She immediately tensed.
“Talk?”
I sighed. “Yes. Candace I can’t do this. I can’t give us another chance because I don’t feel it. When you left I moved on. It isn’t fair to force yourself on me, or offer up sex.” I didn’t mean to sound harsh but I had to tell her.
“It’s her… it’s her, isn’t it?” She breathed , shaking her head.
“Her, who’s her?” Of course I knew her had to be Phoebe.
“Phoebe.” She snapped. “You seemed to be considering the idea until she came.”
“This isn’t about Phoebe.” That wasn’t true, but I didn’t want to confess that to her.
I couldn’t act like my feelings for Phoebe had nothing to do with my decision.
Before Phoebe came to Japan I admittedly contemplated it but it was clear to me now that I didn’t want to be with Candace. If I did then nothing should have been able to change my mind.
“I saw the way you looked at her. You never looked at me like that. And this history you two have. You never mentioned her once when we were together. Sounded like she meant more to you. Why didn’t you ever talk about her?”
The answer to that was not something I wanted to talk about. I locked Phoebe away and tried to get on with my life. My reason for doing that was something I wouldn’t even admit to myself.
“Candace. Listen to me –”
“I still love you.” She cut in. A tear ran down her cheek. “I never stopped, and you loved me once. We had a life together. I’ve been here trying my hardest to be with you. You don’t want to go on a date with me and you don’t want to see me. You tell me you’ll think about getting back together but you haven’t done anything.”
“I was clear from the start that I needed time. Doing those things would have sent the wrong message.”
“What? The message that you were trying? That’s all I asked you to do. Try. Consider it. Tai, It’s been three weeks.” Her voice was heavy with pain. Pain I caused.
“Candace, you broke up with me and I moved on.”
“Is this really it? When you said you loved me all those times didn’t you mean it?”
“No. I meant it.” I would never say anything like that and not mean it.
“But I mean nothing to you now?”
She was turning this into something it wasn’t.
“You know that’s not the case.”
“That’s how I feel. If it was you I would at least show you that I gave some thought and effort.” More tears came and I felt like a complete jerk. “Please, I just told you I love you, can you just give it some more time? It was only days ago that we spoke. Only days. Wednesday. You can’t have decided something so important in such little time. Please can you give it more time Tai?” A tremor touched her lips.
Begging. Her words made my stomach clench. She shouldn’t have to beg me for anything.
How could I tell her no?
I couldn’t say yes either.
What I needed was a time out.
“I need space.” That was my answer.
She blinked at me. A mixture of bewilderment and frustration was evident on her face.
“Space?” she whispered, voice barely audible.
“Yes.”
I knew it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. She probably hated it, but that was me trying to once again not hurt her.
But that just put me right in limbo.
She got out and rushed out of the car.
Akiyoshido Cave was what I classed as an explorer’s dream.
I was the first to arrive the next morning.
I got there extra early planning to take advantage of the peaceful environment.
A walk in the woods nearby was perfect for thinking.
It was a good escape from everything.
I learned a lot from being a Marine.
To some extent being one tamed me right down from the out of control rebel I used to be. Being a Marine helped me focus.
I learned that to truly focus you had to separate the details of everything else and concentrate on the situation or problem at hand.
In my scenario the situation at hand was seeing Phoebe again.
Her being back rekindled something in me. Something that I thought was lost.
Something I never expected to feel again. Something I realized now was real and not some crazed fantasy from the past.
At the same time I knew I once loved Candace and we did have a life together. She was right about that and I felt bad that I made her so upset.
Candace begging for more time put me in an awkward position. A situation I didn’t want to be in.
And since I didn’t want to hurt her or have her thinking she was nothing to me I’d do it. Give more time.
I wanted to show that I tried. Her words plagued my mind, that if it were me asking she’d at least show she tried.
I knew she would so here I was doing the same.
I thought I’d take this week to clear my mind. Take my mind back to where it was when Candace first asked me to give her a second chance.
Before Phoebe came to Japan and threw me into a tailspin.
That meant leaving Phoebe alone, and that was going to be hard.
So much had happened in just a few days, but there was clearly something between us. Something we both wanted and the only person standing in the way of that was me.
Twice I kissed her in the same week, and she kissed me back. She wanted me too. I could tell.
I’d always remember what happened that night I last saw her when she was eighteen. I would never forget how I felt.
That was however something I couldn’t explore right now out of respect to Candace.
That was the plan. I’d take this week to sort out my mind then take it from there. But two weeks tops. No more time than that. It had already dragged out enough.
I walked about a mile then turned back, following the same path through the thicket of trees.
As a boy I used to love coming here with my dad and Akito. Akito more because he used to explain all kinds of things to me. Like how the limestone was formed, the stalactites and stalagmites. Cool things like how old something was, the different types of rocks I came across and all manner of amazing details that intrigued me.
Now I was just as fascinated to go back inside the cave.
We were taking the back entrance near the lower side of the hill. That had been closed off to the public because of the dangerous paths. Our investigation so far suggested this was the path our samurai friend had taken.
I personally felt there was more inside the cave. It was a gut feeling that would sound like a load of bullshit to some of the academics.
Plus, it made sense with what Phoebe said about the journal being confusing.
Much as I hated skeletons and lacked the academics on paper I knew my stuff and I took note of certain things that caught my attention.
The screech of tires brought me out of my thoughts.
I’d been standing by a thicket of trees. When I looked ahead I saw a convoy of trucks. Five of them. I noticed Scott’s range at the head of them taking the lead. Phoebe sat beside him.
I might have offered to pick her up straight from Akito’s this morning but I couldn’t. Didn’t was more the word.
As Scott parked up I noticed she was laughing at something he said. I forgot how beautiful she was when she laughed.
Scott got out the truck and opened the door for her, perfect gentleman.
He suited her. The man not only opened the door, he all but lifted her out and set her down past a puddle she would have stepped in if she’d gotten out herself.
I walked toward them, my legs feeling heavy the closer I got.
I looked her over and tried to tame the stir of emotion that brewed within me.
Her hair was to the side and plaited into one of those complicated braids. It ran all the way down to her waist and was secured with a little pink band.
That gloss was on her lips again. She wore a whi
te shirt with a baby pink top underneath. The shirt she tied in front under her breasts, which I noticed Scott looking at as she spoke to him.
Then, of course my eyes caught sight of her ass in those short denim shorts.
Daisy Duke in her short shorts had nothing on Phoebe Walker and her long golden legs.
I pulled in a deep breath when I got up to them and they both saw me.
Phoebe started with surprise and straightened.
I owed her at the very least an explanation about Candace. It was the right thing to do. Saying it was complicated was one thing but three times now I’d pushed her buttons and made it seem like I was toying with her.
Apart from my insane attraction to her I had to factor in that she was my friend and a dear family friend. Dear to me.
She was like a daughter to Akito and a sister to Mitsuke, and she meant more to me. I couldn’t fuck with her or make her think I was toying with her.
“Tai, God, what the hell time did you get here?” Scott asked.
“Early,” I replied and looked over to Phoebe. “Hey.” I was testing the waters again, to see if she hated me.
“Hi.” The reply was simple, reflected no emotion and unfortunately for me was unreadable.
Great, she probably did hate me.
“You okay?”
“Perfect.”
Great answer, and it also showed she was yet again pissed at me.
“Of course she’s okay. She’s with me man.” Scott gave me a little punch in my arm and chuckled.
“Anyway, why don’t you help with the equipment? I have to show Phoebe that spot we saw the other week.”
“What spot?” I had to try not to show my disdain.
“The pink limestone. Okay, it wasn’t pink but looked that way from the wild roses.” Scott looked so excited. Phoebe smiled, looking interested.
“Sounds pretty.”
“Reminds me of your lips, but not as pretty as you.” He took hold of her hand and pulled her away, still talking.
Jealously wasn’t even a good enough word I could use to describe the damn feeling that came over me. At the same time it made me think that Scott was definitely the better option for Phoebe.
Bet her mom would approve too.
Chapter 15
Phoebe
It was my fault for the way I felt.
Definitely not Tai’s.
I came here for business but so far, I was acting like I was a teenager let loose on vacation.
I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t upset about last night but I was actually more upset with myself. I’d had eleven years to get over Tai and I never took the opportunity time gave me.
While Scott showed me the most beautiful limestone formation which was totally pink with a shimmer like my gloss I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about Tai.
I knew from the first day when Scott drove all the way to the other side of town to get me a Starbucks hot chocolate with hazelnut syrup that he was into me.
He was absolutely of the hot variety, and charming. Maybe I could have given him more of a chance if a certain exotic-looking man didn’t keep popping into my head.
It was harder even to concentrate within the confined spaces of the cave.
I’d been to Akiyoshido before but not from this side. I was walking on new paths we were perhaps the first to use in centuries. At least today I could get lost in some of the beauty Japan had to offer.
The main part of the cave was completely different to where we were. It had more open spaces that displayed the intriguing and uniquely beautiful limestone formations. Nature’s artwork that bordered on fantasy.
A lovely river ran through it. There were terraces of limestone pools filled with water and underground waterfalls that could mesmerize you for hours.
The total length of the cave was around nine kilometers, but it was only one kilometer that was open to the public. Usually you’d enter through the Akiyoshido entrance, walk through the main part of the cave, turn back at the Kurotani entrance, and then exit through the elevator.
We went through an entrance that was close to Kurotani that was of course closed to the public. It was actually usually boarded up and fenced off with several warning signs to say keep out. The entry was made clear for them for our investigation into the eight kilometers that hardly anyone had ever ventured into.
It would be a very interesting trip.
I followed behind Scott with the two research assistants that accompanied them. Tai was ahead of us talking to Kenny.
Despite my indifference towards him, I had to say he’d done a very good job so far of keeping everyone together and well informed. The work version of Tai was completely different to knowing him on a personal level. In fact, I couldn’t put the two versions together in my mind—they weren’t one and the same.
Everyone carried a headlight and flashlights. As there was no public access in these parts, there weren’t any lights placed on the ceiling.
Occasionally there was some illumination from daylight that trickled through the cracks in the cave, lighting up the area, but everywhere was pretty much dark.
I just hoped there were no bats inside. I hated the damn things. I always had a horrific gruesome image of having my eyes clawed out like in the film The Birds, but in my case it would be bats.
“We divert here,” Tai instructed up ahead. He shone his flashlight over an extremely dangerous-looking path that was covered in rocks. From the look of it, I guessed that the earthquake must have done that. “Guys, be very, very careful. This is an entrance that isn’t on the map. It looks like one that could have been there years ago but may have been sealed off the same way it was unveiled.”
I guessed, too, that an earthquake must have sealed the samurai in.
Tai hung back and allowed Scott and Kenny to pass by. He caught my arm as I was about to go and pulled me towards him.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Making sure I don’t lose you,” Tai replied. His headlight on his hard hat cast a shadow over his face but made it light enough so that I could see the hint of his sexy smile.
“I have done this before, you know.” It didn’t escape me that it was sweet of him to want to take care of me, but I’d put that aside in keeping with my plan to ignore him.
“We don’t know what the terrain is like. It’s already slippery enough as it is. You can get all cozy with Scott when we get out of here, but the only person I trust to take care of you in here is me.”
I didn’t know what highlighted to me more. His get cozy with Scott comment, or him saying he only trusted himself to take care of me.
Both did.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Phoebe, now’s not the time to be difficult.”
“I’m not being difficult,” I retorted, annoyed at the comment.
“Then take my hand, and let me take care of you.”
I gazed up at him, allowing his words to seep into me.
“Hold my hand until we get to an open space,” he offered.
Okay. I could do that. I could hold his hand for safety purposes.
I took his hand, and the strength and comfort of his grip filled me with a reassurance I didn’t expect.
He smiled and proceeded with me along the path.
The minute we turned into the entrance I was grateful that I’d accepted his help. The rocks I’d seen at the start were nothing compared to the boulders and sharp rocks in this area. Several times my foot turned over and got stuck between them. It was only by holding Tai’s hand and gripping onto him at times that I managed not to fall over. What made it worse was the fragmented light we had.
“Guys, there’s a very narrow path and a big drop ahead,” Kenny yelled back.
I moved my flashlight over the area and saw the mere path; it would be one foot in front of the other. The drop went down for what looked like miles. I hated to be so close to the edge of anything, and usually opted for a less-daring route. However, right now I didn�
�t have a choice.
Tai put me in front of him and surprised me further by slipping his arm around my waist, pressing me against the hard walls of his chest.
The closeness triggered a host of butterflies flittering throughout my stomach and constricted my breathing. I cursed myself for the reaction and looked back at him to tell him off.
The words however escaped me when he lowered his head so that his face was inches away from mine.
“Don’t want to lose you,” he breathed. The warmth of his voice caressed the edge of my neck and the lure of his hold did the same thing to me, like when he kissed me. That succumbing to him and abandoning of reason.
It couldn’t be a good thing if one person could have such an effect on me with a simple touch, and it definitely couldn’t be a good thing, since I hadn’t seen Tai in years and had only been reacquainted with him in less than a week.
What I should have been doing was paying attention to the expedition.
We managed to get across the path and verged onto another with boulders. Tai released me once the path became clearer. A light shone just ahead. Daylight.
I said a silent prayer of thanks because that path back there scared the shit out of me.
We continued in that direction and got to a magical sight that took my breath away. The roof had fallen through, allowing natural light to fill the space. A waterfall flowed down to the left of that, showing ridges of limestone formations that stood out against it and sparkled as the water rushed down. That went around onto a stream that flowed in the opposite direction.
It was beautiful. Everyone stopped for a moment to take it in. I got out my camera and took a few pictures while Tai surveyed the area.
“We should check out this area some more. You three stay here,” Tai said to me and the two assistants.
“I want to see, too,” I argued.
“You will; we’re just going ahead first.”
“I can handle dangerous terrain.” I could do it. I didn’t overly love doing that, but I could handle myself just fine.
His brows knitted together at my insistence. “Phoebe, we’ll be back in a few minutes. Just stay here until we get back. Enjoy the scenery or something.”
Blossoms of The Heart Page 13