“Be normal again?” He laughed and I shrugged my shoulders.
“If I’m honest, it was because Mom kept bugging me about it, saying ‘you won’t regret gettin’ back on the team but you will regret it if you let these moments pass you by’,” I mimicked her voice.
He chuckled. “I’m really glad you gave me a chance, Grace. I was beginning to think you were never going to get over Noah.”
I rubbed my eyes and smiled weirdly. “Yeah… Call me tonight, okay?” He pulled me in and kissed me.
His lips were against mine and I still dreamed of Noah.
Once inside, Gus attacked me at the door. “Hey, Gus.” They had been wrong about Gus being German Shepherd and Husky mixed, he obviously had one of the two in him but his growth was stunted to the size of a Chow Chow and his eyes that were once blue were now a gorgeous golden color. I rubbed his snout before he followed me into the kitchen. I pulled out Sunday’s leftovers from the fridge and peeked out the door to make sure Dustin was gone before opening the front door. “Come on, Gus, let’s go make sure he’s still alive this week.”
I tried to visit Noah’s dad, John, every week when Mom and Dad were both gone. They’d kill me if they knew I was taking him our leftovers occasionally.
The screen door was unlocked—like always—with the door wide open. I rolled my eyes when I saw him and the young man that had been frequenting his place lately passed out on the stained sofa. Gus rushed in when I opened the door and I covered my nose from the smell. Good Lord, how did it keep getting worse? “Wake him up,” I told Gus but even my poor dog was afraid to touch him or anything in the house. I set the leftovers down on the counter.
“John, wake up!” I yelled and startled the man next to him. His eyes were wide and alert until he saw it was me and fell back against the cushion.
“You again?” he blew.
I kicked John’s feet with my tennis shoes. “John!” His eyebrows twitched but otherwise, he didn’t stir. I looked over the coffee table at the needles and pill bottles lying across it. “What did he take this time?” I asked the other man.
Looking at it all just pissed me off. This was the reason I lost Noah. I brought my foot up and kicked everything onto the floor. “What the fuck are you doing?” the man yelled. Gus barked at him.
I glared. “He lost his son and his wife because of this shit!” I hissed and he settled back down on the couch. “He should show a bit of remorse!”
I went back outside and grabbed the mop bucket then went to the sink. “What are you doing?” He knew exactly what I was doing. I carried the bucket full of water and smiled as I poured the ice-cold water over John.
He spluttered and coughed and jumped up. “What the fuck?” he roared, then he saw me and he cursed some more.
“Your son’s girlfriend is here again and she’s pissed as always,” the man told John like he wasn’t standing there glaring at me.
“I’m not Noah’s girlfriend, I have a boyfriend now,” I told them as I grabbed the leftovers and stuck it in the microwave. Only it wouldn’t come on. I tried the plug. “John, your microwave is just about as useless as you are,” I said, and the other guy laughed. John wasn’t my dad, I didn’t have to be nice to him. I could say exactly what I thought and hoped that one day, my words would make a difference, the same way I had told Noah his would.
John sighed and moved next to me. “Move,” he barked and I did. After a lot of banging and cursing, it started up for him. A few minutes later, he was eating the food I brought.
“Have you tried to see if you can get the number to where Noah is staying?” I asked.
He snorted. “Yeah, like they are gonna let me have contact with him.” Then they both started laughing like it was funny.
“If you tried to get help and get your shit together, they’d let him come home!”
“Yeah, it looks like I’m trying to get my shit together,” John said, stretching his arms wide and they both chuckled again. “And ladies aren’t supposed to cuss.”
“Stop acting like you don’t care!” I snapped, kicking his coffee table and it was a piece of crap so I ended up breaking one of its legs. “I saw you try the first few weeks after he left.” I looked down at the broken table, feeling a little flushed with embarrassment.
“Aye, John, if we got an addiction problem then she’s got an anger issue, right?”
They both started laughing again.
“John, please, if not for you then try to get his contact information for me,” I said the same things every week and it never made a difference… yet. “I have to go, I’ll see you next week.”
“Don’t come back,” he said. “And stop letting that mutt in the house!”
“Come on, Gus,” I called to him. “And we’re coming back,” I promised.
“If you got a boyfriend, why you still trying to get in touch with Noah?” he surprised me by asking.
“Because no one compares to your son,” I told him the truth, and he surprised me with a genuine smile, one filled with pride. I walked out the door smiling because at least for a second, I could smile for Noah. Somewhere underneath his father’s addiction might lay a man that loved his son.
18
Grace age 16
Noah age 17
I talk to Janet a lot about Grace. She wants to meet her, but I’m still waiting to reunite with her myself. I trust Grace’s mom, Allison, but at the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can wait.
The thought of someone stealing her away from me drives me mad.
What if someone already has? After all, I was only the trailer park boy that lived close by.
N.P.
“Grace, brake. Press the brake! The brake!” Mom screamed and I slammed on the brake.
“Mom!” I hissed, shaking like a leaf as I held the steering wheel with both hands. “Why are you yelling?”
“Because, the stop sign,” she said dramatically, holding her chest.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I know, I was nowhere near being close to it!”
She looked at me all scared like. “I’m sorry, this just makes me nervous.”
I groaned. “I know, Mom, but I’m more nervous than you are and your nerves are only rubbing mine raw.”
She laughed at my choice of words and I huffed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Continue.”
“I’d like to take my test by the end of this month,” I told her and she nodded some more.
Thirty minutes later, we were parked at Stevie’s—a small pickup burger stand beside the highway. We sat at a picnic table as we ate.
“So,” Mom started, slurping on her drink. “You and Dustin?” she waggled her brows and I groaned loud enough for her to hear. “So, you’re dating him but you don’t like him?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I do like him, I just—”
She nodded like she already knew what I was going to say. “He’s not Noah?” I gave her a tired smile and nodded.
“Do you think Noah still thinks about me like I think about him?” I asked lamely.
She smiled mischievously. “Of course, he does! You have my good looks and some long legs like your daddy, I know that boy ain’t going to forget about you.”
I placed my chin in my palm as I rested my elbow on the table. “Don’t make it about looks, Mom… But, I can imagine what a few years would add to Noah… I bet he’s even better looking now, I wonder if he grew any taller.” My tummy felt like lava just thinking about Noah while every time I kissed Dustin, it was lukewarm.
“Your face is a little red, child, cool it down,” Mom teased. “So, the boys play their first game this Friday, don’t they?” Mom changed the subject and I nodded. “Who are they playing… Bulldogs, right? Jewel County?” Jewel County was right next to our county.
“I think so.”
“You made the right choice by going back to the team.”
I squinted my eyes. “You practically harassed me into getting back on the team.”
<
br /> She feigned ignorance. “I did no such thing.”
“Anyway… I’m glad I got back on the team, it gives me something to do, at least.”
She smirked. “You won’t regret it.”
“I swear, if you plan on sneaking onto the bleachers and filming me cheering, I’ll quit right now,” I said. She giggled like a little girl. “I’m serious, your face has me worried.”
She tossed her hand up. “Relax. I won’t even get to go if I wanted to, I have to work one of the ball games for the middle school that night.” She made a pouty face. “I really wanted to go.” And the truth came out.
I pretended to be annoyed. “Why are you acting so childish?”
“You act like I’m old or something, I’m only thirty-eight.”
“And you’re onnneeee hottttt mammmaaaa,” I started singing Trace Adkins, “One Hot Mama” and she pushed down her shades and bounced her head until I started laughing.
19
Grace age 16
Noah age 17
Please be there tomorrow. I need to see you. If I don’t see you, I might have to go back on the words I said to your mom and come to you.
N.P.
Something had spurred Dustin’s pushiness yesterday and today. Yesterday he had become more insistent about trying to come inside before Mom got home from school, and today he actually took his truck on the back of the mountain so that he could be alone with me. I had told him I hadn’t wanted to come up here but he shrugged off my choice like it didn’t matter.
I was slightly frustrated and even a little scared that he made this choice so he had to butter me up for a good ten minutes before I finally let him kiss me. Of course, he wanted more. That was the whole reason he brought me up here. I even tried to wrap my arms around him and I thought about the sexy way he smiled sometimes or the moments he actually knew how to be a gentleman and held the door open for people, but the moment he slipped his hand up my shirt, I tensed and started pushing him away. No matter what my reason was, I just couldn’t do this with him, at least not until I was comfortable. It was okay to want comfortable. I wasn’t going to feel bad the moment he leaned back and sighed. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a little breathy. He did look good up close. His eyes were darker than his hair. He had perfect eyebrows too.
“I just want to take things slow. We’ve only been dating a few weeks.”
“We can do slow,” he said, pulling back and I blushed and looked away when he started adjusting his junk right in front of me. “You let Noah touch you, I figured you were ready to mess around.”
I frowned. “Noah told you he touched me?”
He leaned his head back and smirked, the one he did when he was pissed off. “So, he did touch you? You let him touch you in middle school and won’t let me in high school?”
I gaped at him. “You said it in a way that I would misunderstand.” He had tricked me into getting an answer.
“Does it matter?” he asked. “We’re dating now, what’s wrong with wanting to know?”
“I don’t ask you about all the girls you’ve fooled around with, let alone slept with.” I crossed my arms and stared ahead. “Take me home.”
“Grace,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Yes, you did. You wanted to guilt trip me into making me do more than I was ready for. Just take me home.”
“I can’t fucking help it. I’m so nervous that I’m never going to amount to him in your eyes. You won’t even give me a chance.”
“Because you’re not wanting a chance, Dustin, you’re wanting in my pants.”
He placed his head on the steering wheel. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m rushing you when I shouldn’t, just because it’s a little surreal that you are even giving me the chance and I’m already fucking up.” I sighed and he added, “Forgive me, okay?” He took my hand.
“Take me home and start accepting my opinions like they matter if you ever want to get in my pants,” then I pointed at him, “and, it wouldn’t hurt for you to start treating me like I’m special to you.”
“You are,” he insisted with a crooked grin and I shook my head and smiled.
“Take me home, Dustin.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The dummy saluted me.
20
Grace age 16
Noah age 17
Shit. She’s not here.
Never mind.
She storms in when I least expect her, my heart stops—the stars fucking align... then I see him go to her.
I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill him. Those are the only words I can muster inside my head as I watch from a distance.
N.P.
Friday morning started out horribly. I awoke to a tiny bit of a cold and to make matters worse, Gus slept on my uniform and now his black hairs were all over it. I tossed it in the washer before going to school and prayed it didn’t stink by the time I was able to get home from school and stick it in the dryer, only to get home from school and remember that I couldn’t stick it in the dryer. So, there I was, running around fanning my crinkled-up uniform all over the house, coughing every few seconds.
Sara would be here soon to pick me up and I was almost ready to give it up and call it a day. I didn’t feel like I had it in me to cheer with a cough and damp uniform in late September weather where the nights were often chilly.
Dustin called and sounded all too eager that I should sit this game out, and when I called and told Coach, she told me it was fine. Sara didn’t want me to miss the game and even threatened to still come get me but I acted pathetically worse than what I felt and she finally relented.
Great. I was missing the first game of the school year. So much for joining the team again.
Or so I thought until Mom burst through the door like a woman on a mission and eyed me and Gus viciously as we cozied up on the couch munching on popcorn. “Get dressed, you’re not missing this game!” she yelled, running upstairs.
I looked at Gus and he looked at me… What was her deal? She came back down and tossed my uniform at me. “Mom, look, it’s all crinkly and the game just started.”
She huffed, crossing her arms. “I don’t care, I got exactly ten minutes to get you to the football game before I’m needed back at the game I’m working,” she said urgently.
“Mom,” I groaned and smiled when Gus placed his entire head in the popcorn bag.
“Just get up, Grace, I told you, you’re gonna regret these little chances to live and meet someone new at your age. Listen to your mom, she knows what she’s talking about.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “No more, Gus, your legs are too short. What if your belly starts hanging?”
She didn’t even give me any time to fix my hair and face. I had just enough time to put on my uniform, so when she practically shoved me out the car door and left on the football field, I was still adjusting my uniform and putting my hair in a ponytail, trying my best to make myself presentable as I ran across the track and saw that we were booing while the other team was cheering. I saw why, one of the other team’s player was running for a touchdown, our team way behind him.
And he just came to a complete stop, inches from landing his touchdown. Wait… was he looking at me—he was looking at me. Two, three—four of our school’s players tackled him down at once. The whole crowd went into a panic and I brought my hands into fists and backed away. “Oh my God,” I said aloud as I watched them climb off him. I saw Dustin was one of them, his #5 rested against our purple and gold school colors. He saw me and came running, removing his helmet as he scooped me up. “I thought you were staying home?” he asked and placed a quick kiss on my lips.
I covered my mouth and leaned away. “I have a cold,” I told him and he placed me on my feet. “And Mom made me.” I looked over at the other team’s player. The other guy was #22 for the other team and their colors were black and blue. He was looking over this way… “Is that guy gonna be okay?” I asked Dustin and he pulled me forward.
> “Yeah.” He hurried me. “Go cheer for me,” he urged me, smacking my butt and walking back on the field. I covered my butt and glared as he walked away before I caught #22 looking my way again. I tugged at my ponytail and looked away. This stranger was making me feel self-conscious, maybe I looked worse than I thought I did. He had completely stopped running when he saw me.
I peeked at him again but he was gone from the spot he was before. It didn’t take me long to see him getting into position. He was a tall dude, I couldn’t tell exactly how wide he was with the shoulder pads on but he had a nice butt… Crap, I was getting curious. I scanned the field for my boyfriend and checked out his butt too so that I didn’t feel so guilty about it.
“Yay!” Sara chirped. “What made you change your mind?” she asked as I got into position with the girls.
“Feeling okay?” Coach asked and I nodded.
“You’re gonna be glad—”
Coach didn’t let Tiffany finish. “We’re offense now. We didn’t come to chitchat, let’s get to cheering, ladies.”
We cheered our butts off but after every play, I was making googly eyes with #22 instead of my boyfriend. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, the flame that Noah left me without was stirring for the eyes that sought me out through #22’s helmet—my faceless flame. I wanted to see what he looked like. Playing this eye game with him did more for me than kissing my boyfriend. I wanted to feel guilty, but this feeling was what I’d been searching for since Noah introduced me to it then stole it away when he left.
He ended up scoring a touchdown without me distracting him this time, and I hadn’t even realized I had been clapping my hands and cheering for him until Sara laughed. “Um, Grace, are you cheering for the other team?”
“It’s not the other team she’s cheering for,” Tiffany mentioned, waggling her brows.
I was still looking at #22. I sighed a little breathy. “I wonder what he looks like.” I turned to see them give each other a suspicious smile. “What?” I said through a cough.
Fall From Grace Page 9