She knew better now as she watched him shove his hands in his pockets and look down at his feet instead of at her.
Being the receiver of plenty of bad news over the years, Parker held her breath out of habit as he started to speak.
"I'm not going to draw this out or try to sugar coat it. I know you well enough to know you'll see through any attempt I try at making this easier for you. I've been given new orders. I ship out tomorrow," Garrett stated bluntly.
She let out the breath she'd been holding and looked at him in confusion.
"But you're a tech guy. They only use you when it’s an emergency, right? Aren’t you like...their last resort?”
Parker knew the risks of being friends with someone in the military. She was also well aware of the main risk of loving someone that was in the military - they could be ordered away at any time. Being a Navy SEAL obviously meant you were always at their beck and call. Garrett shuffled his feet and smoothed his hand down his face like he was trying to wipe away his emotions. He chewed on his bottom lip and looked anywhere but at her, all telltale signs he was nervously thinking of a way to drop something else in her lap. Parker reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look her in the eyes.
"Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. Technically, yes, I’m only called in when it’s absolutely necessary. But I volunteered to do this job when it was first brought to my attention," he admitted quietly.
Parker searched his eyes, trying to see what was going on inside his head. He was nervous. And it scared the hell out of her. Garrett didn’t get nervous. He was a rock, stable and steady, never losing focus or faltering in any way.
"You said you weren't going to drag this out," Parker reminded him irritably.
Garrett’s jaw clenched and he wanted more than anything to go back in time and not volunteer for this assignment. But he couldn't do that. This was something he had to do. If the military ever taught him anything it was that you never leave a man behind.
He left a man behind. His man. His best friend and Parker’s fiancé. When Milo first got that assignment almost a year ago, Garrett went to his superiors and practically begged for permission to accompany him. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and didn’t want Milo to go to the Dominican without him there to watch his back. His Commanding Officer refused his request though. They needed him there for more pressing technical concerns. The Dominican mission was supposed to be a quick, easy intel gathering job, nothing out of the ordinary that would require Garrett to leave his desk job and go back on an op.
This was his chance to ease his guilty conscience for not being there for his friend and for Parker losing the man she loved. Garrett and Parker could find out the truth once and for all.
"I'm going to the Dominican Republic. I leave tomorrow at oh-eight-hundred."
Garrett watched the color drain from Parker’s face and wished like hell he wasn't doing this to her right now. She'd been through so much, and this was just another burden she was going to have to deal with.
Parker shook her head back and forth in denial when Garrett told her he was going...there. He couldn't. Why would he do this to her? She couldn't lose him too. She'd never survive it.
"I have to go on assignment to the Dominican, Park. I just found out this afternoon," Milo had told her over dinner.
It had been the first night in a long time they hadn’t fought. They were actually having dinner together and talking like a normal couple.
"Well that's shitty timing. When do you leave?" Parker asked as she scooped a slice of lasagna onto both their plates.
"In three days after briefing. Parker, I have to be there at least a month," Milo regrettably admitted.
"Shit! We're supposed to meet with the caterers next week to finalize the menu. And you still haven't been fitted for your tux," Parker complained.
"I know, I know. I promise the day I come home, I will do every single thing that's left to do."
She pushed aside the feelings of hurt and confusion that always surfaced when Milo put off doing something for the wedding, which had been happening a lot lately. She knew there was nothing he could do about being called away for work; she just wished it wasn’t happening at the worst possible moment ever. They were getting ready to take the biggest step of their lives together, and she couldn’t get Milo to talk to her about anything of importance, including why he’d been so distant and troubled lately.
More often than not she had felt like they were drifting away from each other, and she had been plagued with doubts about the two of them getting married. She couldn’t ignore the problems they had any longer. When he got back from his assignment, she would force him to talk to her and hopefully they could get back on track.
Three months later he still wasn't home and neither she nor Garrett had heard from him in almost a month. When two naval officers knocked on her door on that cold morning in February and offered their condolences, she berated herself for ever doubting him, regardless of the problems they had.
Right then, standing on the sidewalk looking at Garrett, she hated herself for being more scared about losing him than she ever was at the prospect of losing her fiancé.
Chapter Two
The day Parker met Garrett and Milo was a moment in time she'd always play over and over in her head. She would never give up the time she spent with Milo, but just like in any relationship, there were always “What ifs?”.
What if she hadn't walked into that room at that exact moment? What if he didn't go to class that day? What if she hadn't seen his best friend first, and what if every time they had a fight or she found yet another piece of damning evidence against Milo, she hadn't wished that his friend would have asked her out first?
Garrett and Milo had been best friends since the third grade when Garrett’s family moved from New Jersey to Cleveland, Ohio. Milo Roberts had showed up to school on Garrett's first day with a black eye, a busted lip, and dirty clothes. When Garrett had walked out onto the playground after lunch and saw several of the boys from their class teasing Milo, he marched right over to the crowd and punched the leader of the gang in the face.
Garrett was nine years old and his punches didn't pack much heat, but they still got him into a world of trouble. Back then, teachers didn't care who was right or wrong. If you were caught fighting, you'd get a week's detention.
Milo was shy, never spoke up, and was used to getting pushed around. Kids at school, his alcoholic father, you name it, people were always taking their shit out on him. His father abused him because Milo was the reason his mother left, and he cost too much damned money to feed and clothe. The boys at school didn't like him because he didn't dress like them or play sports like them.
He never had a friend before, unless you count the goldfish he had up until his mother went away, but while Milo was at school, his father decided he didn't need another mouth to feed and flushed his one and only friend down the toilet.
Any other boy of nine might have been offended that someone else had to stand up for him and fight his battles, but not Milo. No one had ever helped him before. Everyone in his life abandoned him and left him to his own devices, never caring if he lived or died. To have this kid, who didn’t even know him, jump into the middle of a fight to protect him and defend his honor made him feel important for the first time in a long time. From that moment on, Garrett became his biggest champion and his best friend. Garrett encouraged him to do better in school and helped him with his homework. Garrett gave him clothes to wear when his no longer fit and Milo's father couldn’t stay sober enough to buy him any. Garrett's family became Milo's family when his father decided taking care of a teenager was for the birds and broke Milo's collarbone and two ribs his junior year of high school. Garrett became his roommate and brother and Garrett's parents, his mother and father.
Over the years Garrett tried his hardest to make up for Milo's upbringing. He quickly forgave Milo's abrupt bursts of anger when something didn’t go
his way and he punched a hole in the wall or threw a glass across the room. He jumped into the middle of altercations that had nothing to do with him when Milo picked a fight with random strangers. He also tried to be understanding when Milo would retreat into himself for hours at a time and stare at the old cigarette burn scars on the inside of his arms, lashing out at anyone who interrupted his dark thoughts. Garrett even looked the other way when Milo borrowed his car without asking, and he took the blame when Milo brought it home with a dented fender and a busted headlight.
He let Milo get the bigger allowance for doing fewer chores, and he gave up dates if the girl didn't have a friend that could double with Milo. He put his dream of going to MIT to rest and instead, applied to the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland with Milo. Milo was in dire need of regulation and control, and Garrett knew this was the best decision for him and his future. Being his best friend, it was an easy choice for Garrett to go with him and make sure he was okay. And of course there was the added bonus of meeting Parker while they were in school. Having her in his life made it much easier to give up on his dreams and stay the course with his two best friends.
After four years of hard work and strict discipline at the Naval Academy, and with Parker’s friendship and support, both men graduated as Ensign O-1, officers in the Navy, and received orders to be stationed in California. Garrett knew all along he wanted to continue his studies after graduation by earning his Master of Science degree in Computer Science, and since he'd be in California, he decided to juggle continuing his education at the Naval Postgraduate School with the rigorous training schedule the SEAL team required. Milo wanted nothing more to do with school and instead focused on his training and his blossoming relationship with Parker. Both men were accepted into the Navy SEALS, each for different reasons.
After Parker had graduated from the University of Maryland, she instantly started receiving freelance photography assignments. She was very secretive about the location of the assignments and what they entailed, but she assured Garrett and Milo it was normal considering she was new to the field. They never questioned her aloofness about her job, especially when the prints from her travels began showing up in magazines.
After the boys packed up and moved to California, she went to visit them twice within the first month. Each time she showed up, she fell more in love with the state. She had never lived anywhere but her small hometown in Michigan and then Maryland for college. Being in a place within walking distance of the ocean, surrounded by palm trees and sunshine, made her dread flying home and preparing for the upcoming months of ice, snow, and rain. It occurred to her on her flight back to Maryland that her job, though it conflicted with her personal life and forced her to keep things from those closest to her, gave her the opportunity to make her home almost anywhere she wanted since she traveled so much.
Two weeks later, she moved into the boys' rental home in California and stopped worrying if a long-distance relationship with Milo would ever work.
Garrett often thought about the day he and Milo sat down at Parker’s table in the coffee shop. For the first time ever, Garrett forgot how to speak around a girl, and not just because she was absolutely stunning with her long dark hair, green eyes, and porcelain skin. She was reserved and quiet when they first sat down, content to let Milo do all of the talking and never once making him feel like she was bored. It bothered Garrett that she avoided all of the personal questions Milo threw at her, and he didn’t like the sadness he saw in her eyes each time Milo mentioned Garrett’s parents. But the easy way she laughed at Milo’s jokes and played along with his flirtations gave Garrett a good feeling, even if he wasn’t the one she was directing her attention towards. When she slowly began opening up to them, one little piece at a time, Garrett could practically feel the weight of the world on her shoulders, and he wished more than anything that he could lift it for her. The one and only time during that entire first conversation she truly seemed happy and excited about something was when she spoke of her photography. Garrett would never forget the spark in her eyes that day and the smile that lit up her entire face when she spoke about her camera. He didn't begrudge Milo for taking advantage of Garrett’s new found skills as a mute and flirting with her throughout that conversation.
Milo had just found out a few mornings earlier that his father died in a drunk driving accident. There was no love lost between the two, and it had been almost three years since they had last spoken, but it put Milo in a funk for days.
Talking to Parker that day was the first time Garrett had seen Milo smile in almost a week. When Milo asked her out on a date for that evening, there was no way he could say anything to him about how he couldn’t get the girl out of his mind or how he was the one who saw her first.
After all, Milo was his best friend. And Parker...she was just a girl. Garrett figured she would come and go just as fast as all the others. Milo had baggage. Most women didn't have the time or the energy to deal with it.
Garrett should have known immediately that Parker would be different. She didn't put up with Milo's nonsense, and she wasn't afraid to call him on his bullshit. She also knew how to soothe him when life got to be too much or when memories of the past threatened to consume him. Her gentle way of using the tips of her fingers to smooth the worry lines between his eyes and her soft voice telling him to take a deep breath instantly calmed Milo and returned him back to the present.
Unlike other women who might balk at the idea of their boyfriend being in the military and leaving them alone for weeks, sometimes months at a time, Parker encouraged Milo. She knew he needed structure and discipline of the healthy variety. Aside from her relationship with him and his friendship with Garrett, the military was a big help in keeping his demons at bay. How could Garrett ever deny his friend a woman like that in his life?
So he buried his feelings, his wants, and desires and stepped aside so his friend could finally find some peace and happiness. There were plenty of fish in the sea, as the saying goes, and Garrett spent all his time making sure he explored as many willing and able fish as he could.
As Parker got to know Milo, she was eager to do everything she could to make him happy. She was a nurturer and she wanted to take care of him. Neither one of them had the best home life growing up. It was only natural that they fit so well together and bonded so quickly. It probably wasn’t the best basis for a relationship, but in the beginning it worked for them. Milo understood how the holidays made Parker feel despondent because it was a time for families and hers was non-existent. Milo didn’t complain that she needed to travel so much for her job or that she couldn’t tell him the specifics about an assignment because it was the same way for him. They understood each other, and somehow they made it work. At a time in their lives when neither one of them thought they needed someone, they had found each other. Their friendship was so deep and true that one could immediately tell when the other was having a bad day of memories just by taking one look at their face. Their relationship was based on friendship, first and foremost. Milo would do anything to ensure Parker’s happiness and the feelings were mutual. Parker never wanted to trust anyone again, but it was a hard rule to follow where Milo was concerned. What started out as friendship easily grew stronger and they naturally slipped into a relationship without any fanfare or intense discussions.
Aside from Garrett, she never had anyone in her life that she connected with so quickly or that she trusted so easily. Being Milo’s friend was never the problem because it was always a two-way street between them. Milo was there for her just as much as she was for him. The problem was always her lingering thoughts about someone else, someone she had no business pining for or dreaming about.
Sometimes it made Parker feel guilty that she had to grow to love Milo as something more than a friend, and the fireworks never exploded when they first started sleeping together. But that stuff was only for fairytales and movies anyway. What she had with Milo was based on friendship and was real, even if they d
id have to work at it.
Parker ignored the nagging feelings of jealousy and longing and buried everything she felt for the other man in her life way down deep and vowed to be the best girlfriend in the world to Milo. She would do anything to avoid hurting him, and that included putting her wants and needs on the back burner. No woman needed to feel butterflies in her stomach every time a man walked into a room or daydream about soft lips or strong hands on her bare skin, but it didn't mean she didn't want those things. A relationship certainly didn’t need excitement or intensity to work, although those were the things she often longed for, and that Garrett always made her feel without even trying. Parker had a nice, easy relationship with Milo that held no complications or expectations. It was exactly what she needed in her life.
Over the years Parker became Garrett's closest friend, next to Milo, and he convinced himself that any feelings he may have had for her at one time were just the product of a silly crush. Given the amount of time he spent with her, it was only natural that every time he was with another woman, he imagined Parker's face when he pushed into them and heard Parker's soft moans and shouts of pleasure when they came.
Garrett watched his two best friends fall in love, grow together, and get engaged. Jealousy had nothing to do with the fact that whenever he had a dry spell and took matters into his own hands, he pictured Parker's mouth sucking him off when he palmed his dick and thought about how tight and hot she would feel wrapped around him when he came in his hand.
He never failed to feel like a pervert for having those thoughts about one of his best friends afterward. It was a vicious cycle that had been going on for eight years with no end in sight.
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