by Xyla Turner
Her eyebrow raised.
“I'm not that young,” Dessy answered. “I'm twenty-nine. Plus, the only person who’s allowed to touch me is Bear. Unless, he says otherwise.”
Oh fuck.
Sheryl looked at me with bright eyes.
“Fuck, Sheryl. Get on outta here,” I snapped. “I haven't even tasted her. No way you will before me.”
“You're no fun!” She rubbed her hand up my chest and Dessy’s eyes grew wide. “You taste her first, then I will.”
Dessy looked ready to pounce but I was too drunk to even stop whatever was about to happen.
“No,” I sighed. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime Bear, you know where to find me.”
She stood up, smiled at Dessy and said, “Guess he's all yours, then. If you want to…”
“I don't.” Dessy walked to the kitchen, leaving Sheryl standing there with her mouth open. She turned around and said, “That's a sassy one, Bear. You going to be able to bring her to heel?”
“Bye, Sheryl.”
“Bye.”
She left and I laid out on the couch as my eyelids started to become heavy. Dessy was still in the kitchen putting away five different bags of shit.
“Dessy,” I called out, but probably mumbled it.
She never showed and when I finally woke the next morning, she wasn't there.
My refrigerator was fully stocked, things were cleaner than I ever expected, floors mopped and I swear she had to have worked through the night to clean that fucking house.
I went to my bedroom and my goddamn clothes were washed and folded, fresh towels were in the bathroom and the place was spotless.
She had been there the entire night.
Upon that realization, I’d wake up in a cold sweat and feeling like shit.
1
Moving On
One Year Later:
Bear
“To have and to hold, for richer, for poorer and until death do you part.” The minister recited to Lori and Apollo.
The fucking Sergeant of Arms was tying the knot with the love of his life. Apollo was the most rugged, live free or die trying, man I knew. He just didn’t give a fuck. Much like myself but when that gal Lori, came back into town, told him to kiss her ass, my brother got his shit together.
Like, all the way together.
The man started a business, purchased a house next to hers and started to set up shop. She didn’t stand a chance against his tactics. Now, the entire Guardian clan was at their wedding watching them get tied down.
My eyes glanced toward the bridesmaids and looked at the women who simply came in like a whirlwind and was taking each Guardian down one by one. Kylie had just pushed out Razor’s second child and the woman stayed at the gym, getting rid of that baby bump. Shay was pregnant with Bronx’s first child, so her gown was slightly different to accommodate her small baby bump and then there was Dessy. This was Shay’s cousin, the woman who haunted my dreams at night.
A year ago, I fell into the temptation of everything that is her and in the back of RIGOR, I let her in for just a moment and I’d been living in torture ever since. There she stood in her lightly golden dress that matched her bronze coloring perfectly; she looked like a fucking angel.
She was an angel.
And I was Satan’s helper, which is why I never cashed in on that prize. I knew what I was but she didn’t. The woman used to look at me like I hung the sun and now she never looked at me. I knew I was in hell and she probably knew it too.
I didn’t follow up with her because I didn’t have shit for her. My job as a Guardian was to do the research, manage the operations and get shit done. It was operations and there was nothing sexy about it. My way of protecting her was to scout the Vipers lair, watch her house even though that wasn’t my job and make sure there was a man on her at all times.
A year had gone by and I still hadn’t made her mine. A stolen kiss here, rolling around in the back of my truck there, and oddly enough, I was so fucking possessive over her, I wouldn’t let nobody get near her. At Shay’s and Bronx’s wedding, she started shaking her ass and I nearly lost my fucking mind. She was happy but then I’d crushed that like a bug.
“Bear, put me down,” she had screamed when I lifted her off the dance floor and took her outside.
“Fuck is wrong with you, shaking your ass for every man in there to see,” I growled.
In that moment, I should have seen the resemblance on her face to that of her crazy ass cousin. Dessy’s head reared back and she looked ready to strike like a snake.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” She rose on her toes to get in my face. “I’m not the one scared to take a chance, Bear. You have no say over me shaking my ass or tits for that matter. I’ll dance where and how I want. You forget, I belong to no one!”
She was right but I didn’t care.
Didn’t give one shit.
“If you so much as twirl your ass on that dance floor Dessy, I will tan it.” My eyes bore into hers since it was the only thing I could do to keep me from taking her ass home and fucking her until we both passed out.
One side of her hair was cut shorter than the other, so Dessy flipped the longer side behind her back and rolled her eyes as she said, “That’s the only way to get you to look at my ass.”
My eyes closed as she sashayed her sexy ass back toward the party, but I knew she’d have me losing my shit. I nabbed her by the waist, carried her to my truck as she pounded on my butt with her little fist and took her ass home. She didn’t say anything just sat on the other side of the truck and stared off.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” I told her when we finally came to a stop. “I ain’t got shit for you.”
Dessy went to pull the handle but I locked the doors again.
“Dessy,” I growled.
“I get it, Bear.” She shook her head but wouldn’t face me. “I can’t have you but nobody else can have me? Is that how this works? I can’t dance, can’t flirt with you looming about but you can steal kisses from me in booths, pick me up off the dance floor, so every man thinks I’m taken when I’m not. It’s a fucking joke. I might as well move back to Harrisburg. At least there, I know what I’m going to get.”
Her hand jerked the door open again, freeing herself due to my slow reaction. I was still stuck on her words about moving back to Harrisburg. I watched her march into her place, that used to be her cousins and heard the door slam with a big ‘fuck you’ unsaid.
From that day forward the dreams were worse and if things couldn’t get any harder, she wouldn’t look my way, talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. There was no more looking at me like I could hang the moon.
It was complete indifference.
One night, I was at Peppers hovering near Dessy’s section. She never served me anymore, so I didn’t go into her section, just one close enough. The woman wouldn’t even speak to me but I did overhear her talking with another patron.
“I used to go to school near Harrisburg.” The customer took a small sip from her beer. “What part are you from?”
Dessy placed her rag on the counter and said, “Wow, such a small world. I’m from Northburg, near the water.”
“Wow, I know that area, near Asperteague High School?” The woman leaned forward.
Dessy beamed and exclaimed, “I went to Asperteague!”
“What?” The tall woman jumped up. “Girl, that’s crazy. My ex went there. That was a really good school.”
The two of them laughed and though there were several more references to Harrisburg, the one that caught my attention was when Dessy said, “It’s so funny. I’ve been looking to move back there and now I don’t want to live in Northburg anymore, maybe closer to where you went to school near Mekatown. They have some great houses.”
What?
“Oh yeah, they are nice. You should so do that. Hey, I know so many guys that are still there. You’re a bartender and obviously good at it. My old r
oommate owns a few bars.”
“Really,” Dessy lowered her voice so I couldn’t hear what she was saying. She probably couldn’t see me since I was behind another guy but I could hear and see her just fine.
Leaving my money on the counter, I stalked off toward the men’s room. My chest felt tight, beads of sweat began to form on my forehead and my breathing seemed a bit labored. I shouldn’t have had that double bacon cheeseburger but that didn’t explain the feeling.
On my way to the pisser, I saw Shay of all people.
“Bear,” she acknowledged me, which was weird.
I blamed it on the baby hormones messing with her no-nonsense personality. My head nodded as I kept walking but she stopped.
“Bear?” she called, causing me to turn around. “Are you alright?”
“Hmm,” I grunted as I kept walking towards the bathroom.
She must have notified Bronx because a few minutes later, he came barging through the door as I was putting water on my face to calm the fuck down.
“Brother? You okay in here?” he asked with eyebrows pulled together and standing guard at the door.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Feeling like shit.”
“What happened?” Bronx asked. “You were fine fifteen minutes ago.”
Then he leaned in and asked, “This got anything to do with Dessy?”
My eyes shot to him before I snapped, “Dessy?!?”
That reaction must have explained it all because instead of concern marring Bronx’s features, a smile formed on his face.
“What are you going to do?” he asked as if he was for damn sure, it was about her. “You been pussy-footing around for what a year now. She’s not going to wait. You’re not getting any fucking younger and honestly Bear, what are you scared of?”
My heart started to beat a little faster when I heard the word scared and then it hit me.
I was fucking scared.
That little thing in there had me scared to death of moving forward. I wasn’t doing shit, no relationship or even fucking someone for that matter.
I was just plain scared and now I was moments away from losing her altogether.
Someone had made a threat that had us Guardians on guard and the women with tails following them all the time. I felt like that was me protecting her but if she left, I couldn’t do that any longer. It seemed the Vipers were laying low but those pictures of the recon they did on us told a different story. They were planning something and we needed to be ready. I needed to be ready and protecting her in Harrisburg or Mekatown would prove to be difficult.
I also knew if I got close to the sun that was Dessy, I’d definitely get burned by her rays.
This was evident but I was through waiting under the trees and hiding in the shade.
2
Laundry Day
Dessy
Life in Manor had been great. Moving here was the best decision that I’d probably made in my entire life. Yeah, it was because I was on the run with my boyfriend at the time from some crazy bikers but my life was going nowhere.
Fast.
Once Shay let me stay with her, everything turned around and I was working two jobs, had my own place, essentially, and living the fucking dream. Without the man, of course, but still – it was a dream.
I just wished that dream wasn’t about a certain man who I had vowed to simply let go. He didn’t want me. If I learned anything from that movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, it was knowing when a man was or wasn’t interested.
It was bad enough that a year ago, I acted like a moron. One of the worst kinds, too. My mom was right, I didn’t know shit about how to pick men. If anything, I knew how to pick the wrong ones.
Fucking moron.
Here I was thinking things were about to turn around for the good and I get stood up by Bear. That was a whole year ago. In my head, he was the one that I swore would make it better. To top that off, that night the man came home with a goddamn woman who was going to give him some head to fall asleep. Oh, to put the cherry on the whipped cream, she wanted me to join.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
Putting all my eggs in an unknown basket. I wasn't interested in nobody else but Bear, and not only was he a royal asshole, he wasn't interested in me. This was probably why he was pushing me away and I just wouldn't go.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I bought almost all the groceries from Weidman’s that I thought he might like and even borrowed Shay’s car to get there. Then he stood me up and like a moron, I stayed there waiting for him. Groceries on the porch, my heart broken in two and he was a no show until the skank drove up with his drunk ass. At that point, broken was no longer the issue, my heart was crushed. After the skank left, I finished putting all the food away, then I decided to snoop around. He was messy, wore boxers and clearly did not have a woman in his life. All this I gathered from the appearance of his place.
As pissed as I was, I couldn’t help but to clean it up for him. I owed him nothing but I did want to leave something he would remember me by.
I was done chasing him down because as submissive as I could be, he wasn't my Dom. Bear made it clear that he didn't want me. After hearing the stories about Lori, I didn't want that said about me. Although, they had their happily ever after, that wouldn’t happen for us.
So, I'd take the hint.
He didn't want me.
Period.
That day was solidified in my head, just like all the days following that where Bear continued to play with my emotions. It wasn’t until Shay’s wedding that I decided I was done. No more chasing, no more pining after a man who didn’t want me. Of course, I couldn’t date anyone else in the club because there was some unspoken rule that I learned about the hard way. Nobody sparked my interest anyway.
Only Bear.
He didn’t make it any better because he always came to Peppers and would sit near my section at the bar. If I wasn’t working, he’d always sit close to our table. He came to Rigor all the time but after the wedding, I had nothing left to say. I had got so used to ignoring his ass, I’d forget he was there. He didn’t engage me, nor I him. Even Shay noted that she was glad that I had moved on from Grizzly Bear. This was her nickname for him.
The truth was I had tried to move on from him. I worked hard at it but I hadn’t really succeeded. These were the thoughts that plagued my mind, until I figured a sure way to start over was to actually move and start over. I hadn’t told Shay or anyone for that matter but it seemed to be the only way. Being in Manor for the past two years allowed me to gain the confidence I needed to get my life on the right track. It wasn’t until I actually admitted to a patron that I was thinking of moving that it solidified in my mind.
I needed to move so I could be free.
I didn't have to work at Peppers or RIGOR the next day which was good because I stayed up all night researching jobs and places to live in Mekatown. I didn't wake up ‘til two o’clock in the afternoon.
It was April and I was in the mood to clean the place. Shay’s apartment was awesome and I was ever so grateful to her, so I always tried to keep it spruced up. The neighbors were great, the location was awesome, and it was a pretty modern home.
The sun was out, so instead of running the dryers, I hung the clothes on the lines Shay had installed in her back yard. Fifteen minutes into the task, I heard the roar of a bike as it came to a stop near my place. I figured it was Bronx and Shay, so I kept hanging the clothes on the line until a gruff voice broke my trance. “I didn't even know people still hung clothes on the line.”
Holy shit.
It was Bear.
Slowly, I turned toward the direction of his voice and asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Hey yourself,” he replied and kept walking toward me.
I turned back around and kept hanging the clothes on the line. This was exactly why I needed to move. He was close to me because I could feel his heat scorching my back, which felt hotter than the sun at th
at moment.
“Haven’t forgotten what you did,” he said after a while.
I ignored him and kept doing what I was doing.
“Wanted to show you my gratitude,” he continued.
What in the hell was he talking about?
“The apartment,” he kept talking. “You cleaned it.”
My hand paused in midair with the clothes pin between my fingers.
“That was over a year ago,” I sneered without looking at him.
“Still wanted to show my gratitude,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Uh, right. Well, it's okay, Bear.” My head shook both ways. “Let's call it even. I get it now. You're not interested. We’re good.”
A low groan slipped from him, but I kept hanging up my damp clothes.
He didn't want to play games, so I wouldn't play.
“Even, huh?” he growled. “I still can't find shit. You were making your mark.”
My body jerked around to face him along with my head. “Come again?”
“Oh, you heard me, little girl.” He took another step toward me.
“I did no such thing. You're really that pessimistic?” I snapped.
“Fuck, yeah I am. I was born at night, not last night,” Bear snarled. “You want to make your mark on me? Your lipstick on my balls, your handy work in my house? I don't get to do the same? What the fuck game you trying to play here?”
“Oh my God,” I exclaimed. “Wow! For once in my life, I am not playing any games. Not a one and you're accusing me of playing with you. Are you insane? That was over a damn year ago. I don’t even speak to you. I’m playing no game here. I assure you.”
I shook my head.
He could not be believed.
“Oh, darling. You're playing one whether you know it or not. I'm just here to show my gratitude.”
He folded his arms over his chest.
“Okay, I’ve received it.” I turned back around. “Thanks.”