I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to scream and rage and tell her how she was wrong and everything was so messed up. Tell her that I discovered who I am, and you know what? Does she want the truth? The truth is she probably wouldn’t even care about me if she actually found out.
I didn’t say any of that, though.
I wouldn’t be able to breathe if she knew.
I… I still wanted her to like me?
Not even I can understand it.
“I know what I did was wrong.” She began, seeming like a tired adult – the way most of my work colleagues were – and looking at me with her sorrowful eyes that showed a world of hurt that only I could alleviate.
Can I alleviate her pain when I can’t even fix my own?
“Miranda, I met her through this app.” She sighed. “She was willing to give me enough money for like, six months rent if I attempted to seduce this girl for her. And then reported what we did.”
I winced. It still cut me so deep that she could do something like that to me. Believe I would do something so awful. (I almost did, but that is beside the point. The circumstances were extenuating, I tell you!)
“But then, then I met you.” She whispered, smiling at me awkwardly. “I met you and you were beautiful and sweet and intelligent. Your soul is so fascinating and your mind is… so… so … different than mine!” She seemed so confused on what she meant to say like her tongue was lead when she spoke to me.
Maybe she didn’t get why she cared so much about me either. I mean, it might be I just don’t see what she sees. But the scent of her hair reminds me of Christmas, and her skin is soft, yet strong all at once. Like a marble statue covered in pillows.
She held no responsibility, and simultaneously, the entire world in her capable hands.
“I really like you.” She told me, looking as if she was gonna cry. “I started… I started to hope that you weren’t as loyal as Miranda hoped you were. I started to think that maybe you liked me back… how dumb am I?”
She was actually, genuinely crying. Her eyes were glistening with tears, and two stray droplets made their way down her cheeks.
I reached up to wipe the marks off her cheeks. I shushed her. “Shh. Come on, don’t cry.”
“It’s okay.” She pulled away from me, trying to maintain her composure as she roughly wiped the marks from her cheeks. “That day. That day I wanted you to make, to make the wrong decision. The decision in which, you and I could be together. In which you gave up on your fiancée.”
She held herself and choked in a breath. "It was a rotten thing to wish for. And I would prefer you to be happy without me than to be miserable with me. I wasn’t even gonna look you up. But, Joanne told me you and Miranda were no more and…”
She trailed off, looking at me hopefully.
“I…” I had the chance to get exactly what I wanted, the question was, am I brave enough to take it?
I thought for a moment, about our future together. If we were together or not.
If we weren’t, Sarah would keep tabs on her. She’d marry someone as perfect as her that I could never measure up to. I'd be married to someone I don't love and I'd watch Zoey be happy, and feel the green-eyed monster clawing at my insides. Every second of the happy couple being together, like a dagger in my twist, that keeps twisting.
Seeing her so happy, would be like ripping off the band-aid in which I thought I got over her. I would be exposed to the festering wound, which is my broken heart.
If we were together, though. I could imagine a few things, financial ruin, or getting stranded on a desert island. I cannot, however, imagine hatred or loneliness. I can't even consider us not being happy when we are together. And that is the whole point.
I took a deep, steadying breath as I made my decision.
“Hi,” I held out my hand to Zoey, giving her a toothy grin. “My name is Rachel. I’m an actuary who wants to see the world. My favorite food is barbecue ribs and I’ve recently discovered, I really like walking on the beach.”
She laughed. The sound was whimsical and so clear. Like a wave washed away all the pain and the hurt the two of us had been feeling.
“H-Hi, Rachel. I’m Zoey.” She was nervous and stuttering as she held my hand and shook. She took a deep breath and then, much more calmly, continued. “I want to surf all over the world, and I don’t really understand math or science very much, I don’t even like reading that much. But I would really like to check you out.” The exaggerated wink really sold it.
Oh, I just love this girl.
She’ll be the death of me.
And I’ll enjoy every single moment of it.
Epilogue
Staring into her brown eyes is a rush every time it occurs. I feel like I don’t deserve her. I mean, I clearly don’t. I manipulated her when we first met.
It’s been a year since we decided to start over. She has agreed to marry me.
Well… it happened more embarrassingly than that.
We were having… a little fun… for the umpteenth time. I don’t know how often we have sex and I don’t care. Every time is like the first time, anyway.
It started just like usual. We were watching some stupid game show on the television. Rachel was telling me all the answers she would give. They were all better than the answers I would give, even though the better part of them were incorrect answers.
Her brain may have been the most attractive part about her. You know, if I didn't know anything else about her. Because every single part of her was incredible-
Off topic. Sorry. I could just talk about her for six years straight if someone were to ask me about her.
It was at times like these when I sorta wished I was a poet. She deserved better than me. Someone who could go on and on about how without her, the stars would dim. How the sun wept when it realized how impossible reaching to her radiance was. How she didn't look like a girl on a magazine, true, but images couldn't print your essence. And when it comes to the essence, anything else is nothing more than a false equivalency.
I'm no good at poetry, though. And if I tried to say anything like that, it would just prove how much I didn't actually get romance. How much I didn't get her – no matter how much I wanted to. No matter how much it kills me inside that it feels like I just can't get her.
She was completely distracted by the TV, and I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. Nobody would be able to, I reassured myself, ‘She is too perfect for anyone to be rational around her’.
I began pressing wet kisses to her neck. As she shivered, I smirked against her neck and kissed and sucked more harshly at the tender skin. She “tried” to push me away – the attempt so weak I don’t know if it actually counts as trying - attempting to use the excuse that she was busy with the show.
She didn’t mean it, so I said the words that would make her most annoyed. "Okay, I'll stop," I replied as I pulled away from her. Honestly, I really did love teasing her this way. The way her lips curled down in a childish pout every time I did this, was really what I did it for.
It was an irresistible look that I was too glad was only ever pointed at me.
“Don’t tease me.” Her almost animalistic growl may have been the single sexiest sound that has ever come out of any creature’s mouth.
“But, love,” I continued on my ruse of innocence. This little game never got boring. Probably because we both always ended up winning eventually. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
She snarled at my reaction before she simply grabbed me by my shirt and pressed her lips to mine in a searing kiss. When she got like this, she was rarely gentle. (I was almost always the gentle one, but it may be because I am also the one who is constantly teasing her.) It seems my spicy little angel had enough of my teasing and was now demanding my seriousness. As much as I love her, she should know that that's never gonna happen.
Teasing her is just too much fun to stop.
She seemed to realize this, and with a soft grunt, pushed me
down on the couch. She kissed me harshly, her lips pressing to mine in a way that seemed to burn me up, both inside and out. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids and my stomach twisted as my core throbbed. It was like wherever her lips touched created nerve endings that went straight to my pussy, causing it to throb and clench as I whined.
I am all about passion and fun, but Rachel takes both of those to a whole new level to the point where I can’t even breathe in her presence.
Then again, how could anyone so much as breathe normally in the presence of such pristine beauty?
As she removed my clothes, my mind clouded and the dirty words whispered in my ear made me babble and mumble everything I attempted to say.
She told me that today might be another day to try the vibrator again. She told me I was the sexiest thing her eyes ever rested on. I wanted to tell her that that was clearly a lie. She saw herself in the mirror all the time.
I tried to say it, but the words couldn’t come out right. To be fair, you can’t seriously expect any girl – no matter how chill she usually is – to seriously be thinking straight when the love of their life was doing things like that to her incredibly sensitive body. Her lips made their way all over my flesh and every sensitive spot of me.
She knew me too well. She knew every single sensitive area I had, and just loved to exploit each and every one of them.
I was powerless to stop her, and, to be frank… I don’t really think I even wanted to.
Truth be told, I had been imagining it before. Me and her. We wouldn’t have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. But we would be happy. I would be able to call her my wife and we would travel the world together. There was to be no downside.
I didn't, however, expect my proposal to come out in inane babble as she slowly worked her fingers into my soaking pussy. "Please… Marry me…" I barely even heard myself say it. "I want you to be mine forever. The whole deal. A big wedding, all our friends. I want to tell the world we belong to each other.
Her fingers stilled and my mind quickly went over what I just said “Oh- Oh no! R-Rachel. I didn’t-” I was trying to tell her it didn’t matter. That I didn’t mean to say it. It just came out.
Not that I didn't mean it. I just… how could I do it this way? She deserves so much better. She deserves all the romance and mystery and beauty of… of us together.
I wanted to take her to a better restaurant than I could really afford and make everything perfect. That’s why I’ve been waiting. It isn’t fair to her. She makes all the money and all I am is a surfer girl whose closest thing to a career is based on my looks alone.
She deserves all my love. My every thought and waking moment. But more than that. She deserves things I can never give her. And then what do I do? I ruin one of the few things I can afford to give her.
She shushed me as I kept babbling. For the first time in the history of ever, the action didn't feel the slightest bit patronizing. “Did you mean it?” Her voice was so intense I was choking.
This is the part. Where she decides we are too unconventional. When she finally leaves me. It's been a long time coming too.
I asked her in the throes of passion, without letting my brain really process the proposal.
It was my fault. I looked away from her as I confirmed that, yes, I did mean it.
The craziest part of this whole situation? She agreed.
Good thing we don't see ourselves with kids because I could never explain to them how their parents proposed to each other.
I definitely could never tell that little child that I was so excited and happy, that I decided to reward her. I would have to avoid the ferventness with which I busied myself by peeling off her clothes. I pushed her thighs away from each other and buried my face between her legs. The scent of her drove me crazy, and then I began eating her out like a starving woman. I made her see stars, and honestly, I have never seen anything so beautiful as she was in that moment.
The time was seared into my memory and I could never forget even a second of it. The way her thighs tightened around my head as she cried out in pleasure for the whole world to hear. The sound of her clawing at the sheets and panting as she tried to relax, but was too worked up to do it in any way.
Nothing could honestly beat that.
Maybe my absolute enthrallment in my perfect wife is why I don't think I actually believe her when she compliments me. She's so much smarter and funnier than me. A lot of people are confused when we say we are together. I totally get it.
Why would someone who makes so much money, whose smile makes the sun come out, and whose eyes radiated joy, be with a girl like me. A college drop-out who put all her effort into surfing and having a good time.
My looks are my best feature and… it’s not like I’m a supermodel. People say I look too buff. Girls shouldn’t be athletic. But she never did.
If anything, I felt so good when she got jealous. It was a nasty habit of mine, but her jealousy always made me feel like the most important person on the planet.
She wanted me to be hers as much as I wanted her to be mine.
It’s not that she’s perfect. Is she perfect? I mean, she’s great. She’s the most adorable chubby girl on the planet. She loves to eat with me and I don’t mind trying exotic foods with her. Her dark skin makes her look like one of the chocolate bars she is so fond of. She’s hilarious and actually likes all my dumb jokes.
What was I trying to say again? Sorry, I got distracted. I always get distracted when it comes to her.
Oh, right. Perfection. It doesn’t exist. But she is perfect for me. Even with her short temper, and her need to make a pun every three seconds, and her scatterbrain.
I’m gonna marry that girl.
And then, for the rest of our lives, I get to tell the world. I may never catch the championship trophy for surfing, but I got a much bigger and better catch.
Man, I am so thankful my boss screwed up. Because if she didn’t, I’d be missing the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just For Fun
~ Bonus Story ~
An Erotic Contemporary Lesbian Romance
Meredith
Blond hair, brown eyes, slightly taller than average, not skinny, but slightly plump. She’s a go-getter, not scared to voice her opinion and stand up for what she believes. She has the confidence to follow through on something when she’s made a decision.
I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind or stand up for myself, a go-getter and problem-solver by nature, I do what I need to do to make life work for me. That is, until I met Sarah. She totally threw me for a loop and for the first time in a long time, I felt out of control. That doesn’t mean I’m going to fall into the clichéd trap of attraction. Sarah can’t fool me with her fun and games, at least, I don’t think she can….
Sarah
Black hair, green eyes, tall and athletic. Sarah is smart and nothing in life has been a challenge, so instead of getting a job after she left college, she started her own IT business. Things went well, but now she has a lot of free time to do as she pleases. She’s cocky and willing to bear the consequences of her actions, but one thing is for sure, she goes after what she wants.
Boredom leads you to do crazy things when you’re smart. I want to call that crazy thing, Meredith. Riling her up and driving her wild has become a favorite past time of mine. She comes off so confident but she’s nowhere near my level. She thinks she gets what she wants, well, I do too. I have a hunch that this cat and mouse game is going to end with me being one very happy pussycat.
* * *
Chapter One
Meredith stood in the aisle on the train, holding on to the bars overhead for balance. Already, beads of sweat were forming down her back. The train rumbled and shook as it snaked its way through the network under the city. It was ridiculously packed today, with people squeezed into every possible seating or standing space. People were pressed up right against Meredith, glaring at her angrily when she took business calls. “I’m on the tra
in” I hissed, trying to be quiet. Even though the car was packed, nobody was talking and that made my voice sound booming. “I will call you later” I said with clenched teeth. Giving a half-hearted smile to the passengers around me, I slipped my phone in my coat pocket. The train rattled on and pulled to a jolting halt, making everyone on the train catch their balance.
When the doors opened at another stop, people filed out to be replaced by the next bundle of commuters. A young woman stepped onto the train and stood right next to me. I squeezed in tighter as more people pushed passed me. I nudged her hand with mine as the train began to move. She was tall and her dazzling smile was enough to keep me mesmerized the rest of the trip. She had long black hair and olive skin, middle-eastern perhaps. I wasn’t sure. Her hazel eyes danced over the subway car as she too took in how packed it was. She wore tight, dark denim jeans, a white blouse and a khaki trench coat. Her feet were in nude heels but she carried no handbag. Dark, masculine sunglasses were perched on top of her head and she looked exceptionally put together. I felt my heart skip a beat and warmth fall over my body right away. My heart fluttered a bit and I knew I was attracted to her.
“Terrible day for the subway,” she said to me, and I nodded after realizing she was talking to me. I had no idea what to say in response. We were pushed up against each other before another stop. Her knuckles brushed mine and when I went to apologize, she just smiled. “Ah, just part of it.” She said with a wink and then she disappeared. I could kick myself for not having my usual courage and following up on conversation with her. There was something so attractive about her, a spark, a chemistry. Something beyond her looks. My stop was fast approaching and so I got off and made my way up the stairs onto the busy street. The wind blustered but it was a beautiful spring day. With the sun shining, I couldn’t help but wonder what she looked like now, sunglasses on, hair blowing in the breeze. I stepped into the elevator and considered it had been awhile since my assistant had called me to remind me about my meeting times. I reached into my pocket and immediately felt nothing-the anxiety rushed through me at thoughts of having to go to the phone store; it always takes hours. It was gone. Where could it have fallen? Did someone take it? I doubled back and looked at the sidewalk. Surely I would have heard it fall. I grunted in despair and marched towards work, the thought of the beautiful stranger completely out of my mind.
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