by C S COURT
“Hi, I’m Lily. I’m my Mummy’s princess. Who are you? What’s in the bag?”
Ha, trust my daughter to forget about the man and be more interested in the Toys R’us bag. Hunter, clearly amused, turns his body slightly so he can focus his attention on both of my children.
“Well, I am one of Mummy’s very special friends, which means I would also like to become friends with the pair of you if that’s okay?” He tells them both, pausing to ruffle both of the hair on their heads when he receives a sheepish smile from Alex, and a full on beam from Lily, “as for the bag. Mummy was saying how good the pair of you have been lately, and I just happened to be walking around this toy shop and thought you might like to have a couple of presents as a reward. Of course Mummy helped me though.” He ever so slowly peeks in to the bag, lifting his head up and making a wow shape with his mouth before closing it and passing it across to me. “Hmm, they don’t seem too excited now, do they Connie?” That does the trick, they both start jumping up and down, tugging at his hands and pleading to have the presents.
The way he interacts with my children is amazing, it is in no way forced or put on, you can see he truly enjoys talking to them and having some playful banter.
My chest aches at the sight, why couldn’t their own dad have done this for them? The happiness on their face is reward enough for me, so why can’t it be the same for him?
The kid’s are gushing all over their new Ipad’s, and Hunter has not left their sides since making introductions with them.
He has shown them how to set the tablets up, and download several games from the appstore for them.
The man would make a sensational father one day, I’m just not so sure I will be the one he has his first child with.
As much as I worship the ground my children walk on, I do not see myself having any more, I fully understand that the reason behind this may have been due to the situation with Dan, and with someone else, someone like Hunter it could be completely different, but I cannot take that chance.
There were days when I honestly didn’t think I would be able to get out of bed, put a fake smile on my face and pretend all was right with the world for the sake of them both, and I know, that if I were to have another child and for some reason end up in a similar situation as before, I would not be able to do it.
I’m far too exhausted to even think of raising another child in a world of fear.
I give myself a mental slap to the face, these depressing thoughts are getting me nowhere, and especially over a man I have known for five minutes.
“So, do I get an explanation this time, or will you just brush it all under the rug and think I am a complete idiot who cannot see when her only daughter is lying and clearly in pain?” My Mum says, placing her hand on my shoulder and staring at Hunter and the children with a small smile on her lips.
“I don’t know Mum, I don’t even know where to begin. What I do know is that it was time for me to wake up and get my children out of that hell hole. What kind of Mother am I to sit back and take that kind of abuse with my children hidden away in another room? I’m just as much to blame as he is.” I cannot believe I allowed Dan’s reign of terror to continue on for so long, even worse, to bring two beautiful children in to a situation that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
She tugs me by the hand, over to the steps to sit down.
The children shouldn’t be able to hear us from here, even if we are only a short distance from them.
“Listen baby girl, I may not know everything that the bastard did to you, but I do know that I should have tried harder to get you out. You are never at fault for his twisted ways. He made you totally reliant on him, and kicked you so far down I completely lost my daughter and often wondered if I’d ever get you back, my strong willed girl lost herself. I should have opened my eyes sooner and seen the reasons behind him never wanting to see us, or you always being busy with some commitment for him or the kids. I was selfish to believe that maybe I was smothering you and you needed space to grow as a family, how could I have been so blind? I knew he was a bad egg, but what Mother gives her daughter the ultimatum of choosing her or her partner? Love will always win, and there was not a chance in hell I was risking losing you completely by doing it. I keep thinking, if I had just packed up your bags and taken you away from him that it wouldn’t have come to this. Oh sweetheart, what can I do? Tell me what to do for failing you so badly?”
Oh Mum. As if any of this is her fault, she has never, ever failed me.
I couldn’t tell her the things Dan was doing as she would have stormed in to my.. scratch that, his house, and beaten the ever living crap out of him.
Now I know that she would have made me leave, taken me far away and refused to let me go back, but back then, even up until this morning, I didn’t believe I could ever be free from him.
I didn’t see myself meeting anyone else, or never having to be around Dan ever again, I only saw negatives that were fuelled by the fear of the repercussions by going against his demands.
“Mum, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t see myself having any kind of life until this morning. A friend caught him cheating on me and sent me the proof. Had I not have been with Lottie and Hunter I don’t know what I would have done. They have given me the strength I need to get through this, they have shown me that I have a phenomenal support network and no matter what Dan says or does, I have people there for me. I need you to be aware that he made some rather nasty, sick threats, and whilst I’m not one hundred per cent he will follow through, the possibility of him doing it is too great to chance. If he shows up, please do not let him in. Do not let him take the children and do not let him hurt you. Stay away, call the police and call me. Please mum, you may think he is all mouth and as much as you can give as good as you get, he is a nasty piece of work and will not hesitate to hit you.” I feel sick to the stomach at having to tell her she may be at risk from Dan, she needs to know, and she needs to be able to protect herself and the children should he show up here.
My Dad travels a lot with work, and I know he won’t be around for the next week or so, leaving her alone and vulnerable to an attack.
My Mum looks pensive for a moment, seeming to work through all I have told her. “Sweetheart, just let him try. He won’t get anywhere near my baby’s babies. I meant to talk to you about something, and since you all seem to be at risk at the moment, I think this may very well be a good idea.”
I don’t get a chance to wonder where this could be going, for she picks right up where she left off, silencing anything I was about to say. “Your Uncle Joe has been feeling a tad poorly lately, and with your father being away for the next two weeks I told him I would come and stay. It’s nothing serious, but with him being alone, and me being alone, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to go and visit him. Now, when I brought it up to Alex that I was going on a little holiday, he asked me to come, Lily then jumped on the bandwagon and asked to come too. With Dan being a bit unpredictable at the moment, maybe they could come with me, it’s only for the week, and I will be home on Saturday, they get a nice little treat and you can have a well-deserved break at the same time. So what do you think?”
What do I think? NO, is what I think. I am screaming in protest in my mind.
I have never gone that long without them, this weekend being extremely difficult and I have even dropped in to see them.
The knowledge that they will be so far away from me, and it will be a week before I can cuddle or kiss them again is painful in itself.
But that’s just the selfish part of me, the part only thinking of how I will cope, the part that allowed my children to live in a house where their mother gets abused by their father.
She’s right, they would have an extraordinary time, and be spoilt rotten, but what about me? It will kill me to be that far away from them for that long.
“Baby, this will be good for them. It gives you some time to get your head together, and allows them some tim
e to be carefree and have some fun with your Mum. Right now it’s the best place for them to be. He can’t touch them if he can’t find them.”
I shiver at the arms that wrap around my waist, I was lost so far inside my own mind, going over the pain I would feel, that I didn’t even see Hunter approaching me.
His words are true, as are my Mother’s.
This is the best thing all round, I need to stop putting myself first and do this for them. I would never forgive myself if Dan got his hands on them.
I resign myself to a week of worry, loneliness and missing my babe’s astronomically.
It’s not as if they will be in bad hands, I keep telling myself. My Mum would give up her own life before allowing anything to happen to them.
“Okay,” I say on a nod, sounding hollow and lost, “I need to call Lottie and ask her to bring them some clothes over. I also want daily phone calls, and the second either of them is unhappy I will be on the first train to Cornwall to pick them up. Deal?” I don’t just say this to my Mum, I speak the words to Hunter too.
My Mum’s face lights up in delight, from the idea of having her Grandchildren for such a long period of time and also taking them away being more than she could have ever hoped for when I was with Dan.
I keep saying when I was with Dan, as if it was such a long time ago, when in reality, it was a few short hours ago.
I watch in amazement as Hunter pulls out a wad of crisp fifty pound notes, handing them over to my Mum without batting an eyelid.
I stand there, mouth gaping at the amount of money he is passing her way and wonder what the bloody hell is going on. What reason could he possibly have to pull that amount of money from his pocket?
“Take this, and buy them anything they may need. Clothes, food, toys, anything at all, you can get going as soon as you are ready and not worry about waiting for Lottie.” He says, as if it is perfectly acceptable to be giving my mum an extortionate amount of money for MY children. What is it with this man and flashing the cash? As if buying them a car load of toys isn’t enough, he feels the need to buy them a whole new wardrobe.
My Mum, as shocked as I am, looks to me for some clue as what to do, she looks mildly offended, but also extremely pleased at the same.
“I can afford to buy my Grandchildren food and clothing, so as kind as this gesture is I think I will decline it. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, you are all I have ever wanted my Connie to have, a man who can take care of her and puts her and her children’s needs above her own. Just don’t hurt her. Take this back and take Connie out for the night with it.” My Mum never ceases to amaze me with her diplomatic responses.
Hunter bats her hand away, clearly not impressed with having his generosity turned down.
He obviously likes to take control and doesn’t like to be told no. “I’m sorry Mrs Jones, but I will not take that money back. I would never mean to insult you, or insinuate that you cannot look after your Grandchildren, but I’m sure we would all feel a lot better knowing the children were on the road and away from the situation at present. The sooner the better, and we don’t know how long it will take Lottie to bring what is needed. As for the rest, well let’s just say that I want to treat the two little monsters as well. In the short space of time I have gotten to know them, I have become quite attached to the little terrors. If you don’t wish to use the money, then place it in a trust fund for the children. I want to get to know your daughter, and I wouldn’t feel right doing that if I didn’t look after her children first.”
My Mum and I are stunned at the thoughtfulness of this man, he is everything I could ever wish for in a man and then some.
I can see he has won her over, her hand grips the money tighter before she puts in to her jeans pocket. “You hurt her and I’ll cut your balls off, don’t you forget that!” I start choking, the air I was breathing getting stuck in my throat at the words my Mum has just spoken to Hunter.
“What the hell Mum? Is that any way to thank the man who has come in to our lives five minutes ago and has helped out more than he could ever need to?” Really? The woman can be so infuriating sometimes, embarrassing me above and beyond.
Someone get a shovel and bury me now!!
“No sweetheart, that is no way to thank the man. That was just a motherly warning for him not to hurt my beautiful daughter more than she already has been. This,” She says, standing on tiptoes to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a hug, “This, is how you thank the man that I know will be the one to bring you back to life.”
My Mum gives him a few pats on the back, whilst Hunter just smiles at me in understanding.
He doesn’t show any emotion towards hostility to my Mum, as Dan would had those words been spoken to him.
Hunter accepts what she says, and humours her without a second thought to the matter.
We have said our goodbyes, mine overly tearful, and waved Mum, Alex and Lily off.
They have promised to call me every night and fill me in on their daily escapades.
They were so excited to be going that I was slightly hurt by their lack of emotion at going without me, realistically I know it is just down to going on a new adventure and nothing to do with not missing me, but my feelings are all over the place at the moment and it’s hard to be reasonable with all the changes in our lives as of late.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The ride back to the complex was marginally awkward, Hunter trying to strike up a conversation and me pensive over everything that has happened between us.
The wild side of me is bursting at the seams to break free and ravish this wonderful man, but the more reserved Connie that Dan forced me to become is living in fear of rejection and being too forward.
Hunter opens my car door, holding his hand out for me to take to assist me from the vehicle.
I accept it and allow him to pull me up with enough force that I crash in to his hard, muscular body.
I suck in a breath, the sheer size of those arms and the hardness of his chest making me feel giddy. He tilts my chin up, so I have no choice but to look in to those baby blues that I so easily lose myself in.
Hunter’s hands slide lower, grasping my arse cheeks, one in each hand and pulling my lower body to his.
We clash, my softness against his hardness, and boy is he hard.
The feeling of his manhood so close to my entrance sending tingles throughout my body, I have to grip his arms tightly to stay on my feet, the fear of collapsing at his feet is enough to make me press myself as close to him as I can, in the hopes he will catch me if I begin to fall.
I bite my lip and watch his eyes dart to my mouth.
He places his thumb on the bottom lip and flicks it downwards, releasing it from my teeth. I go to lick my suddenly dry mouth, but Hunter starts to lower his face towards mine causing my breath to hitch in anticipation of his kiss, excitement and lust flooding my veins.
Just as I expect his lips to reach mine he pauses, looking deeply in to my eyes, searching for some sort of reservation stirring in the depths of them.
He won’t find any, I don’t think I have wanted anything more than to kiss this Adonis, this god, this amazing man.
I don’t give him the chance to pull away, I lean forward the rest of he way and lick his bottom lip, coaxing them to open. Hunter retaliates, nibbling my lower lip between his teeth before gently and ever so slowly kissing me back.
His tongue matches mine stroke for stroke. This kiss is unlike earlier, it is not a lust fuelled frenzy, this is tender and in a way, a loving embrace.
His hand becomes buried in my hair as he deepens it, my knees begin to weaken and his other arm holds me up by my lower back.
We stand, kissing like this for what feels like a millennium, neither of us wanting it to end, but both of us slowly coming back to reality as we pull apart.
My breathing is erratic, my chest rising and falling deeply with every lungful of air I suck in. I keep letting this happen, I lose myself in this m
an in a way I have never lost myself before.
I force myself on wobbly legs to step back and away from Hunter, I need some space, space to consider what is going on and if this is what I really and truly want, or if it’s just the excitement of having somebody want me in a sexual way for once.
He makes me feel alive, sexually attractive and all woman. “Stop thinking. Just feel! I haven’t wanted anything as much as I have ever wanted you. We may as well face the end result now. You’re mine, completely, wholly, utterly mine. I will do whatever I have to do to prove where you belong. I don’t just want you in my bed, I want you as a permanent fixture in my life. Children and all.” Holy fuck.
Did Hunter really just say he wants me in his life? Permanently?
We have some amazing chemistry, but he cannot know how he feels about me after the short amount of time we have known each other.
I’m only a novelty, a damsel in distress that needed saving, and once he has his way with me he will grow bored and move on.
I cannot allow myself to be sucked in, I have spent so many years as a frightened shell of a girl, and now I have finally opened my eyes and woken up, I’m being consumed by this man who sucks me in like a vortex and I cannot get out. I need to be me, be strong have some control of the situation. “I want you too, I really do. I just...” I look away, unsure as to why I am telling him this. Yes he wants me, now anyway, but for how long?
“You just what?” He butts in, not allowing me to get away without finishing what I was saying.
I roll my shoulders back; deciding to be honest and open, not allowing myself to chicken out of telling him how I feel. “I haven’t been on my own, ever. I lost myself for so long that in a way I’m scared. YOU scare me, having somebody want me for me. It doesn’t make sense. You won my children over, my Mother, my friend and most of all me. I feel like I’m drowning in you. It’s too mucu, too soon and I need to take a step back and work out what the fuck is going on in my messed up head.” I step forward, placing my palm against his stubbled cheek and smile sadly, “You deserve better than someone like me. You deserve someone who can give you everything you have ever wanted, not someone so damaged they fight to stay afloat daily.”