“Um-hmm. Give me something to do to take my mind off of it.”
She pointed to a pile of fabric bolts. “Put those away.”
Loren picked up a bolt and put it on a shelf. “Are you coming to Janelle’s for my show tonight?”
“Yes. Me and Dad’ll be there.”
“Nice. You sure we’re not leading Dad astray?”
“Oh, we definitely are. At least, you are.”
Five years ago, when he started dressing femme, Loren would have never dreamed his father would one day watch him do drag. But he was determined to express himself, and he made no exceptions for his parents. He came to family gatherings in whatever frilly outfit he felt like wearing. Mom wasn’t too happy, but Dad was surprisingly blasé about it.
Since their mother died three years ago, Mia and Loren had stayed close to their father and tried to include him in their doings. But even Loren was surprised when Dad accepted the invitation to come to his drag show, even more so when he’d smiled and clapped along with everyone else. He’d been a regular attendee ever since.
Twenty minutes later, Loren wound his muffler around his throat and shrugged into his peacoat, glad he was wearing a midi skirt and boots. It was raw and windy out and already dark at five o’clock. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Good luck with Gabe. I hope everything’s okay with him and Ian.”
“Me too.”
He picked up his bag and left the shop. Holiday lights twinkled on the buildings, well-dressed shoppers pushed past, and a Salvation Army Santa was stationed on the corner, ringing his bell. Loren avoided him, mindful of the homophobic organization he represented, and stepped around the homeless person camped on the sidewalk, feeling guilty that he didn’t drop a twenty in his hands. Christmastime made him melancholy. The haves and the have-nots jostling in close proximity and the conspicuous consumption that never filled the real hunger people had inside. For connection. For meaning.
Loren felt that hunger too.
Chapter 6
When Loren walked in, windswept and alive, the painful grip on Gabe’s heart eased. He raised a hand and Loren hurried over.
“Hi. Thanks for coming. Can I get you something?” Gabe pointed to his Americano. The coffee shop was toasty warm and sparkled with festive seasonal decorations. Hints of cinnamon and nutmeg mingled with the scent of fresh-roasted coffee. Always busy, the place seemed filled to capacity tonight. Everyone must be out doing their holiday shopping. Gabe had been lucky to snag a table.
“No, I’ll get it. Be right back.” Loren placed a garment bag on the seat next to him and went to join the line at the counter.
Gabe took the opportunity to survey him. Loren was as pleasing to the eye all bundled up as the previous Lorens had been. He wore a dark blue coat over a longish skirt and high-heeled boots, and his scarf was a vibrant deep red threaded with gold that glinted in the light.
Gabe wondered at himself, at his reaching out to Loren like this, but shit had gone down and the need to talk to Loren felt urgent. He watched the crowd, waiting for Loren to work his way through the line.
Loren finally came back, dodging the bag-laden shoppers, and held up his drink. “Peppermint mocha rules.” He sat across from Gabe. His eyes were dark blue, almost violet, and fringed by abundant black eyelashes.
“So what’s happening?” Loren asked softly, those eyes full of concern.
“Ian wore his dresses to school.”
“Oh? And?” Loren waited.
“And it seemed to go fine until yesterday. He’d been at it for two days and was all jazzed in the morning, choosing his third outfit. But when I picked him up after school, he had on his boy clothes.”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah. And this morning he refused to put on a dress at all. But he won’t talk to me about it.” Gabe stirred his Americano needlessly and swallowed over the lump in his throat.
“What did his teacher say?”
“She said some boys were teasing him, and even though she reprimanded them and the rest of the kids were great to him, Ian got upset and asked to change his clothes.”
“I’m sorry.” Loren put his hand over Gabe’s, startling him. “I know how much this means to Ian. And to you.” When he withdrew his hand, Gabe wanted it back.
“It’s… well, I feel lost about what to do. Ian has had a hard life.” Gabe stopped, unsure he wanted to go into it, but Loren’s sympathetic nod encouraged him. “His mother was addicted to drugs. She was a friend. We were in nursing school together, and I was just realizing Deb had a problem with addiction when she got pregnant. The dad was a fellow druggie and never in the picture. She cleaned up during her pregnancy and asked me to do the birthing classes with her. I got to be present for Ian’s birth. I basically fell in love right there.”
“Aww. Of course you did.”
“I really did. Anyway, I helped Deb out as much as I could and babysat Ian more and more when she got back into drugs, until he was all but living with me. I called Child Protective Services finally, after she disappeared for a week, and they granted me temporary custody of him. He was three at the time. She was angry at me for turning her in, and we had a year of her trying to get him back, but still on meth, and then she disappeared again.”
“Poor Ian. Poor you.”
Gabe glanced at their reflections in the window, then back to Loren’s caring face. Voices rose in merriment at a nearby table. “No, I was fine. I found out I loved being a parent. But yes, poor Ian. He’d get all excited that his mom was coming to visit, and then she wouldn’t show. It infuriated me to see him crushed, over and over. Then she was gone for a long time, like several months, and then we found out she was dead. Overdose.” The chatter and laughter around them grew louder but Loren’s gaze held Gabe’s, intimate and comforting.
Loren shook his head sadly. “What a waste.”
“It was. Deb was an amazing person when I met her… so full of life. Like Ian.”
“So that was when you adopted him?”
“Yes. Deb had no family and the dad was long gone. The judge asked Ian if he wanted to keep living with me and he….” Gabe choked up, and Loren put his hand back on his. “Sorry. He said he wanted me for his daddy.”
“I’m not surprised. And what a good daddy you are, Gabe. That’s obvious to anyone who sees you two together.”
“Ian makes it easy. He’s such a good kid. But this wearing girls’ clothes—” Gabe stopped at Loren’s raised eyebrow. “Okay, they’re not just for girls. And he loves them. But when I saw him back in the other clothes, his face… it was like reliving all the times he got crushed by Deb not showing up. I never wanted him to feel like that again.”
Loren squeezed his hand. “It’s hard to watch people we love be hurting.”
“It’s damn hard. And I’m not sure what to do now. Do I tell him to suck it up and wear his dresses like a man?”
“Oh honey, that is a gender fuck if I ever heard one.” They laughed. Loren released his hand. “Do you have a picture of him in a dress?”
“Yeah.” Gabe scrolled through his phone. “Here he is in his favorite pink one. Nita took it the day he wore it to school.” He handed it over.
Loren’s face softened as he gazed. “Oh. Oh my, how absolutely darling.”
“He is. But what do I say to him about what’s happening?”
“What do you want to tell him?” Loren asked.
Gabe stared across the coffee shop, thinking. “I guess I want to tell him that I love him exactly as he is. That he’s perfect and he has the right to wear what makes him happy. The world doesn’t always understand, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be who he is. I’ll protect him and Ms. Bailey will, but some people will be mean about it. But they’re not right. And he should ignore them. Is that too much?”
Loren made a sound and Gabe glanced over. His eyes were shining. “That’s beautiful.”
“Oh. Good.” Gabe cupped his Americano, a flicker of embarrassment at the praise. Hi
s mind clicked into doing mode. He needed to get home and chart on his visits. He wondered what Nita was fixing for dinner.
“I guess the only other thing I’m thinking is it may take time,” Loren said.
Gabe noticed he’d zoned out and brought himself back. “Time?”
“For Ian to be comfortable again with wearing his dresses. So after you talk to him, if he still doesn’t want to do it, don’t force the issue.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Loren’s phone buzzed. “I’m ignoring that, but I do need to get going soon. I’m doing a drag show tonight.”
“That’s cool. I’d love to see you do drag.”
“Come tonight. We’re doing a holiday extravaganza. I’m playing the She-Goddess of Christmas Future. My dad will be there.”
“Your dad comes to see you do drag?”
Loren laughed. “Yeah. It’s the best. But don’t act so surprised. If Ian ends up doing drag, you’ll be right there in the front row.” He raised a mischievous eyebrow, which drew a smile out of Gabe.
“That’s true. I wish I could come tonight, but I need to get back to Ian. But that reminds me. Is that you on the poster for the Drag Queen Story Hour?”
“Why, yes.” Loren tilted his head in a campy pose. “How did you like Miss Lily La Rose?”
“She’s beautiful. And you read for kids?”
“That’s right. I love doing it, and the kids seem to love it too.”
“What a great idea.”
“It’s an awesome thing. And we’re having another one on Saturday the fourteenth at the Central Library. You should bring Ian. He’ll get to see some grown men and femmes in dresses.”
“I’ll bring him. I think it’ll help. And I’ll see you this Saturday at the shop. I hope Ian will still want to wear his angel gown. But I’ll let him talk to you about it.”
“Perfect.”
Gabe watched Loren gather his things. “Thank you for meeting me today.”
Loren paused. “Oh, Gabe, thank you for thinking of me. It means so much. Ian is precious, and so are you.” His face flushed. “Oops. Oh well, I said what I said.”
Gabe laughed. “You’re adorable.” Oops, indeed.
Loren uttered a choked laugh that could have been a sob. “Stop. I’m outta here. See you Saturday.”
Gabe watched him weave his way through the tables and took a deep breath. He hadn’t been this interested in anyone for years. But he couldn’t do anything about it—he shouldn’t, even though he wanted to. Ian needed stability right now. The beautiful and bewitching Loren didn’t exactly foster a sense of stability. Gabe had an inkling Loren could turn his and Ian’s lives upside down. For the better, came the voice inside, ringing like a clarion call.
Chapter 7
Loren paced back and forth in front of the shop counter. This was it. D-Day. Or whatever. He’d figured out the pattern as best he could and cut out the material—three times. He’d owe Mia a fortune in extra fabric when this was done. Now all he had to do was sew it in front of Gabe and Ian. Piece of cake. What could go wrong?
The bell rang as the door opened, and Gabe and Ian walked in.
Ian had on a pair of loose white pants and white top. His face brightened when he caught sight of Loren. “Hi, Loren. You’re not wearing a dress either.”
“I’m not?” Loren glanced down, pretending surprise. “Oh yeah, sometimes I don’t feel like wearing a dress. And this is a tunic, so it’s kind of like a dress.”
“A what?” Ian was at his side now, stroking the material of his striped fleece tunic. “It feels like a bathrobe.”
“A tunic. A tunic is….” He appealed to Gabe for help. “How do you define tunic?”
Gabe smiled. “What you’re wearing.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Ian laughed. “He got you, Loren.”
“He did. Now, you’re wearing what looks like white pajama pants with a matching robe. But I bet it’s not PJs. Do you take martial arts?”
“Um, I wear this to karate. Is that martial arts?” Gabe gave him a nod. “Yeah. Martial arts. Where you march.” Ian marched around.
“That sounds fun. Are you all ready to watch me sew?”
Ian stopped marching and shot a glance at Gabe.
“It’s okay, Ian. You can tell Loren what’s on your mind.”
Loren came over and knelt beside Ian. “What’s up, buddy?”
Ian whispered in his ear. “I don’t want to be an angel anymore.”
“Oh. Okay. You can be whatever you want. Some days I want to wear a tunic, and some days I want to wear my dresses. What can you be in the show if you aren’t an angel?”
“A shepherd. Shepherds wear robes too.”
“So they do. I don’t have a pattern for the shepherd costume, though.”
Gabe stepped closer. “Ms. Bailey said there are extra shepherd’s robes. No sewing required.”
“Well, thank goddess for that.”
“Oh? I thought you liked sewing.”
“Did I say that?” Loren cleared his throat. “Mia’s the one with the real love for sewing. Hence this store.”
“Hence,” Ian repeated.
Loren had to make his vocabulary more kindergartner appropriate. He racked his brain for a definition of “hence,” but Ian appeared to have moved on.
“Hence, hence, goes over the fence,” he chanted while running in a circle.
Kids. They wore you out. Speaking of worn out, Gabe seemed tired today. Loren sidled over to where he stood by the button display.
“How’re you doing?” he murmured as they watched Ian run.
“Tired. It’s been a week.”
“I bet.”
“I guess the crisis is over for now. Ian seems to have moved on to martial arts robes and bathrobes and shepherd’s robes.”
“Oh.” A pang went through Loren. Ian had looked so adorable in his pink dress picture. All those sewing tutorials for nothing. Unless…. “Would you like me to sew the angel costume just in case?”
“Oh, I don’t want to put you out.”
“It’s no problem at all.” Well, that was stretching it.
“I… do you think maybe the dress thing… I mean, was it a phase or something more… real?”
Loren felt a flash of dismay. After nodding hello to a couple of women who’d entered the shop, he said, “I really don’t like calling it a phase. Ian’s love of dresses is real. He adores them. I’m sure he still does.”
Gabe’s eyes followed Ian, who had found a rainbow streamer and was running around the store with it. “Yes. I agree. I think he’s scared right now, is all.”
“Exactly. Hold on.” Loren approached the new customers with a smile. “Can I help you with anything?” They shook their heads. Ian found the corner where Mia had put cushions and children’s books and grabbed one to look at. Loren returned to Gabe. “You know, I hear that ‘it’s just a phase’ thing a lot, and it pisses me off every time. It’s what cis people say to minimize or… or delegitimize trans-ness, especially in children and youth. ‘It’s a phase. It’s a fad.’ Meaning it isn’t real. The only real thing they believe is the gender binary, and these boys who want to wear dresses will revert to being ‘real’ boys sooner or later. Kind of like thinking queer people can convert to being straight.”
“Yeah, right. Not happening over here.”
“Oh, so you’re gay? Or queer of some stripe?”
“Bi.”
“Oh good. Or I mean… that’s interesting.” Loren tried to keep a straight face, but his smile betrayed him.
Gabe laughed. “I’m glad you think so.”
Loren tilted his head. “Are you now?”
Ian ran up and interrupted the flirty tension. “Hey, Daddy. Are we going to the Christmas market soon?”
“Pretty soon, kiddo. We’ve got to get presents for Nita and Ms. Bailey.”
“And you and me!”
A family outing for the holidays. Loren felt his singleness more than usual. “I’
ll let you two go, then. Have fun.”
Gabe took Ian’s hand. “Thanks for everything.” As they got to the door, Gabe turned back. “Loren, are you free to go to the Christmas market with us?”
“Yes, Loren, come with us,” Ian said.
“Oh, that’s so nice. I’m stuck here at the shop until eight, darn it, otherwise I’d love to.”
“Okay. Don’t work too hard.”
“Bye, Loren!” Ian called as they left.
Loren executed a few happy dance steps. Gabe had invited him out! And for a family shopping expedition, no less. What a sweet man and a sweet boy. Far from being freaked out at the prospect of parenting, which he really should be, Loren just wanted to spend more time with Gabe and Ian Martin.
He helped a few customers, and then the store got dead again. After he turned the sign in the door at closing time, he walked back to the counter and his gaze fell on the angel dress, all cut out and waiting.
Might as well. Loren had an idea Ian was going to want it. He took it into the back and fired up the sewing machine.
Chapter 8
Monday afternoon, Gabe trudged into the apartment with his laptop. He’d been at a patient’s for several hours helping them with a pain crisis, and he was drained. Nita was picking up Ian, which was good because Gabe had an irrational anger against his damn kindergarten class. Ian was still wearing pants, and he still seemed sad. He set the laptop on the coffee table and reached for his phone to call Loren.
“Hi there.” Loren’s light pleasing voice made Gabe feel better.
“Hi. Can you talk?”
“Sure.”
Gabe wandered around the living room and stopped in front of a picture of him holding a two-year-old Ian, both wearing huge grins. “I’m bummed because Ian still won’t wear dresses, but he seems so sad about it. It would be one thing if he was happy like he usually is, but he’s not. Should I…. Do I bring it up?”
“Hmm. Not yet, I don’t think. Are you all still coming to Drag Queen Story Hour? I forgot to ask you about that when you came to the store. It might be helpful.”
Happy and Merry: An M/M Holiday Romance Collection Page 12