Chapter Nine
My nerves are shot. Adrenaline is rushing through my body and my heart is beating rapidly. I’ve been told I need to fire Jack from IT. This is not in my job description and to top it all off, Jack has been a great employee, at least from what everyone around the office has said about him. This isn’t the first time I’ve been made to do this but I’d like it to be the last. My palms are sweaty as I shake Jack’s hand as he comes in my office to sit down. “Hi Jack.” I begin. I say it almost too solemnly and his expression changes. “I’m really very, very sorry to be the one to tell you this…” I begin. I give him the trademark spiel, trying my best to let him know I disagree with the decision without saying it. He loses his temper, rightfully so, but I never figured Jack as being so aggressive. He begins shouting and not giving me a chance to respond. My door, luckily, isn’t closed all the way and my eyes keep darting to the hall to see if anyone will walk by and stop him. “Jack, I’m really sorry, this wasn’t-he comes around my desk now. Jack, look-they are giving you severance, please just-” He raises his hand to me and I am terrified. He slams it on the desk and throws papers to the floor. I’m begging him to calm down, telling him I am going to call security just when Tasha walks in. With her uniform on, she looks even more fierce, even for a woman, she exudes this masculine, confident energy. “Sir, step back from Ms. Stevens” she says with defiance. Jack “comes to” now that he has an audience. It helps that Tasha is tall and strong to boot. My hands are clasping the back of my chair as I was using it for protection. My office is a mess, with papers on the floor and his chair overturned. Another security guard from the floor below comes in as well and helps Tasha escort Jack out of the building. There’s now a group of employees in the hall, looking through my glass walls. My co-worker Marie, steps in to check if I’m ok. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. If it wasn’t for Tasha…” Marie gives me a hug and helps me pick-up the papers on the floor. “I just need to be alone for a few minutes, I tell her. “Thank you.” She gives me a sympathetic nod and walks out, closing my door. I draw my blinds so nobody can see in and sink into my chair. I cannot believe what happened or what could have happened. My mind raced, those bastards that I work for-they didn’t even tell me why he was getting fired-if it was for this kind of behavior they definitely should have warned me or had someone in here with me. Anger is rising inside me but I’m still a bag of nerves. Shaking, I put my sweater around me when I hear a knock. “Michelle, it’s me” Tasha says as she cracks the door. “May I come in?” “Oh yes, thank you” I say as I get up and come around my desk. Suddenly I’m hugging her. My arms wrapped around her, in a warm embrace. “If you hadn’t come by…” “I know, I can’t believe that man. He gave us a hard time getting out of the building but, you won’t have to worry about him. I calmed him down enough. His problem isn’t with you, you know.” “It sure seemed like it. He raised his hand to me” I said. “I know, I know” and she pulled me in closer. She smelled of men’s aftershave, but it fit her, it blended with the scent of her hairspray, an oddly comforting juxtaposition. Her embrace was strong and solid yet womanly and soft. I breathed her in. Gently, she let go of me but kept hold of my arm. “Are you going to be ok?” she asked. “Yes, I’m just a little shaken.” “Why don’t you just go home-there’s only an hour left of your shift anyway. “Yes, that might not be a bad idea.” I say and give her a half-hearted smile.
Chapter Nine
I’m taking a hot bath when my phone chimes. It’s Tasha. I can’t help but get butterflies when I see her name appear on my screen. “Meet for a drink tonight? 9:00?” I’m giddy. “Yes, sounds wonderful” I respond. I sit back and let the warm water slush over me. I am excited to see her yes, but this feeling, this feeling is one that I get before a date with a guy. These butterflies, I have felt before…though not quite in the same way. What is happening to me? Am I…attracted to this woman? I sit and ponder what that would mean, what that does mean…. I decide to go with it. I feel this way for a reason, but is she into me? I get out of the tub and let the water drain. I look at myself, bare in the mirror. Wondering what it would be like to have a woman’s eyes on me instead of a man’s. My breasts are small but perky. My shape petite, my legs long for my 5’3 frame. I am thin, slightly toned, though could be better. My ass is what I get the most compliments on, I have one of those. My blond hair falls to my shoulders in a long bob, my eyes are bright blue and my skin could be compared to porcelain. I think of myself standing next to Tasha, her 5’10 body, tanned and golden, her brunette hair and brown eyes a contrast to mine. I feel myself getting aroused with the thought and let myself feel that for a moment. I run my fingers down my body-I’m wet. I lay down on the bed and get under the sheets. I explore this new-found feeling-could I really get off to the thought of being with a woman? I think of her. I see her face, her smile, I remember her scent. I imagine her kissing me, taking control. I picture her hands on my breasts, her tongue in my mouth and before I know it-I’ve released. It took a mere few minutes just thinking of her. “I guess this a thing” I laugh to myself. I sit on the edge of my bed and laugh to myself. “I definitely need that drink now.” And with that, I begin getting ready for my “date” with Tasha.
Chapter Ten
I’m sitting at the bar waiting for Michelle. For some reason, I’m nervous. Her last texts and our past encounters have given me the feeling that she might be more than just curious about me. We’re becoming friends now and I don’t want to mess that up, either. I order a Gin & Tonic for myself and wait. When she walks in, I almost didn’t recognize her. She’s wearing a tight black, transparent top, I can perfectly see the outline of her body, her navel and her black bra underneath. She has on tight black pants and heels and looks amazing. Her hair is straight and her make-up simple. In that moment, all I want to do is kiss her hello. “Hi Michelle, you look great”. I manage to get out, though I want to tell her so much more. “Aw, thanks Tasha,” she says coyly. “What do you like to drink?” I ask, “My treat-for getting me that job.” “She tilts her head to the side and purses her lips, before she can object, I ask again. “Come on Michelle, don’t make me beg.” She orders a G&T as well and that puts a smile on my face. We cheer and talk non-stop all night. At one point, she tells me how much she hates her job. “All I want to do is work for a non-profit” she says with a sigh. “I’ve been trying to get into one for so long-all I want to do is help people.” She looks so timid and vulnerable, I just want to reach out and kiss her, but I refrain. So far, she has shown me no indication of her interest. “So why wait?” I ask. “You are smart and very capable, you can do anything you want, Michelle. Start doing some research, volunteer, just see what’s out there.” “You’re right Tasha, maybe it is time I do something about it.” “The only good thing about my job lately is the fact that I get to see you for a little bit each day.” She looks up at me, again, a little too long for just friends. Her hand reaches out and touches my thigh. I eye her, making sure it’s her and not the two drinks she’s had so far tonight. She leans in closer to me so I reach to kiss her, I take her face in my hand and then-my phone rings. My head drops down and then I look at her-I’m sorry, I really, I got to take this. Just wait-one minute.” I feel my body tense up, my mood changes entirely. The call is brief but it means an end to our night. “Someone has found William again-and it’s not good.”
Chapter Eleven
Sitting in the car on the way to the police station, Tasha tells me what she knows. Apparently, William wandered into a bar, being underage, this was already a problem. Then, he got into a fight with some guy there and now he’s being held overnight in jail. Tasha is visibly upset, she’s quiet and I can’t help but be upset that William has ruined our evening. I know it’s selfish but I was going to figure us out-this out-when she was going to kiss me. But now? Now we’re heading to the police station. I ask Tasha if William will get out tonight. “I don’t have the money for bail, I can’t spend that…” she says frustratingly. “Well, it might not
be the worst thing for him to spend the night there, he may actually learn a lesson instead of you getting him out of every problem he creates!” “You have no idea about why William is the way he is, you have no right to judge him like that.” Her protective nature comes out, and it startles me. “Look, I’m just tired of seeing you so stressed out all the time. He is an adult, he should be able to take care of himself, he seems more than capable.” We begin to argue back and forth, getting nowhere. “Tasha, I’m sorry. Really. I just hate seeing you like this all the time.” Tasha relaxes and accepts my apology just as we pull up to the station. She leans back in her chair a bit and takes a deep breath. I place my hand in hers and give it a squeeze, let’s just go in and get the rest of the story. It will be ok.” I give her a little smile and she nods her head and motions for us to go inside. As Tasha speaks with the police officer, I can’t help but feel that William really is a spoiled kid with zero responsibility. I can’t tell her this, of course. But, come on, it’s so obvious. As I sit there and stew, I watch Tasha in action, trying to do everything to get her brother out, but to no avail. His bail is too high and so William will have to stay overnight. She doesn’t even get to see him. “Come on Michelle, I’ll drive you back to your car.” Our ride home is mostly silent and I don’t move to touch her, though I want to. She drives up to my car and she just says, “Goodnight, I’m sorry the night ended this way.” “It’s really ok, he is your brother after all.” I somehow muster. The mood we had has gone and so I say goodnight and leave her.
Chapter Twelve
At noon the next day I head to the station to pick William up. I go inside, sign his release and he comes out with a smile. “See ya on the flip side, officers!” he says with a half-hearted salute. “Enough, William! Seriously?” I mutter under my breath. I take him by the elbow and don’t let go until we get to the car. How can you act so flippant? You just spent the night in jail!” “Oh it wasn’t so bad, met a cool guy in the cell next door-exchanged stories. Got a hot dinner and a good story to tell-thanks to you not bailing me out of course.” “I wanted to William but the bail was $1000, no way we can afford to spend that right now on top of everything else!” “And, exchanged stories?” “I can’t continue taking care of you like this, I’m really at the end of my rope.” I let go on him, I release all my stress and he fires back with more. We get to the house, still arguing. “What would you do if I changed the locks and threw you out to fend for yourself tomorrow? How would you handle it?” “You wouldn’t dare” he sneered. “I just might because I don’t know how else you are going to learn to take care of yourself.” I feel myself flying back and hitting the wall with a thud. He has pushed me back and my head is throbbing. “ I can’t believe you!” he shouts. He grabs his jacket and runs away, leaving our front door wide open. I try to call out to him, to tell him to stay but he’s gone and my voice is weak. I think about following him but find myself driving to Michelle’s apartment instead.
I reluctantly knock on the door. It’s getting late and I feel bad for our fight earlier. I’m not sure if she’ll want to see me. She opens the door with surprise and sees the slight bruise on the side of my head. “Tasha, my god, what happened?” I explain her the story, trying not to make William sound like such a villain, but the picture pretty much paints itself. She gives me ice and some medicine and I lay down on her sofa. I decide I need to tell her the truth about my brother so she gets it. “William has issues because of me.” I begin. “When we were younger, I was in 7th grade, he was in 5th, I was responsible for him on our walks home from school. One afternoon, my friends invited me to ride bikes with them and I was so tired of always having to walk William home first…I just left without him. When I got home later that evening, I figured William would be there-but he wasn’t. My parents were losing it, yelling at me, thought I had been missing too. My parents and I drove around the neighborhood for hours after calling the police-they wouldn’t look for him yet as it had only been a few hours. After shouting his name for what seemed like ages, we finally found him. He was in an old dog house in someone’s backyard. We knocked on the door but nobody answered, it was dark inside. William was just sitting in there, staring off into space. He was cold and quiet, and William was never quiet. My dad went back to that house a few times but nobody ever answered, though it looked like someone lived there. The police never did anything because nothing seemed wrong with William. My parents took him to counseling but he was never quite the same. He still won’t talk about. I’m not sure if anything even happened to him but something had to have. I drove past that house the other day….it looked like it had been abandoned for years. I walked around back and that doghouse was still there, a bit dilapidated but there it was. I mentioned it to William but he just went to his room. I don’t know how to help him, Michelle.”
Chapter Thirteen
“I feel terrible, I gave you such a hard time…” “You had no idea, I didn’t tell you, it’s my fault really for not explaining it sooner.” “First, stop blaming yourself for everything. It’s not your fault what happened. You were just a kid and you had no idea that could have happened. And besides, you have taken such good care of him-you are a wonderful sister. You have more than done your duty. The worst thing you can do now is to continue to coddle him and expect things to change. He’s not that little kid in 5th grade anymore, Tasha.” “Something happened to him and whether you think it’s my fault or not-it did. He is different, he can’t be independent, he struggles…” “But how much of that is you not letting him make choices, I mean, how many years has this been going on?” Tasha sighs and closes her eyes. “Our parents blamed me for everything and when he turned 18 I took it upon myself to let him live with me. They moved away and William didn’t want to go with them…it seemed like the right choice at the time.” We continue to talk late into the night. She tells me more about her family and I tell her more about mine. I end up lying next to her on the couch and we end up falling asleep, my head on her chest and our legs intertwined.
Chapter Fourteen
“Tasha” “Tasha” I say, in an urgent whisper. Her eyes flutter open and she sees me standing up beside her, motioning to the door. “Someone is breaking in.” I hand her my table lamp but don’t take my eyes off the door. The knob is rattling. “Get back, Michelle.” Tasha tells me, but as she gets closer to the door, it opens and there stands William. We both breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of the familiar face. “So that’s how you got in the first time.” I say, slightly annoyed. “I don’t know how you knew I was here, but I’m glad to see you back.” Tasha says sternly. “Didn’t think that’s how I would be greeted but I’ll take it,” William says dryly. “Go wait in the car, please. I’ll be right there.” William, surprisingly calm and solemn, nods his head as he catches the keys. I turn to look at her, “Thank you for talking last night. I’m really glad we did that.” “Me too” she says with a smile. “I’m sorry we ended up falling asleep on the couch…” I trail off, lost in thought. “I slept really well, probably because I might have had a concussion” Tasha jokes. “How are you feeling?” she asks as she reaches up and brushes the hair out of my eyes. “Better, I’ll keep an eye on it” I say. The car horn honks. “I better get going…” she says. “I’ll call you later” I say and I give her a hug. “Ok, talk to you later” and it comes out in a disappointed tone. I want to kiss her but the moment just doesn’t feel right. I also don’t want to be the one to make the first move. Tasha leaves and my apartment feels bigger and quieter. Having her here with me last night, was so comforting. I felt so safe with her. I am surprised by this feeling as I’ve always been fiercely independent. I grew up an only child and spent many hours alone in my room, not a care in the world. But now, I’m wishing she was here with me. I want someone to love me so much that they would go through any means to protect me. I also want to love someone that much that all I want to do is protect and comfort them. Tasha could be that person for me, I think to myself as I lay down on the couch a
nd breathe in the scent she left.
Chapter Fifteen
I am a zombie. My brain is dead from taking the Bar exam. I am exhausted but I also want to celebrate. I decide that the signs have been clear and I’m asking Michelle out on an actual date. I dial and it rings, Michelle’s cheery voice says “Hello, Tash” and I get butterflies. “Hey, so I just finished the Bar exam and would love to celebrate with you tonight…” Before I can finish, she interrupts. “Oh! Congratulations! She squeals! That is amazing, I’m sure you killed it! Unfortunately, though, I can’t tonight! I actually kind of have a date.” “Oh” I muster. “Ok, another time then.” It comes out much curter than I wanted it to but I can’t help it-I’m jealous. “It’s no big deal” she says, “Just a first date.” I’m conflicted. Just a first date, I think. I was going to ask you out on our first date. “No problem, Michelle. Another night. I’ll talk to you later.” And I hang up. I go home with no plans and feel sorry for myself. I can’t stop thinking about Michelle getting ready, going out with someone else, some guy most likely. Some guy who doesn’t deserve her and won’t treat her right. I feel guilty hoping she has a bad date and try to get her off my mind. Hours go by and I can’t help it, I cave and I call her.
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