Microsoft Word - santaanna1234567.doc

by Lauren Barnholdt

  “Ugh, I hate when they get like that,” Becca says, nodding. “Last year I almost had to get a restraining order on this senior who, like, would not get the hint.”

  “He probably had a hard time getting the hint after you gave him a blow job in the locker room during gym,” Teri says, exchanging a look with Raine. They both grin.

  “Teri!” Becca throws her magazine at her. “I did not!”

  “Just own it, Becca,” Raine says, rolling her eyes. “So you blew him. Who cares?”

  “I do, because I didn’t!”

  “I’m so sick of everyone being embarrassed about stuff like that,” Raine says, still flicking the pages of her magazine. “Aren’t you, Natalia?”

  “Um, stuff like what?” I ask, not sure exactly where she’s going with this conversation, but somehow sensing I need to be on guard.

  “Sex stuff,” she says. She reaches for the glass of water on the table next to her, and takes a slow sip. “Like when I asked you about kissing Brody and you didn’t want to tell me.”

  “I don’t know,” I say, shifting on my chair, suddenly very uncomfortable. “I guess it’s just one of those things I think you shouldn’t really talk about.”

  “Why not?” Raine asks. “You better believe the guys are talking about it.” She sets her magazine down, and stares at me. “Is it because of Cam?”

  “Cam?” I say. Suddenly, I’m hot. The water in my foot bath feels like it’s burning up, and I resist the urge to pull my feet out. Stop, I tell myself, it’s just a panic attack. You’re fine. I try to concentrate on taking deep breaths.

  “Yeah,” Raine says, “Cam.” She’s talking in her slow voice.

  “Do you like him?” Becca asks. She’s looking at me now, too. In fact, they’re all looking at me with these stares, these piercing stares, their magazines forgotten.

  “No,” I say, forcing a laugh. “Of course not.”

  “You’re lying,” Raine says.

  “She’s definitely lying,” Teri says. “She likes him. Don’t you, Natalia?”

  “No!” I say. “I don’t.” I can hardly hear now, because of the whirring sound in my ears. It’s the same sound that was in my head that day at Raine’s house, right after Brody kissed me.

  “Natalia,” Raine says, and when I pull my gaze up to hers, it’s like she locks onto my eyes and I can’t look away. “I know you like Cam.”

  “I never said that,” I say, but the whooshing sound is louder now, like all the foot baths have been put on high, and it’s echoing in my head. And now I’m confused. Did I tell Raine that I like Cam?

  “I know you like Cam,” she repeats, “And we can’t have that. He’s mine, okay, Natalia? You should be with Brody. Brody knows what’s best for you.”

  I don’t know why, but now her face is staring to blur a little bit, and for some reason, a butterfly is dancing in front of her eyes. I blink hard a couple of times, and I’m about to tell her okay, that she’s right, that I like Brody. I do like Brody, he’s cute and nice and smart and he kissed me. But Cam… Oh, God, Cam…Kissing Cam was like nothing I’ve ever felt, and I remember the way his hands felt on my face and on my skin, his lips gently grazing mine, soft at first and then more insistent.

  I don’t know what’s come over me, and I open my mouth to tell Natalia that I like Cam, not Brody, but the whirling won’t stop, why won’t it stop I like Cam and I should tell her.

  “I don’t like Brody,” I say, and it comes out sharper than I intended.

  And that’s when the lights go out.

  There’s a sound like a plug’s being pulled, then darkness, and finally, the sound of the whirling water stops. Becca screams and I’m breathing hard, and there’s the shuffle of feet and it’s pitch black.

  From somewhere down the hall I can hear low voices, and then I feel the brush of something soft—it feels like wings, like butterfly wings, but that makes no sense –

  against my cheek, and I push it away with the back of my hand.

  The lights pop back on again. I blink, feeling like I’m hungover.

  “Ohmigod,” Teri says. She’s flicking through her magazine like nothing happened. “That was soooo weird. And ridiculous that the power would go out at a place like this, don’t they have, like, backup generators or something?”

  “You need to talk to your aunt about that,” Raine says, nodding her agreement.

  “For sure.”

  “Um, guys?” Becca says. Her tone is urgent, and I turn to look at her, still trying to shake the weird groggy feeling that’s come over me. Becca’s clutching her cheek, and when she pulls her hand down, there’s an ugly red scratch on her face, zigzagging across her skin angrily.

  “Ohmigod, Becca!” Raine cries. “What the hell happened to your face?”

  “Natalia,” Becca says, raising her finger to point at me, her eyes shiny with tears.

  “Natalia did it.”

  Chapter Two

  Campbell

  I go to football practice and act like everything’s totally cool. Brody and me are back to being buds and I try to crack a few jokes so he doesn’t pick up that I’m actually in one of the worst moods of my life.

  It helps that I put a couple of major hits on people during a quick scrimmage between the offense and defense.

  But the whole time, I keep replaying the way Natalia talked to me earlier, the stuff she said. “You should go.” As I was trying to protect her from that creepy dude she supposedly hates. “This is none of your business.”

  None of my business that some maniac stalker who you said lied about you and spread rumors—came around to bother you while I was standing right there? And I’m supposed to just leave you alone with him?

  I picture myself saying all of this to her. I can’t believe she treated me like that when all I’ve tried to do since day one is be nice to her. Take care of her. She’s the one who was talking to the Triad this morning. And she didn’t even give me a chance to explain to her about me and Brody.

  After practice I drive around for awhile and try to cool down. But it doesn’t really help.

  My jaw is so tight it feels like I’m going to grind my teeth into dust.

  Finally, I can’t drive around forever, so I head home. As I’m turning onto my street, I notice Aiden out in his driveway shooting hoops.

  He sees me, takes a shot. Airball.

  I pull up to the curb and get out. “Can you teach me to play like you?” I say with a grin.

  “Nice. Really funny. Don’t bother trying to pretend like we’re still friends,”

  Aiden says as he goes to pick up the ball.

  “Come on, bro. I said I was sorry.” I walk over to where he’s standing with the basketball under his arm. He isn’t acting like himself. Aiden’s always goofing around, never taking anything seriously.

  “I don’t really care. Bro.” He snorts and shakes his head. Dribbles a few times and shoots again. This time the ball careens off the backboard.

  “You need to bend your legs more, and follow through—“

  “Have you always been this big of a douche?” he says, collecting the rebound.

  “Maybe.”

  This time when he goes to take a layup (off the wrong foot), I block the shot and hold onto the ball.

  “Asshole, give it back!”

  I hold it up out of his reach.

  He looks like he wants to throw a punch at me.

  “Aiden. You know we’re going to be friends again at some point, so can we just skip all the fighting and make up already?”

  “You’ve changed,” he says. His eyes actually look a little teary but I don’t say anything about it. I didn’t realize he was really this upset.

  “I haven’t changed. I’m still the same guy I was before this ridiculous party at Raine Marsden’s house.”

  “That’s not what I mean.” He grabs the ball out of my hands. Squeezes it and then chucks it hard against the garage door of his house. It makes a huge racket.

  �
�What the hell? What’s your problem?”

  “Me and you used to be tight,” he says. “We used to do everything together, go everywhere together. And then you got bigger than me. You’re like twice my size. It’s like you’re my older brother or something.”

  “It’s not my fault I had a growth spurt, dude.”

  “You play football. All the girls love you. And now you’re really starting to forget about me.”

  “I forgot to pick you up. Once.”

  “That new girl. She’s the one that really ruined everything. Ever since she got here, it’s like you can’t think about anything else.”

  “Not true.”

  He stares at me defiantly. “I know you, Cam. Better than anybody. You really like her, don’t you?”

  I don’t answer. Right now I feel like I hate her. But I can’t say that. Because deep down, I know that he’s right. “Listen, I promise I’m going to be a better friend,” I tell him. “Starting now.”

  Aiden sighs. He walks over and picks the basketball up off the driveway. “Sorry I freaked out. You must think I’ve gone off the deep end, huh?”

  “You were born off the deep end, bro. That’s what I like about you.”

  He smiles. I pass the ball to him.

  “Come on, fourth quarter. Two minutes left, Celtics up by two.”

  We start to play.

  After about an hour of hanging with Aiden, I go home. It’s dark outside and my mom is in her office, doing some kind of financial crap. Filling out forms or something.

  I putter around the house, eat, watch some TV. I keep having the urge to call Natalia. Try and figure out what went wrong. But then I remember. She’s moving on.

  Getting closer with Raine and the Triad. Talking with her ex. Telling me to get lost.

  Calling isn’t really an option.

  My stomach has a big knot in it the whole night but somehow I manage to fall asleep, probably because I had such a hard practice.

  But I keep my phone nearby just in case SHE calls me.

  I’m having another dream. In this one, I’m being held down by these heavy chains. I’m lying on some stone table and these chains are like thousands of pounds. I feel totally weak and powerless. I know that I have to get up because Natalia’s in trouble. She needs me. But I can’t move. I start to yell for her, screaming until my throat is raw and—

  I’m awoken by a loud buzzing sound. I sit up in bed, my breathing deep and heavy, like I’m panting. My phone.

  I check it. Raine.

  She’s calling me at…midnight?

  I clear my throat and then answer. “Hey. What’s up?”

  “Did I wake you?”

  “Sort of. But I’m awake now. Is everything okay?”

  “I want to see you.” Her voice is low, sexy.

  I rub my eyes. “I want to…” I start to tell her I want to see her too, but then I think—do I? Do I really?

  “Cam? You there?”

  “Yeah. Sorry, just tired is all.”

  “I want to come over and see you.”

  “What, tonight? Now?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know. Probably not a good idea. My mom would freak.”

  “I can handle your mom.” She’s insistent.

  “I don’t know, Raine.”

  “You want me, Cam. You want me to come over.”

  Suddenly, I feel this weakness in my arms and a light feeling, kind of dizzy and fizzy in my head. Her voice seems louder somehow. “That might not be too bad,” I say, finally. It’s like my mouth just moves on its own.

  “I’m outside. Let me in the back door,” she says.

  The fizzy feeling in my head gets stronger. Everything seems confused. But she’s here. And I do want her here, I realize. I want to be with Raine.

  “I’m coming down,” I tell her.

  And then I get up and let her in the back door.

  She’s wearing a super short black skirt, black high heels, and a shear white top with no bra underneath. “Whoa…” I take a few steps backwards.

  She laughs, grabs me by the hand. “Where’s your bedroom?”

  “Upstairs, but…”

  “Come on. Show me.”

  My legs are a little rubbery, like I’m drunk. I laugh at how ridiculous I must look, walking like a sailor on a ship in the middle of the ocean. If Raine notices, she doesn’t say.

  Once we get inside my room, she starts kissing me. It’s better than before, not quite as lame. But it still doesn’t feel like it does with me and Natalia.

  She breaks the kiss and stares at me in the semi-darkness. “Do you love her?”

  “Who?” My mouth feels slurry.

  “Natalia. Do you?”

  I lick my lips. “I feel weird.”

  She pushes me onto the bed. I fall into it. It feels soft and warm. Raine gets on top of me. Looks down at me, and her eyes almost look like black holes with the shadow across her face. “Tell me, Cam.”

  “Tell you…”

  “Do you love her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you won’t love her,” she says leaning in and kissing my mouth, pressing her lips into mine. I feel like my breath is being sucked out. Like I cannot get any air.

  Like I’m drowning. I try to tell her that I’m drowning, I’m dying.

  The dream comes back to me. The one I was having when she woke me up. It’s as if I’ve stepped into that dream. I can’t move, I can’t speak. She kisses me and kisses me. Finally, she stops and gets off of me.

  I can breathe again. I look up at her, and it’s as though she’s glowing in the darkness of my room, but I know that can’t be right. Must be the light reflected from the window.

  “You love me, Cam. Don’t you?”

  It’s true, I realize. I do love her. She’s beautiful, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. “I love you.”

  “And you’d do anything for me, anything to protect me, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  I realize that I’m totally exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open now. “Raine, I think I…I should go to sleep.”

  “I can let myself out, don’t worry,” she laughs. “Sleep tight, Cam.”

  And then everything fades out. I’m asleep before she even leaves my room.

  Chapter Three

  Natalia

  The thing about rumors is that people want to be believe them. It doesn’t matter if the rumor makes no sense, if it’s totally implausible, or if their gut tells them there’s no way it can be true.

  Which is why when Brody meets me at my locker on Tuesday morning and tells me that the Triad is on the warpath, spreading gossip about how I attacked Becca at the spa, I know everyone’s going to fall for it.

  “I can’t believe it,” I say, slamming my books into my locker one by one. Slam.

  Slam. Slam. My chemistry text is taking the brunt of my anger.

  “Wow,” Brody says, watching me, “I didn’t realize you were so violent.”

  “Only when I’m pissed,” I say. I’m out of books now, so I start on my notebooks.

  “Being pissed at the Triad is a waste of time,” Brody says, “They don’t care.

  They have no conscience. It doesn’t penetrate.”

  “I’m not mad at them,” I say. “I’m mad at myself.” Slam. Slam. Slam.

  “Yourself? Why?”

  “Because I should have known better.” All of my things are in my locker now, and I pull out the couple of books I need for my morning classes, shove them into my bag, and then give my locker door one final good, hard slam.

  “Whoa,” Brody says, stepping between me and my locker. He puts his hands on my arms. “Calm down, Rocky, we can’t have you destroying the junior hall.”

  “I just can’t believe I let them trick me,” I say. “I know girls like that are trouble.

  I didn’t even want to go to the stupid spa, but then….” I trail off, thinking about yesterday, about my fight with Cam i
n the parking lot, about Raine saving me from Derek.