I didn’t realize I was crying until the drops of tears hit my knuckles, which had begun to turn white on the door handle.
Open it, open it.
Open it and confirm it, I willed myself.
With one sharp breath I opened the door and there… right there in front of me was Jason kneeling behind the woman on the bed, balls-deep inside her pounding into her so hard her massive breasts literally bounced up and down near her face.
“Fuck, you feel so fucking good. I needed this. I needed thi—” The bastard was about to cry out when his eyes landed on me in horror.
“Phoebe.” He gasped.
The woman looked up and I could see her face now.
Gina, his secretary. The fucking bitch looked straight at me and smiled. She had every right to because my husband had given her the right. He’d disrespected me by fucking another woman. And, in our bed.
In our house.
“Phoebe.” Jason pulled out of her and jumped off the bed. He pulled on his boxers and dashed over to me but I was already rushing back the way I came.
Down the stairs, around the corner and then out the door.
He called after me, but no way was I stopping.
What could he say to me? What explanation could he give?
There was none. None that was fucking acceptable.
I jumped into my car and sped out, nearly hitting him as he ran up to the side door and tried to stop me.
Tears blinded me as I careened down the road.
I drove for what seemed like forever, heading down to the lake house.
It was my refuge when I simply thought Jason was cheating, but now that I knew he was I would most assuredly need to retreat.
I’d just turned down the country road. I was certain I checked before turning, but there to my left, on the adjoining road, was a truck travelling way past the speed limit.
I screamed as it crashed into me.
Chapter 6
Phoebe
Japan present day…
I walked up to the full-length mirror and looked at myself.
I wore my black Victoria’s Secret bra and low-cut panties. Lace.
They were my favorite pair because they complemented my tattoos. Black went with anything but I thought they looked particularly well with a dash of color on the skin.
I didn’t have many, just a few with meaning.
The turquoise blue hummingbird on my left hip stood for my adventurous spirit, free and openminded to embrace the next adventure.
The little blue butterfly on my right hip, however, meant something more and was perhaps the most significant of all for me.
It was tattooed over the scar of the wound that changed my life forever.
That accident nearly killed me.
The driver who had been drinking, and high on drugs while he was driving died on impact.
And I…
I was left with severe internal organ damage, which included my womb. Of which I received a partial hysterectomy, losing the ability to have children.
That accident left me in a coma for three weeks and that was where my treatment began. Out of action for three weeks with extensive physiotherapy for the next eight months that followed coupled with various surgeries.
Suffice it to say that when I’d came to, the first thing I did was file for divorce.
That was why Jason hated me now and did everything he could to ruin me and make my life hell.
The sting for me, though, was prior to me being well enough to make the divorce application and set the wheels in motion, Jason, being my husband with entitlement to know my medical status, knew I could no longer have children.
By the time there was talk of divorce, he flipped it around so that it seemed like it was he who was divorcing me.
After what he did to me he had the audacity to tell me he wouldn’t have wanted to be with me anyway because he wanted children of his own. Not adopted, oh no, he had to have flesh and blood children who were a part of him.
Then he called me something that I would never forget as long as I lived.
He called me damaged.
Damaged.
I remembered when the doctors first told me about the extent of my injuries and the surgeries they’d had to conduct to fix me. To fix me and save my life.
I remembered how I felt then. I was shocked, numb by the news, thankful for my life and that I hadn’t received serious injuries or visible scars to my face, but then I didn’t think I would have to worry about anyone thinking less of me.
It wasn’t until Jason said that, that it clicked that other men could think it too.
Other men, who wanted biological children of their own might not want to be with me because I’d lost a vital part of myself and it wasn’t something I could fix.
It literally was what it was.
I was twenty six years old at the time. Twenty six and getting the news that I wouldn’t be able to have children.
From that day onwards I became careful. Careful and cautious.
More like a robot when it came to emotions.
I turned and looked at my side profile. I loved how I looked, was proud of my physique.
I had that athletic build I always strived for and kept up my appearance despite the inner turmoil.
The butterfly on my scar was a symbol of change. I got the tattoo to remind me that just because I’d changed I could still be beautiful.
Butterflies changed from being caterpillars into these beautiful, colorful creatures that could make the heart melt.
I wanted to remind myself that I could do that too. That could be me.
It was the theory anyway, so when I looked at it I would be inspired and uplifted.
Mostly, it didn’t work because I was shit scared of being with anyone new and anyone I’d been with since Jason had been temporary. Temporary as in goodbye after the first date, or let’s just have fun for a few weeks and call it.
Not that I’d been with a lot of guys since him, or that I was rushed to get involved in a serious relationship. But, that was my ethos.
Either avoidance or just simply not taking the guy serious.
I just didn’t want to have that conversation with anyone I cared about.
I opened the wardrobe and chose a black bodycon dress with specks of black diamonds dashed over it, a gift from Dad. It was a Dior original. One of his just-because gifts.
I might love playing the girl version of Indiana Jones, but my father still spoiled me and treated me every chance he got.
Mitsuke said she would be wearing white tonight.
I may have managed to talk her out of shopping earlier, but she came back with a vengeance when she picked me up from work and insisted on us going out later.
She guilt tripped me telling me it had been too long since I’d been in Japan and I owed her.
Mostly, I kind of wanted to sleep or rest. I was suffering from a bad case of jetlag and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with a magazine. Or maybe catch up on the Fashion Police.
However, I would oblige my friend if only for a few hours. Especially since on this trip I’d mainly be staying with Akito. I took turns with who I stayed with when I came to Japan, and it was Mitsuke’s turn to have me. However, staying with Akito was my reminder to myself that I was here for business and not pleasure.
I slipped into my dress, which fit like a glove, and then I loosened my hair.
A little knock sounded at the door.
“It’s open.” I whirled around with a smile as Akito came inside, carrying a tray of goodies. “Oh my God, what is that?” I laughed.
“My own creation, comparable to the welcome tray you’d get at the palace. No one can welcome a loved one better than the Emperor and the imperial family.” Akito beamed.
While I’d never met the Emperor and his family, or gone inside the palace I didn’t doubt the comparison. I could just imagine the sort of welcoming Akito referred to and it touched my heart.
On the
tray were an assortment of Japanese pastries and treats.
Chocolate and strawberry wagashi dorayaki lay around the tray in a circle. They were my favorite. The pancake dessert with its thick spongey sweetness and sweet filling made my mouth water just from looking at them.
In the middle of those Akito had arranged a few slices of different cakes. Chocolate and strawberry cheese cakes, and blueberry mochi cake.
Dashed in between those were some little panda shaped chocolate cookies I used to adore.
Akito was what I called a perpetual dad. He was always in dad mode and I always knew what to expect from him. I’d missed his cultured accent with that spark of energy and magic.
His brown eyes twinkled.
“It looks amazing.”
“I guess it’s my attempt at least for a Rukia welcoming.” He nodded, salt and pepper moustache lifting with his smile.
When he set the tray down, I gave him a big hug for the sentiment. Rukia was his late wife, and more like a mother to me.
There was always a feast waiting for us when we arrived in the summers of the past, when she was alive.
God, I could taste her cakes now.
Rich and delicious with everything amazing. Magical and delightful, that was how I remembered both her and the food.
“Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.”
It did. As we pulled apart I noticed the shine on his dark eyes. It was understandable that he still got teared up at the mention of her. The woman was an angel and it was clear as day that she was his soul mate.
We lost her to cancer when I was fifteen.
It was one of the saddest times I could remember. The summer of that year had been awful. She died two weeks before we arrived, so it was as if we were coming over for her funeral.
I cried so much, but… something else happened that summer that I would remember. It was the moment when Tai and I first got close.
He comforted me.
Prior to that summer visiting Japan saw me swooning over him and his gorgeousness, sneaking off to spy on him while he hung out with his friends—the older, cooler kids and of course the prettiest girls imaginable—and him terrorizing me.
He’d either scare me half to death with his ghost stories about damn evil yōkai or he’d make fun of me in some way.
Didn’t stop me from crushing on him, though, much to my mother’s great annoyance. She couldn’t believe that I’d go for someone like Tai. It just confirmed that she’d emerged from under a rock after the dinosaurs because what woman didn’t like a badass, panty-melting guy who could make you think of every sinful thought under the sun with one look?
Her, that’s who. Although I was certain she’d had her day before Dad.
“You’re dressed up?” Akito tilted his head to the side and gave me a quizzical look.
“Mitsuke, blame her. She won’t allow me to rest so I can be fresh for work tomorrow.”
He laughed and sat down on the wicker chair near the dressing table. I sat on the edge of my bed.
“I can’t say that I’m surprised but I was hoping to catch up with you.”
“We can catch up, I have a feeling I’ll be out for a while. But rest assured I will be a hundred percent tomorrow.”
He waved me off with a flick of his large burly hands. “No, Phoebe, to be real honest I didn’t expect you to start this week. The time difference alone is going to catch up with you at some point and you must be exhausted.”
I nodded. “I am but it’s exciting right? Japan.”
“Sweetie, I live here. The novelty’s worn off on me but I know what you mean. Don’t leave it too long next time. I love having my daughters around.” He always looked after me like I was his own and when Mitsuke visited me in Chicago, Dad would be the same with her.
I liked that they were like that. It was a good way to live.
“I love being here. Especially here.”
“I know you do.” He chuckled.
Akito lived in a eight bedroom two story house in Kanagawa. It was an hour away from Tokyo so perfect for travel to work and perfect to get a healthy dose of what Japan had to offer.
The house was impressive with its blend of modern architecture and the traditional Japanese style of houses. However it was complimented by acres of land with a lake running around it and five gardens.
There were two smaller cottages at either end of the grounds, which was where I used to stay with my family when we visited years ago. Tai and his family would either have the other or stay in the main house depending on how many of them came.
I’d love spending time walking around the beautiful scenic gardens that were covered with cherry blossoms, but best of all for me was the proximity to the beach.
The land had private access to Hayama-Isshiki beach, one of the most beautiful beaches on the prefecture of Kanagawa.
That was where I spent most of my days when I was here, as a child and an adult. There were some cool caves and caverns down there that Akito had modified for upkeep and safety, and our enjoyment.
My enjoyment.
“It’s good to be back, and I will be at work tomorrow.” I nodded.
“Only if you’re up to it.”
“It’s a journal that only I can read Akito, okay I’m sure you could have found someone else. I won’t claim to be the only living person who can read it, but it feels pretty darn cool.”
“It is cool, and for the record dear Phoebe there aren’t many academics who can claim to be able to read the extent of languages you do. There’s a reason why I picked you. So please be proud. You’re allowed to.”
“Arigatou.” I smiled.
He gave me a curt nod of approval. The gesture reminded me of when I was little and he was teaching me how to speek Japanese. He’d nod just like that when I got the pronunciations correct.
Dad taught me a lot. It was cool to have our own language that we could share between us, the side bonus was pissing Mom off.
While Dad taught me all the modern languages and most of the old world ones like Latin, Hebrew, Sanskrit, Arabic, and Egyptian it was Akito who taught me Japanese.
“What did you think of today?” he asked.
“It was great. I had a browse over the journal. Looks like it’ll be a challenge because of the way the languages jump around but I love challenges.” It actually more than jumped around in places.
The journal was just over five hundred pages long and had been divided up into sections. The first part seemed fine but then it swapped between Arabic and Egyptian hieroglyphs that ended up confusing the meanings of the sentences. That was where I would struggle.
“Whatever you can do will be appreciated, my love. We have a good length of time too.”
“Thank you for the opportunity.”
“The pleasure is all mine.” He nodded and then concern filled his eyes. “I hope you don’t mind me asking but I have to because I care. Your father told me what happened with the lake house. How are you doing with that?”
It was just like when Tai asked me how I was today. I felt shit about the whole ordeal. Unlike the gloss over my life that I’d given Tai, I knew I could be real with Akito.
“I’m furious, livid even.”
“Of course. Do you see Jason much?”
“I see him more than I would like. It’s actually quite awful and would be less aggravating if he didn’t have any influence with the institute.”
He sighed and pressed his thin lips together, eyes searching mine as his wide shoulders slumped.
“I wish there was something I could do or say.”
Seeing Jason was completely aggravating. We hadn’t been together in just over three years but I saw him perhaps once every two months, and sometimes more than that.
It was too much.
“You’ve done this.” I tried to push the whole Jason talk aside. “Invited me to spend six months in Japan. It’s a six-month break.”
“Minimum, my girl. So you could be here longer, and longer st
ill if I can convince you to stay.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“I have a few ideas that could use someone of your skills and expertise. I’ll have more info over the next few days maybe, but yes. Think of it this way, at least you wouldn’t have to see Jason.”
That was enough, but there was much to think about.
“I know. It would just be nice if he could leave me alone. It’s not like he ever loved me or missed me.”
Oh no, it was never the case where Jason was distraught at having lost me and was sorry for cheating.
Divorcing him ruined his public image. It was the onset of a host of things that followed.
The man wanted to run for President one day. He wanted the wife, the children and the whole caboodle.
The media jumped on our story fast. I never spoke, never gave into the bombardment of interview requests but people formed their opinions fast.
The wife of the then newly-appointed Governor of Illinois gets into an accident, wakes up weeks later and then files for divorce. That could only boil down to a few things, finding out that he was a cheater was one. The stories that floated around were so bizarre.
It was a private investigator who’d been hired to look into Jason’s credibility who made me aware of the sex club and host of women. Mostly high-profile escorts and prostitutes.
The investigator approached me, wanting to know more based on suspicions of corruption. He’d been hired to expose Jason.
It never came to fruition because they weren’t able to gather enough evidence. I never spoke about why I divorced him, deciding that I just wanted out and nothing to do with him.
He probably thanked his lucky stars that I didn’t say anything, but what was out there on him in terms of speculation was enough to damage his reputation.
His money and family wealth still kept him in office, but as for going further that was a no.
“Just enjoy being here, Phoebe. Enjoy it for the work, but also for the freedom.”
I smiled at that, thinking I could use a healthy dose of carefree.
Well, going out tonight would be the start.
Blossoms of The Heart Page 5