door and try to catch my breath. I've been hitting the gym but I definitely have some work to do.
I put my hand on the door and take in a huge breath, pausing for a moment. Then I ease it open and she's sitting there. A tear streams down her cheek. I knew she felt something for me.
She looks up, and her gorgeous blue eyes look lighter in the sun. My collar feels ten times more snug than usual around my neck and I tug at it. I can't help but feel responsible for the tear I just witnessed. I have to do something to take her pain away. Without thinking, I start walking toward her like a man on a mission.
What the fuck are you doing, Joel? Pull yourself together.
She wipes the tear from her face, and a scowl replaces the sadness in her eyes.<
br />
"Here for another ass whipping?" She nearly chokes on her words.
Her face reddens more with each step. I've completely lost control of my actions at this point. I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing. When I get to her my palms flatten on both sides of her face, and I press my lips to hers.
What the fuck are you doing?
Her eyes widen, but she doesn't push me away. She presses back into me and our tongues intertwine. My hands find their way into her hair, and then slide down to the sides of her neck as I taste her on my lips and feel her in my palms. We're both momentarily in another world. It's the best kiss of my life, and I never want to let go of her. It's a new experience, something I've never felt. Colors and energy come alive in everything, and it's like floating on a cloud, invincible from anything that could possibly go wrong. The rest of the world does not exist. For this brief moment in time, I'm in another place, feeling something that's indescribable.
We finally release, and I stare into her eyes. A tear forms, and she pushes me away.
"I-I can't. I can't fucking do this. I'm sorry." She hurries toward the parking lot, and I don't follow her. I can't—physically—my body won't let me.
She disappears into a sea of automobiles.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too."
QUINN
I SIT ON the couch curled up in the fetal position, trying to contemplate what just happened. My brain is running a marathon. Jesus Christ, that kiss. No, I can't do this. What about Livi? What about everything I know about Joel? He's a player—an asshole, yet he won't leave my mind. I want to know what he's thinking, what he's doing. Why'd he have to fucking kiss me? And why does he kiss so fucking good? Livi is going to hate me, and I have to tell her.
Voices from the porch jolt me from my thoughts. What the hell? It's two in the afternoon. I recognize Livi's giggle, and she has someone with her. A key rattles inside the door handle, and I grab a pillow, pulling it close to me.
Livi comes through the door, and a guy falls in behind her. So much for her being in love with Joel. It takes them both about 15 seconds to even realize I'm there.
"Oh, shit. I thought you'd be at work, Quinn."
"Yeah, I came home. Didn't feel well."
The guy she's with checks me out.
Asshole.
Bringing another guy home after just meeting them, Livi? What a shocker. Usually I'd be nice, but I'm just not in the mood.
"This is Christian."
"Sup." He leans over to shake my hand. I smell the douchebag on him from a mile away. "Damn. Two hot chicks livin' here? Bet you ladies have some fun." He slow nods like an idiot.
What a prick.
"You guys want me to go?" I stand up.
"No." He answers immediately before Olivia can say anything. "We was about to have some fun if you wanna join?"
It takes me a moment for his words to sink in. Are you fucking kidding me? Livi's face turns to disappointment knowing her new hook-up is interested in me. I need to be nice even though I'd like to throat punch the sack of shit.
"I'm going to go." I turn and look at the prick. "Forgive me. I've forgotten your name."
I doubt he caught the sarcasm and it was the most diplomatic response I could muster.
Livi's eyes light up. She obviously wants to get rid of me, and I'm going to knock the shit out of this asshole if I stick around much longer. I walk past him and whisper to Olivia. "I need to talk to you for a sec."
She turns to Christian. "Go hang out in my room. I'll be right there."
"Ooh, sounds hot."
I'm not even going to try and talk her out of this. Fuck it.
She plops down on the couch next to me. "He's hot, isn't he?"
I can't help myself. I have to tell the truth. "No, he's not hot. He's an idiot."
"Don't be bitter. God, what's wrong with you?"
"I have to tell you something. I did something, well, kind of. I don't know how to explain it—" I rake my hand through my hair.
"What happened?"
"I saw Joel today." Nerves roll through my stomach.
Her eyes light up. "Really? How'd he look? Fucking gorgeous I'm sure. Did he say anything about me?"
Well, so much for Christian replacing him. This girl is so sweet, but fuck she is dumb when it comes to men. How do I respond? He did mention her, but it was not flattering. I don't have the heart to lie to her. It's time to just rip the Band-Aid off.
I turn and look at her. "He kissed me."
She adjusts herself on the couch and looks as if I just murdered her puppy. "You kissed him?"
That's not what I said, but fuck it.
"Yeah, I guess. It happened so fast."
"How could you do that to me? You're supposed to be my best friend. What the hell?"
My jaw starts to grind. I didn't do anything wrong. At least I think I didn't. The whole incident races through my mind, and my head begins to spin. It all happened so fast. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, but then ran away. What's the big fucking deal? She's the one who got me in this mess.
"Look, he's consulting at my firm. I was being a bitch to him. I left. He followed me out the door and kissed me. I kissed him back for a second, but then pushed him away and left."
"I don't believe you did this. I've always been there for you and then you what? Stab me in the back?"
"You dragged me into this! I didn't want any part of your childish bullshit, remember?" I stare at her.
"Oh, whatever. You've wanted him since you met him. Brandi told me all about it."
Beautiful. Add another bitch to my shit list. I sigh. "What'd she say?"
"That you were all flirty and left with him that night." She glares.
I seriously need to be taking crazy pills. It's time to be honest with Olivia. If she doesn't like it she can kick rocks. I'm pretty much done with her anyway.
"That's what you told me to do. I can't believe I'm having this conversation. You already have a new fuck buddy waiting for you in the bedroom. Fuck it. I do like him. I like him a lot actually. But I haven't acted on it, because of you, out of respect for you. Even though you're too fucking stupid to realize he used you for sex. And you know what? He probably does like me. But that didn't matter because you're my friend. I didn't want any part of the silly games you wanted to play with a guy you fucked within 10 minutes of meeting, but I did it anyway. For you!"
She shakes her head at me. "Well, now the truth comes out. You are so self-righteous. Always perfect. Perfect little Quinn who looks down her nose at everyone. In the meantime she's stealing their men from behind their back. So fucking fake!"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. I'm quickly realizing it wasn't Joel who was the problem. It was her. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and banged the wrong girl.
"You're a fucking psycho. I'm done. Have fun with pencil dick back there."
I ball my hands into fists and stare her down. But it's my own fault. I should know better than to be friends with her. Should know better than to stoop to her petty games. It's like I have this need to fix people. My friends are projects and I'm out to change them. For some reason—like always—I feel the need to apologize though. I was pretty harsh.
"Look, I'm sorry. I tried to do what you wanted me to do. Obviously I fucked it up."
"Yeah, you did. I need some time to think about this. To see if we can still be friends."
"Call me when you figure it out." I stand and walk out the front door, with no idea of where I'm going.
Nice job, Quinn. Enable her some more. Make her think she's in the right. I don't know what my fucking deal is. I always have to be the peacemaker. Jesus Christ, I need a shrink.
I'm at the bar, picking at the cardboard coaster, sitting next to my third scotch in an hour, drinking my sorrows away. It smells like peanuts and fat married guys in here, but I don't mind. The whiskey burns my throat as it goes down, and I love the feeling. It sounds like a terrible place for a single woman to hang out, but it's ac
tually nice and low key. The bartenders know me and it's one of the only places in town where I won't get hit on every two minutes. I fumble through my purse and manage to find my cell.
"Megan. Hey, what's up? I hate to do this to you, but can I borrow your boyfriend for an hour or so?" I run my hand through my hair.
She chuckles on the other end. I'm pretty sure I am the only person on the planet who could get away with asking her a question like that. I can't help it. I need to laugh, and I need an intelligent person's take on my predicament. Tommy knows the situation better than anyone. I pick at my fingers when I think about not asking them both to come, but they'd sit there and stare adoringly into each other's eyes, and I'd most likely vomit on the table.
Thirty minutes pass, and Tommy comes through the door. He's frowning, probably because I pulled him away from his hot new girlfriend. I'm a disappointment to everyone I suppose, but with scotch number four going down, I don't give a fuck about much at all right now.
"You're a cock blocking devil woman. You know that?" He stands in front of the table.
I'm a bit tipsy and laugh a little more than I should. There's just something about Tommy. He's like a funny big brother. I can't help but smile when he's around.
"What's this all about? Why are you halfway to hammered before the sun goes down?"
"I fucked up. I fucked up bad."
He stares at me like I'm wasted, but it's just a slight buzz. So maybe I slurred my words a little. So what?
He takes a seat. "Okay. How did you fuck up?"
"Joel kissed me."
"I know." He chuckles.
"Bullshit."
"I know everything, woman. No secret is safe from me."
I relax a little when he smiles, and I sigh. Why does life have to be this complicated? "I told Olivia. She hates me now. I don't know what the fuck is going on. My life is in some kind of tailspin."
"Let me guess, Olivia acted like a spoiled little bitch? And this surprises you? I swear I thought you were smart." He grins, possibly to hide the sting from his jab.
The Panty Whisperer: The Complete Series Page 12