He wants to hang out.
Hang out, like a date?
ME: YES.
ME: I actually didn’t mean to send all caps.
ME: Okay, I lied. I did mean to send all caps. But I don’t want you to think I’m too excited.
BROOKS: LOL. It’s okay. I’m excited too.
BROOKS: Like, definitely more excited than I should be.
ME: Good.
I set my phone down, smiling at the conversation with Brooks.
I’m pretty sure I have a date on Saturday.
“Ah, crap,” I say out loud.
There is no way that Uncle Matty and Jake are going to let me off campus on Saturday. Like, no freaking way. The only way I could go off campus is if I was dying and needed to go to the hospital, and even then, I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought a surgeon on campus to take care of me.
Okay, so today is not a good day to ask. Obviously, with the attack in Texas, they would say no right off. But, I have until Saturday to get permission. There must be some way that I could get them to agree.
The bathroom door opens up and Teagan walks out in a pair of sweat pants and an old concert t-shirt. Her hair is up in a towel, and I’m not at all surprised that she still looks pretty, even in old clothes.
My phone vibrates again and I look at the screen.
BROOKS: So, I might have taken a nasty hit during football practice because I was thinking about you.
The words make me smile big.
“Are you texting Estaine?” Teagan asks.
I put my phone down without responding. “Why?”
“You’re smiling. I think Estaine likes you. Maybe you like him too. You two were both acting weird during lunch,” she says. “I just figured maybe you two kissed or something and it was awkward.”
“No. No kissing,” I say, but sit up. Teagan probably has a lot of experience with guys. “So… what does it mean if a guy tells you that he likes you and that he wants to hang out?”
“Um... that he likes you and wants to hang out,” she says, as she starts to comb through her long, blonde hair.
“I mean, I don’t want to read too much into it,” I say. “Like, what if I like this guy way more than he likes me?”
“That is just a risk you have to take,” she says, pausing in her hair brushing. She holds her hands on her lap. “Love is... exciting and fun. But it’s also unpredictable. Sometimes, you get your heart broken. Other times, you do the heart breaking. We’re young and we have plenty of time to find Prince Charming. Until then, we should enjoy kissing frogs.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say, lying back against my pillow.
“Is Estaine who you’re hanging out with?” Teagan asks.
“No. I’m avoiding him,” I say.
“Then who is it?” she asks.
“I’m not ready to tell you, yet,” I say, grinning cryptically at her.
“Uh,” she says. “Phoenix, you are going to drive me crazy.”
“And I am going to enjoy every second of it,” I say.
She throws a pillow at me, but misses by a few feet. I just laugh, thinking that I couldn’t have been roomed with anybody better than Teagan.
“What about you?” I ask. “You’ve never told me who this mysterious guy is that you’ve been crushing on.”
“Okay, I see your point,” she says. “But this guy I’m crushing on doesn’t even know I exist. The guy you’re crushing on basically asked you on a date. If the guy I liked asked me on a date, I would be shouting it from the rooftops.”
She wouldn’t if he went to West Raven Academy. Which Brooks definitely does, so... for now, it’s my little secret.
Thursday, August 24
I’m not okay.
At lunch on Thursday, I sit down at a spot on the opposite side of Estaine.
I’m not sure what is worse, sitting beside him or directly in front of him. At least, when I sat beside him I could avoid looking at him. Now, he’s right in front of my face, and he’s looking at me. I can’t help but feel extremely guilty when I see him.
“Hey, Phoenix,” Estaine says to me.
“Hey,” I say, not looking him directly in the eye. Instead, I focus on his hair, loving how curly his dark hair is.
Estaine is a very attractive guy. I don’t understand why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. It’s not that girls here don’t like him, I know they do. Girls always try to flirt with him, but he just doesn’t seem to care, which only makes them try harder.
I wonder about his past girlfriends. He talked about one girl he dated, who no longer goes here, but that was two years ago. Who else has he dated at East Raven? What is his type?
Why do I even care?
“Can we talk?” he asks. “After school?”
“I’ve got soccer practice,” I say, thankful for an excuse.
“I have football practice,” he says. “I meant after that.”
“Maybe,” I say. “I have to call my uncle.”
Actually, I’ll probably talk to Jake, not Uncle Matty. And I’ll go in person. That way, if Jake says no, I can start crying. He will feel bad and he’ll have to let me go. At least, I hope that’s the case.
Teagan, who is talking to Emma, turns to look at me. She probably is listening to our conversation, but I ignore her watchful glance.
“After that,” Estaine says.
I am out of excuses.
Crap.
“Okay,” I say, nodding once. “I’ll come to your dorm after dinner.”
Still, I will try to find a way out of it.
“Sounds good,” Estaine says, smiling at me. “So, how is your cousin?”
At first, I’m confused. I hope it doesn’t show on my face, but Estaine is observant. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d caught me in yet another lie.
“Jake is good,” I answer. “A little sore, but he’s going to be fine.”
“That’s good,” Estaine says, never taking his eyes off me. “You were pretty freaked out yesterday.”
“Well, I didn’t know everything was okay yesterday, when I got that text from my uncle,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says, still watching me.
He doesn’t trust me.
I don’t blame him, because I wouldn’t trust me if I were him.
Estaine thinks I’m a liar.
He’s right.
I hate that he’s right.
Before coming here, I hardly ever lied. I would say that I never lied, but there were occasions that I lied. Like, when my mom asked me if her hips looked big in that one pencil skirt. They did look big, but I couldn’t tell my mom that. I still cringe when I see her wearing that ugly skirt. I should burn it.
But now, I am a liar. A pathological liar. And I know that I have to lie. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I do. I so do. I push away my food, not able to eat another bite. My stomach is so full of guilt and misery that there is no room for these delicious tacos.
“You okay?” Estaine asks.
I nod. Once. It’s another lie. I’m not okay.
When I was kidnapped, it didn’t affect me. I mean, it scared me, but my life was pretty much the same, aside from the added bodyguards. But then the girl from my school died. And it upset me. When I came here, I didn’t want to come, but I realized it was a fresh start. I was excited about the fresh start. I thought the terrorists would eventually forget about me. But after what happened in Texas, I am a bit shaken up. What if they do come after me here? What if they somehow find me? And my friends.
The terrorist aren’t just after me. They’re after my dad and stepmom, too. They have taken a lot of precautions for their safety. I wish I could be there with them, but I understand why I can’t. My dad is worried about me and he wants me to be somewhere safe in case the terrorists do manage to get to him.
“Did you guys hear that a terrorist group attacked a school in Texas yesterday?” Teagan asks.
I nod, but nobody else seems to have heard.
“What happened?” Emma asks.
> “Apparently they broke into the school and killed the principal and one student. They shot another kid, but I think they said she’s going to live,” Teagan says. “It was at a school not too far from where my parents live, and everybody is really upset about it. They haven’t caught the guys who did it, and they don’t even know why they did it. There wasn’t a motive. Apparently there were some files ransacked, but that was it.”
“Weird,” Estaine says.
“Totally,” Emma agrees.
I want to tell them it’s my fault.
But I can’t.
Instead, I get up from the table and walk out of the dining hall without another word. I ignore my friends as they call after me. Once I am outside, I run to my dorm room and spend the rest of the afternoon crying.
4pm.
I can’t take anymore crying today.
I skip soccer practice. I know that I shouldn’t, I just can’t face everybody right now. What Teagan was saying in the lunchroom just made it all more... real. It was like both of my worlds collided in the worst possible way.
Well, I guess not the worst way. The worst way would be terrorists finding me and shooting all of my new friends. Still, I wanted my worlds to stay completely different, and now I realize that it isn’t possible. The guilt of lying is eating me inside, and I hate it.
Not wanting to sulk anymore, I drive to Uncle Matty and Jake’s house. I have to ask them about Saturday, and I know it’ll be better in person. I imagine that I will have to do a lot of begging.
Also, I kind of want to avoid Estaine. I figure maybe I can’t hang out with them until later. It’s a great plan, if I do say so. Even though he will most likely see right through it.
Eventually, I will have to talk to Estaine. But not today. Definitely not today.
When I pull up to the house, Jake is in the front yard, washing his car.
Oh, thank goodness. Maybe I can avoid Uncle Matty.
“Hey, Jake,” I say.
“Everything okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah. I just... need to talk.”
“Oh, okay,” he says, letting out a breath.
He puts down the water hose and goes to sit on the steps of the porch. I sit beside him.
“So, what’s this about?” Jake asks. “You look nervous.”
I look nervous?
I look down at my hands and see my fingers intertwined. When I’m nervous, I play with my hands.
“The thing is...” I clear my throat. Nope. I can’t ask right off the bat. I’ve got to warm up first. “Do you remember being a teenager?”
He laughs. “I’m not that old, Phoenix.”
“Right,” I say.
Ah, crud. Now I’ve insulted him by calling him old.
“I just mean... um... did you have a girl that you liked when you were a teenager?” I ask.
“Of course. Lots of them.” He pauses. “Why do you ask?”
“I kind of like this boy, and I think he likes me,” I say. “I mean, I’m pretty sure he does. He texts me all the time and tells me how beautiful I am. And he wants to hang out with me on Saturday.”
“I’d definitely say he likes you,” Jake says. “Boys don’t call girls beautiful unless they mean it... or...” He looks at me, his eyes wide. “You know, you should be careful. You’re young. You don’t need to date right now.”
My face grows warm.
I’m pretty sure I know what he’s insinuating.
“Brooks isn’t like that,” I say.
“Wait, you’re going to hang out with the kid from West Raven?” Jake asks.
“If I get permission to leave campus,” I say.
“No. Absolutely not. Out of the question,” he says.
“Come on,” I say. “You just said you weren’t that old. Which means you remember what it’s like to be young and have a super, massive crush on somebody. Please, Jake. Please, please, please.”
“No,” he says. “It’s not happening.”
“If I don’t get permission, then I will just sneak off campus,” I say, stubbornly.
“Not if I handcuff you and force you to spend the day with me,” Jake says.
“I swear, I will run away,” I say.
“No, Phoenix.”
“Please,” I say. “Can’t you just come and watch from a distance?”
“Absolutely not, Phoenix. Do you not remember what happened yesterday? These terrorists are serious,” he says. “And I’m not letting you put your life in danger for a high school crush. It’s not worth it, trust me.”
“There has to be a way,” I say, standing up from the steps. I begin to pace back and forth. “You guys told me when I came here that I needed to start a new life. I didn’t want to. But now I have and you won’t even let me live that life. What is a life where I’m constantly in fear? What difference does it make if I’m on campus, or out with a guy? You and Uncle Matty can watch from a distance, or whatever. I’ll be safe. I know I will. Just, please, don’t ask me to cancel this date. I really like this guy.”
“Phoenix...”
When he says my name, I can feel all hope start to dwindle, and my eyes fill with tears.
“I’m going to be stuck here forever, aren’t I?” I ask.
Jake stands up and walks over to me. “Maybe we could find a way for you to go out with this boy.”
“Really?” I ask, looking up at him through my tear filled eyes.
“Yes, just please stop crying,” he says. “Between you and my four year old daughter... I swear I can’t take any more crying today.”
“Why is she crying?” I ask.
Jake looks down at his feet, now avoiding eye contact. “She misses me.”
I frown.
Here I am crying because I can’t go out on a date with a guy... How selfish am I? I’m not the only person who has had to sacrifice. Jake and Uncle Matty are both sacrificing time with their family, to be here with me.
“I’m sorry,” I say, wiping away the tears. “I don’t have to go.”
“Yes, you do,” he says. “Look, you’re a sixteen year old girl. You should be going on dates with guys.”
“Will Uncle Matty approve?” I ask.
“I’ll talk him into it,” Jake says.
Something tells me that won’t be an easy feat.
9pm.
Don’t give up on her.
“You weren’t at dinner,” Teagan says that night, when she comes to the dorm room. “Or soccer practice.”
“I wasn’t hungry,” I say.
It’s true.
I wasn’t hungry because I ate with Jake and Uncle Matty. They ordered Indian takeout, and I couldn’t turn down that offer.
I ignore the missing soccer practice comment. I did miss practice, but I literally couldn’t go. I know I won’t be in trouble... my situation is different than other students. I don’t think the teachers or coach know, but the dean does.
“I thought you were going to Estaine’s dorm tonight,” she says.
I was supposed to.
That is why my phone is currently turned on silent.
He’s called four times.
“Just decided to work on my homework, instead,” I say, which is also not a lie. I’ve spent some of the night catching up on stuff that I’ve missed. I have skipped my French and math class, both classes happen after lunch, for the past two days. I’ve never made anything below a B and I don’t want to start now.
“Are you avoiding him?” she asks.
I pretend to not hear her.
Because, heck yes! I am avoiding him!
There is a knock on the door and my eyes widen.
That better not be Estaine.
I jump to the side of my bed on the floor, hiding from the door.
“If that’s Estaine, I’m not here,” I whisper to Teagan.
“If I lie for you, you owe me an explanation,” she whispers back, as she walks to the door.
“Hey, Teagan.” I hear Estaine’s voice from the other side.
>
“Estaine, hey,” she says. “What’s up?”
“Just... looking for Phoenix,” he says. “Is she around?”
“Afraid not. She’s been MIA all day,” Teagan answers. “She even missed soccer practice.”
“Really?” he says. I can hear the worry in his voice and a pang of guilt hits me. “I’m worried about her. I’ve been trying to talk to her, but she keeps avoiding me.”
“Why do you think she’s doing that?” she asks.
OMG, Teagan. Don’t talk to the boy. Get. Rid. Of. Him!
He lets out a sigh, and I pray that he’s not about to tell her that I am a pathological liar. Which, I think I am. Seriously.
“I think she likes you,” Teagan says.
WHAT?
Why the heck would she say that?
“I don’t know,” Estaine says.
“I think you like her,” she says.
“I don’t know her,” he replies.
It stings a little, because I know he’s right.
“But I can tell you’re attracted to her,” she says.
Come on, Teagan. Just make him leave.
“She is beautiful,” he says.
He thinks I’m beautiful?
“But she’s avoiding me,” he says. “I thought we were friends.”
Ouch.
“I’m sure she wants to be your friend,” Teagan says. “Don’t give up on her.”
No. You should give up.
Definitely give up.
Because, if you did, it would make this whole thing a lot easier.
“I won’t,” he says. “Just... if you see her, tell her I stopped by.”
“I will,” she says.
Once I hear the door shut, I get up from the floor.
“Explain,” Teagan says, turning to me.
“I just... am avoiding him. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know Estaine. He likes you. Or he’s on the verge of liking you,” she says. “He doesn’t date. Ever. Or have girlfriends. So, if he’s interested in you, then you’re lucky. Most of the girls in this school have a crush on him.”
Ever After (East Raven Academy Book 1) Page 9