Plus, if I am going to do this then I’m going to do it right. Not be half undressed in a twisted-up prom gown.
So I go in the bathroom, brush out my hair, run my toothbrush across my teeth, and slide into the silky lingerie.
I hurry.
I swear!
I was only in there for like three minutes.
And I’ve been imaging what the scene will look like when I go back out to Danny. I picture him lying on his side, diagonally across the bed, his arm propping up his head. His muscles ripple and his eyes have that come-hither look.
You know, the sexy way all those soap guys pose, while waiting for their lovers to slip into something more comfortable.
I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door.
I can’t believe I’m finally going to do this.
And with Danny!
Gorgeous, Wonderful, Incredible, Hot, Sexy, Addictive Danny.
I saunter out, making my grand entrance, expecting to see Danny looking at me in awe, his eyes full of lust, passion, and love.
I gaze out and see Danny lying across the bed, his back toward me, wearing nothing but a pair of sexy, silky boxers. His tuxedo is piled on the floor at the end of the bed, and there’s a condom laying on the nightstand.
I want to scream and clap out loud because I’m pretty sure that means Danny wants me.
Me!
In the bathroom I worried a little because he hadn’t said, you know, let’s do this. I just sorta assumed he wanted to based on the things he was doing to me, and I was thinking how embarrassing it would be if I came out here all lingeried up, and he, like, turned me down.
So I feel happy!
God, even that boy’s back is sexy!
I coo, “Danny.”
I’m practically vibrating with excitement, as I wait for him to roll over, to see how amazing I look, to pull me into bed with him, and to finish what we started.
But he doesn’t move.
Okay, so maybe he has a different version of this in his mind, and I’m willing to play along!
So I hop over his tuxedo and saunter sexily around the bed.
Here I come!
No way.
Oh, shit.
You have got to be kidding me.
I don’t see eyes full of lust, passion, and love. Instead, I see that Danny has thrown up in the trash can and is passed out on the bed.
Seriously?
But I’m not about to give up yet.
“Danny!” I say, as I plop down on the bed and give his shoulder a push.
But he doesn’t wake up. His mouth falls open, and he starts to snore loudly.
Great.
Just %@!$*** great!
I stomp back into the bathroom, take off the damn lingerie, and angrily shove it back into my bag.
That’s it!
Victoria’s Secret and I are through!
I’m definitely going to start wearing ratty, old-lady underwear, because every time I wear the good stuff, I can’t even pay to get it seen!
While contemplating my lack of sexual prowess and my slim hopes of ever having any, I put on my swimsuit, a pair of khaki cargos, and a little black tank top.
The post-Prom party is in Billy Prescott’s suite. His room’s got a hot tub. We’re supposed to show up any time after midnight.
And I figure if I can’t manage to lose my virginity, then I am damn well going to get drunk.
While I did bring clothes to wear to the party, honestly, I was hoping that I would be too wrapped up in Danny,—and I mean that both literally and figuratively,—to attend.
Now, I have nothing better to do, and it’s only 11:45.
I don’t want to be the first one there!
And dateless, no less.
Shit.
I hope Jake’s not there. That’s all I need.
No. He’s probably off somewhere doing it.
As I walk out of my room, I see Phillip walking down the hall alone.
I whistle and say, “Hey, you looking for a good time?”
“Actually, I am,” he replies very seriously.
I don’t think his night has gone exactly as planned either.
“Where’s your date?” I ask, as he walks toward me.
“Well, after she spent most of the night puking in the bathroom, I decided to call the game. I took her home. And where’s your hot date?”
“Threw up in the trash can and passed out. Wanna go to the party with me?” I bump his side with my hip.
“I have a better idea. Did you bring a swimsuit?”
“Got it on. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, I didn’t tell anyone, but my room has a hot tub too.”
I look at him in surprise.
He shrugs. “I didn’t want anyone to know because they’d all want to party in it, and it was just supposed to be, you know, for Carrie and me.”
“Well aren’t you the sneaky little bad boy!”
I mean, he didn’t even tell me!
I feel bad for him.
He really did have big plans for tonight.
“I guess I’m just gonna have to be your date for the rest of the evening, Phillip, seeing as you are my, uh, close friend.” I smile at the sweetie, grab his hand, and we start walking back to his room.
Phillip and I sit in the hot tub and talk. It’s wonderfully warm and relaxing in here. I lean back and put my head on his broad shoulder.
I must have gotten a little too relaxed because I think I may have dozed off.
Whoops.
“Hey, Princess,” Phillip says, gently waking me, “let’s get out of here and get some sleep.”
“Fine, but I’m sleeping in your room. Mine smells like puke.”
“All right, but it’ll cost you.”
“How much?” I squint my eyes, ready to deal.
“Didn’t I hear you telling Katie about some sexy lingerie?” He gives me a sexy grin.
“Phillip. I have so given up lingerie. It’s like a bad boyfriend: all it ever does is let me down. You get me in sweats and one of your old T-shirts. You got a problem with that?” I point my finger into his chest.
“No, ma’am.” He smiles and gives me a salute.
We lay in bed, and I put my head on Phillip’s shoulder. What is it about Phillip’s shoulder that makes me instantly relax and fall asleep?
I’m so lucky I have Phillip.
At about 4 am, Phillip and I are awakened by a knock, knock on our door.
It’s Danny, looking for me.
Phillip points to me, as I sit up in bed. I smile and wave at Danny with sleepy eyes.
My sleepy eyes are awake enough to see Danny looks great. He’s thrown on shorts over the boxers, but he still has no shirt on.
Damn.
Why, oh why, did he have to pass out?
“You know, Phillip,” Danny says, with a nasty grin, “a lot of girls say that it’s their lifelong fantasy to be with two guys at the same time.”
He turns to me and winks. “What do you say, Jay? This could be your lucky night.”
I’ve known the boy long enough to know when he’s messing with me.
“I’m game,” I say, and quickly sit up in bed. “As a matter of fact, it sounds really hot. Why don’t you two,” I wave my finger back and forth between them, “start by making out, while I watch.”
Danny and Phillip look at each other in disgust, and I smile to myself.
“Aw . . . never mind, Jay,” Danny says, stifling a yawn, “how ’bout we just crash? I’m sleeping here too. Um, our room kinda smells. Good thing you had big plans for tonight, Phillip,” Danny says, elbowing Phillip suggestively and eyeing the bed, “and got the king size bed. Where is your date anyway?”
“Shut up, Danny,” Phillip replies, as he turns off the light.
After that, those boys will tell anyone who will listen about how I “slept” with both of them on prom night.
When I wake up the next morning, instead of being snuggled up to my
date, I’m lying on Phillip’s shoulder and wrapped up in his arms.
Really, the same place I’ve slept for the last week.
I move over next to Danny before he wakes up.
Even he doesn’t know about that.
I’m lying on the hammock in my back yard, drinking a diet Coke and flipping through a People magazine. I’m trying not to think about my parents. Trying to pretend it’s just a lazy, spring day. Unfortunately, I keep expecting my Dad to come out on the patio, bottle of beer in hand, with Mom following him, wanting to hear all about Prom.
Life can really suck sometimes.
But I don’t know what I can do about it.
I’ve been feeling really helpless. And a bit lost.
Like I was a little boat that was tied up on shore with all the other boats, but somehow my rope came undone and now I’m out in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight, just floating. Completely untethered to the life I’ve always known.
I told Mr. Diamond that and he pretty much called bullshit.
Told me my parents did so many things for me so that if, God forbid, something like this would happen, then I would be able to keep my house, go to college, and stay with my friends, my support system. He told me they were extremely well-insured, and I would be okay, financially. He told me that he was here for me, and that all my friends are here for me, but that I have to officially grow up now. I have to handle the things my parents always did, like making sure the house gets cleaned, and the lawn gets mowed, and the bills get paid. He says as much as the Macs are trying to protect me, I’m eighteen, and I need to behave like it. He says my parents raised me to be strong, confident, and independent, and that I should do my best to make them proud of me.
And, at the time, I was thinking, okay, maybe I’m not the little boat; maybe I am more like that game we used to play when we were little. Jenga, I think it was called. You stack up all these blocks, and you try to pull them out of the stack one by one. When the stack gets too weak, or you pull out the wrong one and it gets out of balance, the whole stack comes tumbling down, and you lose.
I sorta feel like that is what has been happening to me. Some cosmic force has been pulling out random blocks, trying to get me to cave, to fall down.
But here’s the thing I have decided.
My parents wouldn’t want me to fall down. So I’ll be damned if I will.
But that doesn’t mean I’m still not incredibly, earth-shatteringly sad.
The gate rattles as Danny walks into the back yard.
“Hey,” he says, his hair blowing back in the breeze. He naughtily dives on the hammock, nearly flipping me over, and making me scream in the process.
I lean over to kiss him, but he backs off.
What the hell?
“Jay, we need to talk.”
Great. One date and he’s breaking up with me. Not that we were going out, but you know what I mean. Someone, somewhere, is laughing hilariously, shoving around the blocks of my life.
“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. I really wanted you to enjoy Prom, and I hope you still had fun.”
“I did have fun, and I really appreciate your begging me to take you,” I joke, but then say seriously, “I don’t think I would have gone otherwise, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. I have been sitting here thinking a lot about my parents, and I think you were right. They would have wanted me to go.” Then I laugh, “Although Dad always said you were trouble. I wonder what he thinks about me going with you.”
“Your dad loved me.”
“Yeah, I know.” I want to say, I love you too, but I’m afraid he’ll take it wrong and think I’m like in love with him. And, yes, he is super hot and sweet, and I wished for a long time that I could be with him, but I’m not sure if I have much to give right now. And if I’m going to have a relationship with Danny, trust me, giving is what I want to be doing.
I can tell by the look on his face that there’s still something wrong.
What now?
“Something else is bothering you,” I say. “Spill.”
“Jeez, Jay. You just have me so, uh, overwhelmed,” he says, as he runs his hand through that gorgeous hair.
“What do you mean?”
“I just didn’t expect to feel this way about you.”
I’m trying not to ask too many questions. I mean something is clearly bothering the boy, but I’m sorry, I’ve got to ask this one.
“What way is that?”
“Too much. Way too much. And way too fast. Which brings me to my problem.”
Uh, scratch that. I have plenty to give. I don’t see a problem with this.
No problem at all!
But I think I know what the problem is. He feels bad because he passed out last night. I still haven’t decided which one of us should be more embarrassed about that. Him for passing out, or me for getting passed out on. But I’ll tell him that we can soon. Hell, we could go in my house right now and do it if we wanted to.
“Danny, it’s okay, you . . . ”
“Jay, this is hard for me. Just let me finish, okay?”
I nod with my mouth shut.
“Okay, so here it is. You know how I worked hard during spring practice and performed really well in the spring game, and the guy who was the starter last year did really shitty?”
“Yeah.”
What’s this got to do with us?
“Well, I haven’t said anything, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be first on the depth chart this fall.”
It takes a second for that to sink into my brain.
“You mean like The Starting Quarterback at Nebraska? Danny, that’s awesome! It’s huge! It’s what you’ve always wanted; what you’re meant to do.”
“You think so?”
“Uh, yeah. Greatness is in you. Don’t you know that?”
Danny oozes confidence.
“Maybe, but, well, here,” he says shyly.
And he is never shy.
He fishes a folded up piece of paper out of his wallet and hands it to me. “Look at this.”
I unfold the paper and see it’s a picture of me, in my flag bikini top, no less, jumping up to catch a pass with Phillip just behind me.
It’s a really great picture of us.
Weird. I don’t usually photograph so well.
“Where’d you get this?” I study the picture closely. “Hey! This is from that day in Lincoln, when you pissed me off enough to run down the field in my bikini top in front of half the football team. Right?”
“Yeah,” Danny laughs, remembering. “You told me if I missed you that time, you were coming back for my pants.”
“I was serious. Where’d you get this picture?”
“Oh, it seems one of the school paper’s photographers found you a very interesting subject,” he says with one eyebrow raised at me, like he finds this very humorous. “He took a ton of pictures of you and gave me a few of the best. This is my favorite. Oh, and I was supposed to have told you that he wants to go out with you.” He shakes his head at me and teases, “You’ve grown up to be quite the little heartbreaker.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“Look at the picture, Jay.”
I do.
“It’s a fun picture. I love the look on Phillip’s face.”
“I mean look at you. You look gorgeous. Perfect.” He lies back on the hammock, pulling me down with him, and says, “You are also looking at my goal. Perfection. Wanna know what I see in the picture?”
I nod yes.
“I see a perfect pass, a perfect catch, and two perfect friends. When I first went to college, I wasn’t throwing well. Probably trying too hard instead of just doing it. But I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, why things weren’t easy anymore. I talked to the team shrink, and he asked me if I’d ever used positive visualization. Of course I had. In B-ball, Coach K was always telling us to picture ourselves making every shot at night before we went to sleep. In fact, our team motto was If yo
u can dream it, you can do it. And in high school, whenever I was flustered or out of sync, I would just picture myself throwing to you and Phillip in the yard. It relaxed me. I realized I hadn’t been doing that or having much fun playing lately. He told me to focus on a time I threw a perfect pass and to picture that in my mind when I start to get out of sync.”
He pauses and points to the picture in my hand.
“This is the picture I visualize. When I think of us playing catch, I relax and have fun with the game. I’m on target.”
I raise one eyebrow at that boy. “All the millions of times we’ve played catch and I have to be in a bikini in this visual? Isn’t there something kind of sick and twisted in that?”
“Maybe,” he laughs. “I’ll never forget the first time Phillip and I saw you in that bikini. You had been lying out, and you were covered in oil. I think I had to bribe you to come play catch with us. But man, when you walked through that gate in that bikini, glistening in the sun, Phillip and I both just stood there in shock. I think it was the first time I really realized you were a girl—a hot girl.” He smirks at me. “Well, and maybe a bit during your kissing lessons.”
“Lesson,” I remind him. Only one.
“I know I was sure jealous when you asked if we thought Jake would like it. If I remember right, Phillip practically told you it looked awful. He didn’t want you wearing it for Jake either.”
He pauses and grins. “I kinda have a thing for that bikini and, well, the American flag in general now, as a matter of fact.”
Then he catches me by surprise and pulls me into a wonderful, sweet, and way too short kiss. He shakes his head at me, like he just can’t decide what to do and says, “Last night, I, um . . . God, this is way harder than I thought it would be.”
I am about to make a naughty joke about what might be harder than it should be and suggest we maybe check it out in my bedroom. But as I am about to open my mouth, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me again, and for once in my life, I don’t say a thing.
I am so proud of my restraint.
Maybe I will reward myself with some chocolate later.
We lie there, wrapped in each other’s arms for a while, before he speaks again.
“I think you’re awesome, Jay.”
I hear a big but coming . . .
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