“Debra mentioned a handfasting, and I would like to surprise her with it.”
Sending a servant to find a ribbon, his mother took hold of his hands. The kiss she placed on his check worried him, as she didn’t look overly pleased. She was worried, which put his nerves on end. “I find this a beautiful gesture.”
With the addition to their ceremony, Alex followed the vicar and his parents to the drawing room. He kept the smile on his face and walked toward the front of the room. Alex again noted the forced joy on his mother’s and father’s faces and then saw worry on Lady Norwood. Are we making the right decision? This was a question he should have asked weeks ago instead of pondering it as he stood ready for matrimony. I am an idiot! No one truly wants this for Debra. She is far too inexperienced in society.
He noted the moment Debra entered the room. She walked with grace and poise in an elegant yellow gown. Looking to her face, he noticed she bit her lower lip. This was new, he’d never seen her so nervous. His hands shook as Lord Norwood handed her over to him. This is truly happening. He was not excited. He had an uneasy dread creeping into his mind at the prospect of agreeing to this marriage.
Alex looked into Debra’s eyes and his heart sunk even more. She is happy. Debra’s eyes shone with— the only word Alex could think of was— love. She cannot be in love with me? He was fooling himself to think she had somehow increased in feelings for him. Only a week ago she’d admitted she did not hold feelings of love, or had she? Suddenly unsure, Alex looked away from her eyes and focused on the yellow dress she wore. When he’d spent too much time staring at her shoulder, he focused on her forehead.
Alex peeked at Debra’s eyes when the vicar held up the ribbon for a handfasting. Her eyes sparkled with tears and for a moment Alex convinced himself this was the right course of action.
The earlier doubts pushed aside, he took her hand and allowed the vicar to tie the ribbon as he spoke the words, “In the joining of these hands and the fasting of this knot, so are you lives now bound, to one another. By this cord, you are thus bound to your vow. May this knot remain tied for as long as your love shall last.”
As the vicar spoke of love, Alex’s heart dropped. Debra would take this gesture as a show of love. Do I love her? Looking down at their joined hands, the question plagued his soul. He enjoyed her company. He loved her sassy personality, but if he’d met her in London would he have taken notice enough to court her? He knew the answer immediately. Although a very beautiful woman, he wouldn’t have paid attention to her. He would have paid call to one of her older sisters, he hated to admit it, but Kate would have been his choice for the mere coincidence of her similarities to Margaret. Perhaps fate had made a better choice for him.
When it was time, Alex leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss to the side of her lips. He hoped his head blocked the view from those in attendance, so they hadn’t seen the placement of the kiss. With his mind so fully preoccupied with the question of if this marriage was right and did he actually love her, he did not think it proper to take further liberties.
“Will you walk with me?” Alex asked as they exited the drawing room.
“Yes, but should we not wait? It would be poor manners to ignore our guests.”
Alex looked back to the room full of people. If he did not speak to Debra now, he might lose his courage. The conversation would not be easy, but it was for the best. “No one will miss us.”
He led her out to the patio, then down to the trees where he’d kissed her the night of her party and birthday. I should not have kissed her. I should not have asked the vicar to perform a handfasting. Regret upon regret piled up until it nearly consumed him. He noted the flowers, the heat of the sun, and the deep green of the lawn while he led her toward the spot he now considered theirs.
“Did you ask the vicar to perform the handfasting? I was very surprised and pleased.” Debra’s words fell on his numb mind. He should respond but did not know how.
Forcing a smile, he nodded. Stalling and trying to decide how to say the words, Alex led her around a hedge where they would have complete privacy. Words finally formed to give her a response. “I wanted to make the day special for you.”
“Alex, is there a reason you have brought me out here?” She looked worried.
Knowing there was no more time to stall, he took a deep breath and spoke. “I must admit I have a great deal of trepidation regarding our future.”
Her eyes went wide with surprise, but she nodded. “As do I, my lord.”
She said the words she thought he wanted to hear. The sparkle of what he considered love looked to be fading. “I cannot deny I am a fortunate man in having you as my wife.”
“Thank you—” It sounded more as a question than pleasure.
He closed his eyes and released the air he held. “I admire you, and we have become friends, but I do not think we have mutual accord.”
“I am not certain as to what you mean, my lord.”
“I beg of you to understand.”
“I am attempting to, yet you do not seem to be saying anything.” She raised her eyebrows at him and gave a beautiful sassy smile.
He noted her dimples. How can I be so nervous around her? I admire her beauty and spontaneous personality. This fear I have makes no sense. “I mean to say, I am not ready to set up a nursery.” The words left his tongue without a backward glance. There was no turning back now.
Debra cleared her throat. “I understand the desire to hold off on having children, my lord, but my mother has made my duty clear. I also do not know how to prevent it. I suppose I could ask her advice on the matter.”
“No. No. It will not be necessary.” He took her hands in his and gave her a pleading look. She needed to understand what he was saying. “I mean to keep a separate bedchamber until I am prepared for children.”
Debra stared into his face as though she did not comprehend his meaning. He thought of saying something more, to help with understanding, but there was no need. As soon as she realized, heat rose in her cheeks. Pulling back from him, she placed her hands over the blush. The sparkle gone from her eyes. “Have I done something wrong?”
This was a response he had not expected. He wanted her to see this as a way for them to grow in accord. Once they were in love, children would be an option and that part of the relationship would be normal. But as circumstances currently sat, he wouldn’t force her into his bed as she’d been forced into the marriage. She didn’t want the marriage. From the beginning she’d begged to be left to her own devices. “No, Love, you have done everything right. I am to blame for this decision. I take full responsibility for the way I feel.”
“You should have confided in me before we were wed.” Debra turned from him so he could not see her face. It was a bit of a relief, not seeing the hurt in her eyes. There was nothing left of the blushing bride he’d married. He’d destroyed those emotions with his pronouncement.
“I did not realize until this morning, Love.”
“Do not call me, Love.” She turned back. There was no longer hurt showing, she was angry. “You should have told me you do not want me. I would have been better off ruined and put away in a cottage than an unwanted wife.”
If he could take the words back, Alex would. What was I thinking? But in true form, as only an infidel would do, Alex tried to smooth her anger. “I did not realize until this morning as I stood in front of the vicar. Perhaps it is wrong of me.”
She cut him off with a glare. No words escaped her mouth, yet he could hear her thoughts as though they’d been spoken. “I know what you are thinking, and I do not blame you for your anger.”
“Lord Trenton,” she said with contempt, “you married me knowing you did not want me?”
“It sounds like a betrayal when you put it in those terms.”
“I do not know what it is, but it is despicable!”
He put his hands up pleading for her to calm down and be quiet. It would not do for others to hear their quarrel. “I do n
ot know where to go from this point. I hope one day to be in love with you and to have an actual marriage. I desire this more than anything.”
“Desire!” She nearly yelled the word.
“Please, Debra, do not cry. It will not do to have others overhear our discussion. Tears pooled in her eyes as he fumbled in his pockets to find a handkerchief. “I did not mean to injure you.”
“On the contrary,” she said grabbing the handkerchief he held out to her, “you have not caused me injury. I am relieved.” Her words belied the tears on her face. “I find my fortune in not having to make room in my bed for a man I do not love to be an ease of tension and worry, as I have no desire to fill a nursery either. If I am to be a published author, I do not have time for the distraction of such things.”
Alex took hold of her hand. He knew her denial of love for him was a way to guard her heart and cover the hurt he’d caused. “I believe as we spend more time together, we will grow closer and develop the relationship a husband and wife should have. Then I think it will be more appropriate for us to consider progeny.”
He thought about saying more but stopped speaking when he noticed Samuel walking toward them. He whispered, “Samuel is here.”
“Do not worry, my lord, I have no plan of revealing your lack of desires to anyone.”
He shook his head. It had been a poor choice of words; one she would likely never allow him to forget.
“Everyone is wondering what happened to you,” Samuel said as he approached.
“We had need of a moment to speak, privately,” Alex responded with irritation. Samuel was a good friend, but he was not welcome for this discussion.
Samuel did not look affronted it was more amusement. “I suppose you are now married and no longer need a chaperon.”
“We will return to the party forthwith,” Debra said with a brave smile at her brother.
“Debra, have you been crying?” Samuel glared at Alex.
“Tears of joy!” Her forced cheer pushed the dagger of guilt further into Alex’s chest.
Holding his arm out for her, Alex led his broken-hearted wife back to the house. He gazed down at her a few times to see if her eyes were still watering. But she’d composed herself. They put on a show of happiness for their family and guests, dancing and visiting throughout the day. When he thought his guilt would consume him, he chose to participate in another card game.
Alex crossed to the card room and sat at a table with his father, Baker, Lord Norwood, Samuel, and Leigh. Alex threw a sixpence into the pile to join the game.
“Five card draw, the joker is only good with aces, straights, and flushes. A pair of jacks or better starts the game,” Lord Norwood said as he dealt the cards.
Looking at his hand, Alex had absolutely nothing worth keeping, unless he tried for a flush. He looked over at Baker to see him rubbing the back of the cards and a look of semi-satisfaction on his face. He must be able to open the round.
Alex was right in his thinking. Everyone passed on the round until Baker. With a smug smile, he threw a shilling onto the pile. Alex debated if he should stay in the round, but decided he’d at least see what he’d get after trading in a few cards. He called the bet as did everyone else who hadn’t already gone out.
“I’ll take two cards,” he said when Lord Norwood looked at him expectantly. He watched closely to see the number of cards each person exchanged. His father took one. Leigh took three. Baker exchanged one, which solidified Alex’s assumption of the tell. His hand must be good, or at least he thinks it is.
Samuel took one card as well, causing a momentary concern to cross Baker’s face.
“Dealer takes three,” Norwood said after a short deliberation.
Even with the two new cards he’d taken, Alex only had a pair of nines. He could not beat openers, and so he placed his cards on the table folding. While waiting for the next round, Alex allowed Debra’s eyes to cloud his thoughts. The hurt was plainly written on her face. She was the one who opposed the marriage from the start. It didn’t make sense for her to be so hurt and enraged over the decision he’d made.
“I will see your half crown and raise you another sixpence,” Norwood said in good humor pulling Alex back to the game.
“Is this all you have, Norwood?” Baker mocked as he threw another sixpence onto the ante and upped it by a crown.
Not caring for Baker’s attitude, Alex considered how he could fix the problems with Debra. Apologize and pray she forgives me.
“I am just getting started, boys. I do not mind losing a small amount in the beginning.” Baker’s voice broke into his thoughts.
A small amount? Alex raised his eyebrows at the comment. Baker never played in small amounts. The last game they’d played together, Baker’s reaction was erratic at losing a sixpence.
As another round started, Alex threw a sixpence into the middle. Playing again was much easier than facing his wife. He wondered what she would do when he arrived at their chamber for the evening. Earlier during the day, his items were moved to the bridal suite in preparation for their union. He didn’t have an option of sleeping elsewhere.
Baker threw his cards on the table causing a scene and driving Alex’s mind back to the table. “What a waste of time.”
“Folding already?” Samuel asked with one eye quirked.
Alex liked his friend, now brother, but Samuel was not good at poker. With satisfaction showing on his face, Alex was certain he had a good hand. Samuel was not one to bluff during a game of cards. Samuel worried too much about emptying the family coffers, and no one could blame him with as many siblings as he had.
The game continued to play out. Even though Baker had a terrible hand, he did not know when to stop. He bluffed his way to the end of the round with a large pile of money in the middle, only to be beat by a straight.
“Baker, you should have realized when Samuel did not trade out any cards, he had a good hand,” Leigh said with a laugh.
“You were dealt the straight?” Baker grumbled. “I was not paying attention to what any of you were doing during the game.”
“And this is why you lose so much,” Samuel said attempting to guide his brother-in-law. “You need to watch for other people’s reactions and tells.”
“Are we playing cards? Or is this a gossip group like women in the parlor?” Baker yelled pushing his beginning sixpence into the middle.
Alex took the cards, as it was his turn to deal, and shuffled. He wondered what Debra was doing as he reviewed his hand. Realization of his luck changing made him nearly smile, but he knew how to hold a straight face. Exchanging one card so he did not look too confident, he kept his winning hand. Baker was bluffing, as was obvious by his sour disposition and rubbing the back of the cards.
Although Baker had absolutely nothing of merit in his hand to bet on, he went wild with upping the ante. Angry with his wife, Alex decided he would take everything Baker threw at him. As each continued to up the ante, determined to outbid the other, Alex had a few moments where his conscience told him it was not wise to taunt the man. He knew Baker was not wealthy. With this passing thought, he wondered where Baker came by the money he threw on the table. It was not a small sum. He thought back to the man in the cemetery and wondered if it had been George Baker. The man had altered his voice, but Alex was certain he recognized him.
Deciding he’d upped the ante more than was respectable, Alex called the bluff. “I have four of a kind with ladies, Baker. Show your hand.”
“You are a cheat!”
Letting out a breath with the accusation in the air, Alex threw his cards on the table. “I did not cheat.”
“You have had terrible hands all night, then when you deal the cards you suddenly get a four of a kind?” Baker looked around as though he expected everyone at the table to agree with him. When no one came to his aid, he threw his cards down and stormed from the room.
“I believe I am finished for the night as well,” Alex said leaving his winnings where they sat.
He had no use for the money. Without the game to carry his thoughts, Alex’s mind went back to the events of the day. Now a married man, he was not certain if he should retire early as he wanted or if he should wait for his wife. The thought of the word wife sent regret through his mind again and the weight of guilt lay heavy on his shoulders.
Why did I hurt her? She was so happy. I should have pretended to be as well. He walked into the ballroom to see the party was thinning out, and Debra was nowhere to be seen. He thanked people for coming to the wedding, then found his way up to his bedchamber. It was one he’d now share with his wife, yet he had to decide how this would be done. The bed should be big enough they wouldn’t have to even touch, but he was not certain he’d be comfortable sharing the space.
If they’d been married at Waverly Keep, this would not be a problem. They’d have separate chambers joined by a door. Woodland Manor only had a few chambers such as this, and they were occupied. He and Debra would have to make do until they left for their wedding trip. He slipped into the room after a light knock. Debra sat by the window with a book in her night clothes and a wrapper. It was far too revealing in his opinion.
“How would you suggest we handle tonight, my lord?” Her voice was even tempered, which did not calm his concerns.
“The bed is large enough; we will not have to be near each other.” His voice was breathy as he said the words. I am making a fool of myself. Apologize to her and consummate the marriage, you dolt!
“No, my lord.” Debra looked at him with an angry hard glare. “The bed is made for two, not three. You will find a different place to sleep. I do not see any room on my bed.”
“Three?”
“You, me, and whatever lady you prefer to me.”
“Debra,” Alex said walking toward her, “be reasonable. There is not another lady. I simply do not believe we are acquainted with each other to the point of setting up a nursery.”
“After our conversation this morning, you dare say I am unreasonable?” She scoffed looking back at her book. “These chairs are comfortable. Make them your resting place.”
Wit & Intrigue (An Assignation to Remember Book 1) Page 13