by Vi Carter
“If you don’t arrive, he’ll stop searching, once he knows I have found you. He won’t ever bother you again.” Gage reaches across the table maybe to comfort me, but I pull away from his touch. It’s not the touch I seek or want.
“You look good, Scarlett.” He taps the table when I don’t respond and gets up.
He’s frowning down at me and his lips part like he has so much more he needs to say, but he closes his mouth and glances up at the camera. The buzz of the door has him pulling it open, and leaving, he doesn’t look back. I blink and tears spill.
I return to the kitchen and try to turn down my emotions while I scrub pots and pans until my fingers are raw. Once my shift ends, I stay in my room. I normally take a walk through the city, but not today.
The room I sit in has two single beds and a double locker for the possessions we manage to get away with. I have seen so many battered women come and go in the last two weeks, that it makes me sick. Their wounds will slowly disappear, but inside they never really do. How many times had I heard that you had to confront your monsters in order to make them disappear? Too many times. I knew I had to do it, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying. Dean wasn’t exactly a monster. I loved him. But he had taken my freedom from me. He had made me face all my demons head on, and he was the last one I needed to face.
***
I leave the half-way house close to four in the morning. I take the night bus out as far as it will go and walk the last twenty minutes to the beach. The moment the smell of sea water hits me, my stomach tightens. The wind has picked up and I tighten my hold on my hand-me-down black jacket. Each time I’ve put it on, I’ve wondered who has worn it before. Did they find their happy ever after, or are they still angry and seething from the wrongs that were bestowed upon them?
I take the ten steps down until my feet hit the sand. Stopping, I look up and down the beach and it’s empty. Taking off my shoes and socks, I let my feet sink into the sand. I carry my shoes as I walk towards the water, the waves crash across my feet and I close my eyes as the wind carries a drizzle of rain with it. I hold my hands out on either side of me and squeal as the water bashes up to my knees. The cold water is sharp and it’s a reminder I’m alive right now, at this moment.
I can taste the salt on my lips as the sea continues to bash me. The next wave is bigger and forces me to run back when all I really want to do is run into the water. I open my eyes as my heart pounds.
I want to swim in the rain, I had told him once. It felt like such a long time ago. So much can change in two weeks.
“It’s beautiful.” His voice fills me with an overwhelming amount of sadness and the waves seem to respond with harshness against my legs.
“You’re beautiful.”
I can’t turn around, I don’t want to all of a sudden. I lean my head back and close my eyes.
“I didn’t think you would leave.”
His voice carries a note of his own heartache and it’s closer to me, making me open my eyes.
“What do you want?” I say, and finally look to my left where he stands. His trousers are rolled up to his knees and the wine jumper he wears doesn’t look very warm. Dark eyes search my face and my stomach squirms, so I glance away.
“I needed to make sure you were okay.”
“Didn’t Gage tell you I was fine?” I’m looking back out into the waves. “He said you got shot.”
I glance at him again. “My shoulder.” I notice how his arm is hanging limply at his side.
“Shouldn’t you have it wrapped up?”
His grin sends butterflies floating through my system. It’s a rush that makes my feet tingle.
“Are you worried?” He asks.
“No. Just hoping it’s your trigger hand.”
His laugh is loud and I find myself smiling too. “It actually is.”
“Good.”
His smile has me smiling, but when his vanishes, my body quivers as he takes a step towards me.
“I should have never given you that code.” He’s shaking his head.
Now, I want to leave. “You gave me my freedom.”
“I lost you. I lost the only thing I have ever loved.”
I bite my lip and look back out into the waves. “Don’t say that.” My nose burns with a rush of pain.
“It’s true. I didn’t think you would leave.” His words end on a laugh, but it holds no humor.
Guilt weighs heavily on me. The drizzle in the air grows heavier. “I had to leave, Dean.” I glance at him and he wavers before I blink. “If I didn’t leave, I’d never really know.” I swallow and look away from him. “What I feel is wrong. It’s not natural.”
He takes another step closer to me. “What do you feel?”
“Too much.” I frown again. “You took me.”
He runs a hand across his face. “I’m sorry.”
I blink and tears fall. “Thank you.”
He shakes his head and another wave hits my legs hard. “What are you thanking me for?”
“I’m so sick of wrongs being done to me and no one apologizing. No one has ever been held accountable for their actions,” Salty tears fill my mouth. “So, thank you.”
“We all have to meet our maker one day.”
I’m ready to smile, I didn’t peg Dean as religious but when I glance at him, I see he is serious.
“Yeah, we all do.”
“So, I’m trying to shave some of my wrongs off the list,” he says before taking another step towards me. “I hope she’s female and I can flirt my way into heaven because the rest of the list is pretty long.”
I’m laughing and it feels good.
“Build a life with me, Scarlett.” Once again I’m ready to dismiss him. “Let me make it up to you. I want you to be my family.” He reaches for me and I’m unsteady, his words undoing me. I want to belong. Isn’t that what this life was all about? Belonging to people who loved you.
His large hand is warm when it touches my face, and I sob with a smile at the contact. I missed his touch, his smell.
“I love you.” He’s dipping his head trying to catch my eye and I believe him. “My mother is killing me over you leaving.”
I laugh again through my pain.
His smile slowly dies. “Please tell me you’ll give me one more try.”
I think deep down, I knew I would search for him. He was the first person who ever saw me, and I’m proud of what I have become.
He doesn’t raise his other arm and it reminds me he was shot. “You want to tell me what happened?”
“I promise I will, but I want something in return.”
Is he seriously trying to bargain with me? The rain grows heavier and my legs are pretty cold at this stage. “What do you want?”
His gaze flickers to my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me, or ask for a kiss as I thought that’s what it would be, instead he takes my hand in his.
“Swim with me in the rain. You have a home now. A home with me.”
More tears flow and I almost don’t want him to see me like this. I can’t answer him but tighten my fingers around his hand. “I’ll swim with you.”
His smile is wide and the darkness in his eyes eases up as he pulls me into him.
“You can’t take it back.” He warns.
I stand on the tips of my toes and press my lips to his. “I love you, Dean.” I admit. I love the effect my words have on him. His eyes widen in disbelief and he reminds me of a child at that moment.
I’m screaming as I’m waist deep in the water. “I change my mind!” I scream as another wave lifts me. The rain is warmer than the ocean and this isn’t how I imagined it.
“I won’t let you drown.” Dean pulls me to his chest.
“I’m sorry Dean, but I don’t have the best confidence in you.”
“Why?” He sounds so wounded.
“You only have one arm.” I remind him.
With his one arm, he pulls me into him again. “I won’t let anything hurt you again.”<
br />
The rain soaks us and I wonder for the first time what we must look like from the road.
“Okay.” I take his face in my hands and run them along his beard. The bristles tickle my palm. “Let’s try this again. My name is Scarlett, and I’m a singer who has discovered I don’t like swimming in the rain.”
His laughter sets my heart racing. “I’m Dean. I’m unemployed right now. I recently packed in my last job, but don’t worry, I have lots of money.” His grin has me leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips. His hand worms its way around my waist and he lifts me along with the next wave and right there in his arms, there is no other place I would rather be. I was where I belonged.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
DEAN
Two weeks previously….
She looks like an angel as she sleeps. I don’t want to leave. The note in my hand feels heavier than a gun. That’s what it is. I’m handing her something that could destroy me. I place the note on the pillowcase, before placing a kiss on her forehead. She stirs, and I know I need to leave before she wakes up and starts asking me questions that I just can’t answer right now.
I pick up the green army bag from the gunroom before entering the living room. Gage is drinking a cup of tea and nods at me over the rim before downing it like a drink.
“I’ll drive.”
I take a look around the space and wonder if I’ll see it again. I wasn’t a martyr by any means, but the most important things to me were under this roof. I needed to protect them.
“Let’s go.” I punch in the code and Gage pulls the door behind him.
Once outside, I throw the bag into the back of the car.
“Do you need to give me the code for the door?” Gage asks while climbing in. He’s refusing to meet my eye.
I snort. “Are you afraid that I will die today?” I ask.
“Yes.” He turns and backs down the driveway.
“I gave the code to Scarlett.”
I can feel his gaze on me, but I don’t turn to meet his eye, and he doesn’t say anymore, as we drive to what I feel is the wrong thing to do.
“He’s going to clip me.” I repeat for the hundredth time, I didn’t see this going another way.
Gage smacks my chest. “Are you wearing a vest?”
“Yeah.” His gaze meets mine, and I don’t like the worry I see in his.
“Then you're fine.”
“So encouraging.” I answer. We fall into a silence the rest of the drive.
I’d never met Rian Steele in person, but I knew of him. Ruthless and cold, that’s what I had heard. He never seeked me out to do business with him and I was glad of that, but now, being dragged to him for shooting Kane’s wife, made me sick to my stomach. I should have let Damien die that day. I would be free of this shit.
The private airport’s gates are open and we enter.
“You have the money?” Gage asks while driving into the only hanger that’s open.
“Nah, I left it at home in the safe.” My fingers drum along my leg. I’m fucking nervous, but I need to shut this shit down before it gets me killed. “Yeah, I have the money.” I had brought the fifty grand not that that was what Rian Steele wanted. He wanted flesh, blood, he wanted me.
“Is he coming alone?” I ask Gage while still staring out the window.
I want to get out and scan all the rooftops. All the places that a sniper could be. I reach in the back and grab the bag. Removing the guns, I stash two of them randomly around the car. The other three I put on me.
“You know he will search you?” Gage says.
I nod and my heart picks up as a car drives into the hanger. The black Bentley has me with no doubt of who the driver is.
“Think of mam and dad,” Gage says, like he can see how much I want to fucking run.
“I’m here because of them.” I answer.
He opens his door. “No, you’re here because of her.” He means Scarlett. I get out and drag the green army bag with me.
The door of the Bentley opens and Rian Steele steps out. A fag hangs from his mouth. He flicks it across the tarmac and blows smoke high into the air. Pushing his hair out of his eyes, he claps his hands. “Dean.” He approaches me with a predatory look in his eyes. He grips my hand and pulls me into his chest. He’s bigger than me, but I like to think I could hold my own against him. Yeah, he’s an intimidating fucker, but I hope it doesn't show.
“Rian.”
He scratches his jaw with his left hand, three of his fingers are clad with rings. It’s his boxing hand; I wouldn’t like to feel the power behind those fists, or the destruction those rings would cause. Maybe that’s what the purpose of them were. His own weapon.
“Did you bring my money?” I throw the bag at his feet and he doesn’t pick it up. He clicks his fingers, and one of the three men that are with him, comes forward and picks it up. Rian glances at Gage but doesn’t acknowledge him.
“What does it feel like?” Rian asks.
“What?” I didn’t want to play games. I needed to get back and make sure that Scarlett didn’t use the code. That she didn’t leave me.
“To shoot an innocent woman.” He holds his hands up and grins. “I mean... I’ve killed a lot of people, but, women aren’t my thing.”
I run my hand down my beard. “What do you want?” I fire back. Gage moves and Rian holds up two fingers, freezing him in place. I get to feel the power behind his fist. Blood splashes the tarmac as my head snaps back. The rings cut into my flesh and I hold my face for a moment before looking back up at Rian. He appears like he hasn't moved at all.
“What. Did. It. Feel. Like. To. Shoot. A. Woman?” He asks again.
I spit a mouthful of blood out on the tarmac. My jaw aches. “Nothing. It never feels like anything.” I answer honestly. Tracking them was more fun than pulling the trigger.
“Who was the client that paid you?”
I’m shaking my head. It’s my life's work on the line. “I’m not saying.”
Rian throws his head back laughing before clapping his hands. I glance at Gage, who shakes his head. He didn’t get it. I couldn't give a client’s name. If I did, I would have every other fucker trying to clip me.
I turn to Rian and his fist collides with my jaw again. I hit the ground hard and this time I can’t keep in the pain.
“You know I can’t tell you. Everyone I worked for would have a price on my head.” I stand and wipe more blood from my mouth. His gun is in my face and I raise my hands slowly.
Jesus Christ, I knew he might try to clip me, but not like this. “I gave you your fifty grand,” I say.
“It’s not about the money. When one of our men wants blood for his relative, we deliver.”
I didn’t think someone like him would do the work for his men. I keep that to myself, not wanting a bullet between my eyes.
“What ever happened to that girl?” He asks.
“She escaped,” I answered without blinking, thinking of her running across the field.
He nods. “What did she see?”
“I just wanted to fuck her.” It was the partial truth and he buys it by taking the gun out of my face, or maybe he doesn't give a shit for what my reasons were for taking Scarlett.
“You will have to pay for the life you took. I’ll have a few jobs for you.”
I’m already shaking my head and the gun returns.
“This isn’t a fucking debate. You will do these jobs or you die.” He nods his head.
I want to disagree. The gun fires and it takes me a moment to feel the burn in my shoulder. I stumble back and sound ceases as my fingers come away coated in blood.
“How about now?” Rian’s voice penetrates my shock.
I blink and Gage is beside me. He doesn’t speak, but he’s there.
I don’t answer and he cocks the gun and points it at my leg. “Okay!” I shout. “Okay. Fine.”
He puts the gun away and smiles. “I said I would shoot you and I did. So the debt is repaid. I’ll be i
n touch, Dean.”
He salutes me and I have a moment of relief before dizziness washes over me and I stumble to the ground.
Gage grabs me and pulls me up before leading me to the car. The drive moves in and out of focus until it finally grows dark.
***
I woke up the next morning in the hospital with my mam hovering over me. Gage is there too, and the moment I look at him he shakes his head. She’s gone. My mam’s questions confirm it. Scarlett had run the moment she got the chance. Did I really blame her? No.
I lie back into the pillows as my mother peppers me with questions. Who shot me? When did it happen? Where was Scarlett? Was everything okay? Why wasn’t I speaking? Gage finally takes her from the room.
“You know she’s worried,” he says, filling me up a glass of water.
“I know, but right now I don’t have answers for her.” I pull the IV out of my arm and hiss.
“What are you doing?” Gage asks.
“I need to find her.”
The door opens and a nurse arrives in. She takes one look at me and moves to my bed.
“Don’t bother, I’m going.” I stand up and hate the weakness in my limbs.
“You won’t make it to the elevator.” She warns.
“Watch me.”
“He’ll drag himself,” Gage tells the nurse before he pushes me back onto the bed.
“You stupid motherfucker!” I roar with pain.
Gage laughs and the nurse demands he leaves as she hooks me back up to the IV. All I want to do is find Scarlett, but whatever she injects into the drip sends me into a sleep.
***
It takes a few days before I’m released. The moment I get out, I search for her on the streets. A part of me hopes I don’t find her while another craves her face, her ocean eyes. Gage surprises me by helping. We start early in the morning and don’t stop until the night time falls. Every shelter dwindles my hope. There are six in the area and we split them up.
***
“Drink your soup.” My mam warns me as I stare out the window at the rain. It reminds me of her. Rainy days make me sad now.
“I am, Mam.” My mam pats my hand and returns to the stove. Dad sits on the couch with his head resting back as he snores. I didn’t want to be here, but my mam is happy to be taking care of me. She asks each day about Scarlett and I hate it. I have no answer. Gage arrives and I look at him. It’s his eyes. I know it. He found her.