by Rosa, C.
“You’re in a better mood I see,” Lauren said with a mouth full of cucumber and shrimp. “Mmmm…that’s good.” She grabbed more and shoved the whole thing in her mouth.
“Ricky called,” I smiled.
“Finally…what the hell took him so long? Is he coming to visit?”
“I don’t know,” I said, refilling both of our glasses.
“You don’t know?” she repeated. “What’s his deal? I think you should just send him a ticket. I want to meet this guy.”
“I’m not going to force him to visit me…It’s not like I’m his girlfriend anymore. Plus, I can’t afford it.”
“Well…you better do something about it soon. You get grumpy when you don’t get any.”
We giggled, and ate the spread of finger food on the tablecloth I spread out on the carpet.
By the second bottle of wine, we had both splayed out on opposite ends of the living room floor, swapping stories on the worst sex of our lives. Lauren’s definitely took the cake when she told me about the guy who answered his cell phone right in the middle of it…twice.
“Okay,” she sputtered, her face the color of a tomato. “Who was the best?”
It took me all of two seconds to answer. “Ricky…definitely.” A chill crept down my spine as I told Lauren about the episode in his office.
“You slut!” she cackled. “What is with you and doing your bosses?”
“Hey!” I yelled, throwing a cork at her head.
“Sorry,” she said, cracking up. “I had too…It was too easy.”
“He called by the way…Danny.”
Lauren’s laughter shriveled up like a raisin. “I hope you didn’t answer the phone.”
I kept quiet, avoiding her relentless stare.
“Oh my God, Alexa. You didn’t!”
“He got me the job, Laur. I felt bad not answering his calls.”
“So what now?”
“He’s coming here for dinner next week.”
She got up from the floor and headed towards the bathroom. “I can’t believe you’re doing this again. He’s MARRIED!”
“Not anymore,” I said. “Plus, it’s just a thank you dinner. That’s all.”
“As long as it doesn’t turn into thank you sex,” she said, disappearing into the bathroom.
Chapter 30
Two Can Play
I TOOK THE Chinese food out of the brown bag and spread the containers around on the counter. After a long week in the kitchen, the last thing I felt like doing was cooking another meal at home.
“I ordered a bunch of stuff. I couldn’t remember what you liked.”
It was lie, and I ordered everything except what I knew he liked.
He surveyed the selection as I handed him a paper plate. We sat at the folding table, scooping out food and passing off containers between each other.
“I talked to Josh the other day,” he said. “He’s really happy about your work.”
I pulled another helping of lomaine with my chopsticks. “The job is great. Thanks for giving me the recommendation.”
Danny took another sip of his beer. “So, how’s it feel to be back?”
“Like I never left,” I said.
“Was it hard to leave home again?”
I shrugged. “Not really…”
Another lie.
We finished dinner with Danny updating me on everything that happened since I was gone. He managed to keep the restaurant after the divorce and moved into his own apartment. I could tell the whole process exhausted him; the bags under his eyes, the way he spoke. His energy level was noticeably different, and when he smiled it never reached his chestnut eyes. He looked different to me, with no trace of the passion that I had found so attractive. I was actually starting to feel bad for him.
“It’s never been the same,” he said.
I stuffed the dirty plates and empty containers in the trash. “What hasn’t?”
“Being in the kitchen without you.”
I turned my back, putting the soy sauce in the fridge. “I’m sure you’re doing just fine.”
“It’d be nice to have you back,” he said, chugging the rest of the beer.
“That’s never going to happen.”
“Why not?” he chuckled. “Everyone’s been asking about you.”
“I have a job. I’m happy there. Besides, after what happened…I could never go back in that kitchen.”
We headed to the living room, and flicked through the channels until I found a decent movie.
We watched it in silence, both of us laughing at the same parts. When it was over, I turned the television off. I yawned with added enthusiasm, trying to give a subtle hint.
“Well,” Danny said, as he got up off the floor. “I should get going. Thanks for the meal.”
I smiled, and walked him to the door.
“This was nice,” he said. We stood across from each other, both of us holding an awkward posture. He leaned in, and for a split second I panicked, almost sure he was going to try and kiss me. Thankfully, it was just a hug.
“Can we do it again soon?” he asked.
“I don’t know, Danny. I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea.”
“Please, Lex. I could really use the company now.” His dark brown eyes pleaded with me, a look I was very familiar with.
“Okay,” I agreed, not having the heart to turn him down.
* * *
I had finally had enough of living in an apartment with no furniture. Danny had offered to take me to the furniture store so I could finally pick out a couch. We roamed through the humongous space, plopping on every sofa we passed.
“This is one seems nice,” he said, bouncing up and down on the cushion. “Soft…yet supportive.”
“I’m going to sit on it not date it,” I chuckled.
I took a look at the price tag. “Yeesh…I don’t care how comfortable it is. I’m not paying that much for a couch.”
I fished my ringing phone out of my purse, Ricky’s name flashing across the screen. I debated whether or not to answer the call since I was with Danny. It had been so long since we last spoke that I didn’t want to miss the chance to hear Ricky’s voice again.
A sudden wave of guilt washed over me as I peered over at Danny who had moved on to another sectional. It wasn’t as if there was anything remotely romantic about furniture shopping. But I knew that if Ricky found out I was with Danny, he might never call again.
“Hello?”
“Hey beautiful. I was thinking about you.”
I sunk deep into the leather cushion, an involuntary smile spreading across my face. “Really? I was starting to think you forgot about me.”
“That’s not possible,” Ricky laughed. I pictured his broad smile, while he laid shirtless on his bed. I squirmed at the thought, my cheeks blushing with heat.
“It’s nice to hear your voice,” I said, keeping my eyes fixed on Danny as he made his way back towards where I was sitting. “But can I call you back a little later?”
“Too busy to talk to me now?” Ricky teased. “I wanted to talk about coming to see you.”
Danny sat down close to me. “So what to do you think?” he asked me.
I froze, fearing Ricky had heard Danny’s voice.
“Are you out with someone?” Ricky asked. There was an edge to his tone. “Who’s that?”
“I’m just buying a couch…got tired of sitting on the floor.” I rolled my eyes at Danny, who kept asking me questions even when I gave him the shut up signal.
“A couch? Uh huh…Okay. Well call me when you’re not busy.”
I promised Ricky I would call as soon as I got back, as Danny stared, waiting for me to hang up.
“Who was that?” he asked, reclining the seat back.
“A friend,” I said, getting up. “From back home.”
He followed me as I continued through the store.
“A guy friend or…”
I scowled at him. “What difference does it m
ake?” I sat on another couch that had a decent price tag. “This one seems good.”
He ignored my attempts to change the subject. “A boyfriend?”
I sighed. “No…well, not anymore.”
“I see.”
I could tell Danny wanted to continue the conversation, but I wasn’t interested. I told the salesperson the couch that I wanted and he promised to have it delivered within the next three days. On the way home, I texted Ricky telling him I would be calling in a little bit. He seemed upset when we hung up the phone, and the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was out with some guy. I don’t know why, since we weren’t together, but I had this fear that if he thought I was out with someone than he would do the same. Even though Ricky and I were thousands of miles away, the thought of being with anyone else hadn’t once crossed my mind. Thinking of Ricky with another woman made me sick to my stomach. I tried to convince myself that the only action he was getting in bed was from the kitten.
Danny pulled in by the curb of the apartment complex and threw the car in park.
“Thanks,” I said, unbuckling my seat belt.
“It’s no problem.”
I just about had the car door closed when he continued.
“I wanted to ask you…There’s this benefit that a friend of mine is having…something about feeding hungry children. I have two tickets. Wanna join me?”
I closed the door, and he rolled down the window.
“It’s for charity,” he continued. “Plus, it’ll be fun. I need a night out, and from the looks of it, so do you.”
It was true. I hadn’t been out at all and could use a night where I could actually enjoy a nicely cooked meal without having to do the cooking.
“Hungry children?” I repeated.
“Yeah,” he said. “And it’s at a winery. All the wine you can drink.”
“I would have to get off of work…”
“Josh won’t mind!” he insisted. “He loves you over there.”
“Can I let you know?” I asked.
Danny nodded and drove away.
* * *
The first thing I did when I got inside was call Ricky. He hadn’t responded to my text, and I was hoping it was because he was busy and not ignoring me. I was wrong. I let the phone ring over and over, each time going to his voicemail. I left three messages, and after two hours of calling without him picking up, I gave up for the night. I sent him one last text message, telling him that I would be up for another hour in case he decided to call.
I checked my phone first thing in the morning only to find not a single person had called. I picked up the phone and called Ricky again, even though it was four in the morning New Jersey time. His voicemail picked up, and I threw my phone across the furniture-less room.
A week had gone by, and I still hadn’t heard from Ricky. I stared at my phone, willing it to ring.
“You’re pathetic,” I told myself as I curled up on my new sofa. “Lame and pathetic.”
How had I let this happen again? How had I become so unglued by a guy? I knew what it meant when I moved back to California. The first time I moved here, it was so easy to leave everything behind. I took that carefree attitude for granted, too naïve to understand that I had nothing to loose. Now, it was different. I had Ricky, and what we had together was something that went beyond any relationship I had before. I couldn’t describe the connection we shared or explain why it existed at all. It was just there…like the sun, the moon, the stars, they’re existence too complex and profound to try to breakdown. I hungered for him and knew that some how we had to see each other as soon as possible.
I rolled off the couch and reached for my phone, pushing Ricky’s name. It rang a few times before I heard the click of someone picking up.
“Hello?” I asked when no one spoke up. “Ricky?”
I heard the sound of the phone skirting against fabric, and then the muffled sound of voices in the background.
“Hello?” I said louder.
There was some kind of commotion, and then a voice spoke.
“Hello?”
It was a woman.
“Who’s this?” I asked.
“Who’s this?”
Great. I was speaking to a parrot.
“Where’s Ricky?” I asked.
She giggled, and I had the sudden urge to reach through the phone.
“Ricky’s not here.” I could tell she was smiling from the way she spoke. “He’s in the shower right now. Can I take a message?” She whispered close into the microphone of the phone, and her words slurred together.
Before I could get in another word, the line went dead.
* * *
It took two pints of ice cream to knock me out of my misery last night. I showered and dressed for work, obsessing over how stupid I had been over the last few months. I actually believed what Ricky and I had was different, but it wasn’t. Hearing the repugnant laughter of whatever empty headed, bra busting, customer he brought home made me realize that I had seriously fucked up.
All those years that I managed to keep Ricky at bay went down the drain. I had actually started to regret not doing this in high school, knowing that I would have gotten it out of my system already.
But two can play that game.
“Danny?” I said, holding my phone between my shoulder and my ear. “I wanted to talk to you about that benefit. When is it?”
“In a couple of weeks. It’s on a Saturday. Why?”
“Because I’m going to have to request the night off from work.”
“Awesome…does that mean you’ll be my date?”
I hesitated, knowing that once I crossed this bridge I would be entering in dangerous territory.
“Sure,” I said. “It’s a date.”
Chapter 31
Down that Road
I PULLED THE black dress I had worn to dinner with Ricky in New York and slid it on. After some serious miracle working on my part, I managed to look somewhat appealing after getting ready. I glanced at the clock, knowing Danny would be here right on time to pick me up.
“Wow,” he said. “You look amazing.”
I smiled and returned the compliment. Danny always looked good in a suit, and it was obvious he had gone out of his way to look nice tonight. He looked like he had gotten a haircut, and his facial hair was trimmed and squared off.
The winery was beautiful, and we even got a tour, which ended with a tasting. By the time they had opened the banquet room for dinner, I was already feeling relaxed and tingly.
Danny offered me his arm as we walked to our table, and I swore people stared as we walked by.
“Why do you I feel like everyone is looking at us?” I whispered to him.
He smiled and whispered back. “They’re just jealous because you look so damn beautiful.”
My eyes darted to his, and I took another sip from my glass.
Dinner moved quickly, and before I knew it, the servers rolled table after table of desserts at the far end of the room. I perused it with Danny, and we both filled two plates, creating two tall towers of pastries.
The band played all night, and when Danny asked me to dance, I took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.
“Thank you for coming tonight,” he said, the light from the crystal chandeliers reflecting in his dark eyes. “It really means a lot to me.”
I shrugged, not wanting to let him in on how much fun I was having. “Anything for hungry children.”
He smiled and swung me around, swooping me back in his arms. A few hazy seconds passed when the energy between us shifted, and I had to break away. The band began to play another song, and I took that as my chance.
“I have to go to the ladies room,” I said.
I headed back towards our table and grabbed my purse.
In the bathroom, I reapplied my lipstick and took a good look at myself in the mirror. What the hell was I doing? I had been down this road with Danny before and look how it turned out. Even though
we seemed to be a good match, I couldn’t push past what we had already been through together.
Then again, I was tired of making rules for myself. Rules that I spent so much energy trying to follow, and for what? Every promise, every limitation I had put on myself never meant enough to me to actually take seriously. It took me all of a few weeks to fall for Ricky. Three weeks, and I had managed to throw everything I told myself I wasn’t going to do out of the window. I think it was time I threw the rules out of the window instead.
I adjusted my dress one more time, sensing the woman next to me staring. For a minute, I thought I had had the conversation with myself out loud instead of my in my head. She pretended not to be looking right at me and went ahead recoating her lips in gloss. I couldn’t help to think that she looked so familiar.
“I’m sorry,” I said, squinting my eyes. “Do we know each other. You look so familiar.”
She threw her makeup back in her bag. “You two have a lot of balls.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“You could have at least waited until the divorce was final until you started flaunting your relationship everywhere.”
“I’m NOT in a relationship with anyone. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She grabbed her purse. “Why don’t you go ask you’re wonderful boyfriend,” she said, walking out.
I charged through the crowded room, the conversation in the bathroom zapping any trace of the buzz I had from the wine.
“It’s time to go,” I said to Danny. I stood over him, my eyes darting to each person at our table, wondering who else was making their own assumptions about the nature of our relationship.
“What do you mean?” he chuckled. “They’re going to announce the winners of the silent auction.”
“I don’t care,” I said. “I want to go…now.”
Danny’s smile disappeared, and I didn’t wait for him to get up before walking back to the foyer. I stood, waiting with my arms folded, as he handed the ticket to the valet.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked as we drove off.
“Are you still married?” I asked.