She drummed her fingers on the table, and I waited for her to finally come out with whatever question it was that was eating at her. “So, are you going to tell me about your little argument with Ryder?”
“No,” I said with a smile.
She frowned, and then placed her hand on her chest. “Oh come on, give your dying mother something.”
I held my hand up, and stopped her right there. “You are not dying.” I took her hand in mine, and ran my thumb over her knuckles. “You are going to get the surgery, and you’re going to beat this. Do you hear me? So please. Don’t talk like that.”
Mom pursed her lips like she had a million more things to say, but then decided against it. She looked down at her coffee for a moment, and then smiled up at me. “So, are you and Ryder getting back together?”
I rolled my eyes. “You are relentless.”
“He loves you.”
“Maybe he did once, but he always loved the club more.”
“The club is his family.”
“The club destroys lives. Do I need to remind you of my father, your husband, who is rotting away in a prison cell? The club did that to him.”
“Mija, the MC didn’t do that to him. He did it to himself. He’s there for the crimes he committed.”
“That the club made him commit,” I retorted.
“No. The club didn’t force him into the lifestyle. He chose it. So don’t blame the Idols.”
I thought about Mom’s words, and even though I didn’t believe her reasoning, I couldn’t have this argument with her again, especially now. Not when she was sick and getting ready to have life saving surgery. She needed to focus all of her energy on that. I needed to get out of here, and away from this conversation.
“What about if I make sofrito bandido and porkchops for dinner?”
She smiled, her face brightening up. “My favorite.”
“I know. I just have to run to the store and get a few things. I’ll be back soon.” I finished off my coffee, and kissed Mom goodbye.
After yesterday, I didn’t walk out of my house without looking both ways. I hated not feeling safe in my own home, but the sad thing was, I was used to it. This had been my way of life for so long, and despite the years away, I was still always aware of my surroundings. Only now, it was back in full force and for good reason.
Cruz was at Raven’s Nest, and while I hated the idea, I needed to put my personal feelings aside. At least I knew, for the most part, he was safe there.
I pulled into a parking spot at the supermarket, and headed inside, heading straight to the meat section, and throwing a pack of pork chops in my cart.
“So, the stories are true. You’re back.” My body froze at the voice. Trista was one my closest friends before I left. I didn’t know how much she had changed, but she was never the forgiving type.
I turned around, and took a deep breath. “I am,” I admitted, taking in her dark eyes and dark hair. Her hair was a little longer, but the nose ring, the self-assured confidence in her stance, and the badass tough girl exterior was all the same.
“Nice of you to fucking call.”
I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say.
Trista stepped closer. “Care to tell me why you’re back?”
“My mom’s sick.” Trista knew this. Everyone knew about Mom but me.
“She’s been sick for awhile. Why now? You could’ve been back months ago, so why now?”
“I didn’t know.”
She scoffed. “Likely story.”
“I’m sorry are you trying to accuse me of something?”
“I just find it a little suspicious that you come waltzing back into town in your fancy clothes.” She pulled at the strap of my dress, and snapped it back. “Right as the Feds are opening an investigation.”
“Into the Idols?”
“Don’t play dumb with me,” she spat.
The realization dawned on me. “Wait. You think I have something to do with that?”
“You disappeared in the middle of the night. Never told anyone where you were going. You knew more about the club than any outsider. You hate us. After your dad was put away, you made that known to anybody who would listen.”
I shook my head. “That all may be true, but I’m not a rat. And you should know that better than anyone.”
The only weapon I had was our history. Trista and I saw a lot of shit. Dealt with more. Those secrets stayed with me. Her burden was my burden. The one time I needed her to carry my burden, I bailed, but that didn’t mean I ever stopped carrying hers. We were friends that were two steps away from sisters, and I only hoped that she could remember that.
“I did.” She narrowed her eyes in disgust. “But I don’t even know who you fucking are anymore.”
“I’m not working for the Feds.”
Trista moved even closer to me, inches from my face. “For your sake, you sure as hell better not be.” She turned and started walking away before pausing, and then looked back. “And, by the way, you can wear boots all you want to cover that tat, but you’re not fooling anyone. You’re one of us. It’s time you remembered that.”
I looked down at the brown boots, remembering the day I branded myself with a slight variation of the club’s signature raven. It was my way to show my devotion to the club, and to prove to Ryder that I was in it for the long haul. Then, my dad got locked up, and my views on everything, not just the MC, changed.
Trista was there to hold my hand as the needle pierced my skin, marking me forever as an Idol’s old lady. She had always been there for me.
I glanced back up, but it was too late. Trista was already gone.
SEVEN
RYDER
Cruz did inventory on the liquor, and I wiped down the bar, as we got ready for the night crowd. It was hard to look at him, and see the man he’d become. All I ever saw was the twelve-year-old kid who used to beg me to take him for rides on my bike.
He was a good kid, but so much had changed in the past couple of years, and I just wanted to keep him away from those fucking drug dealers. It would be a cold day in hell if he ever became the enemy. So, even if Sawyer couldn’t understand my motives, at least I knew, when Cruz was in Raven’s Nest, he was safe.
Cruz held up a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. “I think you need to place an order for J.D. This shit’s been going like water.”
I tossed the rag over my shoulder, and pointed to the pad on the bar. “Write it down. I’ll get to it later.”
The phone rang, and I picked it up. “Raven’s Nest.”
“Ryder, it’s Rev,” he slurred which meant he probably took a ride up to one of the casinos, and was currently drinking and gambling himself into a hole.
“Yeah, buddy, what’s up?”
“I’m supposed to make a shipment to the docks in an hour, but I’m a little tied up.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Get yourself untied and get your ass to the docks.” I was getting sick and tired of always cleaning up Rev’s shit. I had enough of my own shit that needed cleaning up. I didn’t have time for his too.
“I could, but when a pretty lady ties you to the bedpost, why the fuck would you want to?” There was giggling in the background.
I wanted to kill him. “You’re blowing off club responsibility for some pussy?”
“Just go to the dock for me. I’ll owe you one.”
“Rev, you owe me a whole fucking binder full,” I bit out.
“So, what’s another favor?”
I ran my hands through my hair, and shook my head. Either way, the shipment had to be made, and there was no way Rev was making it. With shipments already missing, the last thing we needed was to stand up the fucking Chinese. I might not want to be Rev’s bitch, but I also didn’t want those Chinese motherfuckers up my ass either.
“Is the truck loaded?”
“Loaded and ready to go. You just have to drive it down. Li and his crew will meet you there.”
“Fine.”
Rev groaned on the other end, and I hung up the phone before I could hear anything else. Looked like there was a change in my afternoon plans.
Blaze arrived, and before he could sit at the bar, I patted his shoulder. “Blaze, I have to go make a delivery, and you’re coming with me.”
Cruz put the bottle down he was marking. “Hey, let me go. You’re going to need someone behind the bar anyway, and I’m too young to serve.”
“He has a point,” Blaze said.
Sawyer would throw a fit. Then again, what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. It was a simple delivery. What could possibly go wrong? “Fine. Let’s go.”
***
I checked my gun, and tucked it into the waistband of my pants. Cruz did the same.
“You don’t touch your gun unless you know for a fact we’re in danger. You got that?” I didn’t need him getting all trigger happy, and shooting for the wrong reasons.
He rolled his eyes. “What do you think I am? A fucking moron?”
I laughed. “Maybe.”
We hopped into the truck at the warehouse, and headed toward the docks. I glanced up in the rearview mirror, and spotted a black town car keeping its distance, but I knew when I was being followed.
“We have company.”
Cruz checked his side view mirror. “Feds?”
“Who else drives black fucking town cars?”
“What’s the plan?” Cruz asked.
I smiled as I cut the wheel, and headed in the opposite direction of the docks. I took out my cell and dialed Raven’s Nest. Blaze answered on the third ring.
“Hey Prospect, do me a favor. Tell Rogue to get in touch with Li, and let him know the shipment is going to be delayed. We have a tail.”
I hung up the phone, slid my sunglasses into place, and lounged back in the driver seat. I turned to Cruz and smiled. “Get ready to be schooled, little brother. Time for us to take those assholes on a little wild goose chase.”
We drove all over Brooks Landing, stopping at the liquor store to pick up more Jack Daniels, the ice cream shop for a snack, and then the drug store for a card.
“What’s the card for?” Cruz asked.
I held up the thank you card, and flipped it open. “Hand me a pen.” I took the pen from Cruz and wrote beneath the Thank You:
For spending the day with me. But, if you’re going to be all over my ass all day, the least you can do is buy me a drink.
“What do you plan on doing with that?”
I scooped up the card, and stalked right over to the asshole who still thought he was incognito with his douchebag sunglasses and side parted hair.
The Fed shifted in his seat as I made eye contact with him, daring him to try something, anything. I slammed the card on the windshield, making sure the words were visible, and then got back in the truck and drove away.
If the Feds wanted to catch us, they were going to have to try harder than that.
EIGHT
SAWYER
I set the table, and stood back, admiring my hard work.
“Mom, Cruz, dinner is ready,” I called, but neither answered.
I walked down the hallway, and stopped at Mom’s room. The door was shut, so I eased it open without knocking. Mom was curled up in her bed in a deep sleep. I didn’t want to wake her, so I closed the door. I’d set a plate aside for when she woke.
Cruz’s door was also shut, but I knocked, so he wouldn’t blow up on me like last time.
“What?” he called.
I hated talking through wood, but I was trying to get back on his good side. Try to remind him that we once got along. “Dinner’s ready.”
Cruz emerged, wearing his cut. He might not have physically looked like Dad, but draped in the club’s leather, that’s all I saw.
“I’m going out.” He brushed by me, not even bothering to make eye contact with me.
“What do you mean you’re going out? I’ve been cooking all afternoon, and you’re just going to take off?”
He shrugged with more arrogance than necessary. “I have a date. You should’ve asked.”
I narrowed my eyes, throwing his superiority back in his face. “I guess I assumed, if you had other plans, you would have told me when I started cooking.”
He didn’t step down, didn’t even waver. “I’m telling you now.”
The doorbell rang, and Cruz pushed passed me once more. Not ready to end this conversation, I followed behind him. He answered the door.
“Hey babe,” he said, and I watched as he leaned into a kiss. My little brother really was dating.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” I asked, walking closer to get a better look at the girl. Her pale blue eyes seemed familiar.
She tucked a brown strand behind her ear, and smiled. “You don’t remember me, do you?”
Once I heard the voice, it all came rushing back to me. She was a foot taller now, with new curves, and her cute baby face had transformed into a beautiful young woman. “Evie?”
“Oh my God!” I pulled her into a hug. “It’s so good to see you, sweetie.”
“You too.”
“You are not that ten year old little girl I used to babysit, that’s for sure.”
Evie turned to my brother, nudging his shoulder. “Cruz, why didn’t you tell me your sister was back?”
“Slipped my mind,” he shrugged.
“Something smells amazing.” Evie glanced toward the kitchen.
“I made sofrito bandido, our mom’s favorite. There’s plenty of food. Why don’t you two stay for dinner?”
Cruz’s lip twitched, ready to make up some lame excuse, when Evie beat him to the response. “We’d love to.”
Cruz stood just behind her, his shoulders slumped like a petulant child. He rolled his eyes as a scowl settled on his face. Evie turned back to him, but he quickly put on a fake smile. “You’re okay with that, right?” she asked him.
“Of course.” He rested his hand on her lower back, and guided her to the kitchen. As he walked passed me, he cast an angry glare, but I ignored it, and followed them in.
“So, how long have you two been together?” I asked, since this was the first I was hearing about it.
“A few months now,” Evie answered, as I took her plate and filled it up.
“Who asked who out?” I continued.
“He asked me. We were friends for a long time, but,” she turned to him, locking eyes, and smiling so sweetly. “I had the biggest crush on him, so, of course, I immediately said yes. He’s my best friend.”
The words were all too familiar. I felt like I was watching a rerun of the Sawyer and Ryder Show. We were so young and so blissfully happy. Completely unaware of our reality. Nothing lasts forever. Especially when you’re wearing that cut. It’s not a code of honor; it’s a death sentence.
“And, what do you think about Cruz being a prospect?”
Cruz dropped his fork, and flashed the nastiest of looks at me. Evie, who was so forthright with information, quieted up, and sunk a little into herself. I must have hit a nerve.
“Why don’t we start asking you questions?” Cruz sneered. “You were in New York, we know that much. Why New York? Why leave at all? What happened that had you running scared? Or, should I be asking, what’d you do?”
Evie rested her hand on Cruz’s, pulling it off the table, and cradling it in her lap.
I didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to know any of it. It didn’t affect him. It was my burden, no one else’s.
I met Cruz’s eyes, and past the tough guy façade, I could see the little boy I used to give piggyback rides to. The boy who looked up to me, and always wanted to be around me even if I was just watching TV.
Until this moment, I didn’t realize how much I had hurt Cruz by leaving.
“I didn’t think so.” Cruz pushed away from the table, nearly knocking over the chair, and took off down the hall. I wasn’t sure if I should go after him, but seconds later, his door slammed shut, and I had my
answer. He needed time to cool down.
“I’m sorry, Sawyer. He had a hard time with you leaving. Your dad was sent to jail, and then shortly after, you took off. He lost the two people he loved most in the world within a month of each other. Now, just when he thought he was finally getting his act together, you come strolling back into his life like nothing ever happened. He’s confused and still hurt. He just doesn’t know how to deal with it all.”
I nodded. “Were you two friends then?”
“We were. We’ve been friends since we were eleven.”
For the years I was gone, Cruz had Evie, and while it brought me comfort knowing he wasn’t completely alone, it still didn’t change a simple fact: I had been gone, and I missed a huge chunk of my brother’s life. Phone calls and emails that I once thought were enough, weren’t even close to being enough. I couldn’t believe it took me coming home to realize that. “Can you tell me about him?”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
NINE
SAWYER
I was getting cabin fever, so I headed out for a drive in the California sun. I opened the sunroof, rolled the windows down, and cruised down the 101, letting the fresh air clear my mind. Tomorrow, Mom would be having surgery, and hopefully kicking cancer’s ass. She had to. I’d already lost too much in this life. I couldn’t imagine losing her too, not yet at least.
My eyes scanned the road in front of me, and landed on a sign for the San Quentin prison exit. I might have gone five years without seeing anyone, but at least I kept in touch. My father, on the other hand, well, I hadn’t spoken to him since they raided our house, and took him out in handcuffs.
Mom and Cruz went to see him the first day he was allowed visitation. I refused to go. Instead, I went to Ryder’s, curled up in his arms, and cried for hours. He held me the entire day, and didn’t even talk because he knew no matter what he said it wouldn’t take away the pain. Nothing could. It would be with me forever.
I thought that, over time, the pain would lessen, but it hasn’t. I’ve just been able to push it far in the back of my mind. Seeing Dad would only bring it front and center, and I refused to let that happen. So, I pretended like he was dead, and not a couple miles down the road. A good song came on, so I turned up the volume, and sang along. Suddenly, the lights on the dashboard dimmed, the radio cut out, and then the car died. Completely. “You have got to be kidding me,” I said, resting my head on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn, and scaring the crap out of myself. So much for my peaceful drive.
Broken (Motorcycle Club Romance): Ryder and Sawyer 1 (Fallen Idols Motorcycle Club Book 3) Page 3