“Maybe I’m trying too hard? Maybe I’m just supposed to let him go?”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so,” Bailey offered.
“Caroline, you have a call on line two.” The receptionist’s announcement boomed from Caroline’s speaker phone.
“Thank you, Lisa,” Caroline responded politely, assuming it was Clay or a client.
She pushed the button on line two and said, “Caroline Weber.” The line was quiet. “Hello?”
“Caroline?” the voice asked. Her heart did backflips inside her chest. She had heard his voice a million times in her head since they parted, but was still shocked at how familiar it was to her.
“Jackson?” The pitch of her voice rose with excitement.
“Yeah. I hope it’s okay that I called. It’s just that…” He paused, his voice hesitant.
“I’m so glad you called. How did you find me? I’ve been going crazy, thinking I was never going to talk to you again.” She tried to keep her voice quiet since she didn’t have a private office at work.
“Do you want to grab lunch? I’d really love to see you.”
“Today?” She checked her calendar and looked at her appointments amidst her rising heartbeat.
“If you can.”
“I can. One o’clock?” She knew that would give her the most free time between her work meetings.
“Sounds great.” He let out his breath with a small whoosh. “Where?”
She mentioned a small restaurant near the wharf and he said he knew where it was. She hung up the phone and cursed herself for her business meeting attire. If she knew she was going to see him, she would have definitely dressed differently.
Bailey stood in her cubicle and looked over the short wall in Caroline’s direction. She pointed and motioned her over. Caroline’s cheeks reddened with each step.
“Who was that on the phone, missy?” Bailey inquired.
“It was him!” Caroline couldn’t hide her excitement.
“Shut up! What did he want? How did he find you? What did he say?”
Caroline laughed at Bailey’s questions. “He remembered where I worked. He wants to have lunch. I’m meeting him in twenty minutes.”
“Oh, really?” Bailey said with mischief in her voice.
Bailey’s expression made Caroline feel conflicted. “Bails, don’t look at me like that. You’re killing me.”
Bailey cocked her eyebrow. “I could always go in your place. Tell him you chickened out. Or grew a conscience or something?”
“Bailey!” Caroline snapped.
“I’m only joking. Have fun…but um, you should probably keep in mind that you already have the world’s greatest boyfriend.” Bailey winked.
Caroline rolled her eyes at her longtime friend. “I hate you.”
“My work here is done,” Bailey sassed.
Caroline smiled and turned to grab her purse from her desk. Before heading out, she sent Tracey a text message that said, “HE FOUND ME!!!! Heading to lunch with him now! Call you later.”
It took less than ten seconds for her phone to ring. “Yes?” Caroline said as she walked out of the office toward the wharf. Tracey’s voice was on the other end of the line.
“What the hell are you doing?” Tracey asked accusingly.
Caroline laughed. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t believe you’re seeing this guy again! Does Clay know?”
“Of course he doesn’t know. It’s not a big deal, it’s just lunch.” Caroline tried to downplay the situation.
“If it’s no big deal, then why aren’t you telling Clay?” Obviously Tracey didn’t believe for one second this guy was no big deal. Caroline winced.
“You know I can’t tell him,” Caroline explained, as guilt slowly crept in.
“Because you know it’s wrong? You feel guilty? What?” Tracey asked.
For a moment Caroline actually considered calling Jackson to cancel. Then she remembered the promise she’d made during Johnny’s funeral. “I do feel guilty,” Caroline admitted, “but I want to see him. I don’t know why, but I do.”
Tracey let out a deep sigh. “For the record, I think this is a bad idea.”
“Noted,” Caroline said sharply. She didn’t want to hear this from Tracey. Caroline didn’t need help feeling that what she was doing was wrong; she already knew it was. But even her guilt couldn’t outweigh her want.
“Don’t get mad, Care…I’m just saying.” Caroline could tell that Tracey didn’t want to fight; she was simply trying to be a good friend.
“I know. Just don’t worry. I’ll call you later.”
With every step Caroline took, her nerves rattled more. What would it be like to see him again? Had she imagined their special connection on the plane? Was he feeling the same way she was?
Lost in thought, she kept walking until her eyes suddenly found his. Seeing him literally stopped her legs from moving. She had imagined his bright blue eyes a million times since she’d left his side that day. But seeing them light up at the sight of her reinforced everything she had been feeling. He looked incredibly sexy waiting for her in his jeans and black T-shirt and she had to stop from running full force into his arms.
She gathered her composure and walked slowly toward him. She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face into his shoulder. All she could think about was how good it felt to be in his arms. Every inch of her body wanted to be touching a part of his. She squeezed him harder and nuzzled into him without any concern for who might be watching.
His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist and his lips brushed the side of her neck before he stopped himself from taking it further.
Caroline didn’t want to stop holding him, but the hug had gone long past a simple greeting. She pulled away slowly and looked into his eyes. “Hi,” was all she said while she laughed.
He brushed his hand along her cheek like he had done on the plane. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. When she finally opened her eyes, he stared at her.
“I can’t get enough of you.” The words spilled out of his mouth and sent her heart racing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” His voice was tinged with guilt.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry.” She tried to comfort him. It made her feel less alone to know he felt the same way she did.
“I don’t normally do this, you know?” he confessed, and looked toward the ground.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean, I don’t normally go after girls who have boyfriends.” His eyes rose to meet hers.
“Well that’s good, ’cause I don’t normally go after guys other than my boyfriend.”
Jackson smiled and pressed on. “No, really. I don’t like girls who aren’t available. I’m not that guy. I just need you to know that.”
“I never thought that about you. And just so you know, I’ve never been so attracted to another guy since I’ve been with my boyfriend.”
“I believe you,” he said sincerely. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged as he shook his head.
“Tell me,” she pleaded.
“It’s better if I don’t. Trust me.”
“Ooookay,” she concurred through squinted eyes.
“God, I love your eyes. They’re stunning.”
She blushed and quickly closed them. “Oh yeah? What color are they?”
“Seriously?” he laughed. “They’re the prettiest green I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh,” she stumbled and let out a breathy sigh. “Thanks.” She desperately needed to change the subject. “Should we eat?”
“I guess we can’t just stand here all day, huh? Food sounds good.” He led her into the restaurant and toward the hostess, where he asked for a private table as far away from anyone else as possible. The hostess smiled, looked at Caroline, and scurried off to find something suitable.
“That’s okay, right?”
“Of course.” She smiled and touched his arm softly.
The hostess returned. “Right this way.” She led them to a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. “Is this okay?”
“Perfect. Thank you.” Jackson waited for Caroline to sit down before he sat down across from her. They looked at each other in silence for a moment and opened their menus.
“Thanks for meeting me. I really wanted to see you again before I left,” Jackson admitted.
“Are you kidding? Jackson, I’ve been dying inside thinking I was never going to see you or talk to you again. We left without giving each other our cell numbers, emails, or anything. You’re all I’ve been able to think about since I walked out of the airport.”
His chest fell as he let go of the breath he held. “Me too. But then I remembered that we talked about work. The first thing I did when I checked into my hotel was look up your work number so I could call you after my meetings.”
She reached across the table and gently touched his hand. Waves of emotions coursed through her body. Even her feet started to tingle. “I’m so glad you did.” She pulled her hand back. “So, hey! How was the wedding? Did you replace me?” she teased.
He cocked his head to one side and lifted his eyebrows before taunting her, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
She let out a huge, “HA!” before continuing. “Maybe I don’t want to know.”
He smiled. “It was a really beautiful wedding. But honestly, I kept looking around for you.”
She felt her heart THUD inside her chest as her face lost all expression and her jaw dropped open slightly. He quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Caroline. That was inappropriate. I shouldn’t have…”
She cut him off with a wave of her hand. “No. It’s okay. I know I shouldn’t, but I like hearing that.”
“Hearing what?”
“I like hearing the way I make you feel,” she admitted.
“Why’s that?” Jackson asked, his voice a little shaky.
“Because you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I can’t explain the way it feels to be around you.”
Caroline had never intended to say that much, but it was hard to hold back when he was near. He brought out emotions she found hard to fight off.
Jackson reached across the table and gently stroked her palm with his fingers before admitting, “I feel the same way.”
Relief immediately washed over her, quickly followed by an ocean of guilt and concern. What did all of this mean? And what was she going to do about it?
Caroline glanced down at her diamond-encrusted watch, a gift from Clay for their anniversary last year, and noted the time. “I have to go soon. I have a meeting.”
“I know,” he said. “I mean, not that you have a meeting, but that you have to go.”
Caroline felt like she could literally reach into the air and cut pieces of the sadness that lingered within it.
“I don’t want to,” she admitted.
His eyes were heavy with emotion. “Me neither,” he whispered.
They both stood up from the table and walked toward the glass door. This time she practically leapt into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around his neck. Tiny tears spilled onto his shirt. “You’re breaking my heart, Caroline. Please don’t be sad.” He tried to console her as he rubbed his hand along her slender back.
She refused to look at him, so he pulled away gently and lifted her face toward his. He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Please. No more tears. We’ll stay in touch, okay?”
She sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. “Promise?”
“You think I’d be able to leave and never talk to you again? Clearly you have no idea the effect you’ve had on me, woman.”
His words made her laugh. “That’s better,” Jackson said as he wiped the last tear that remained on her cheek. “God, I want to kiss you.” He longed to feel her mouth on his. He had daydreamed about what her lips would feel like, taste like, since meeting her that day.
She debated momentarily between the two questions ever-present in her mind. How much could one kiss really hurt? And could one kiss change her whole life?
Her breath suddenly felt shallow and her knees trembled. “Me too. So bad.” She looked toward the ground. “But we can’t. I’d never be able to live with myself, or the guilt.”
“I know,” Jackson agreed. “Why is this so hard?”
Caroline snickered in relief. “I don’t know! But it’s not normal right? I mean, you don’t feel this way about strangers you meet all the time, do you?”
“You know I don’t,” Jackson insisted.
“So what does it mean?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess time will tell. You’d better go, babe…your meeting,” he reminded her.
“Shit. Well. Keep in touch? God, that’s so stupid. This is so stupid,” she complained and whined and felt like a jumbled girly mess.
“You’d better go before I refuse to let you.”
She recognized the painful longing in Jackson’s eyes and knew that her eyes held the same look. The realization that this beautiful, rare thing between two strangers simply had to be let go. She walked away as he stood in the doorway of the café and watched. It was less painful this time, but took more strength.
There she goes again…walking out of my life for the second time this week, Jackson mumbled under his breath.
Her phone beeped and she looked down at the text message notification. “There has never been a more perfect lunch, or date. Thank you for today.”
She clutched the phone and pressed it against her heart, before typing out a quick response. “You’re the perfect one. Thank you for everything. Have a good flight and text me when you land so I know you’re safe. xoxo.”
Chapter Six
Caroline was curled up on the couch eating takeout when her phone rang. She saw that it was Clay and felt the slightest hint of disappointment. She quickly fought the emotion and answered cheerfully, “Hey, babe.”
“Hey! I’m leaving the office soon and I just wanted to know if you needed me to grab some dinner?” Caroline usually waited to eat when he got home, but had picked up food on her walk home from the office, her head lost in other thoughts.
“Shoot. I’m already eating. I’m sorry,” she said with a guilty conscience.
“No big deal,” Clay responded, his voice a little cold.
Caroline noted his tone. “I’m really sorry. I just wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s okay,” his tone lightened. “You’ve been a little off since Johnny died. I understand. I’ll see you in about a half an hour, okay?”
“’K. See you soon.”
When he finally walked through the door carrying a takeout bag from the Chinese restaurant down the street, he took one look at his girlfriend and smiled at her. “What are you smiling at?” she asked saucily.
“My smoking hot girlfriend,” he said as he sauntered toward her. He leaned his head down and kissed her passionately, almost falling onto the couch that held her.
When she closed her eyes to kiss her boyfriend of almost two years, all she could see in the darkness of her mind was Jackson’s face. No matter how much she tried to concentrate on Clay’s kiss, Jackson’s image wouldn’t fade.
Clay finally stopped kissing her before he looked in her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she responded automatically, but completely freaked on the inside. Why did she see Jackson’s face when she kissed her boyfriend? What kind of girl does that?
“Are you okay?” Clay’s head cocked to one side.
Caroline laughed. “I’m fine. Sorry, just lost in thought for a minute.”
“What are you thinking about?”
Caroline knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. For the first time she could remember, she intentionally lied to Clay. “Nothing. Just work stuff.” She desperately wanted to change the subject. “How about you? How was work today?”
She was th
ankful when Clay took the bait and went on a detailed description about his day. He talked while he ate and she listened intently, while she fought to keep thoughts of Jackson out of her head.
When Clay finished, he threw out his trash and settled in next to her on the couch. It had been a while since he was home early enough to spend time with her, so he promised they could watch whatever she wanted on television.
“You’ll be sorry,” she laughed as she flipped through the channels to find her favorite show.
“Probably,” he admitted, “but I don’t care.”
She laid her head on his stomach and he wrapped his arms around her. Her phone beeped and she shot up to grab it. It was a text message from Jackson. “Home safe. Flight wasn’t the same without you on it. I miss you.” Her heart felt like it beat a million miles a minute.
“Who’s that?” Clay asked nonchalantly as he glanced up toward the clock.
Clay’s question slammed Caroline back into the real world; for the second time that night, she lied to her boyfriend. “Oh, it’s just Bailey.”
“Tell her I said hi,” Clay responded.
Caroline swallowed hard and tried to regain her composure. “Glad you’re safe. I miss you, too.” Caroline needed Jackson to know she couldn’t talk to him any further, so she added “Goodnight” and pressed Send.
After a few minutes passed with no response, Caroline leaned back into the comfort of Clay’s arms and lost herself in the television show. Clay ran his fingers through her long hair and kissed the top of her head from time to time. She never moved, pretending to be invested in whatever showed on the screen.
Clay’s phone rang and he gently nudged Caroline off of him before taking the call in the spare bedroom of their apartment. It was also their makeshift office and before long he poked his head around the bedroom door and said, “Care, I’ve got to do some work. I’m really sorry.”
She turned toward him and smiled. “Don’t be sorry; it’s okay.”
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