“We have to leave soon. We should have another shower and get dressed,” Yoss suggested, kissing my shoulder. Neither of us moved. Not in a rush to leave this momentary sanctuary.
I was sore. My muscles ached but I didn’t mind. It was a pain that I welcomed.
“I wish we could stay here forever,” I sighed.
Yoss rolled me onto my back and ran his hands through my hair. “I can think of better places to stay forever than a cheap motel room with scratchy sheets,” he laughed. He kissed the side of my neck. “Now come on, before Mae barges in here.”
I sat up, covering my bare chest with the sheet and watched as he gathered his clothes. “How do you know Mae?” I asked him, having forgotten about the strange greeting she had given him the night before in the heat of things that came afterwards.
Yoss paused before going into the bathroom. “Oh you know, just around,” he replied dismissively.
“Yoss.”
He looked at me, dark hair falling into his eyes. “Stop hiding things you think I shouldn’t know. If I ask you a question, I want an answer. Don’t evade me.”
Yoss mouth thinned and there was a noticeably tick in his jaw. “I’ve known Mae for a long time.”
“Really? How is that?” I pressed. I too often let things drop when I shouldn’t. I instinctively shied away from information I was scared to know or Yoss didn’t want to give me.
But if we were going to have a life together, that had to change.
I couldn’t love half a man.
I needed all of him.
His secrets.
His truths.
Everything.
Yoss came back to the bed and sat down. “Sometimes I come here,” he admitted.
I knew.
His eyes met mine. Shame. So much of it. It coated him in grime and bled from his mouth with words I wished I didn’t have to hear.
“With my…with the men…” He stumbled and fell over honesty.
“Oh,” I said quietly, sickened at the thought of sleeping in a bed that he had already lain in.
Touching someone else the way he had touched me.
How would I ever reconcile myself with the things he had done? Would it always be in the back of my mind? Taunting me? Laughing at my foolishness?
“Manny keeps a few rooms available. He pays Mae to have them ready.” Yoss was pale and he swallowed thickly. “I’ve never stayed here though. Not in this room,” he hastily added.
As if that were a consolation.
“It doesn’t matter though. We’re leaving today. We won’t ever see Manny again,” I said a little desperately with a bravado I wasn’t sure I actually possessed.
“Right,” Yoss agreed, rising to his feet. “Do you want the shower first?”
I shook my head. I felt disquieted. Uneasy. Yoss wouldn’t quite look at me. I was scared to really look at him.
After everything we had shared the night before I should have been jubilant. Excited. But Yoss’s demeanor was off. Guilty maybe.
Don’t be ridiculous! I chided myself. He’s still grieving! We both are! Give him a break! Stop looking for problems. We’re leaving today. Focus on that!
I heard the water turn on in the bathroom and got out of bed.
I stood in the middle of the motel room, wishing I wasn’t imagining Yoss here. With faceless other people.
It made me feel dirty.
It made me want to scream.
Instead I cried.
I had to learn to let this go. But could I?
And why didn’t I trust Yoss to do the same?
Not able to shake the sense of unease, I went into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain, stepping into the hot water behind Yoss.
His head was bowed, the water streaming over his slumped shoulders.
He was folding in on himself. Crumbling under the weight of things he wouldn’t share.
I ran my hands up his back and felt him shudder beneath my palm. I leaned in and placed my lips between his shoulder blades, kissing softly. So softly.
Without a word, Yoss turned and took me in his arms, his eyes still closed.
Hot. Wet. Slippery skin. Gasping, aching breaths. He fell to his knees in front of me. I parted my legs and almost collapsed when his mouth touched me.
His tongue made love to me as I tried to stay on my feet, my fingers pulling on his hair as I moaned. And sobbed. And promised a thousand unattainable things.
Too soon Yoss turned off the water and carried me back to the bedroom where he laid me down on the bed.
And he held me as I came, with him inside me.
I had no way of knowing that would be the last time.
That he was already preparing to break my heart.
“I have to go run some errands first. I want to try to get a few things before we leave,” Yoss explained after we were dressed and were readying ourselves to leave.
“I’ll come with you,” I said, tying my shoes and putting on my coat.
It was past noon. We had stayed longer than we should have. Why did it feel as if we were delaying something inevitable?
“No. Why don’t you head back to the bridge? Di, Shane, and Karla are probably there. They’ll want to know where we were. We need to tell them about Bug. And we need to say goodbye. Tell them what we’re doing. I don’t want to take off without them knowing,” Yoss replied.
“Shouldn’t you be the one to tell them? Can’t we do that together?” I protested.
I was worried.
I didn’t know why.
Yoss smiled and kissed me deeply. Tongues. Teeth. Meant to make me forget.
“If we divide and conquer we can leave that much sooner,” Yoss reasoned and I couldn’t argue with that one.
I would do whatever he asked so long as we put Lupton and this messy, messy life behind us.
“We’re leaving today, right? You’ll meet me at the bridge?” I asked a little fearfully.
I had to trust him.
Yoss kissed me again.
“Go to the bridge. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Why did my heartbeat sound like a warning?
Yoss walked me to the street where our paths would diverge. I would head to the bridge. He would head somewhere else.
“Where are you going?” I asked again.
“I told you. I just want to get some stuff together. I don’t want you to have to worry about things. I want to take care of you. Will you let me do that?” Yoss took my hands and kissed my raw knuckles.
“You don’t have to take care of me, Yoss,” I argued, frowning. When would he stop looking at me as a defenseless girl? When would he realize that he didn’t need to go to the ends of the earth to keep me happy?
“I know I don’t have to.” Kiss. “I want to.” Kiss. “When everything else goes to shit, I can be glad that I made sure you were happy and safe. That’s all that matters to me.” Kiss.
“Don’t be long,” I pleaded.
“I’ll be there, Imi. Wait for me.”
Promises. Promises.
Always promises.
He went his way. I went mine.
Separate paths.
I should have known that was our fate.
“Where have you been?” Karla demanded angrily when she saw me approach. She and Shane were sitting underneath the bridge, hands held over an open fire. It was unusually desolate. As if everyone had hidden themselves away.
“Yoss and I went to the hospital. To look for Bug,” I explained, sitting down beside them.
“He’s dead. Di told us,” Shane said dully, his hair matted on the side of his face. I saw an old cut healing on his forehead. Dried blood on his cheeks. His clothes were grubby and covered in soot from the fire. Karla was huddled in her jacket, her hands tucked between her thighs for warmth.
“I can’t believe that little fuck is gone,” Karla remarked sadly, and the three of us absorbed the weight of that statement and what it meant.
“Do you know what happened? With the fire?” I asked, taking a piece of bread that Shane offered me from a torn bag.
“I heard it was one of the fires that were lit inside. The can fell over and a bunch of shit went up in flames. Someone else said it was a cigarette and lighter fluid. Who knows? The cops have The Pit cordoned off. No one can get in or out,” Shane replied, his mouth full with stale bread.
“Where’s Di?” I asked, looking around. She was the one I really wanted to see. I cared about Di. I didn’t want to leave without making sure she was all right.
Karla blew into her palms and rubbed them together. “She was here earlier but then said she had to go. She wasn’t good. She blames herself for Bug. She thinks she could have gotten him out somehow.”
“But that’s ridiculous! It’s not her fault!” I exclaimed, my heart hurting for my friend.
“That’s what we told her. When Bug was passed out, he was dead weight. And he wasn’t a little guy. He was tall and gangly as fuck. No way could a little thing like Di get him out of the warehouse. And if she had tried we wouldn’t have lost just one friend last night.” Shane stared into the fire, the smoke curling up lazily towards the sky.
“When will she be back?” I hated the thought of Di out there feeling guilty for things that she had no control over. She looked so tough with her shaved head and tattoos, but she wasn’t. She had a heart that could be broken just like the rest of us.
“Don’t know. She may have split town. Probably smart considering there’s fuck all to stay around here for,” Karla snapped, grabbing the bag of bread and taking the last two pieces for herself.
It started to rain. Not much, just enough to make us wet. As much as I hated the cold, miserable damp, I was glad it wasn’t snowing anymore.
“Where’s Yoss?” Karla asked, tossing the now empty bread bag into the fire.
“He went to get some stuff. Uh…well…” I stuttered.
“Just spit it out. What’s your problem?” Karla glared at me. She was being particularly crabby. Not that I blamed her. I couldn’t summon up my usual annoyance with her attitude. We had all been through a lot. We were all grieving. Some allowances could be given for that.
“Yoss and I are leaving today. We’re getting out of town,” I finally got out.
Neither Shane or Karla said anything. The only sounds were the roar of traffic overhead and the crackling of the fire.
“Where are you going?” Shane asked after too long without saying anything.
“I don’t know,” I told him and Karla snickered hatefully.
“You don’t know? That sounds like a great plan,” she sneered.
“Karla, give it a rest, will ya?” Shane muttered tiredly.
“So Yoss sent you to come break the news to the kids. Isn’t that nice of him?” Karla spat out. She clenched her hands into fists. Her anger was wild and out of control and clearly focused on the wrong thing. Me.
“What did you say to make him agree to this? To agree to leaving us?” Karla asked. I looked from her to Shane, but he only gazed back blankly.
“We’ve been talking about it for a while now. I think now, after everything that’s happened, it’s the best time—”
“Whatever. Go ride off into your sunset and don’t worry about the people you’re leaving behind. Forget about family. Do what the hell you want!” Karla screamed, getting to her feet and stomping away.
“We aren’t abandoning you guys. You get that, right? We just…after Bug…after the fire, it seems like a good time to go,” I stammered to Shane.
“Don’t listen to her. She’s upset. Bug. Then Di taking off. Now Yoss leaving. She has a hard time expressing her feelings in a positive way.” Shane patted my hand. “You and Yoss should get out of here. I’ve never, in all the years I’ve known him, seen him happy. And he’s only happy with you. Take care of him, Imi.”
My eyes burned from smoke and tears. “I will, Shane.”
“Tell Yoss…” Shane gazed out at the river, his eyes losing focus for a moment. “Tell him it’s okay. We understand. And to be selfish. For once, be selfish.”
I didn’t understand. But I knew I wasn’t meant to.
“Yoss will probably be back in a little while,” I told him.
Shane stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets, his shoulders up around his ears to shield himself from the rain. “That’s okay, I think I’d better catch up with Karla.” He smiled at me and I was able to appreciate, perhaps for the first time since I had known him, how truly handsome he could have been. But Shane’s was a face that life had ruined. Scars were etched deep on someone so young.
“Take care of yourself, Imogen.”
“I will. You too,” I replied.
“Yoss isn’t back yet?”
I had been staring out at the river, imagining the life Yoss and I were going to have. The great things we would experience. Together.
Fanciful thoughts full of possibilities.
“No,” I answered Manny curtly, keeping my back to him.
“Hmm.”
Manny sat down beside me. Too close for my liking. I had never spoken to him without Yoss. I didn’t particularly want to start now.
“I’m glad to see you’re okay,” he said with a nice smile. Too nice. It was horrible.
“What—”
And then I remembered Manny helping me to my feet when I had fallen at The Pit. He had helped me outside and to safety.
“Thanks. For helping me out of the fire,” I said begrudgingly, hating that I had to thank him for anything.
“I wasn’t going to leave you there. Yoss loves you. That makes you important to me,” Manny remarked. He sounded sincere. As if Yoss mattered to him.
As if this despicable man could care about anyone.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I had moved to underneath the bridge, next to one of the uprights in an attempt to stay dry. I had been waiting for what felt like hours. The rain looked as though it would never stop.
“Yoss says you two are leaving town,” Manny mentioned and I tried to hide my shock.
“You’ve spoken to Yoss?” Why was I asking him anything? I should just ignore him. Hope he’d go away.
“Yeah. He told me about your plans to get out of the city. I told him that was a good idea with the fire at The Pit. He needs to get out there and start a real life.”
“I’m surprised you aren’t upset about losing such a lucrative product.” I bared my teeth at him, my anger obvious.
Manny cocked his head as he regarded me. As if I were something cute he wanted to tuck away in his pocket. It was condescending. It was flattering.
He could make you feel so comfortable as if you weren’t disgusted by the things he did. It was quite a talent.
“I’ve known Yoss for a long time, Imogen. I found him as a twelve-year-old kid. Did he ever tell you about how we met?” Manny asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear anything this man had to say. I wanted Yoss’s history from his lips. Not from the man who took his innocence and sold it to the highest bidder.
But I listened.
Because I couldn’t help it.
“He was attacked by two men. Just over there.” Manny pointed to the line of trees on the other side of the bridge.
“They beat him up pretty bad, but it could have been worse. He was small for his age. Thin, scared. He had been through a lot that was obvious. I stepped in and made sure those guys never messed with him again.” He seemed so proud of himself. It made me want to slap him.
“So you took advantage of him. Because he was vulnerable!” I accused.
“I helped him take control of his life. I gave him options. I helped him survive,” Manny argued in a calm, placating voice.
I curled my lip in revulsion. “It’s sick, you know.” Manny raised an eyebrow. “How you can justify pimping out children for money? They look to you for safety. For security. They’re out here because they
have nowhere to go and they are desperate for a home. For belonging. So you give it to them. At a price.”
“I think you have the wrong idea about me, Imi—”
“Do not call me that! Only my friends call me Imi,” I warned him, moving away from him. His words coated me in a layer of filth. Even though I had just showered hours before, I felt dirty again.
“Imogen, Yoss, the boys, they’re my family. I love them.”
“I think everyone would be better off without your brand of love,” I shouted.
Manny looked out at the river, his round face thoughtful. “I understand you don’t like me. That’s fine. But I sincerely wish you and Yoss all the best. And I was glad to be able to help him out so you could start your new life.”
There it was. The bomb Manny had been waiting to drop.
“What are you talking about?”
I knew.
“He came to me this afternoon. He needed money. I was able to get him one last job that would set the two of you up for a long time. Yoss is a good boy. He’ll take care of you.”
I jumped to my feet, my heart thumping madly. “Where is he?” I whispered.
“What was that?” Manny asked, cocking his head to the side again. I was close to violence. I felt it crackling in my veins.
“Where’s Yoss?” I said louder.
“The Meyer’s movie theater. The alley in the back is nice and secluded.”
The movie theater. Where we had watched Fiddler on the Roof.
That’s where he was.
He promised he would never let himself be used like that again.
Liar.
I turned and ran. Manny called my name, but I didn’t stop.
I ran and I ran.
He was there.
I had been berating myself for doubting him.
He wouldn’t do this. Not when he had promised me. Not when we had plans.
Important plans.
I had almost talked myself into going back to the bridge to wait.
He had errands. He’ll meet me soon…
The alleyway was dark. But not dark enough that I didn’t see the two figures tucked into the corner. Behind the dumpster. Away from prying eyes.
I’d recognize the dark black waves of hair anywhere. Even in the shadows, illuminated by the gritty illumination of the street lamp, I knew him.
One Day Soon Page 33