by Shayn Bloom
Todd offered. “That sounds like a two person job.” Rising, we exited the dining room. I moved in silence, listening carefully for voices behind me. “They’re totally talking about you,” Todd revealed.
“I hope so,” I said.
We entered the kitchen. Crossing to the fridge, Todd retrieved the ice cream and placed it beside the cake. I leaned against the island, feeling the warmth of the kitchen lights on the back of my neck. We were quiet for a few minutes, listening for voices from the other room. The dreamcatcher cake was splendidly appealing, delivering me into sugared temptation.
“You could have a slice now,” Todd said, watching me. “It’s yours.”
“That’s tempting,” I admitted. “But we should be getting back.” I was impatient to know the Holan’s decision.
We retraced our steps to the dining room. “I dig your dreamcatcher,” Todd said. “What made you want the whole world?”
“I don’t really know,” I admitted, grinning as we reached the room. “I don’t remember choosing it.”
Coraline stood, causing everyone else to begin to stand. However, she forestalled them. “Remain seated, friends,” she instructed. “Annie, Todd, please take your seats. I have an announcement.”
Ash’s hand found mine before I was even sitting. Turning to him, my face crowded with question marks, I caught a loving wink. I smiled helplessly, feeling the excitement course through his hand and into mine.
“It remains a rare treat,” Coraline began slowly. “For our Holurn to welcome new friends and it remains an even rarer treat for our Holurn to welcome new family. Today we have both. Annie is my brother’s new girlfriend and our new Dreamdrifter. Welcome to the Holurn, Annie!”
“Congratulations, Annie!” Cassie called. “Welcome aboard!”
“You’ve earned this,” Ash said, squeezing my hand.
Julian actually hugged me. “Welcome, Annie! Congrats!”
“Well done!” Todd claimed.
“Nice one, Annie!” Wayfara piped.
Adia smiled from across the table. “Fate found fruition.”
This moment was too enormous for words. It was too big, too much, and too unimaginably fantastic to have ever been considered possible. And yet I had arrived on the doorstep of fantasy where, upon pushing the door open, everything had turned to gold. My dream was realized.
“Let’s have a toast!” The Holan called loudly. The noise died quickly. Coraline raised her glass. “To Annie!” Clinking glasses, everyone repeated her words. “And I suppose you never succeeded in infiltrating her subconscious, Ash,” Coraline continued. “Because you’re still a Dreamdrifter!”
“What!” I exclaimed.
My vision was splattered with red. The surreal happiness of a second ago was gone. Coraline’s words repeated in my brain, ripping me apart. Something was exploding inside me like the terrible disbelief that stretched me into a scream. But it could not be true. It could not be true.
Todd’s voice was shocked. “Ash, you lied to me.”
Ash shook his head. “Todd, I –”
“I asked you that specifically!” Todd interrupted. “I asked if you were just using Annie to become Utopian and you said no!”
Tears brushed my eyes. “Is it true, Ash?”
The others were deathly quiet. Cassie and Julian had averted their eyes. Wayfara was watching with his mouth agape, his raised fork forgotten and his expression stunned. The Holan gazed on in silence.
I stared at Ash. “Is it true?”
“But that means,” Todd realized, turning to his sister. “That you knew about this. You were his teacher.”
Silently, Adia nodded.
“It is true,” I whispered. “So… so we aren’t real? You only went out with me to realize my subconscious?”
“Yes,” Todd answered. “He was using you to become Utopian.”
“That’s not true!” Ash roared. “I love her!”
Todd’s question was simple. “Then how could you do this?”
“I –” Ash stammered. “I’m…”
“You’re a liar,” Todd said. “You lied to Annie. You lied to me.”
Todd’s words bounced like bubbles around me, bursting near my eyes and making me cry. I swayed on my chair as though it was a life boat. And then my emotions capsized.
I watched from the corner of the room as Annie, nearly tripping over her chair, abruptly stood up. The boy beside her, seeming so familiar and such a stranger, tried to pull her back down. She pushed him away, screaming in his face. She ran from the room with tears coursing down her face.
I reentered my body in the hallway. I was breathing hard, the tears crowding my face like undeniable facts. Everything was over, everything was ruined. Ash and I were done, my life as a Dreamdrifter finished.
I ran for the winding staircase. I could only go up from here. Reaching the top of the stairs, I tore down the hall. Finding the right door, I pulled it open and ran the length of the narrow hallway and up the spiral staircase. The Holan’s study was quiet and dark, the circular windows issuing only black.
I groped in the dark. My hand hit a pillow and I collapsed into the couch’s cushioned embrace. Misery was pummeling me. I wanted to scream but could not. My silence was an unending scream. I lay surrounded by the void of unrepressed night.
Love, I thought darkly, what a perfect tool, what an ingenious weapon with which to strike the bloodiest blow, showering your victim with so much seen and unseen suffering. And yet I had loved Ash. I still loved him, somehow. Perhaps I was just a stupid girl.
“Annie?” His voice was atop the stairs.
“No, Ash,” I moaned. “Please go.”
“I can’t,” Ash said. “I can’t let you think I’m something I’m not.”
“What, a liar?” I spat cruelly.
Forgoing the light switch, Ash came to sit by me. I refused to look at him. Why did he insist on interrupting my self-pity? Hadn’t he ruined enough? But Ash continued to sit silently, waiting for me to speak. Minutes passed.
“Why me?” I asked.
“You’re the Newcomer’s sister,” Ash answered. “I didn’t know that at first, but Adia did. She probably thought that my realizing the subconscious of the Newcomer’s sister would have extra meaning or something. You were chosen by her.”
I crossed my arms. “How did she get me enrolled in her course?”
“Your dad, probably,” he replied. “They know each other. And she knew your dad was the Newcomer’s father and you his sister. Adia most likely recommended her own class for you.”
“Adia assigned seats that day,” I breathed. “She said professors never do that.”
Ash frowned. “Who said that?”
“Nobody,” I muttered.
“Ok.” His voice echoed sadness.
Sighing, I unfolded my arms. “Ash?”
“Huh?”
“Why do I still love you?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “You shouldn’t. I wouldn’t love me.”
I nodded my agreement. “The things you’ve done, the things you’ve orchestrated for your own gain, and the things you’ve put me through! Not to mention the secrets! I have no reason to love you, Ash. I shouldn’t love you. But I do love you. I still love you. I love you so much.”
His voice was stuffed with pain. “Can I hold you?”
I could not deny him. I could not deny myself. Needing to be the first to touch, to feel the warmth of that skin so familiar, I moved closer to him. My heart relaxed against my chest as I curled into Ash’s. I found comfort in the awkward way his hands rearranged as they held me, searching for forgiveness.
“I love you too,” he murmured. “I know I messed up, but I have always loved you.” His words trickled into my ear, warming my soul.
I nodded against his chest.
“I was never supposed to fall in love,” Ash continued. “I was supposed to realize your subconscious while in class. I tried but I couldn’t, and so I invited you out hiking. And then –”
<
br /> “And then you fell in love,” I finished.
“Yes,” he said. “And I’m done with Adia.”
Rearranging, I gazed into hazel eyes. “What?”
“I’m done with her,” he repeated, his expression wringing truth from its folds. “She’s no longer my teacher and I’m no longer her student. Our relationship has ended on an instructional level. We’re finished, done.”
“What about your dreams?” I asked in shock. “What about your ambitions to become Utopian? You’re giving them up?”
He nodded. “I’m giving them up.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “No, Ash! Don’t give up your dreams because of me! You made my dreams come true. I won’t be the death of yours!”
“This is my choice,” Ash said. “And I choose you. Wayfara can be Holan if anything happens to Coraline. And as far as dreams go, I’ve been living one with you in my life. I only realized that tonight when I thought I had lost you. Annie, I have taken you for granted and I’m sorry.”
“I love you, Ash,” I whispered. “And I feel horrible. You said it was your dream to fly.”
“I am flying.”
I smiled. “We fly higher.”
Ash smiled back. “I want to show you something. Can I turn on a light?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“This needs illumination,” he continued, standing. Striding swiftly, he crossed to the Holan’s desk. He found the lamp. Covering my eyes against the light, I squinted through my fingers. Ash was sitting in the chair behind the desk and looking through something on his lap.
“I want you to know,” he began. “That I never used this.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“One moment…”
Ash found the item. Returning to the couch, he resumed his place beside me.