‘You poor thing,’ says Jamie.
‘I had to throw my knickers away,’ says Thea. ‘There was no way I could rinse them out or anything, and even if I did, they’d be wet and there was nowhere to put them. I washed my bum and my legs and tried to rinse out the brown stains on my jeans. I seem to remember that scrubbing at it only made it worse, though. Then I started crying, but I had to get back down to the third floor to meet the teachers. I knew if I hurried I could try to catch Gillian and see if she’d lend me her spare pair of knickers. I felt really embarrassed, because I hadn’t actually packed a spare pair in my overnight bag – I’d been intending to sleep in the ones I had on. I was one of those kids who didn’t change knickers and socks every day, if you know what I mean. I think a lot of kids are like that, but you sort of don’t want to get found out. I didn’t want to tell Gillian about what had happened in the lift, or admit that I didn’t pack a fresh pair of knickers for that night, but I knew the teachers would go totally mad if I asked to unpack my suitcase. At best I’d make everyone miss the train, and at worst they’d make me explain what happened, and I would rather have died than done that.
‘The thing is that Gillian got all sanctimonious about her spare pair of clean knickers, and although she agreed to lend them to me, she made it clear that she thought that borrowing someone else’s knickers was disgusting. I also had to tell her exactly what had happened, and she made no secret of thinking I was stupid, and a baby. Meanwhile, I told everyone else that the brown stuff on my jeans was mud, and that I’d fallen over in some puddle or whatever. Some of the boys took the piss out of me for that, but I really didn’t mind because it was so much better than the real story. I had to stay in my dirty jeans until it was time to go to sleep, and although we ended up in a sleeper next to these nice Marlborough boys – including the one who’d spoken to me before – I felt too mortified to even speak to them. Everyone else was using the train as an excuse to party and let their hair down, but I felt too ashamed. And when we got back to school, Gillian wouldn’t stop asking me for her fucking knickers. Every day she’d come to my locker and ask me, but I’d lost them in the wash at home or something and she turned it into a really big deal. That’s it. My most embarrassing thing.’
‘That is seriously embarrassing,’ agrees Emily. ‘I don’t understand why you needed knickers, though. Why couldn’t you have worn your jeans without them?’
Thea laughs. ‘I know. Stupid, isn’t it? But those sensible grown up things don’t really occur to you when you’re a kid. It’s more like, everyone wears knickers, you’re a freak if you don’t wear knickers, so you wear them. If you know what I mean.’
‘Yeah. I do, actually,’ says Emily. ‘I didn’t work out the knickers thing until I was about seventeen, and one of my friends pointed out that knickers ruin the line of your clothes. If she hadn’t suggested it, I doubt I would have thought of it on my own. Mind you, after I realised she was right, I rarely wore them.’
‘Are you wearing any now?’ asks Jamie.
‘Maybe,’ she says, flirtatiously. ‘Anyway, it’s Thea’s turn.’
‘Paul,’ says Thea. ‘Truth or dare.’
‘Truth,’ he says.
‘Ha!’ says Emily. ‘Wasn’t there something we were going to ask you?’
‘I know what I’m going to ask already,’ says Thea.
‘Oh,’ says Emily, sounding disappointed. ‘But what was it, though? The thing we were going to remember to ask Paul. I know it was something embarrassing.’
‘I can’t remember,’ says Paul.
‘You wouldn’t remember, would you?’ says Emily.
Anne can remember, but she’s not saying anything.
‘Anyway,’ says Thea. ‘My question is: what’s your greatest ambition?’
‘My greatest ambition?’ he repeats.
‘Yeah. Or your ultimate goal or dream, or whatever.’
‘MoneyBaby,’ he says. ‘Although I never thought I’d talk about it with other people. In fact, maybe I should choose something else.’
‘You can’t now,’ says Thea.
‘What’s MoneyBaby?’ asks Anne.
‘It sounds familiar,’ says Jamie.
‘Yeah,’ says Emily. ‘Money baby. Hmm. Money baby.’
‘Swingers,’ says Anne, suddenly. ‘The Doug Liman film.’
‘Oh yeah,’ says Emily. ‘Of course.’
For a few minutes, the people who’ve seen the film amuse themselves by saying things like money and baby and you’re money baby and it’s money, and so on.
‘Don’t you want to hear Paul’s answer?’ says Thea.
‘Sure,’ says Emily. ‘Sorry.’
Everyone shuts up.
‘This does not go off this island,’ says Paul.
Everyone kind of nods and looks serious.
‘Do you promise?’ he says.
‘What’s the big deal?’ asks Emily. ‘Is it illegal?’
‘Is stealing money from banks illegal?’ he says.
‘Is that what you’re going to do?’ asks Thea. ‘Rob a bank?’
‘Lots of banks,’ says Paul. ‘And then I’m going to give the money away.’
‘To whom?’ asks Jamie.
‘Teenagers.’
‘What, just random ones?’ asks Emily.
‘That’s right,’ says Paul. ‘Random ones.’
‘And how are you going to do this?’ asks Thea.
‘With a computer and a modem.’
‘With your computer?’ says Emily.
‘It probably won’t be my computer – they’d trace it back.’
‘You know what I mean,’ she says.
‘Yeah. Just like I told you, a computer and a modem.’
‘And you’re going to hack into the banks?’ says Thea.
‘Already done it,’ says Paul. ‘Now I’ve just got to write the program to load on to their servers, and that’ll be it. By the time the banks realise what’s going on, billions of dollars will have just gone.’
‘To random teenagers,’ says Emily.
‘Yeah,’ says Paul ‘Cool, huh?’
‘Why don’t you give the money to yourself?’ asks Bryn.
‘That’s not the point of it.’
‘Then what is?’ says Thea. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘I want to see how long the teen conspiracy will go on. How long they can, en masse, keep it a secret. Usually when people do this kind of thing they try to give the money to themselves, and that’s how they get caught. By doing the illogical thing and giving it to people I’ve never even met, I should create a pretty interesting situation.’
‘That will cause chaos,’ says Jamie. ‘It’ll fuck the banks totally.’
‘Exactly,’ says Paul. ‘That’s the ultimate objective.’
‘I see,’ says Anne. ‘The teen thing is just a gimmick.’
‘Pretty much,’ he says. ‘I don’t like teenagers that much.’
‘Is it going to work?’ asks Jamie.
‘What do you mean?’ says Paul.
‘Well, don’t people try that sort of thing all the time?’
‘Yeah, I thought banks were pretty secure nowadays,’ says Thea.
‘I think I’ve found a loophole,’ says Paul. ‘But that’s all I can say.’
‘Wow,’ says Thea. ‘So when’s this going to happen?’
‘23rd January 2000. If we ever get out of this place.’
‘Right. Paul’s turn,’ says Anne.
She’s thinking about his plan. It sounds very, very cool.
‘I choose Bryn,’ says Paul.
‘Go on, mate,’ Bryn says. ‘I’ll have a dare.’
‘You want a dare, huh?’
‘Yeah. Shall I get my cock out?’ He laughs.
‘I’m flattered, but no,’ says Paul. ‘For your dare, you have to kiss Thea.’
‘What if I don’t want to be kissed?’ says Thea immediately.
‘Yeah,’ says Emily. ‘What if she doesn’t want to?’
‘She does,’ says Paul. ‘Trust me.’
Emily looks a bit huffy. She clearly wants Bryn for herself.
‘Do you mind?’ Bryn asks Thea.
‘Make it a quick one,’ she says.
He walks, or rather wobbles, over to her sofa and kisses her on the lips.
‘Were there tongues?’ asks Jamie.
‘No,’ says Thea.
‘You’re such a hypocrite,’ Emily says to Paul.
‘Why?’ he says.
‘You wouldn’t kiss Anne!’
‘It’s hardly the same thing, is it?’
‘Are you saying Thea’s a slapper?’ asks Emily.
‘Does having more than zero kisses in your life make you a slapper?’ asks Anne. ‘I’d better watch out.’
‘I don’t think we should have any more of these physical dares,’ says Emily.
‘Dares are physical,’ says Jamie. ‘How can you have a non-physical dare?’
‘All right. No sexual dares, then,’ she says.
‘You were the one who made Paul get his cock out,’ says Thea.
‘Showing’s all right,’ she concedes. ‘But no more touching or kissing.’
‘Sounds fine to me,’ says Jamie.
‘Fine,’ says Thea.
‘Boring,’ says Paul, but Anne can tell he doesn’t mean it.
‘Is it my turn?’ asks Bryn.
‘Yeah,’ says Thea.
‘Right. I pick Emily.’
‘Truth,’ she says.
‘What’s the worst sexual experience you’ve ever had?’ he asks.
‘The night I was an escort,’ she says, after a few moments’ thought.
‘You were an escort?’ says Thea. ‘God.’
‘I ended up having sex with this guy for two hundred quid.’
‘Fucking hell,’ says Jamie. ‘Didn’t you, you know, mind ?’
‘I’m not embarrassed, if that’s what you mean. It was shit, though.’
‘Are you going to give us all the juicy details?’ asks Paul.
‘No,’ she says. ‘I’m not some phone sex line. Work it out for yourself.’
‘Does that actually count as prostitution?’ asks Thea.
‘I guess so,’ says Emily. ‘I wouldn’t do it again because of that, I suppose.’
‘It’s a lot of money, though,’ says Bryn. ‘And if it’s only a fuck . . .’
‘Would you let your girlfriend do it?’ Emily asks him.
‘I haven’t got a girlfriend,’ he says.
‘But if you did have one.’
‘Of course I wouldn’t. No fucking way.’
‘There you go then,’ she says.
‘It’s your turn,’ Thea says to Emily.
‘Jamie,’ she says. ‘Truth or dare?’
Chapter Twenty
Jamie likes this game. He wasn’t sure at first, but it is totally in keeping with all his campfire fantasies. Everyone’s being so open. And it’s just so cool. He’s always dreamed of having this sort of conversation with some of his friends at Cambridge, but it never happened. He imagines trying to get Carla to talk about masturbation. It wouldn’t be possible.
Emily’s talking to him.
‘Truth or dare?’ she asks.
And Emily is something else altogether.
‘Truth,’ he says.
There’s no way he’s picking dare. Not yet.
‘Truth,’ repeats Emily. ‘OK. Have you ever had a homosexual experience?’
‘Me?’ says Jamie.
‘Duh,’ she says. ‘Yes, you.’
‘Yes,’ he says, without thinking about it. ‘I, uh . . .’
‘You have?’ squeals Emily. ‘When?’
‘About a year ago,’ he says, unable to lie. ‘It was with my girlfriend’s brother.’
‘Your girlfriend’s brother?’ says Paul. ‘Wow.’
Everyone seems pretty shocked.
‘What happened?’ says Anne.
‘It was Boxing Day last year. We went to spend the day with Carla’s family at their house – or should I say mansion – in Sussex.’
‘Are they rich?’ asks Emily.
‘Oh yeah. Old money. Anyway, her brother Greg had come out as gay to her about one or two years before, but her parents still didn’t know. Carla didn’t approve at all, but was at least trying to get to grips with the whole idea. There was no way Mummy and Daddy would have accepted the idea, though. They were total homophobes. So the whole of Boxing Day was like some kind of farce, with us pretending everything was fine, and Greg, who’s really nice but totally camp, talking about some made-up girlfriend called Julie the whole time. I thought it was funny, but Carla found the whole thing distasteful. Fairly early on in the evening, she put herself to bed with a headache. Mummy and Daddy were settling in for a nice game of Backgammon, so I went out into the local town with Greg.
‘Although it was his home town, Greg didn’t have any friends there – something to do with boarding school, he said – and I certainly didn’t know anyone. We decided to just have a real laugh, you know, get plastered and do karaoke or whatever, the kind of things the rest of his family would loathe. In fact we got completely into the whole anti-family idea as a theme for the night. We went to McDonald’s, because we knew they’d hate the idea of it, then to the worst, most rough and dingy bars we could find. Eventually we ended up at some gay club at about one in the morning. I don’t know what it is about gay men, but they find it so easy to work out where the action is, do you know what I mean?’
‘It’s called gaydar,’ says Emily, pouring more wine.
Jamie laughs. ‘Anyway, we had a good time dancing and mincing around, still saying to each other, “Imagine what Carla would say if she saw this,” or “Imagine what Daddy would say if he saw that,” until eventually the club shut and we got a taxi home. We ended up polishing off Daddy’s Cognac by the fire in the sitting room. Everyone had long since gone to bed, and we were trying not to keep them awake with our giggling. It was really nice to be with a man who wasn’t acting like, you know, well, like a man, for a change. I don’t mean he wasn’t masculine or anything, but when you’re with a gay man, all the usual man-rules don’t apply. We talked about things and joked, but none of it was crap about women and work. It was . . . I don’t know, stuff about pop music, or TV, and all about how Greg was going to decorate his house back in London. It was really nice gossiping about celebrities and talking about films and things. Carla had no interest in pop culture whatsoever, but her brother was the complete opposite. I can’t remember how we ended up kissing, but I do remember I was still thinking, “What would Carla say if she saw this?” and feeling like it was just an extension of the game we’d been playing all night. I suppose in some way I was doing it to hurt her. She was being so boring and prudish. I liked the idea of doing things she didn’t know about. So anyway, we kissed, and it was all right. He sucked me off. Then we had sex.’
‘You actually had sex?’ says Emily.
‘Yeah.’
‘Were you the giver or the taker?’ asks Bryn, laughing.
‘What?’ says Jamie.
‘Did you stick it in him or . . . you know?’ says Paul.
‘Oh, I did the fucking,’ says Jamie. ‘Gosh, I wasn’t ready to actually do that.’
‘Was it like fucking a woman?’ asks Anne.
‘Any port in a storm,’ jokes Bryn.
Everyone giggles.
‘No way,’ Jamie says. ‘It was totally different.’
‘Did you ever do it again?’ asks Thea.
‘No,’ says Jamie. ‘I don’t find men attractive.’
‘So why do it in the first place then?’
‘I think because that family were so stuffy. Me and Greg were just acting like kids, you know, trying to be rebellious, doing things in secret. I think I actually liked that bit more than the sex. And we were both pretty drunk. Greg was chuffed that he’d managed to have it off with a straight bloke, and I was happy to have had a new experience. H
e was a really nice bloke as well, of course, which helped. I definitely wouldn’t do it again, though.’
‘Is it a common thing for men to have a homosexual experience?’ asks Thea.
‘I’ve never had one,’ says Paul.
‘Me neither,’ says Bryn.
‘I thought it was quite common,’ says Emily. ‘Maybe it’s a London thing.’
Jamie can’t believe that he told them about the Greg experience. That was something he had been sure he’d take to the grave with him. In a way he’s slightly embarrassed that he’s confessed everything, but in another way he’s really pleased that he had something big to share. He’s paranoid about people finding him boring, and this definitely takes him out of that category. In fact, so far, he and Emily have had the most risqué stories to tell. Thea’s had the most disgusting, but it wasn’t really what you would call risqué. Jamie’s proud in a weird kind of way. And he likes having something in common with Emily.
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