“Oh, look at this place,” Martha said. “I love kink. Don't you guys?”
“I used to be into the lighter version of this stuff,” I said. “But it's been awhile since I've tried to have fun with it. I mean, there were times in the past when it was a really good, but I need to be with the right person for it to work.”
“Or the right people,” Martha said smiling. “You never know how much fun you can have when you don't have control.”
I nodded, not knowing what she meant but wanting to cut the conversation short. Whether it was an invitation or suggestions that she saw me as a submissive while she was more dominant. I didn't know if it was something I wanted to explore, had never really thought about it. Even now I was having a hard time really considering it because that meant I would be with Martha on an intimate level. That, first and foremost, made my mind go into a tailspin. Then I had to wonder if Martha meant with me and her alone, or with her and Jake, and the whole process started over again.
“You know, I've never tried any of this stuff,” Jake said. “Kind of makes me feel like a goober to hear both of you talk about it while I haven't even tried it at all.”
This was a comfort to hear. I'd been afraid that Jake would be experienced in the BDSM lifestyle and want to goad the two of us into doing something like that with him. Which I wouldn't have minded, necessarily, but it would take some warming up to the idea for me to really want to jump in head first.
“Let's take a look around inside,” Martha said. “It'll be fun! And besides, it's still a little early for dinner.
Without waiting for a reply, Martha walked into the store. Jake followed after a moment, leaving me to stand outside by myself for a second—I trailed after Jake as if pulled by a hidden force, not unwillingly, but not completely of my own volition.
“This place is so great,” Martha said. “Look at all the gear they have!”
The walls were adorned with all of the trappings of a dungeon goer’s wet dreams. There were feathers and ropes and all sort of sex toys, from regular looking ones to much scarier contraptions. A giant wood cross was attached to one of the brick walls, holding a mannequin tied up in a leather suit and with a ball gag around his face. There were other, more fashionable BDSM clothing, that had become so trendy in recent times. Jake looked through some of the clothes for women, eying Martha and myself as if to estimate our measurements.
“It would be fun to tie both of you up and whip you until I feel better about life,” Martha said. “And I bet you'd both squeal like little pigs before I was done. Wouldn't you?”
I wasn't sure what to say. Martha was clearly more into this than I was, and Jake wasn't around to be a buffer or a mediator for conversation. There was something about the way Martha was talking, a kind of hidden forcefulness, that I didn't know if I liked. Sure, there was kink and all the fun which went along with it, but there was also respect, and I wondered if Martha would be able to keep it all separate and straight in her head at the same time. We spent the next hour or so looking at stuff. Martha made a few mental notes about what she wanted, saying that the store's markup was too high for her.
“Do you really think so? What kind of prices are you looking for?” I said. “Leather is expensive, and I know that the stuff hanging on the walls is good leather from how it feels and smells. Did you touch any of it to feel how supple it was?”
Martha didn't answer right away and Jake was quick to rush in and fill the void in conversation. Obviously, she had her own plan but wasn't ready to tell me the details. Maybe she thought I would chicken out, and maybe I would have, so I just let her be.
The rest of the night things went smoothly. We all dined out and hit a club. Martha and Jake ground up against each other, and me as well. Dancing was fun, and feeling their bodies was arousing as hell. There were times when we were all so into each other and with such passion, that the people around us in the crowd stopped what they were doing to watch.
I realized how hot the three of us were, and how many people watching us would have loved to take us home. It was a turn on, having everyone's attention. Martha loved it, and Jake was just happy to have both of our attentions. It was a fun thing, and I never wanted the feeling to end, so I was a little disappointed when the club finally closed.
Martha's spirits seemed to have risen, but her words were slightly slurred by the booze. Jake had to help her into the cab when she almost fell into the gutter filled with waste water and garbage. It was hard for me to watch her in this state; I'd come to think of her more than just a friend. What did that mean of my feelings for her? When I thought of her a felt a longing that was much more than what a friend would feel for someone who was just a friend. There was plenty of friendship feelings I felt for her, pulls and strums of my heart strings that weren't part of loves ballad. But then there were notes that would only have come from a love song—or maybe they were the notes that come just before such harmony. The more I tried to decipher my feelings the more cryptic they seemed, until finally I just gave up. All I could really divine for certain was that I felt for her as someone would feel for a person they had first met as friends, but after attraction was tarrying instead of fleeting, other feelings were manifesting.
It was all probably the booze, anyway. My attractions and emotions were always more convoluted when I drank. The reason I rarely drank was that the feeling of things moving under the surface made me uneasy at times. Some people didn't have a problem dealing with all of it, but I wasn't those people. I felt like I needed to be more in control, even though I knew that life didn't necessarily work that way. If moving to New Orleans had taught me anything, it was that there was much more to life than met the eye. I couldn't just expect things to be black and white all the time.
When we made it to our place Martha was less intoxicated but wound up from the BDSM store. She paced back and forth on the hardwood floor of our apartment while Jake made us something to eat.
“I really do want us all to play together,” Martha said. “I know that's a bold thing to say, but it’s how I feel. I'd like to think that we're all good friends enough where it won't freak either of you two out or anything. I know that it's not for everyone, but we're all so close. And Jake is a one of a kind guy, we've been hanging out with him for a while now. I don't think there is going to be any dark impulses from him that we aren't ready for.”
“It was so hot dancing with you tonight,” Jake said.
“Did you see everyone watching u,” I said. “It was a huge turn on for me. Being with you two makes us all the center of attention.”
“Yeah, that's for sure,” Jake said. “I've never had an entire club be jealous of me before.”
“They were jealous because both of you are totally hot,” Martha said. “And it really made me think naughty thoughts.”
We all nodded in agreement at this, that our minds had been more in tune with our carnal desires than usual while we'd been bumping and grinding together. Now those sparks had grown into flames of desire, and we couldn't stop wanting each other.
“How about that store today,” Martha said. “I couldn't believe how fun it was to look at all the gear and other kink accessories. I used to be pretty into that, but now it's been awhile.”
“That was pretty hot,” Jake said. “But at the same time, I did wonder if the leather would cause chaffing, you know what I mean?”
“It does and it doesn't,” Martha said, with a sly smile.
“I think I still have the game I bought a few years ago,” I said. “Martha, I think you'd be into it. It's kind of like a sexual icebreaker type of thing. It doesn't take too much control away from the players, but still puts them in situations they wouldn't normally be in.”
Martha perked up at this.
“Why haven't you ever mentioned it before?” Martha asked. “We could have been playing it this whole time!”
Her enthusiasm made me chuckle as I ran to my room to get the game. It was called, “Sexy Time,” which wasn't th
e most creative thing it could have been named, but none of us got stuck on the semantics.
“It's like spin the bottle, but with dice, board, and cards,” Jake said. “That's pretty intuitive, I guess. I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I should read a few of the cards to see what we're in for.”
Jake set down the box, and I quickly pulled out its contents. It was gratifying to watch him turn red while perusing the pile of cards.
“So how are we going to play this?” Jake asked. “Because, according to the back of the box, there are different levels of eroticism that can be reached. And I'm not sure if we're all ready for the max. Not yet, anyway.”
I hadn't remembered that detail of the game. In truth, I'd never played it. It was the remnant of a shopping trip for the person who would turn out to be an ex shortly after the gift was purchased. I'd kept it around because it had cost more than a few dollars, but at the time didn't want to look at it because of the memories associated. Now, though, that past seemed far removed from the present. I was starting to remember the levels Jake had referenced, how the first was little more than mild truth or dare, and the second involved nakedness and touching—the third we'd have to save for another day, for sure.
We started the game, everyone rolling the dice and moving their piece across the board. Some of the play was like other games, with rolling for turns. But whenever a player landed on a certain spot they would have to draw a certain number of cards and play a certain number of cards. Most places only had a player use one card, but some prompted the use of two or three cards at a time. The first few rounds none of them had to play anything racy, but instead just told truths about themselves. Nothing scandalous was revealed, however, and the game kept moving toward physical contact.
“I think someone might have to kiss someone else soon,” I said. “I wonder who it will be?”
Jake looked at Martha, who was looking at my lips hungrily.
I threw my dice down, moved two spaces forward, and drew a card I immediately played.
“Looks like I'll be kissing you, Martha,” I said. “Hope I don't knock you out!”
“I hope you do, baby,” Martha said. “I hope you do.”
We scooted across the floor over to one another. Martha put her hand around my shoulders and pulled me close. Before I really knew what was happening Martha's lips were pressed against mine, and I was kissing her back. I was the one who had their eyes roll back in their head, though, not Martha. I could feel her breathing increase along with her heart rate, but she remained in steady control, whereas I trembled and clutched her tightly. When the kiss broke, I drew in a deep breath and steadied myself against Martha, who was laughing.
“You're such a good kisser!” she said. “I can't believe we haven't done that before!”
I laughed along with her, and then we returned to our spots like nothing serious had happened. But I could tell that Martha had really enjoyed kissing me and that most likely she would want to do it again in the future. Jake was looking back and forth from one of us to the other with a knowing smile on his face. I wasn't sure what he knew that we didn't, but I was also just glad that he was doing his best to be cool about everything, and not just opening his mouth to say whatever came to mind like some guys would have.
At the end of the game, things finally heat up. Somehow we'd all been missing the spots that force action, so it seemed like nothing happened for a long time. But then Jake played a card that said that he and Martha had to go fuck. I couldn't believe that card was actually in there, and wondered how Martha and I would have handled it if it had been us that fate decided to bring together.
As they made their way back to Martha's room. I was feeling drunker than I had been before—we'd kept drinking during the game and some of the liquor was just starting to hit me. I knew that I just wouldn't be able to sit and listen to the sounds of Martha and Jake having sex, though I wasn't sure why. I didn't really care to think about it, I just acted. Slipping on a jacket I was out the door and into the night. It was a nice night out, and I didn't mind going for a walk to clear my head. I was surprised to find myself hoping that they were finished by the time I made it back to our place.
As I walked, I steered my course toward the river. There was something about its gentle noise that I really appreciated. It helped calm me while I found my center. It made me wonder what had happened exactly that I was so off kilter. I thought about the kiss Martha and I had shared—it had been incredible. It was the kind of kiss that I knew Martha was feeling right now, even if her lips were on Jake's. She was probably thinking of me while she and Jake fooled around. I would have bet anything on it, I was so sure.
The feelings I had for Martha were real, and growing stronger, I realized. I hoped she would be all right with it when I told her. If she wasn't it could really throw things off between our little group of friends. It would be hard to bounce back from the rejection, and most likely hard for Martha to get past my feelings if they didn't align with her own. I could only hope that she would--
Out of nowhere a blue van sped out of an alley and careened across the intersection. At first, I thought the driver would miss me by a mile, but then I realized whoever was at the wheel was drunk and overcompensating at nearly every adjustment. At the last second, I tried to jump out of the way, but I didn't manage to get all the way clear. The van clipped me, hard, and I was sent spinning into someone's lawn. The last thing I remembered was putting my hand to my head and wondering what the hell had happened, how my hair had gotten so wet and matted.
~*~
When I came to I was in a room with bright lights shining down on me. Someone was sitting to my right. I was laying in a bed, and couldn't move around that well. At first, things came back to me in bits and pieces, and as my eyes adjusted the nurse walked in.
“You're lucky to have such a good friend who is willing to sit with you during the nights!” she said. “You kept thrashing around so much that we nearly had to put you in restraints. But luckily Martha here could calm you down.”
I looked over at Martha, who was holding my hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze and gave me a reassuring look.
“You've only been out a couple of days,” Martha said. “It wasn't as bad as they first thought it would be.”
“I thought for sure you would be asleep longer than you were,” the nurse said as she took my pulse. “You really knocked your head hard after that van hit you. The driver has already pleaded guilty to a slew of charges, so don't worry about justice being served, because it will be. I happen to be friends with many of the officers on the force, and they say that the DA is furious.”
I felt so lucky to have a friend like Martha, and I didn't know any other person in my life who would have sat up through the night with me. I would have done the same for her in an instant, that much I was sure of. The nights must have been long and lonely for Martha, with no one to talk to. I was surprised that they let her stay with me; I really must have been thrashing around if they let a nonfamily member spend the nights at my bedside.
“I feel like I drank three bottles of Tequila and got hit by a truck,” I said.
Martha and I both laughed at this. Then Jake walked in like he'd been in the room before, and I realized he'd probably come to visit me as well.
“How are you doing? All right, I hope,” Jake said. “You really gave us all a scare!”
I said I was sorry and they both told me to hush, and that no apologies from me were being sought. There had been a video of the van striking me, and they both had watched it. They told me how bad it had looked, and how scared they had both been when I'd gone into a coma. The only good thing about the scenario was that because it was on a video feed someone was watching, emergency help was called for right away.
“Oh, did you know that Martha donated blood?” Jake asked.
The nurse, finishing up writing a few things on my chart, nodded in corroboration with Jake's statement.
“I'll leave the three of you
be,” she said. “You have such good friends!”
When the nurse left, Jake also rose to leave.
“I've got to go let my dogs out,” Jake said. “But I want you to know I want happiness, for the both of you.”
After the door had clicked closed behind Jake, I turned to Martha with a questioning look on my face.
“Don't worry about it,” Martha said. “We'll talk more when we get you out of here.”
“Will they let me out today? I'd like to go home,” I said.
“They just might,” Martha said. “But I'll need to talk to the nurse and see what she thinks.
The nurse had been all about letting me go home because I'd recovered so well. When we got back to our place, I couldn't wait to tell Martha about my feelings about her. I didn't care what happened, I just knew that I had to tell her about all the feelings swirling around inside of me for her. It was hard to put into words, though. And as I sat on the couch watching Martha get dinner ready, I wondered if I'd be able to find the right words, or if words would fail me.
“Martha, I have something to say,” I said. “Could you pause making dinner for a second.”
“Sure,” Martha said. “No problem at all.”
She got up to walk over to me, but I met her halfway.
“I just have these feelings about you I need to talk about,” I said. “I hope that you have them for me as well. I know this could be a huge mistake, me addressing them outright, but I hope that it turns out to be the right thing to do.”
Martha didn't look like I was saying the wrong things, she looked like she was about to pounce on me. Grabbing me gently by the arms she led me over to the couch and positioned herself with a leg hung over mine.
“I would have thrown you against the wall,” Martha said. “But you have a head injury. So instead I have to be extra careful.”
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