It had suddenly struck him, like a lead bar to the stomach, that he’d never sent anything of a personal nature to Marcy, or any of his other girlfriends, come to think of it. He’d bought them things, sure, but the gifts had never been targeted to them as individuals. They’d been cold, hard objects—symbols of his wealth and status.
He gave himself an internal shake. Time to move the conversation away from him and back onto her.
‘What led you to become a DJ?’ he asked, leaning back in his chair and attempting to relax his tense shoulders.
‘I like the way it allows me to be in control of the conversation.’ She flashed him a self-conscious grin, which he returned this time.
There was a pause in which she straightened her cutlery on the table.
‘I spent a lot of time in my own head when I was young and there’s something really freeing about being given a microphone to speak into without having to see people’s reactions to what you’re saying. Also, I like that people are interested in my opinions and that I can spark interesting conversations with the power of my voice.’
Her cheeks were pink again and he wondered which bit of her answer had made her uncomfortable.
‘Why did you spend so much time in your own head?’
Her gaze flicked to meet his, the expression in her eyes wary.
Yup. That bit.
She sighed. ‘My parents were really young when they had me and hadn’t been together very long—they met at University. Obviously, I wasn’t planned. They were both ambitious and wanted to build their careers and didn’t exactly have a harmonious relationship. They’re both really fiery tempered and after one of their arguments they often wouldn’t speak to each other for weeks.’
She gave a little shiver. ‘There’s a very particular type of silence between two people who are angry with each other and it made for a really tense atmosphere in the house. I was their only medium of communication—I had to pass messages between them—and I used to get caught in the crossfire of resentment.’ She grimaced and put the tips of two fingers against her temple, pretending to pull a trigger. ‘Shooting the messenger.’
‘Sounds hellish.’
‘Yeah, well, it wasn’t a lot of fun. I’m not a big fan of confrontation so I spent a lot of time hiding out in my room.’
‘You’re an only child?’
‘I was then. I have two half-sisters on my mum’s side and a stepbrother on my dad’s now.’
He nodded, starting to understand where she was coming from.
‘They were very good at providing all the material stuff I needed though, can’t fault them for that,’ she said, with a forced brightness in her voice. ‘My dad paid to put me through University and bought me my apartment to live in. He’s very good at buying his way out of a problem.’ She pinched her eyebrows together in derision.
Tristan felt another thump of disquiet as he thought about how he’d been guilty of the same behaviour whenever he’d upset Marcy by point blank refusing to discuss getting married.
‘What did they argue about?’ he asked, not wanting to dwell on the troubling insight.
‘Ugh! Everything—although mainly about whether they were going to get married.’
His stomach sank further as he realised he’d walked out of the frying pan and straight into the conversational fire.
‘My mum really wanted to, but my dad was dead against it,’ Lula continued, totally oblivious to how much this topic was making him squirm. ‘I think my mum felt he didn’t love her enough to make the commitment and it eroded their relationship so much she went off and had an affair, which split them up. She’s married to the guy she cheated on my dad with now and couldn’t be happier.’
Tristan snorted, appalled that she clearly believed matrimony was some sort of magic fix. ‘Really? My father’s been married five times and it’s never made him happy.’
‘Wow, that’s—er—’ She was clearly lost for words.
‘Obscene? Yeah. My mum died when I was twelve and he got married again six months after we buried her.’
‘How did that make you feel?’
He shrugged. ‘At the time I was really angry because it was as if he was disrespecting my mum’s memory by moving on so fast—as if she hadn’t even existed, but I came to realise he just couldn’t bear to be alone.’
He cocked a disparaging eyebrow. ‘I wouldn’t have minded so much, but I’d just started to get to like my new stepmother when he dumped her and moved on to the next one. Then the next one, then the next.’
He snorted and ran a hand over his hair. ‘I stopped letting myself get close to any of his wives or girlfriends pretty quickly after that. As far as I’ve seen, marriage is nothing but an expensive court case waiting to happen.’
He looked at her to find she was staring at him in dismay.
He flipped her a grin. ‘Hey, just ignore me, it’s a subject that gets me fired up. That’s all.’
She frowned as if she’d found what he said sad.
Luckily, their food arrived then and they tucked in, giving him a few moments to pull himself together.
What the hell was he doing talking to her about this stuff? They barely knew each other and here he was spilling his guts. He needed to slap a lid on that quickly—but she was just so easy to talk to with her open expression and kind eyes.
‘So, what are these perks you mentioned in your note?’ she murmured after another minute of silence, not looking at him while she worked her knife carefully through her sirloin steak.
He rested his cutlery on the plate while he addressed her question, glad to get back to a subject he felt comfortable with. ‘Well, Jez had a company mobile phone and a taxi allowance for getting to any functions he attended as the lead presenter at the station...’
He ran through a couple of other entitlements, which to him made the whole deal sound like something someone would be crazy to turn down. When he’d finished, she nodded and gave a small controlled smile. Could she really have been expecting more? ‘That’s a good package, Tallulah.’
Her gaze met his and something like disappointment flashed across her face.
‘It’s a very good package,’ she said, sounding as though she really believed it. So why the long face?
He decided to wait until they’d finished eating before pressing on with more business talk, asking her instead about what she liked about living in London and how she spent her downtime.
It turned out they liked to do the same kinds of things: taking long walks on a Sunday morning, eating Indian food, checking out photography exhibitions. The more they talked, the more he found himself relaxing into her company again. She was a superb dinner companion, receptive and responsive in turn—the things that had drawn him to her the other night—and he had to remind himself a couple of times that he wasn’t here on a date with her.
Unless they both decided to take things further again later. His body hardened at the thought.
‘So, are you happy with the terms of my offer?’ he asked, when they’d both cleared their plates and waved away the suggestion of dessert. A coil of tension tugged at his insides as he waited for her answer. Surely he’d done enough to clinch her return?
‘Yes,’ she said finally, leaning back in her chair looking at him with her bright, steady gaze, the corner of her mouth twitching up into a smile.
‘Yes?’ he repeated, hoping against hope that she was agreeing to come back to Flash but needing to hear those exact words come out of her mouth before he believed it.
‘I’m accepting your offer of reemployment and promotion to Breakfast Presenter.’
He was so relieved he could have kissed her. In fact he had to grip the edge of the table to stop himself from leaping out of his seat and pulling her out of her chair into his arms.
She must have s
ensed this impulse because she fixed him with a hard stare. ‘You understand that nothing else can happen between us now though, right? I can’t work for you if everyone at the station thinks we’re sleeping together. I’ll lose all credibility with my co-workers and I’m not prepared to let that happen. It’s really important to me that they respect and trust me so we can function as a team on equal terms. Getting into bed with the boss isn’t something that would go down well. Trust me, I know.’
All the joy had slowly drained out of him as she’d talked, but he managed to nod confidently, clinging on to his professionalism by a thread. ‘Of course, I didn’t come here expecting anything more from you. Just that you’d take your job back.’ He swept a conciliatory hand in her direction, ignoring his self-disgust at voicing such a convincing sounding lie. ‘There wouldn’t be any point in us pursuing anything other than a business relationship anyway. As soon as I’ve found a replacement for Jez I’ll be back off to Edinburgh. Back to my life there.’
He could have sworn he saw another flash of disappointment in her face, before she formed a smile and tipped her head in agreement.
She must still feel the same pull of desire that he did. He didn’t believe she could shake him off so easily after what they’d shared. The need to know he was right prodded at the edges of his control.
The next few weeks were going to be a trying time if he had to keep his hands off her, but it didn’t mean he had to totally ignore the irrefutable connection between them.
There was still some fun to be had here.
SIX
Over the next couple of days they managed to maintain a friendly, but businesslike atmosphere between them, although Lula made sure to leave the room as quickly as was polite so she didn’t have to deal with the weird, tight ache in her chest that appeared whenever he did.
Tristan’s revelations about his aversion to marriage and recent split from a long-term partner had sealed her decision not to get further involved with him.
Clearly he wanted different things in life to her and no way was she going to be his rebound woman—she’d been through the humiliation of that before and wasn’t prepared to do it again. They always seemed to go back to their exes as soon as she settled into the hope things might work between them.
And he was her boss, which made up the triumvirate of a no-go.
She had a duty to protect herself from any relationship that was destined to bring her more pain and loneliness. She’d had enough of that to last her a lifetime.
It didn’t stop her from wanting him though, which was a bit of a problem when she had to see him every day.
She’d quickly got into the routine of her new show, and even though it left her both mentally and physically drained, she’d never been happier with that part of her life.
The whole atmosphere at Flash had changed since Tristan had stepped into the breach. Everyone seemed less guarded and more relaxed than when Jez was in charge—which wasn’t surprising as the man had had a unique gift for getting people’s backs up.
She was desperate that no one at the station should find out what had happened between her and Tristan though and terrified she would give herself away when she was near him.
It had been bad enough when the whispers had gone around about her succumbing to Jez’s ‘charms’. Any time someone had so much as mentioned her and Jez’s name in the same sentence she’d wanted to bury her head in the ground in shame. It had caused a really uncomfortable atmosphere for a while and no one had wanted to take her into their confidence in case word got back to Jez about their grievances.
No way would she be able to hold her head high if everyone knew she’d had sex with Tristan too.
Sleeping with one of her bosses could be seen as careless. Sleeping with two was just plain stupid.
She was taking her customary time out after the show on Friday morning when Tristan came into one of the offices where she liked to hide out. Her heartbeat picked up as she tried not to notice how ridiculously sexy he looked today with his shirt open at the neck and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, displaying his strong, tanned forearms. His transformation into casual cool messed with her head. It was so much easier to compartmentalise him when he was all buttoned up in his restricting suit somehow.
‘Hey,’ he said, giving her a nod, ‘I wondered where you got to after you finished your shows.’
She scrambled to sit up on the sofa and straightened her T-shirt, which had ridden up, exposing her midriff. ‘I like to have a bit of quiet time after I come off-air—to reflect, you know? Before I start planning for the next show.’
He’d dropped his gaze down her body when she’d pulled on her clothing and when he looked her in the eye again his pupils were large and dark.
Awareness tickled down her spine.
Giving her a slow knowing smile he walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her, so close she could smell the heady masculine scent of him. Exotic spice with the dark undertone of alpha male.
Leaning an elbow against the back of the sofa, he propped his head in his hand and studied her, his eyes roaming her face. ‘I wasn’t criticising you, just making an observation.’
Her heart was thumping so hard in her chest she suspected her body must be visibly pulsing with it. Was he deliberately sitting this close to get a reaction out of her? She had a strong suspicion he was. Clearly he wasn’t taking their pact as seriously as she was.
She was going to have to pay him back for that.
Crossing her arms, she gave him an I know your game smile. ‘Was there something you needed from me?’
Straightening his posture, he arranged his face into a more businesslike expression. ‘Yes. I’ve put out a couple of adverts for a new Station Manager and I’m starting to get some replies. I’d appreciate it if you’d sit in on the interviews with me. I could do with someone with experience of the industry—and this station in particular—to pick up any loose ends I miss.’
Lula’s insides did a strange swoopy thing. On the one hand she was ridiculously pleased he thought so highly of her opinion, but on the other, she couldn’t shake the gloomy awareness that someone else taking the job meant she’d never see him again.
‘Sure, I’d be happy to sit in with you.’
The atmosphere felt weirdly heavy and strained, as though all the things they weren’t saying to each other were dulling the air between them.
Or maybe she was just exhausted from a week of presenting such an intensive show.
There was a long pause in which he stared intently into her eyes, before nodding. ‘Thanks, Lula.’
That was the first time he’d called her Lula instead of Tallulah since she’d taken her job back and it made her feel inexplicably wretched.
‘My pleasure.’
She watched him get up and walk away, dejection swirling darkly through her brain.
Why did she only ever become entangled with men that she had no future with? There had been Dan at University, who had been set on sleeping with every living female on the planet, and Scott during her late twenties, who had decided to take a job in China but leave her behind. And all the other disastrous relationships in between. No one had fit properly.
And now Tristan: businesslike, marriage averse and totally focussed on getting back to his life in Scotland.
She could never be with someone who wasn’t prepared to make the ultimate commitment to her. Even if he was as hot as hell. She needed stability in her life, the promise of a loving, concrete future. Not one where her partner could walk away easily if the whim took him.
It was understandable that he didn’t hold the sanctity of marriage in high regard if his father had made a mockery of it for him, but it was important to her to find someone on her wavelength. Someone who understood where she was coming from.
She didn’t want
to spend her life arguing and not feeling good enough.
Stretching back out on the sofa, she folded her forearms over her eyes, blocking out the rest of the world.
Ah well. Life went on and so would she. Just not in the same direction as Tristan.
Unfortunately.
* * *
‘So, my lovely listeners, if you could wish for a special skill, what would you choose? Be as creative as you like, but let’s keep it clean, okay?’
Tristan smiled as he listened to Lula’s show the following Monday. Since he’d taken over the running of Flash he liked to make sure he was there at the radio station in time to catch her show as it went out. He enjoyed listening to her dulcet tones as she teased and titillated her audience, keeping up the rapid momentum needed to capture busy people’s attention. He could see exactly why she was so popular with the listeners—she had a real skill at finding the interesting angle to a subject.
According to reports from the Broadcast Assistants there had been a huge increase in texts and tweets to the show since she’d taken over and listener numbers were already well up for the Breakfast Show.
He’d been surprised by just how much he was enjoying looking after the station too. The business he ran from Scotland was pretty dry in nature, although their turnover was substantially more than the radio station was making. Entertaining people certainly wasn’t as much of a money-spinner as installing industrial kitchens and providing catering equipment to restaurants.
Still, at the end of the day, it had to be the money that mattered—it was his linchpin, the thing that kept him focussed and motivated. That kept his world turning—that made everything make sense.
As soon as Lula’s show was over he caught up with her as she exited the studio.
‘We have our first interviewee coming in at two o’clock. Are you okay to sit in?’
She pressed her lips into an accommodating smile, although he guessed she must be pretty exhausted after her show and desperate to get home. She was a trooper all right. He really admired that about her.
Fired by Her Fling Page 9