Masters of Horror: Damned if you don't

by Pletzers, Lee; Bennett, C. D. ; Gill, Carole; Wilson, F. Paul; Shirley, John; Nicholson, Scott; Kusptis , Ken

  “Can I start you off with something to drink?” asked the waiter.

  “Yeah, I’ll have whatever is on tap.”

  “Me, too,” I added.

  “Do you need a few more moments to decide on your meals?”

  “What do you recommend? Neither one of us has ever had sushi before,” Will told the waiter.

  “Well, we have the popular California rolls, along with a soft shell crab roll. But I would recommend the Maki Sushi.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “It is a sweet soy bean curd sushi. If you don’t like it, then chances are sushi in general isn’t for you.”

  “All right, I’ll try that,” I replied and Will ordered the same. I got the biggest kick when the waiter asked us if we wanted chopsticks or if we preferred forks. We both agreed on the forks. The waiter returned shortly with our beer and it wasn’t long after that when the food came out.

  “You first,” I said as I hesitated to try the strange dish that was placed before me.

  “We’ll go at the same time,” Will answered hesitantly, and I agreed. We took our first bite simultaneously. I remember the look on Will’s face while he was chewing. It was one of surprise and delight.

  “Not bad,” I said upon swallowing the morsel.

  “No. Not bad at all.”

  “I’m impressed.”

  “Definitely. So I don’t have to pick up the tab?”

  “No. It’ll be my treat,” I said.

  “Cool. If I had known that, I would have ordered an imported beer.”

  “Don’t push it,” I threatened and we both laughed.

  That was the last time we would ever laugh like that again.

  I felt extremely ill during the days following that dinner. At first, it was a minor stomach ache, but its intensity grew substantially as the week progressed. The pain was eventually accompanied by nausea and diarrhea. Within those five days, I lost a total of 10 pounds due to loss of appetite. My fiancée Lisa was becoming concerned and of course, I continued to refuse to see a doctor.

  I loathe doctors to the point where I will not visit one, no matter what is wrong with me. I would either take some of the prescription samples I offered prospective clients or purchase the most powerful over-the-counter drugs and tough out whatever it was I had contracted.

  After a night of sleeplessness, I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me so as not to disturb Lisa, and felt for the light switch. When I turned it on, I noticed in the mirror that I had a pimple on my right cheek. A very large pimple, mind you, and upon a closer look I realized it was a zit and it was ready to pop. I placed my index fingers on the edges of the puss-filled sack and applied pressure equally on both sides. It didn’t take much force to excrete the white puss. Some puss splattered on the mirror while a single strand dangled from the pore.

  As I reached for the wash towel that was hanging on the rack, I felt movement across my cheek.

  “What the hell?” I remember muttering as I looked again into the mirror. What I saw horrified and sickened me.

  What I had thought was a strand of puss was now squirming across my skin. Its texture was rough and it took all my concentration to fight back the burning bile that was tickling the back of my throat.

  As I watched, I realized what it was.

  A tapeworm.

  Being in the pharmaceutical business, I recognized all types of strange afflictions, from the common cold to cancer. But I had never experienced anything as bizarre and grotesque as this.

  The tail end was still stuck inside my cheek, and I continued to watch in horror as the parasite struggled to break free from the tiny pore. My fear paralyzed me temporarily. My first instinct was to wipe it off my face with the towel, but then I remembered that every inch of these creatures is alive. Afraid of breaking the tapeworm and leaving a chunk of it embedded in my skin, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pair of tweezers from a small first aid kit. I gently pinched the disgusting thing between the tweezers’ tips and pulled it from my flesh.

  The tail end of the worm appeared intact and I didn’t feel any snagging so I was confident I had removed it all. The worm was just under an inch in length. It looked as if it consisted of hundreds of tiny white rubber bands butted up against one another. I remember my lip curling in disgust as I watched it squirm frantically, trying to break free from the tweezers.

  “Disgusting little thing. How the hell did you get inside my body?” I asked the worm, not expecting an answer. Then there was a knock on the door.

  “Honey, is everything all right?”

  “Yes, Lisa. I’ll be out in a minute. You don’t want to see this.”

  “See what?” she replied with her interest teased.

  “I’ve got worms.”

  “You’ve got what?”

  “WORMS!”

  “Well, you better go to the doctor! How the hell did you get that?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I answered as I opened the door.

  “Where is it?”

  “Right here,” I said as I lifted the tweezers so she could see.

  “Oh, Jesus!”

  “I tried to tell you.”

  “Get it away from me. I’m paging the doctor right now,” she said as she turned and walked away.

  “Yes dear.”

  “And flush that thing down the toilet,” she ordered.

  “Yes dear,” I said again. It was my way to get the last word.

  I flushed the worm, turned on the shower, and got undressed. By the time I got out of the shower, Lisa was off the phone. She returned to the bathroom as I was toweling off.

  “He wants to see you at nine o’clock. He says it’s not serious, but you’ll be uncomfortable for awhile.”

  “I already know that,” I replied.

  “Oh, but you didn’t know enough to avoid them. Did you?” Her tone was sarcastic.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He said you probably got them from that sushi you ate.”

  “Really?” I told her, not really believing that.

  “Yeah. He said it was rare, but it happens. I hope they can’t be transmitted through semen.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. They usually live in your small intestine. At least that’s what I thought. I’ll ask the doctor when I see him.”

  “Okay. Where was that one?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. My stomach is already screwed up.”

  Forgive me if this story feels rushed, but it’s not my intention to pursue this as a career. The pounding on the door has started again. It is so mind-racking. The reports are still coming in. It seems there is also an outbreak in Providence as well.

  I arrived at the doctor’s office right at nine, when the office opened; despite that, I couldn’t see the doctor right away. Since this was my first visit with this particular doctor, I had a lot of paperwork to fill out. It was two years ago when my health insurance changed and forced its clients to choose a primary care physician and my current doctor wasn’t on the list. I chose this particular doctor because Lisa used him. I really couldn’t have cared less whose name was on my card.

  With the necessary paperwork filled out, I was finally invited into one of the “holding tanks.”

  Since they knew what was wrong with me there was no need for me to get undressed. The nurse documented my vitals, weighed me, and measured my height. Once she was done, she excused herself and said the doctor would be in momentarily. Yeah right. It was almost twenty minutes before the doctor finally walked in. When I had arrived, there was only one other person in the waiting area besides me. How sick could she have been?

  “Hello, Adam. How are you feeling today?” asked the obese doctor.

  “Not good.” I replied all the while thinking: If I were feeling any different, I wouldn’t be here.

  “I’m going to give you this. It will make your body uninhabitable for the tapeworms. Those that don’t die will leave your body of
their own free will.”

  “What is it?”

  “Nicolosamide. One dose is enough to take care of it. You should feel better in a couple of days, but until then, you’re going to be uncomfortable. Some of these things grow too large for the medicine to kill, but it will make them want to leave. For sure.”

  “How big can they get?” I asked, a host of unpleasant images filtering through my brain.

  “One was documented at almost thirty feet in length.”

  “Get out of here!”

  “I’m serious. It’s not uncommon for them to grow the full length of the small intestine, if not treated properly.”

  “Jesus, I had no idea. Can Lisa get this from me?”

  “No. You got it by ingesting contaminated fish. The eggs they produce generally are in the stomach or small intestine. Mind you, now that they have been found around the anus, ears, nose, and on one other occasion, pimples. Never has a trace of them been found in saliva or semen,” he said, totally grossing me out.

  “Should I boycott sushi or what?”

  “Tapeworms can be found in a lot of different meats. If the meat is cooked then there’s nothing to fear. Eating these foods raw, you run the risk. Every day we take risks; there is no reason to stop doing something we enjoy. I enjoy eating chourico. When I prepare it I usually slice off the ends of the sticks and eat them raw, I run the risk of tapeworms, but what kind of life do we live if we’re constantly worried about such things? That in itself is unhealthy.”

  “I suppose you’re right, but I didn’t enjoy the sushi that much.”

  “I understand. Swallow this and you’ll be on the road to recovery,” said the doctor as he handed me a plastic cup filled with pinkish goo. I remember the bitter taste. The texture was that of molasses.

  “Make sure you eat. You have to keep your strength up. Lisa told me you’ve already lost some weight and that’s not good,” he added and then left the room.

  Instead of heading home, I drove over to Will’s house. Will worked an irregular schedule. He went in Saturday and had Wednesdays off and currently he was repainting his spare bedroom. So I knew he would be home.

  “What’s up, man?” he asked after opening the door.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked in return, getting straight to the point.

  “I feel great. Why do you ask?”

  “Your stomach doesn’t feel upset? No loss of appetite?”

  “No. I’ve been eating like a pig actually. Again, why do you ask?”

  I came right out and said it. “I have tapeworms.”

  “What?”

  “Tapeworms! I got them from eating that sushi.”

  “No shit?”

  “No shit. I’m just concerned about you. This isn’t something pleasant and it needs to be treated as soon as possible.” When I finished that statement I felt a warm movement on my upper lip.

  “Dude, your nose is bleeding,” he said just as I caught the trickle of blood in my hand before it could hit the white carpet. “Here, man.” Will handed me a box of tissues.

  “Thanks,” I said and took the box. I took one and placed it under my nose, tilting my head back.

  “I’ve never seen you with a nosebleed before.”

  “Yeah, well, only God knows where these intruders are in my body.”

  “It must be gross to know you have an alien within you.”

  “It’s not an alien,” I replied, but in essence, he was right.

  “Metaphorically speaking it is,” he had said, then his brow wrinkled, and his lip curled in disgust. “Holy Shit!”

  “What is it?”

  “You can’t feel that?”

  Then I did feel it. That same grotesque wiggling I felt earlier across my cheek. “Son of a bitch,” I said as I walked toward Will’s bathroom.

  “Dude, that is so gross!”

  “Do you mind?”

  “Sorry.”

  I stared at the white worm protruding from my left nostril. This particular worm’s diameter was much larger and looked as if it were three times larger than the previous one. The worm continued to wiggle inside my nose without making any progress of getting out.

  “God, that feels awful,” I moaned as I continued to watch.

  “What are you going to do?” Will asked. “Oh, Jesus!” he hissed as I grabbed the worm between my fingers and began to pull. I screamed out as more blood flowed from my nose.

  “Be careful, man. Don’t those things have hooks on them?”

  “I don’t know,” I muttered, my voice full of pain. I didn’t care. I just wanted the fucking thing out. Will’s face contorted, as if he were going to vomit, as I continued to pull.

  I gagged as I felt the tail end tickle the back of my throat. I successfully fought back the intestinal juices and continued to pull. As I did, a puddle of blood began to fill the sink. I released one last agonizing scream as I finally yanked the thing out.

  “My God. It must be a foot long,” Will gasped.

  When I turned to face him, Will’s face tightened and his eyes squinted.

  “Dude, it happened to me, and I didn’t throw up! What are you, a little girl?” I said, trying to amuse myself at his expense.

  Will’s gagging didn’t let up and it wasn’t long until he vomited. It took all of my will power not to follow his lead as I stared at his breakfast. The fact that the worm was still wiggling between my fingers didn’t help.

  “Will, are you all right?”

  He was unable to answer. His gagging intensified. I took a step back when the next thing that came out of his mouth was blood. I watched in sheer horror as his eyes opened fully, acknowledging the excruciating pain.

  I saw a ripple under his shirt.

  “Dear God!” Will managed to shout.

  I quickly ripped open the front of his shirt and stared, dumbstruck, at the massive vein bulging under his skin. No. Not a vein at all.

  It was something much larger.

  “Help me!” Will blurted as he grabbed my shoulders.

  I could feel my jaw dangling open as I watched the worm move under his skin. “I don’t know what to do,” I replied, helpless.

  “Oh, God! It’s coming out!”

  “No…!”

  Before I could react, the worm burst from his chest, just below his heart. His blood splashed across my face and the worm’s head slammed into my body. The force sent me crashing to the floor. Will’s body also fell, just outside of the bathroom. The tapeworm slithered from the wound and I was temporarily paralyzed with fear. It was enormous. I figure it had run out of room inside his body.

  It lifted its head high into the air and turned toward me. Could it SEE me? Not wanting to find out, I quickly threw myself across the floor and slammed the door shut just before the worm crashed into it.

  I sat there with my back against the door, bracing it against the worm’s battering.

  “How the hell did it get so fucking big?” I yelled…and then the answer hit me. The steroids.

  I heard myself whispering “Oh shit, oh shit,” and for the first time in my life I had an inkling of what unadulterated panic felt like.

  I frantically looked around the room for a weapon. My thoughts drifted to Lisa and at that moment, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to survive this ordeal and to see her once more.

  The worm’s pounding was taking its toll on the hollow door. It was beginning to splinter. I stood up, wedged my left foot against the door and stretched to retrieve a can of hairspray that was sitting on the counter. Once I had it in my right hand, I dug into my left pants’ pocket and pulled out my lighter. I perched the lighter by the nozzle and got ready to hose down the thing with my makeshift flame-thrower.

  As the worm’s head broke through the door I lit the lighter and pushed down on the aerosol can. The hairspray instantly ignited and the flames hit their mark. The worm unleashed a high-pitched squeal as it retreated.

  I quickly followed it out and, as soon as I was in range, I spr
ayed the flammable fluid through the lighter’s flame once again. The worm continued to slither away, but when it was cornered, it swung its massive tail at my legs, knocking them out from underneath me. I fell on my ass and dropped both the lighter and aerosol can. The creature appeared to have absolutely no eyes, but somehow it knew right where I was and quickly it was upon me.

  I found it extremely difficult to breathe with the creature’s weight on my chest. The worm’s head lowered and hovered inches above my face. It remained motionless for a few seconds; sweat began to roll down my forehead as I stared at its bristly scolex. Suddenly, the worm raised its head and drove it downward with incredible force. I dodged what would have been a fatal blow and the worm’s head crashed through the floor. Though the floor was carpeted, it didn’t soften the blow. The worm slowly lifted its head out of the hole, obviously dazed by the impact.