She eyed what looked like a very flimsy craft—especially compared to the rapids that began just fifteen feet away. “Where do I sit?”
“In the bow. The narrowest end.”
Trusting in Dan because she had no choice, she climbed over the side and sat down on the cooler strapped there. The raft was filled with all sorts of things. Again, she searched Kendra’s memory banks. Paddles, four. Two coolers. Three life vests in a glaring orange. A hard-formed container she knew was filled with a sleeping bag and ground pad along with a few other personal necessities. Toilet paper, matches, a small spade, two gallons of drinking water.
“Put on a life vest,” Dan said as he reached for one himself.
Grateful that it was there, she reached for it and undid the straps—but not silently. “Stop ordering me.”
He looked up, surprised. Kendra had never told him off, even calmly.
He had the grace to look sheepish. “Sorry. I was thinking of something else.”
She wasn’t about to delve into his mind to find out what it was. She didn’t trust her reactions, and hadn’t since she had realized she was experiencing strong, new, human emotions. It wouldn’t do to let him know her feelings, and he would certainly learn them if she tried to mingle their thoughts.
She slipped her arms through the life vest, watching him as he adjusted his, mimicking his actions until the fit felt snugly correct.
He gave the boat a shove away from shore. He was careful not to touch her as he reached for the oars and began to travel the main current of the river, which was now swirling all around them.
An almost-overwhelming sadness came over her. She had only two more days with Dan before she would leave him forever.
* * *
AS THE SOUND OF rushing water bounced off Colorado Canyon’s stone walls, Dan felt himself relax. It was the first time since he’d returned that he knew what to do. Winding his way through the tall canyons was real; something that he could control and manage. Maneuvering the raft downriver was skillful habit. He determinedly ignored the femininely-slim back just two feet in front of him.
Kendra glanced at him over her shoulder, with a smile that was as soothing as the rushing sound of the water. “It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” She looked slightly surprised, as if she hadn’t expected to enjoy the trip.
“Yes.”
Her eyes locked with his and he felt the flow of empathy and communion from her. “You should live here instead of a big city. You’re really a country boy at heart.”
His eyes narrowed. Once more, he attacked rather than admit his intense attraction to her. “I thought you said you’d only been here a week. What the hell do you know about country boys?”
“We were all trained to be able to go anywhere on Earth. Then we were chosen for a particular terrain. My lot was the United States, then Texas, then narrowed to San Antonio.”
The oars stopped their movement. “You mean you came to Earth with more of your kind?”
She nodded, her expression telling him she knew what was going to come next.
“How many?” His voice was hoarse.
“Twenty that I know about.”
“All females?”
Her eyes dropped. “This time.”
Then he asked the question that he’d wanted to ask for the past two days but hadn’t had the nerve. Until now, it had been too much to contend with; too much to grasp all at once. But he couldn’t hold it off any longer. “What are you here for? Don’t give me a general idea. Tell me.”
Kendra leaned back. “Did you talk to your wife this way?”
“What way?”
“Bossy.”
“Yes,” he replied. “And don’t change the subject. What are you here for?”
“I can’t,” Kendra stated. “No wonder she had no confidence in her own decisions. You were so sure for her, that she didn’t need to be sure for herself. With no practice, it would be harder to learn when you’re older.”
“She could have spoken up whenever she wanted to. You certainly do.” The rapids had dissolved and the river had turned smooth; the undercurrent ran just beneath the surface water with a placid surety. “Tell me something about it or I’ll drop you off here,” he threatened, knowing there was no chance either one of them would believe that.
She confirmed it with her answer. “No.”
But he couldn’t leave it alone. “Are you trying to take over our planet? Is that it? You’ve run out of water or air or food sources and need ours to survive?”
Kendra swiveled her bottom on the ice chest and faced him. Their knees were almost touching. “We don’t need any of that.”
“Then what?” He knew his expression was just as confused as his thoughts, but he had to know.
“I can’t tell you. But I will say that it won’t hurt you or your people. You’ll never miss what we want.”
Dan was feeling venomous. He steered around the next bend, staring at the water as if reading it like the pages of a book. The bright orange ball of sun began its nightly routine of dropping below the top wall of the canyon, lengthening shadows into grotesque shapes.
He hated riddles. Straight answers to straight questions didn’t seem like such a damn hard thing to ask from a woman—or from an alien—whatever. But he also knew he wasn’t getting the answer now. Later, he promised himself, when she didn’t have her guard up, he would pester her until he got the answer.
He glanced at his watch. It was time to find a campsite and set up for the night. He angled the boat to the Mexican side of the river where there was a high spot of green grass and cedar trees filled with wispy purple blossoms. It must have rained recently, for the desert was alive with fragrant blossoms of all colors.
“We’ll camp here,” he said, jumping into the ankle-high water and scraping the boat over the rocks.
Kendra helped unload the lightweight necessities, then watched Dan carefully as he trekked back and forth from the boat to the spot he’d designated as camp. He could feel her eyes, sense her light probing into his mind. But he’d learned a lot in the past two days. He cut out his personal thoughts by silently detailing each move he made.
The light touch of her hand on his arm stopped him. “Please, don’t shut me out.”
He felt as frustrated as she must. “What the hell do you care? You’re not one of us. You’re not even from this damn planet! And you won’t tell me what you’re doing here. For all I know, you’re going to eradicate my race!”
“Don’t be silly, you know I wouldn’t do that or allow anyone else to do that. It’s not the Herfronite way. I’m part of your race. Doesn’t that count for something? I care for you. I’ve broken so many rules already I can hardly begin to count them. Bear with me while I straighten out my own thoughts. Then perhaps I can help you with yours.”
“Help me how? By not answering simple questions?”
“I’ll tell you about Kendra.”
His anger left as quickly as it had surfaced, leaving only the sadness of futility behind. “I don’t believe you.”
She nodded, her dark hair twisting gently in the early-evening breeze. “I will. There’s much you don’t know, don’t understand, but I’ll explain it to you.”
He dropped the rubber bag stuffed with sleeping gear on the ground. “Go ahead.”
Licking her lips, she toured the area, nervousness apparent in every fiber of her being. “After we set up camp,” she finally said.
With a look that told her what he thought of the idea, Dan picked up the rest of the gear and began setting up the small area he had designated as the campsite. He finished his unpacking, then unrolled the sleeping bags, placing them a foot apart. That was more than enough space to ensure they were sleeping separately. Last, he walked several hundred feet back from the water’s edge and dug a hole. Next to it, he laid the Ziplock bag of toilet paper and matches.
Having nothing specific to do, Kendra gathered several pieces of deadwood, piling them next to one of the sleeping ba
gs. Then she sat down and waited.
She didn’t have to wait long. Dan returned and reached into one of the ice chests, pulling out a beer and two wrapped sandwiches. “I brought these for tonight. They’re poor-boy sandwiches.”
She accepted one of them, then stared dubiously at the meat. Dan sighed. “Look, I’ll take the meat, you eat the cheese and bread. If you’re still hungry, then grab an apple or pear. Both are in the chest.”
Her relieved smile was unexpected and curled around his heart with a warmth that felt like a spring thaw. “Thank you,” she said quietly.
Sitting cross-legged, she carefully began separating the meats from the cheese. Putting her sandwich aside, she handed Dan the luncheon meat. He took it and exchanged his cheese and lettuce with her.
“Tell me more about your people.”
“What would you like to know?” she asked around a bite of her sandwich. “I thought I mentioned everything of interest.”
“How long have you been visiting our planet?”
“Several thousand years.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “To visit. To teach. To learn.”
“Do you visit other galaxies or is ours the only one so lucky?”
“We visit many galaxies. Each one seems to have at least one form of life. Some have hundreds. It varies.”
“Why are you here? Why this planet? Why a third generation of whatever?” He asked the one question uppermost in his mind. “Why us?”
Kendra bit into the last of her sandwich and folded the wrap into a neat square. She watched him swallow the last bite of his and wad up the paper, then reach over and toss it into the plastic bag he had opened earlier. “I don’t know. On my planet, I’m no more privileged about the big picture than you are.
“I’m not here to talk about my own planet, but to help you understand Kendra. I promised I would do that before I left. Don’t you want to know about her?”
Dan leaned back and stretched out on the sleeping bag. Placing his hands behind his head, he stared at the sky that was now darkening from shimmering pastels to indigo blue. One star stood out: a star that Kendra—his Kendra—always looked for first. He wished he knew what star it was. “Yes.”
He felt as if he was talking about someone other than his wife. He didn’t know why or how to change it. Hell, he didn’t even know if he wanted to change it! With this Kendra in front of him, he could almost pretend that his wife was still alive and with him. It was less painful that way. But it wasn’t realistic. He knew he couldn’t deny her death any longer. “What did she want me to know?”
“That she loved you so much, but until just before she died, she wasn’t willing to fight for that love.”
Her words hit him in the stomach like an unsuspecting gut-punch. “Then it wasn’t a very strong love, was it?”
She looked at him as if admonishing him for his wrongful thoughts. “That was Kendra’s reasoning all those years. She felt guilty because she couldn’t open up that part of herself that would allow you to see just how scared she really was.” Her head tilted to the side as she stared at him thoughtfully. “What an odd thing to cause guilt.”
“You’re telling me that she felt so guilty that eight years into our marriage she couldn’t stand the pressure of her own guilt anymore, so she left me and had a nervous breakdown?” He snorted. “Are you sure you don’t have a brother named Grimm?”
“No. Her guilt, misplaced as it was, began a pattern she never broke. It was her crutch.”
“I don’t believe this. She didn’t love me enough. It’s that simple.” But he did believe. A small voice in the back of his mind told him she was right. Too many things added up. Memories he’d thought were long dead came back in brilliant, living color. He remembered the change that had come over her in their senior year of high school. He’d thought it was due to growing up, but he was wrong.
“No,” he croaked again.
“She loved you too much and she was too weak.
“And the more you sympathized with her, the worse she became, finally screaming at you to leave her alone. She had wanted to die rather than face life without having the role of mother as an identity and not feeling quite brave enough to have another child and fight the odds again. Not long after, she had the breakdown, because she couldn’t cope with losing the child she had prayed for.”
“I don’t believe you.” His voice was so low it was a whisper. He closed his eyes, willing the darkness outside to invade him, make him blind to the reality of the missing puzzle pieces finally falling into place. It explained so much.
“Yes, you do. You choose to deny it. She loved you but she wasn’t the person you thought she was. She’d decided to face you, and see if you two could try again. However, your Kendra also believed that she was no longer your priority, that you’d gone on with your life and didn’t really need her. She felt you’d be asking for a divorce soon. Is that right?”
His Kendra. He would give his life to hold her again. He’d always believed his love would overcome all. His wife was right about his reaction. He was the one who couldn’t read her, not the other way around.
Tears seeped from his closed eyes and trickled down the sides of his face. He didn’t care. Now he knew her fears. And he saw his own mistakes. But could they ever have worked out their problems? Changed their very natures? Even if she’d returned to him, he doubted if it would have worked out between them.
A pain slashed through him so deep and so sharp it cut off his breath, stabbing through his gut. He clenched his teeth with the power of it.
“Oh, Dan, don’t,” she whispered, leaning over him and wiping away a trail of tears with her fingertip. “Don’t,” she repeated, her whisper-soft kiss replacing the wetness of his tears.
Eyes still closed with the pain, he reached for her, unable to stop himself in his overwhelming need for comfort.
She rested against him, her hands clinging to his shoulders. Her full breasts flattened against the hardness of his chest. She continued to kiss the side of his face with lips warm and supple. So sweet, so healing....
“Kendra,” he said through the lump in his throat. It was a cry for help. He didn’t know whether he was talking to his Kendra and trying to deny their inability to stay together or if he was speaking to the new, stronger Kendra. “Be with me.”
“Yes,” she said. Her hand slipped between them, touching him through his cutoffs, showing him she knew what he meant.
He sobbed in relief. Kendra. His Kendra was in his arms again.
4
SOFT, SUPPLE BREASTS burned against his skin, firing his blood with promises of ecstasy and release.
He needed a chance to make it up to Kendra, to tell her how much he’d loved her, waited for her— No. He pulled away and leaned his head against hers. This wasn’t that Kendra. This was another woman.
She drew back but Dan tightened his hold on her. “Don’t go.”
“I won’t,” she murmured. “I can’t. This feels too pleasant to stop.”
“Does that mean you want to continue?” he teased, more relaxed now that he knew she wasn’t leaving him.
“Yes. Yes.” Kendra’s slim fingers sought and found his zipper. The sound of the rushing river was wiped out by the raucous sound of its release.
He sighed in relief. His Kendra’s touch had always wiped away the tiredness of spirit he felt when he was away from her. Always.... Her hand surrounding hard flesh, her fingers closing to milk his very substance from him. A shiver raced up his spine like a shock wave, sending responses to other parts of him. Her touch was so right, and he wanted badly to make her feel the same rush of emotions she was creating in him.
“Yes,” he whispered, finding the malleable softness of her breast in his palm and flexing his fingers around the wonder of it. It felt different, yet the same. Once more, he recognized features unique to each of the two women. They were the same, yet different....
Slowly, hesitantly, her mind reached toward him,
touched the parameters of his. Tendrils of emotion sought, then wound around his consciousness, and her touch was intensified a hundredfold.
“No, don’t make me hard,” he whispered, a laugh in his voice. “I can do it myself.”
Rolling onto his side with her still in his arms, he dipped his tongue into the small indentation at her throat. Slowly, he drifted kisses all the way down to the satin swell of her breast, his mouth leaving a cool, wet trail.
Kendra moaned aloud and he smiled.
Removing her hand from his erection, he wound her fingers around another part of him, letting her hold them. Mentally, he explained what made him feel good and she continued to stroke him just the way he loved it.
His lips lavished her nipple with attention. Such beautiful breasts, he thought. Like Kendra’s, yet not like hers. Different enough to make him aware he was with someone else. He hoped it was her turn to feel new and different responses welling inside, tugging and pulling as if it were her first time.
He dipped his fingers into her, seeking to create moisture and warmth. Finding what he sought, he experienced masculine pride that it was his touch that caused that response. He didn’t know how he knew she had never been this excited before, but he did. Her excitement added to his own, already intense, pleasure.
Her eyes were closed, her head drifting from side to side in the ecstasy from his lovemaking. Her hand reached out to hold him again, soft fingertips tingling against the sensitive tip of him, creating havoc with every second that sped past in lightning-slow confusion.
Overwhelming sensations he’d never experienced before flooded through him, taking his breath away with the wonder of them all. Jumbled, disconnected thoughts and feelings flooded in; all incomplete, all questions—all overwhelming.
She heard a little of his thoughts and wonderful, tinkling laughter bubbled from her throat. She wrapped her arm around him, her palm rubbing more heat enticingly against his back and side before she gave him a squeeze. You’re so very special.
Still his thoughts were disjointed, although he tried to let her know just how terribly special she made him feel.
Forms of Love Page 6