by Delia Steele
It’s been 5 ½ months since Cams accident and the baby is on its way. Hardest part about this knowing Cam will miss the whole experience but Valeria is here and taping the whole thing, one day he will watch it I have to hope! And I have to do a good job so I can get back home to him. As bad as I want him to wake up I don’t want him to while I am gone. It would kill me for him to be scared with someone he doesn’t even know. This fucking pain is CRAZY like stepping on a jagged knife and ripping my toes off CRAZY but I just can’t bring myself to get the epidural my baby will be drug free and I will endure what it takes to ensure that! It’s the least I can do after all the drinking my first trimester. Maggie and Alex are here as well as Gus, Cam’s Mom Mary Ann, and of course Georgina. Just when I think I am going to pass out I hear it, the cry that sounds like an angel singing. A second later I see a beautiful baby sporting my bronzy skin tone with dark blonde hair(I am surprised Cams color won out over my dark mop) and when I lock eyes with my perfect little angel I am floored to see Cam looking back at me. This child is a spitting image of Cam all the way down to the emerald green eyes. And now that my child’s life isn’t effected by my feelings and actions I let my guard down and I cry for 5 months lost with the man I love more than life. I cry because for the first time in 5 months I see him in my child’s eyes and I realize how void I am without him. I cry for the beautiful life we created that he still doesn’t even know about. I cried because for the first time I have a blood relative alive again and this child will forever love me like I should love myself. UNCONDITIONALLY AND WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
After only 1 night at the hospital Baby Cruz and I are released with a clean bill of health. I had Gus come in the Hummer to get us I figure it’s the safest vehicle I own, however I wasn’t thinking about how I would get in. GESH The car ride home was a nightmare. I was a ball of nerves. Baby Cruz looked so sweet in the sock monkey car seat, my own little miracle. Just sleeping the whole way never even batting an eye. The house is the same of course it would be it’s only been a day. I let Gus and Valeria bring in Baby Cruz and the luggage. (I can’t tote the car seat yet) I go as fast as my legs will take me without hurting myself, still got a few stitches in my va-jay-jay ha! Through the door to Cam. He looks different. It’s only been a day yes but he is turned on his side and the curtains are still drawn to. I freak instantly. The hour it is he should not be turned towards the back wall he should be on his left side facing the window and the curtains should be open it’s beautiful. Oh when I see that nurse her ass is roasted, she is slacking with me being gone one dayum day seriously. LAZY BITCH. I go straight to his bed and start trying to get him turned he has a schedule and EVERYONE knows it just incase something happens and I am not home. We stick to it but with Val & Gus being with me the help got just too comfy. Gus sits down the car seat and comes to help me before I hurt myself and I let him. Now I have tears staining my cheeks because no one will ever love him the way I do. His mom is on her way for a few days but she doesn’t know how to take care of him like this. After I pull the curtains open I take baby Cruz over to meet Cam.
Cam has on a simple grey t-shirt and is on his side now the right way. I can’t help but lay the baby in his arm on the bed and pull it over. All while secretly praying it would be what woke him up! But no of course not, another prayer unanswered today. They look like they are sleeping together. CLICK I hear the camera, looking over and Valeria has captured their first meeting. Little did I know that would be the first of many of which I would turn into the photographer of.
Chapter 23
Baby Cruz is now 3 months old and Cam still sleeps. I have hired a physical therapist to come to my home daily because with the baby I just can’t work with Cam like I did, so I picked a highly qualified therapist to work his muscles and the new nurse he has now keeps him turned and iv’s checked. However I stay in this huge room with him always. Baby Cruz right along with us. I sit in my chair closest to the big window where I can see Cam, the sun, the water, Baby Cruz can play on a blanket with toys, and I can even make out our favorite grassy patch as it slowly has grown back to full plush with lack of us using it. I work from home in this chair on my laptop and using facetime. I do everything from this room except bathe. We never leave him. I can’t. Valeria has free reign over the entire house but with us in this room it stays fairly clean. Baby Cruz has never even lay in the crib in the nursery but always in the pack n play here. Today is beautiful and I want to go outside. But I won’t leave Cam. So I had Gus open the French doors leading out and had them roll the smaller transition bed over to Cam. With it in a slightly elevated position I had them move him over and Gus rolls him out right beside the egg shaped hanging swing. Which is where I sit holding my little angel, I don’t even know how long I stay there but it’s not long enough before the sun starts to go down and we just have to roll back inside. That’s as far as my adventures go now day’s online shopping, work, caretaker of my two loves, and sitting.
“OMG sitting up seriously SITTING UP! YOUR SIX MONTHS, CRUZZY AND YOUR SITTING UP BABY” I all but scream for Val to come see. “Look Cam our baby is getting so big!” I clap and run over kissing Cam on his cheek. “I can’t believe this, wonderful ahhh I have to just gotta get a picture of this!” grabbing the Nikon off the table I start snapping. “Valeria take Cruzzy over by Cam he will want to know he didn’t miss this in full” I snap a few pictures of Cruzzy sitting by a still sleeping Cam.” Kiss daddy he loves you Cruzzy!” as prompted Cruzzy tries to wiggle over and lands a kiss right on Cams chin. “OMG VAL Cam just got bit I think!!” hahaaa silly baby you be nice to your daddy I giggle. Yea I am aware I am kind of crazy now. Vals still worried I have totally lost it. Wonder how she would react if I told her sometimes Cam talked back ekkkk I’d be committed I am sure. I mean he doesn’t really TALK back but I swear he hears me. I tell him I am here and that I love him his heartbeat speeds up for just a second. Sometimes when I am overly sad and cry his sheets are bunched under his hands like he was clenching them, even thou I never saw him do it really. Yep I am totally insane. Someone please page Dr.Apline I am in need of a major sit down! I carry on with Cam like he is wide awake when he isn’t.
We hit the ten month mark and Baby Cruz is up moving around, travelling as they call it. You know moving where ever there is something to hold on to, Today I keep having to pop those little hands because they seem to want to grab onto Cam’s iv rod and um no baby that don’t get it! My hair dresser is stopping by today because we are all in need of a haircut. Mines a mess, not that’s it’s been fixed in ages. I just throw it in a messy bun and go. But Cruzzy needs a shape up and Cam looks like a rock star. So today we all get back to ourselves. I am getting nervous because tonight I will have to leave Cam and Baby Cruz for the first time. I don’t want to but I have to. I will be attending my first fundraiser in over a year but it’s by far the best one ever. I started a funding program for families of coma victims. I realized others go through what I am and more often than not they can’t afford the care I can, Or to be with them. So my company matches dollar for dollar to this fund to help other families deal as best they can. Whether to help pay a bill, buy groceries, pay for therapy, whatever they may need the C.A.M Foundation will help them. And I have to be there and tell my story of how and why I started this. I am still considering sending Maggie or just skyping it from my chair by the window. UH I don’t want to do this crap!
A few hours later I stand not even noticing the woman in the mirror. Hair is stunning cascading down my side, while I stand faceless checking the OFF THE RACK gown I have on. It’s not a Lexi Cruz Design I know that! But pretty all the same. Its’ simple a deep red almost wine color with one strand of FAKE diamonds trimming the spaghetti strap on the right, it’s not a perfect fit, I’m smaller than I was and it’s a generic size anyways. Valeria has put little tiny flowers all through my hair one for each month Cam has slept. I kiss both my loves and walk away, crying again of course. I have to put on my big girl panties and do this for Cam. He wo
uld be proud to know I am doing an event I support for once. Not one of my moms.
The night goes on with only one surprise. We had a donation arrive right before we were about to wrap up. It was for $56,000 and I knew who sent it because I had given her the same amount once to cover my end of the Sub Ball. All the memo said was “I’m Sorry”
I had told my story as best I could with as few tears as I could hold back. These people opened their pockets to my charity graciously I was overwhelmed. I had really grown up over the last 16months. I have to get home thou I have a birthday party to plan for Cruzzy.
I can’t believe it’s been a full year!!!
Chapter 24
(1week until Baby Cruz turns one)
“Uhh” I slump back on the floor. “Longest day ever, I hate making decorations, why didn’t I just pay someone to do this!” I groan. It’s time for a break, with my rug rat snoring I guess I could sit down and write Cam a bit. It’s been a few days. I know he will understand thou because I am uber busy getting everything ready for our little party that’s going down in a few days. I hate he is missing it. I refuse to get upset thinking about it thou, it won’t help. After leaving a few words about this crazy themed party I close the journal and lay it back beside his bed. I scan the room just looking for nothing really I literally just let my weight go and fall Indian style back to the floor (shit hope it don’t wake cruzzy) I gotta finish up these adorable pirate hats and treasure hunt maps. Good thing the house is huge and we are all adults. Yet it’s sad Cruzzy has like zero friends the same age. “EEEKKK what was that” I squeal looking around my eyes about bugged out of my head. “I know I heard something I am NOT crazy.. well I might be but by gosh what the hell was that” great now I am talking to myself. I make my way to the window and peek outside; surely no nutcase would come way out here trying to get pictures of my sleeping beauty, right? After searching all the windows and I have concluding I am hearing shit I turn to head back to my spot in the floor, it’s getting late probably close to midnight. I need to clean up and get some rest before Cruzzy’s little head pops over the top of the crib. Yawning I start towards the bed… STOP MOVING… OHHH….MY….GOWSH….
“ Cam baby your eyes are open” he looks at me like a lost puppy he looks terrified squinting in the lamp light “ohh Cam please baby tell me you know me, look at me” but he is staring behind me like he doesn’t even see me. I turn to see what he is looking at. Then I barely hear in a scratchy voice Cam says “who…is…that?” he is looking at a picture I took of him and Cruzzy one day outside. I had all I could take and had a blanket lain out on our spot. Gus got Cam down on his side and Cruzzy is BUTTUP curled up under his arm. They look as thou they are napping like a daddy would do with his baby.
“Cam” I say as I turn back to him “Please don’t talk I need to call your doctor, but first please tell me, do you know me? Do you see me and know who I am?” it takes a few stomach falling scary minutes but slowly Cam shakes his head. It’s all it took I went running full speed and leaped on that bed with everything in me kissing his face all over “Oh baby I love you so much iamsosorryididthistoyou I love you love love you like crazy wild love you more than anything” Cam gasped for air and I sat straight up scared to death. Not moving I just stared at him with tears pouring down my face. “CAM are you ok? I didn’t mean to…” I jump up off the bed grabbing my cell, I can’t even see the numbers I am crying so hard. “VAL GET YOURSELF IN HERE CAM WOKE BUT HE HE…..” uhhh I chunk my phone. Valeria rounds the corner of the door still tying her robe but I could tell she had ran. She grabbed the side table phone called the doctor and at that time the nurse came running in, why hadn’t I thought to scream for her? “Miss Cruz please calm down his vitals are fine, he just went back to sleep, how long was he awake, did he talk, did he recognize you?” she asked sternly. “About 2 maybe 5 minutes, he spoke but barely, and yes he knew me and was highly confused when he saw cruzzy in the photo with them sleeping. He was aware of us but I kissed his face and he gasped and out he went.. I am so scared I hurt him” I can’t help but start crying as I hover over my yet again lost love “ What if he doesn’t wake back up” I can barely get the words out. Slowly I feel a squeeze I look down to see Cam has edged his hand to me and squeezed and I knew he was just exhausted but was here with me he was coming back to me. I knew he would never leave me. I looked up and with my eyes so full of tears I could barely see but I with one blink it was clear. My Cameron was home, my heart is now whole, and his beautiful emerald green with gold speckled eyes were lazily starting at me with a half smirk on his lips. “oh baby I am so sorry I scarred you, I love you so much, I can’t believe your awake” he looks confused but I hear a noise and rounding the door is a scruffy looking Gus with the doctor in tow. After what seems forever the doctor tells us everything seems to be great and Cam should be fine. I have to make calls tomorrow and set up his therapy to get him back up and moving.
Cam still staring around asking questions: Stuff like what happened, how he got here, how long he had been in a coma (which I corrected very fast) he was sleeping!!! He was so confused but he sat there holding my hand and keeping me close. He looks at the pictures again. “Lexi who is that child?” he looks hurt. I don’t get it… as if on cue I hear Cruzzy whimper and Cams eyes go huge. I make my way over to the crib and pick the baby up and when I turn I can’t believe the look on Cams face he is PISSED. And with a voice that shouldn’t come from his weak body he stops me dead in my tracks, everyone is staring. “Who the fuck is it Alexa, I was out for what 17 months and you kept me here while you moved on? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE” I wanted to cry then I opened my mouth and out came a giggle. I slowly made my way over to the bed and when I turned Cruzzy over to meet Cam it took ONE look. Cam saw those big green and gold eyes and knew the answer. His arms instantly shot out for the baby. And here they said he would need serious therapy before he could control his body. Val had to prop pillows under them thou he was still too weak to hold the load of a one year old. “Cameron I know you are confused but when you had the wreck I fainted and when I woke I was informed I was pregnant. And this little well not so little one here is your son, meet Kelton Cruz Thompson. He will be one next week and we are planning a pirate party. I am so glad you woke up for it.” And again I am crying.
Chapter 25
Val is ushering everyone out and has Cruzzy in her arms to go get him a cup of milk. “ Cameron I know this is all too much as soon as you wake up but just know it’s ok I got this. You just get better, allots changed but EVERYTHING is still the same. You’re awake now and I have enough strength for us both until your 100% again.” And I do.
“Cameron I am tired it’s been a long night and I know your wide awake and I am glad, but I have to rest Cruzzy will be ready to get back up soon for the day.” Val sticks her head in.. “You want him Miss Cruz or should I take him with me?”I motion for her to bring him over. I flip on the TV news for Cam to catch up and I snuggle him between us. Then BAM the sun is touching my face, Cam is giggling, and I open my eyes to a curious Cruzzy looking at his dad using his tiny fingers to tickles Cams face. “NOSE, MOUSE,EEHHSS” Cruzzy baby gurgles. It’s so cute and I am full of happiness.
After a few hours of talking both my guys are tired and ready for some much needed rest. I put Cruzzy in his pack n play to rest and quickly informed by Cam he wants full details about what he missed with his little man. I smile “I have a lot to do, I will be right here with you all day but I have to finish the party stuff baby, I don’t have much time” he looks so sad “but I have something for you” and I hand him the book off the side of table. Read this and you will see you have never missed anything…
(Cam opens the book)
He reads the first page.
“My dearest love when you come back to me and you will, on these pages you will see you never left me, never. Read and you will know everything that happened. You’re my love, my life, my forever. Here is how it started and we both know how it en
ds…happily ever after. I love you Cameron Thompson and WE love our Kelton Cruz” His eyes were huge and he let a single tear slide down. “I won’t stop till I finish it Lexi, Thank You so much for this and those” he stretches his hand around the room to let me know he means all the photos “even with my eyes shut in them I see it all now, you never once left me out . I have been a part of his life the whole time. I think I dreamed about him while I slept.”
The Journal:: (the book on the night stand)
(The Day she found out the babies sex)
“Well I found out today the baby’s sex. It just made it harder to know since I don’t know if you will ever meet him. But it warms me to if that makes sense.
Like even thou you can’t take care of me, you left me with someone who will be able to. I can’t think about you not waking uhhh that’ll make me crazy and I can’t afford that. I’ve had the whole first floor redone to accommodate your needs. And well mine to! I miss you. I lay here talking to you none stop but it’s so different with you not being able to look at me and talk to me when I ask you a question. I pretend you answer back, I haven’t lost it yet but these crazy moments make me wonder. When you wake will you still want me after I ran from you? After I did this to you, I am so sorry Cameron I swear it on my life I am sorry.” -Broken Hearted & Sorry-Lexi
(3 months after Kelton was born)
“I miss you. Even thou you are right here, I miss you so much. I started this journal about a week after you didn’t wake up hoping that one day you would and this would be your lifeline back to me. I have written in it to my best ability, my memory. I wrote how we met and of course it’s how I always felt. But it’s my point of view; it’s how we got here. I just hope you remember it, even thou I have been thoroughly informed that it’s possible you won’t even know my face. Apparently comas do that to people. Amnesia pftt what if it happens and you never remember my face? I don’t worry about you not knowing Kelton Cruz he wasn’t here when you went to sleep, that’s what I call it now it’s too hard to say anything else. We didn’t even know about him! But he is you from head to toe. And if you don’t remember me somehow… I can make you love me again. You loved me when I wasn’t worth loving so I know I can win you over now. I am changed I am whole again; well I will be when you wake up. I am way ahead of myself here thou, its quiet possible you will wake up right where we left off. Which doesn’t make me feel much better. I was running from you because I thought you were embracing a life style I wanted to leave behind. And you were going into it head first with my worst nightmare. Well I always thought Corrine was my worst nightmare over the last few months I have fully realized that I am actually my own worst nightmare. I rarely leave home and Val thinks it’s because I am depressed. I’m not! I just want to be here when you wake, and you will I can feel it. I swear I see your fingers twitch and your eyelids flutter and sometimes I just know your heart rate picks up when I kiss you. They don’t believe me thou. But in the middle of the night all they see is me down on bended knee with my heart bleeding, it’s tearing me apart. I pray and beg with all my soul for you to come home to me. AS the moonlight pours down on my jagged soul I talk to you, I stare at the moon and tell you everything pretty much the same as I write here. I am raw, Kelton Cruz helps so much but when he is sleeping my world is so cold. I see his little chest rising just as I see yours. Ya’ll are so close but worlds apart. You are my crossroads Cam I can’t do this without you. I try to pretend I can but I can’t. I will stand in the middle and never choose a path that doesn’t lead me and Kelton to you. I would never be able to tell you goodbye. As long as you’re breathing I will be strong enough to fight for us both. But please please wake up soon, my body isn’t in sync with my heart and it’s slowly giving out on me. I need you so I can stay strong enough for the both of us.” -Waiting patiently & lovingly-Alexa