by M. Garzon
He shook his head. “I doubt he’ll say much to you about it, Téa. I’m the one who’s going to have to answer to him.” He sounded worried.
I kissed his cheek and murmured my next words against it.
“Don’t worry, my love. It will all work out — have faith.” And I did have faith that it would, somehow. I had to.
“So we’ll tell him we waited, huh?” He gave the ghost of a grin.
“Yes... which conveniently relieves us of the burden of actually having to wait,” I pointed out, sliding my lips down to his, “because frankly, I don’t think I can make it.”
“You’re incorrigible,” he sighed. But his hand moved to capture my face, and he spent a few minutes reinforcing my point for me.
Nineteen
The next week Jaden was going to Ottawa for four days to teach. We said goodbye in the shed the night before. I tried not to show how desperately I would miss him, but he held me so tightly I knew he felt the same way.
We emailed every day, but it was hard, and now that I’d had a taste of it, I was consumed by dread for the more permanent separation coming in September. We’d have weekends, in theory, but I had horse shows up until the Royal in November, and Jaden played polo until mid-October at least. And even on those rare weekends when we were both free, we would have to contrive excuses and sneak around. I was happy for the distraction of our club chukkers on Wednesday.
Mateo had been helping me with my Spanish; I had learned a lot but there were some verb tenses I still had trouble with. After our game, I grilled him for a while at the picnic tables, but I couldn’t stay late — Dec wanted me home earlier when I wasn’t with Jaden.
“Why don’t we go out for lunch tomorrow?” Mateo said. “We can practice more then.”
I was happy to agree, not only for the help but also to divert my attention from the constant low-level torment of Jaden’s absence.
It was a very interesting lunch. I noticed for the first time how Mateo’s fit body and self-assured smile drew female attention, but he was as kind as he had been the night I’d turned up on his doorstep. I hoped there was a way for him and Jaden to at least bury the hatchet if they couldn’t be friends. I knew that Jaden would be less than thrilled that I’d gone out with him, though. In fact I’d been surprised that Jaden hadn’t made a fuss over the fact that I’d run to Mateo’s, the night of our break-up scare, but he had a ready explanation when I brought it up.
“Even I have the sense to realize you weren’t running to him, Téa. You were running away from me.” The pain evident on his face made me change the subject immediately.
* * *
Jaden got back on Thursday night, and it wasn’t until we’d spent half an hour reuniting in the shed that I could truly breathe again. The next day was quiet, and my friends and I decided to go for a ride. I was about to go find Jaden when he spoke right behind me.
“I know you’re up to something.”
I jumped and whirled around.
“Guilty conscience?” he asked, smirking.
“Not yet.” I grinned.
He arched a brow, waiting.
“Are you up for some trespassing on private property today?”
He hesitated.
“I’ll take care of you. Trust me, this isn’t something you want to miss. Ride Kermit,” I instructed as he headed down the aisle. “Piba won’t like this. And no saddle.”
It was a sweltering late August day, and we rode slowly. Jaden was the only one not familiar with our destination; Teri, Julia, Seth and I went there regularly — it was one of our favorite haunts on hot days. We were walking down a wide, tree-covered trail when Seth rode up alongside me. The girls and Jaden were behind us.
“You must be happy that Seth’s finally paying you some attention, aren’t you, boy?” I reached over and patted Winter’s neck, he was a wonderful horse, as easygoing and uncomplicated as his owner. He was named for the two dozen or so unusual, perfectly circular white spots on his chestnut coat.
“Hey, now, Winter knows he’s my guy, even when I’m not spending all my time with him,” Seth protested. He patted Winter’s shoulder. “You’re still the handsomest, smartest, fastest horse in the barn.”
“Well, maybe not the fastest,” I corrected, “’cause Schweppes could take him.”
“Are you nuts?” Seth was incredulous. “Winter’s bigger and has a way longer stride.”
“And just what are you willing to bet on that?”
He considered for a minute. “A week of doing the dishes.”
“You’re on. We go to the end of this trail, then along the long side of the field.”
I shortened my reins and shifted my weight, alerting Schweppes that a change of pace was coming.
“Three, two, one, go!” I yelled.
We thundered down the trail neck and neck. I leaned low over Schweppes’ roached mane, almost laughing with joy at his speed.
“Come on, baby,” I whispered. We were pulling ahead; by the time we burst into the open field Schweppes was at least a length out in front, and his legs were still pistoning strongly.
Incredibly, I heard hoofbeats thundering up on my left. I flattened myself even further onto the golden neck beneath me, but the next second Kermit was pushing his shoulder in front of us; Jaden reached down, grabbed the reins and pulled both horses to an abrupt halt. The look he gave me was exasperated.
“Oh, come on — you can’t tell me that wasn’t fun.” I grinned at him.
“Téa, you’re bareback, and Schweppes doesn’t even have a mane to hang on to,” he chastised.
“And your point would be...”
Kermit’s body sidled over and pressed against Schweppes so that our legs were trapped between our horses. Jaden’s hand went to the back of my neck. He turned my head to look at him.
“My point,” he said silkily, “is that you will never scare me like that again.”
“I warned you about the worrying. I think I see some frown lines already,” I teased. The corners of his mouth were curving up to match mine as our lips met.
“Okay, break it up,” Seth’s voice came from right next to us. I started, but Jaden’s hand was firm on my neck and he wasn’t done; it was several seconds before he released me. I looked around, flushed and slightly breathless, to see Seth, Julia and Teri all grinning at me. It was the first time Jaden had kissed me in front of anyone, and I felt self-conscious. Jaden, on the other hand, looked very pleased with himself.
“Schweppes won,” I said to Seth.
Jaden cleared his throat.
“Oh, all right,” I conceded grumpily, “Kermit won. But you’re still doing the dishes, Seth.”
It wasn’t much further to our destination: a pond in a rock quarry. Part of the quarry was still operational, so we were technically trespassing, but there wasn’t usually anyone around. As soon as we arrived, Julia, Teri and I stripped off our shirts and our chaps. We were all wearing shorts and bikini tops underneath. Seth took his shirt off too, he was left with his jeans. Remembering what Julia had said, I tried to consider him objectively. I had to admit, I could see her point — all the swimming and heavy work at the barn had paid off. Seth had gotten... well, buff.
Jaden rode up facing me.
“I told you you wouldn’t want to miss this.” I smiled at him. “But if you want to be in our clique, that shirt’s going to have to come off.”
I rode past him and let Schweppes amble down the grassy bank and splash into the cool water. It was his first time here, and I didn’t know how he’d react. Even though some horses don’t like the water, most are strong swimmers, and as it turned out Schweppes fell into the latter category. He waded around happily; when he seemed comfortable I pointed him toward the center of the pond. The water level crept up my legs as the pond got deeper and deeper, until I felt Schweppes’ motion change beneath me — he was swimming.
When I turned and headed back to the shallows Jaden and Kermit were in the water, and Jaden had elected to j
oin our clique. I tried not to stare. The sunlight sparkling like tiny crystals on the wavelets, the trees forming a verdant frame for the cerulean, puffy-clouded sky... in my eyes, those natural wonders were nothing to his beauty. We spent the afternoon swimming — with and without our horses — and lounging on the bank. And laughing. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had so much fun together, and the fact that Jaden was now a part of our little group made everything perfect.
We decided to take the horses for a final dip before heading home. We were wading in deep water when Seth and I started trying to push each other off our horses. It was a game we’d been playing for years, and normally I was good at it, clinging like a burr to my mount’s back. But Seth was a lot bigger than me now, and I soon found myself dunked into the pond, laughing so hard that I couldn’t climb back on before Schweppes swam away. I watched him head for the bank as a muscular arm swung down to fish me out of the water.
Jaden sat me in front of him on Kermit, but I was facing the wrong way, facing him. There was a look in his eyes I thought I recognized. I didn’t have time to place it, though, because he hooked his hands behind my knees and pulled me forward, draping my legs over his thighs. His gaze never left mine. My breath faltered.
I knew, suddenly, what his eyes reminded me of — a wolf’s. And I was the small, furry animal frozen in the wolf’s stare. I had never felt so much raw sexual energy from him; it rolled off him in waves. One might assume it was because he was half-naked and dripping wet, but I didn’t think that was it. I thought it was simply the first time he wasn’t clamping it down around me. He wrapped his arms around me, and the shock of my wet skin meeting his broke my trance.
“I’ve made a dangerous discovery,” he murmured in my ear.
“What’s that?” I managed to whisper. Barely. The feeling of his skin fused to mine was making it almost impossible for me to think.
“I like kissing you in front of other people,” he said. To demonstrate, he laid a trail of kisses from my ear to my lips, where he tarried, kissing me very, very thoroughly.
“Hey!” Seth broke in.
I rested my head on Jaden’s chest and offered my brother an apologetic look. He held my gaze for an instant, uncertain. Determination hardened his features as he rode Winter out of the water; he headed straight for Julia. He pulled up next to her, leaned over, and kissed her full on her surprised mouth.
“Julia Yamamoto, will you go out with me?”
Julia’s startled look melted into a smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Seth turned toward me. The look he gave me was questioning.
“It’s about time, bro.” I grinned at him.
Seth rode next to me on the way home. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asked quietly.
“Really, Seth, how can you even ask, after everything I’ve put you through by dating our cousin? You and Julia are perfect for each other.”
* * *
September was almost upon us. School was starting in a week, and Jaden and I still hadn’t disclosed our relationship to our family. The stress was beginning to tell on both of us.
I was checking my email while Jaden arranged the entries for the following weekend’s polo tournament. He was speaking Spanish, but I could understand most of it now. As he started listing the players I caught his eye and shook my head.
“Uno momento, por favor.” He lowered the phone. “What is it?”
“Mateo can’t go, he has an important appointment.” He’d told me about it over lunch.
Jaden’s eyes narrowed to virtual slits as he went back to arranging the entries. He didn’t look at me. I sighed — I’d be hearing about this later.
“Wow, Téa, how much Spanish have you learned?” Dec asked.
“A fair amount, I guess. I hear a lot of it on the polo field.” No need to mention why I was so motivated to learn.
“That’s great,” he smiled at me.
I nodded and headed to the barn to prepare for my lesson with Karen. Jaden came in as I was cross-tying Marty.
“I need to talk to you.” His tone was casual, but I knew him well enough by now to detect what was simmering under the surface.
“I’m kind of in the middle of something,” I pointed out. I wasn’t in a hurry to discuss Mateo, and I was feeling angry at Jaden’s continued mistrust. I didn’t think I could remain calm if we spoke now.
“Ahora mismo, Téa.” He kept his tone light; unless they noticed his clenched jaw the people around us wouldn’t be able to guess that he had commanded, ‘right now’.
Fine, then. I shot him an irritated look — maybe it was time to have this out, once and for all. I went to the shed, not checking to see if Jaden was following or not, and once inside I paced impatiently until I heard the door.
Jaden strode over with a purposeful look and took my face in his hands. I was already thinking of arguments, and was about to launch into them — but just then he kissed me, and I stopped thinking altogether. He wasn’t gentle, as he normally was. His mouth was rough; he crushed my lips with his, one hand moving to the nape of my neck, allowing no escape. His other hand ran down my back to my waist and yanked me hard against him. For the barest instant, I hesitated. He had never been this demanding. But it was Jaden, and his body, his scent, his angry lips on mine, had me mindless in seconds. I kissed him back fiercely, flattening my body against his. The blood was pounding in my ears so loudly I could barely hear our ragged breathing.
After a few minutes — or hours, it was hard to tell — we broke apart, panting. It was a minute before I could talk again.
“Well, that was...” I cast around for a suitable adjective but I just didn’t have the vocabulary for it.
“Are you speechless? That’s a first,” he said. He was breathing hard and looking at me as though he’d never really seen me before. “I hope it’s temporary, though, because I suspect you have something to tell me.”
He let go of me while he was speaking, and I wished he hadn’t — I would have preferred to hide my face against him as I told him. As it was, I stood awkwardly in front of him, with my hands shoved into my pockets. I felt like a guilty kid, which irritated me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, I faltered a bit as I told him about my lunch with Mateo.
“You went out with Mateo?” he spoke quietly, but the edge on his voice was one I’d never heard before, and it was razor-sharp.
“No. I mean, yes, we had lunch together, but... it was nothing. He just wanted to talk... you know, about polo and stuff.” My nervousness had me floundering to express myself. I peeked at Jaden’s expression, which did nothing to relieve my anxiety. His lips were pressed together, his eyes hard. I could see the muscle in his jaw bunching, a sure sign he was mad.
“If it was nothing, why did you feel the need to hide it from me?” he demanded. His hand ripped through his hair.
“I wasn’t hiding anything! It just... didn’t come up until now,” I argued weakly. I hated that hard voice, that cold face — this wasn’t the Jaden I knew.
“Right,” he snapped, “it’s a coincidence that you didn’t tell me about going out with the one guy that you know I don’t want you near.”
A sharp pain sliced between my ribs, as though his words had cut me. I felt tears coming, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not when I was this mad.
“You know what? I’m not doing this now,” I said as calmly as I could.
I started toward the door; he caught my arm. When I glanced up at him his infuriated expression hadn’t softened.
“What are you going to do, Jaden?” I asked him softly. “Force me to talk to you?”
He let go all at once and turned away. I trudged slowly back to the barn, my heart feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds.
I could barely follow the lesson. Afterward, Teri, Julia and I sat at the picnic table and the girls had lunch while I had a drink. As soon as they were done eating, Jaden appeared and sat next to me. I didn’t look at him, and the girls soon e
xcused themselves.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have been so rough with you.” His voice was subdued. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I clasped my hands on the table in front of me and took a deep breath. “Jaden, you’ve made me feel a lot of things — many for the first time — but fear isn’t one of them.”
“The look on your face...” His eyes scrunched up against the memory.
“I wasn’t afraid, I was just hurt.”
He watched me warily, waiting.
“You-” I swallowed, feeling a fresh slice at the thought. “You don’t trust me.” I wondered if he could hear the pain saturating each word as clearly as I did.
His eyes opened wide and he sat back, shocked.
“No... Téa, that’s not true.” He shook his head. His hand covered my clasped ones, and he gripped them as though he could force the truth through my pores. “Of course I trust you, I trust you completely.”
I studied our hands. We shouldn’t be touching like this, out in the open, but I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted the reassurance of his skin against mine.
“If you did, you wouldn’t care that I went out with Mateo. Jaden, if you really understood how I feel about you, you wouldn’t worry no matter who I saw or what I did with them.”
He flinched. “It’s not that simple, Téa.”
“It should be.”
We didn’t have time to talk more because it was time to go to the club. We barely spoke during the ride, but where the trails allowed it we rode side my side and he held my hand, squeezing it tightly as though it might slip from his grasp. But then our practice started, and so did the screaming.
“Mateo! What the hell was that? An infant could’ve made that shot! If you play like this in our match we might as well forfeit now,” Jaden yelled. He looked livid.
“You are crazy, no? Caley, she ride across my line!” Mateo screamed back.
Jaden cantered up to us, his face grim.
“He’s right, Jaden, Caley totally obstructed him,” I volunteered, shooting Caley an apologetic look.