I look at his eyes because surely he must be joking, but he appears very serious.
“Fine,” I say, temporarily giving in and avoiding the love topic. “I’ll go out with you sometime. Where do you want to go?”
“Mexico.”
“Mexico?”
“Yeah, trial run. If it doesn’t work out, no one needs to know. We’ll just come back to the way things are now,” he adds, scowling.
“How’s that?” I ask puzzled.
“You torturing and teasing me and then walking away.”
“I don’t do that!”
“You did last night.”
“Phillip, don’t you get it? I don’t want to lose you. You’re my family, my only family. I’d be alone if it weren’t for you.” I swear I’m about ready to cry. My eyes start tearing up, and I choke out, “Why can’t you get this?”
“You’re not going to lose me.” He runs his hand through my messy hair and down the side of my face.
Oh, that feels so good. I melt slightly and close my eyes for a minute.
“How can you say that? How can you be so sure? You know my history. I always lose the guy!”
“Yeah, well that’s because they’re always the wrong guy.”
“And you think you’re the right one?”
“Yeah. I do. I’m the one,” he says, pointing to his chest.
I picture him as Tarzan. Me. Take you. Jane.
Then I focus back to what he is saying.
“I’ve been here for you all along. I’ve listened to you cry about other guys, I rescue you, take care of you when you’re sick, hug you when you’re sad, tell you you’re beautiful when you look terrible.” He looks me straight in the eyes and is dead serious when he says, “Princess, I’ve always been the one.”
I give up.
“I know,” I sigh. “So, Mexico, huh? And you promise if it doesn’t work out or we fight, we agree to pretend it never happened?”
“What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico,” he says, with a twinkle in his eye and a big smile on his face.
“Let me think about it,” I say diplomatically.
He takes the coffee cup away from me and sets it on my nightstand. “While you’re at it, think about this.”
Then he leans in and kisses me right on the lips.
Very thoroughly.
I can’t help but kiss him back. I completely relax, all defense slipping away.
Damn.
Then he stops, gets up, and walks out my door without another word.
Wow.
And he’s right, because I can’t seem to think about anything else.
Finals are over, we’ve all managed to graduate, and I’m on the beach in Cancun, Mexico. Phillip and I are walking hand-in-hand in the moonlight.
It’s a very romantic setting.
I can hear the sound of the ocean lapping the beach. The moonlight is shimmering off the water and in the sky.
It even feels romantic.
The sand is rough between my toes and the water keeps coming up onto the beach to caress my bare feet.
Phillip stops and kisses me, and it’s really wonderful.
When I kiss Phillip, I feel like I’m home, like I’m exactly where I belong. It’s a weird, and wonderful, and very scary feeling.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am in love with him.
If only I weren’t so afraid of losing him.
“Stop thinking so much,” he says, reading my mind. “Where is Miss Spontaneous when I need her? Any other time and you’d be dancing on the beach, making out with the guy. Do me a favor, Princess, relax and enjoy this.”
I try to relax, and I have to admit the kisses help.
I can tell Phillip would like there to be more going on than kissing, but every time he presses the issue, I feel myself pulling back.
I am just not ready.
The next morning, it’s amazing, because Danny and I are the first ones at our breakfast table. I thought for a second that we were the first ones up because that never happens, but Danny informs me that Lori and Phillip went out for an early morning run, and the parents are already golfing.
Typical.
“So how did it go with Phillip last night?” He raises his eyebrows up and down, hoping to hear some juicy details.
“Well, we kissed”
“And . . . ?”
“And . . . that’s it.”
Danny shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me, like I’m a stupid idiot.
“Danny, what am I supposed to do? I just feel all this pressure, like I have to do this, not like I want to. It’s like I’m being told what to do. And you know that when someone tells me what to do it usually makes me do the exact opposite. You of all people should understand that.”
“I do understand, but it kind of seems like you’re looking for excuses.” He studies me closely. “You’re not letting what happened between us affect you on this? Are you?”
“Oh, you mean the It would ruin us part? Um, yeah. That’s the part that scares me the most.”
He is still shaking his head at me, so I say, “You don’t think if I go out with Phillip, it will ruin our friendship?”
“No, I don’t. I think it will enhance your friendship. Surely you understand what different people Phillip and I are. Hmm, I guess maybe now might be a good time to confess.”
“Confess what?”
He runs his hand through his hair and sighs, “I was so afraid of you on Prom night, I literally drank myself sick.”
“You were afraid of me?”
“Well, I was afraid of what I—we—might do. I mean, I really wanted you, Jay, and I have to admit there have been many times that I’ve kicked myself for not going for it.” He tilts his head and looks at me. “But I didn’t want to take advantage of you. I mean, you’d been through so much in such a short time. Jake. Your parents. Combine that with the fact that it would’ve been your first time. I don’t know. It just didn’t seem like the right thing to do. I was afraid you would regret it and hate me. I just couldn’t live with that.”
“Did you know that I wanted you to take advantage of me?”
“Yeah, I kinda did. Why do you think I was scared shitless? You can be very persuasive, Jay. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to say no.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I shake my head, trying to comprehend this. “Wait, that’s not right. That night, you wanted it too. I saw the condom by the bed!”
“Yeah, well at that point I was drunk and not thinking with my head. Thank God, I passed out because I think it would have ruined us. At that point in your life, you needed stability, not fun. You and I both know the times in college when we hooked up a little, it was always just for fun.”
“That and your win record,” I tease him. “So what makes you think it will work with Phillip? I’m serious, Danny, I really need to know this.”
“Well, there’s something else I should probably tell you.” He leans across the table and says softly, “Prom night, when we all slept together, I woke up before you did. Guess what I saw?”
“I don’t know. Did I look gross? Was I drooling?”
“No, silly, you’re adorable when you sleep. What I saw was you all snuggled up with Phillip. He had his arm wrapped around you. Your head was on his chest. And that’s when it hit me. I think even when we were little I knew you two had a special bond; something I wasn’t part of. I’ll even admit that it was kind of a blow to my ego, but it worked out okay. It made it easier for me to tell you what I did. I mean, I knew we’d never last romantically. We’re too much alike. But I also knew you’d be fine.” He looks at me pointedly. “Because of Phillip.”
He leans back in his chair and continues, “Christ, you two are perfect for each other. You’re already like an old married couple anyway. You just don’t get any of the fun benefits. . . . And I know you like the fun benefits.” He waggles his eyebrows at me on the word “know.”
I shake my head at him. “You’d better be there
to pick up the pieces if this all blows up in my face.”
“You know I will,” he says, and I believe him.
“Jay, is there anything you’ve ever really gone for in your life that you haven’t gotten?”
“Um,” I say, not knowing quite how to answer.
“Go for it,” he demands. “Visualize your target.”
“Oh, shut up, Danny.”
Danny gives up on the conversation, and we go through the breakfast buffet. We are eating and chatting about what we’re going to do today when Lori shows up.
She kisses Danny then takes a seat. “So, what are you two conspiring about?”
“Oh, I’m just trying to talk Danny into marrying me instead,” I tease.
“Now there’s a match made in heaven,” Danny says, teasing Lori too.
“A marriage made in hell is more like it,” Lori fires back.
“Hey, I lived with him for three years and we got along just fine.” I put my hand to my chest, pretending I’m insulted.
“Yeah, only because Phillip was there to play referee,” Lori counters.
Jeez, she’s just full of piss and vinegar this morning. Obviously, the run wasn’t long enough.
“Did I hear my name being taken in vain?” Phillip says, sneaking up behind me and kissing my neck. He whispers softly in my ear, “Morning, Princess.”
I close my eyes for a second to drink in his words, the sound of his voice, his musky smell. I block out everything in the world but him. I have to admit, I love having him so close to me.
He sits across from me and claps his hands together. “So what’s going on this morning?”
Lori answers his question, by saying with a laugh, “Jade is trying to talk Danny into marrying her instead of me.”
Phillip rolls his eyes.
“Fine,” I say, trying to redeem myself. I don’t understand why Lori and Phillip think this is so hilarious. “If I can’t marry him, then I will be his bachelor party,” I smirk and smile seductively at Danny.
“Whatever,” Lori says and shakes her head at us.
Danny winks at me.
“So what’s on tap for today, Miss Cruise Director?” Phillip asks Lori, ignoring me and changing the subject.
“Well, I’m going to have a long day of lying on the beach, doing nothing but watching the ocean, while Manuel brings me a whole bunch of drinks with little umbrellas,” she answers dreamily.
“Sounds perfect,” Phillip replies, in an equally dreamy voice.
Danny and I glance at each other, worried. Because sitting still all day may damn near kill us, or at a bare minimum, drive us insane.
Lori rolls her eyes and says, “Here you two. Don’t look so dejected. There are lots of activities.”
She slides Danny and me each an itinerary across the table.
“I took the liberty of booking a few things to keep you two out of trouble.”
“It won’t work,” Phillip says.
Like Danny and I ever get into trouble.
Okay, maybe sometimes our plans don’t come to fruition exactly like we planned, but, hey, we always manage to have fun.
Danny gave me a cute magnet for Christmas last year. It said, The trouble with trouble is it always starts out as fun. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I grab the list off the table and read it.
9:00: Sailing
10:00: Volleyball Tournament
12:00: Trip to Private Island and Lunch
2:00: Nap time
5:00 Happy hour at the beach bar, then rehearsal
7:00 Dinner with family
“Lori,” I say, “you have to do something while you’re here.”
“Jade, believe it or not, lying on the beach counts as something. Besides, we’re going to lunch together. It’ll be fun. We’re riding wave runners out to the resort’s private island.”
“Yeah, and I hear the island is clothing optional,” Phillip tells us and leers at me.
Great. Now I have something else to worry about for the next three hours.
Danny and I try out sailing. It’s okay, but not as thrilling as I expected because there isn’t much wind. Next, we head to the 2-on-2-volleyball tournament. This is a very fun activity because Danny and I kick butt and win the whole thing.
Naturally!
After that, we set out to meet our beached friends.
We find Phillip and Lori sitting on beach chairs under a palm tree, doing exactly what they had said they would do. Drink. Lori seems to be a bit drunk, and Phillip is not far behind.
“Hey, we were watching the volleyball tournament from here. You guys did great!” Lori says, and then she kisses Danny a little too passionately.
Phillip gets up, grabs me around the waist, and says, “And looked great too. I really like the new bikini.” Then he kisses me passionately.
What is in those drinks?
Love potion?
But I decide I like Phillip like this. He’s very loose and fun. We have a great time riding the wave runner out to the island. I stupidly let him drive, but I enjoy it immensely because I’m able to wrap my arms around him and just hold on tight. I love the feel of the wind on my face and my hair flying back behind me. I feel free. When we get to the island Phillip jokes with me and chases me down the beach, trying to catch me so he can help me take off my top. When I finally let him catch me, he just throws me into the sand and kisses me. It’s great fun, and I’m totally at ease with him. I don’t feel the least bit pushed. Maybe this will work after all.
We get back to the resort, and Danny asks Lori if she’s ready for a nap.
I’m sorry, but neither one of them look the least bit tired.
“Hey,” I blurt out, “you’re not even married yet. Why don’t you save something for the honeymoon?”
They just look at me, laugh, and leave.
Phillip, who has sobered up some, leers at me. “You know, I’m feeling pretty worn out myself. Why don’t you come take a nap with me?”
I consider it for a minute.
No, I decide. Too soon.
“No way. We’re going parasailing. Come on.” I grab his hand and lead the way.
Later on, we meet Danny, Lori, and their parents for happy hour and tell them all what they missed out on by not parasailing. It was exhilarating, and scary, and a total rush. The kind of stuff Danny lives for. I loved it and had so much fun with Phillip. I really do like being around him.
I get the feeling they don’t think they missed out on much, though. They look at each other with dreamy eyes. And they share these glances, like they know a big secret that no one else knows.
It makes me feel kind of jealous.
I would like to feel that way about someone someday.
I gaze at Phillip and wonder if I could ever look at him like that.
As soon as we finish with dinner, Lori and Danny excuse themselves. Evidently they are still tired.
As she is leaving, Lori says, “Don’t keep her out too late, Phillip. We have yoga class at eight, with full spa treatments after.”
“Eight?” I say with a groan, but Phillip gives me those stern eyes of his, and I say, “Sounds lovely,” and I force a smile at her. It is her wedding after all.
Phillip and I decide to go dancing. I think that sounds like great fun because then I can get Phillip a little drunk and loose again.
I’d like to dance with him all night and maybe, just maybe, take him back to my room later.
Phillip and I have each had three huge margaritas and are out dancing when two guys who Danny and I killed in the finals of the volleyball tournament come dancing up next to us. We are all sort of dancing together, and I have to admit that I’m loving the attention. I had thought today that the guys might be gay, but the way they are dancing with me, I’m inclined to think not.
At one point, I turn back around toward Phillip, and I don’t see him. I look over at our table, and I still don’t see him.
Weird.
He
must have gone to the bathroom.
The guys and I dance to a whole bunch of fun songs, and the waitress keeps coming around with these cool shots. Her serving tray has a bunch of glow in the dark necklaces on it, and you get one with each shot you order. She must be selling them well, because the dance floor is glowing with them. Nearly everyone I see has at least one necklace on.
I’ve had two of them, I think.
I look down at my chest and see that I do, indeed, have on two necklaces, so I must have had two.
See. I’m not messed up.
The not-gay-after-all guys order us another round when she comes by again.
I do one more shot, put on another necklace, excuse myself, and head to the bathroom.
Why is it when you’re in the bathroom at a bar, you suddenly realize just how screwed up you are?
The stall is spinning around me and something in my brain makes me realize that Phillip has been gone for a long time.
Disappeared.
Hmm. I wonder where Phillip has gone?
I think I will go and look for him.
I don’t say goodbye to the not-so-gay guys and start off down the beach.
“Phillip. Oh, Phiiiliiip. Wherefore art thou, Phiiiliiip?” I sing and dance my way across the sand.
Where am I going again?
Oh, yeah.
Find Phillip. Then what?
Take him back to my room.
Ooh, that sounds fun!
I think I see someone sitting on a beach chair up ahead of me and am surprised to find out that it is Phillip.
He’s sitting in a beach chair.
Did I say that already?
Why is he doing that?
He is supposed to be dancing with me and having fun.
And I have been having so much fun.
“Phiiiliiip! Oh, Phiiiliiip, why are thou art out here, Phiiiliiip?” I ask him, as I slide onto his lap and run my fingers through his hair.
I love Phillip’s name. It just roooolls off my tongue.
I also feel very romantic.
Amazing how that happens after a whole bunch of drinks.
Maybe those glow in the dark shot thingies had love potion in them too.
“Why did you leave me, Phiiiliiip?” I pout, while trying to look sexily at one of his eyes, but I keep seeing two. Well, four total, actually.
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