by Mia Madison
I nodded. “Eating healthier is good.”
Her face was grim. “I had a stroke.”
I narrowly escaped choking at the news. Swallowing my food and taking a swallow of orange juice, I took a deep breath and asked her to repeat herself.
“I had a stroke recently,” she said.
“How recent?”
“Last month.”
I was alarmed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Scare me? You’re my mother. What happened?”
“I was doing work around the house. Got real dizzy and passed out. I woke up in the hospital. Luz found me,” she said, referencing her housekeeper.
A lump came to my throat. Anger welled in my body and my nostrils flared. I’d been so busy here in Miami that my mother’s health wasn’t even a priority. What if she had died?
“How did you get here?” I asked. “Is anyone here with you? What kind of medication are you on? What did the doctor say? Shouldn’t you be taking it easy right now?”
“The doctor said I was okay to fly. I hired a traveling nurse, but she’s at the hotel. I came last night and took an Uber over to you this morning.” Mom’s soft-grey eyes watered. “I just needed to see you. I see all my kids but you every week. You live all the way down here, and you’re so busy. I just had to take the chance.”
Guilt gouged my heart. My mother was my sweetheart, my heartbeat. There was nothing I wanted more in life than to be the apple of Scarlett Genovese’s eye.
“I’m sorry, Mom.” I reached out for her hand across the table. “I’m going to do better. I promise. But please don’t keep that information from me again. Why didn’t anyone else tell me?”
“I didn’t tell anyone until after I left the hospital.” She said. “And when I spoke to your brother and sister, I told them specifically not to inform you, because I’d do it myself. Besides, they’re busy too. Diana’s taking care of the twins, and Lorenzo’s running the B&B.”
I nodded, grim yet accepting of her explanation.
“What have you been up to?”
“Working.” My tone was flat.
“Son,” she said. Tears came to her eyes. “When are you going to settle down and have a family?”
“I’m trying,” I said. “I will.”
“Trying? Do you know how old I am?” She pressed. “Strokes are deadly. If I have another one, I could go blind or partially paralyzed. I’ll have to stay in Destin.”
My heart filled with dread as I looked at her. This was exactly what I feared, not settling down in time for my mother to see my children. I figured I’d find the right woman with the standards I had, but here I was, pushing forty in less than a week. I truly realized time was indeed finite.
“I don’t mean to upset you, honey,” Mom said, stroking my cheek. “I just want to know that you’ll be happy and have love around you when my time comes. I would probably turn over in my grave if I died knowing you might spend your life without anyone to share it with.”
I drew a sharp breath. My mother was right, but she wasn’t the only one with that sentiment. The last thing I wanted was to be the odd man out in my family. Everyone else was married with kids. Nick and Kenny were well on their way.
“Mother, I promise you have nothing to worry about,” I said. I met her on her side of the table and gave her a kiss, making sure to wipe the bit of syrup I’d placed on her cheek. “You will not die without meeting my wife and children.”
“You have a wife and children?” she asked, aghast.
“No, no.” I laughed. “I’m just saying I promise you won’t have to wait long. I will make it happen.”
Soon.
Morelli
I quit.
I slammed the door, fell back against it, and screamed. I’d had enough of being a dancer. Enough.
“I’m not fucking going back!” I yelled. “I swear I won’t.”
Let me backtrack first.
Tonight’s shift started off as it usually did, pretty slow. I sat at the bar and had a few drinks, hoping to unwind and get a little loose for my performance tonight.
My sets were amazing. I did all of my signature tricks that audiences loved, and raked up a shit ton of cash. I had plenty money, as Plies would say.
Then I worked the floor, giving dances to different patrons. Table and lap dances could be really boring, or really sexy. It really came down to how you felt about the person you were dancing for, and the chemistry you cultivated with them in the moment.
Everything changed when I was called into VIP, only to meet Manuel and Maria, kissing and caressing on each other. They stopped long enough to greet me with those creepy smiles.
All I could think was, What the fuck?!
I should have known better than to fraternize with customers outside the club. Management wouldn’t give a fuck about how uncomfortable I was. Money was money, and unless I had a valid reason that wouldn’t get me terminated, I would have to perform.
“Thank you for joining us, beautiful,” Maria said. She wore tight black leggings and Cruel Summer heels with a tube top that perfectly encased her large breasts.
She was gorgeous, but women were never my thing. I flirted and played the role for work, but aside of dancing for or on her, I would never give her what she wanted.
I was used to grinding myself up and down on Manuel’s cock for cash, lap dancing on him until he fired off erotic Spanish in my ears. And maybe if he showed up today, alone, I could have performed for him, fulfilled that mental fantasy without going all the way. But the secret was out, and I had to entertain both partners in crime.
Maria pushed me to my limit, made me work my ass off for her money. She demanded to get the first dance, and went crazy when I danced on her. I pressed my cheeks into her lap and swirled slowly. She spread her legs and began to grind back, holding me by my waist and saying kinky things in Spanish I seriously wished I never understood.
After gently and kindly preventing her from trying to put her fingers where they didn’t belong, I reminded her of VIP dance policies. She sucked her teeth and pouted. “Mami chula, you’re no fun. Let’s cut to the bullshit.”
Manuel cleared his throat and leaned back. The tension was so high in the room, thick enough to cut with a knife. I froze. I didn’t know what this crazy woman had planned for me.
She reached in her bag and pulled out three fat stacks of money. She threw a bundle at me and told me to open it. I looked at her, uncertain, but she nodded and took a sip of her drink.
My eyes widened in shock as I thumbed through the money. These weren’t singles. These weren’t fives, tens, or twenties. They were fifties and hundreds. And they were completely crisp and new.
“Fuck.”
My heart dropped. I hadn’t seen that much money in my life. I’d never had that much money in my hands in my life. If I had to guess, I was easily holding $50,000 from this band alone.
“You like?”
I looked at her, speechless.
“Just let me have you the way I want you.” Her eyes darkened with lust as she licked her tongue and leered at me. “Mami, let me possess it for one night. All I need is one. One. And all this…” She stopped to spread all the money over her lap. “… is yours.
“You don’t have to say yes or no, bella.” She challenged me with her eyes. Placing a hundred-dollar bill over her crotch, she spread her legs and said, “Come pick this up with con tus dientes… and we’ll go from there.”
My nostrils flared in rage. This bitch wanted me to stick my face between her legs to retrieve a one-hundred-dollar bill?
That’s when I knew this wouldn’t work out. I stormed out of the VIP Room and banged the office, ready to tell the manager I was propositioned. But he wasn’t in the office. Shit.
I went on a wild goose chase for five minutes when I bumped into Dazzle, an excited young dancer.
“Shit, sorry, girl. I’m just headed to a VIP. I’m excited.”
“That’s awesome.” I beamed with pride for her. Dazzle was focused and worked very hard at her craft. She was one of my closest friends at KoD, even though she’d only been here six months. “With who?”
“Those two.” She pointed and my eyes followed until I saw Manuel and Maria. Maria licked her lips lasciviously and I felt goosebumps run down my body.
“You wanna join me?” Dazzle said, eyes sparkling. “They have racks of money. My palms itch. That means we’re getting paid.”
A lump filled in my heart. I looked at them with a harsh glare as I leaned down and whispered into Dazzle’s ear, “Be careful. All that glitters isn’t gold. You don’t know what they want you to do for that money.”
“Girl, I’m a dancer. I’m gonna coochie pop for all of it. I can take care of my mother and my baby.” Dazzle looked at me in disbelief as she pulled out a handful of hundreds. “Look, they already gave me a stack.”
I could tell by the look in Dazzle’s eyes that she wouldn’t be talked out of this. The fact that they’d purchased her with a thousand dollars upfront meant they were serious about tricking on her.
“You ain’t coming?” she pressed. “They said I could bring a friend.”
“No, girl. I’m cramping too bad.” She looked at me with sympathy, but I assured her I would be “fine once I got in the bed.”
“Just promise me one thing.” She waited expectantly while I looked her in the eyes and gave her the most serious, sincere expression possible. “Please promise me you won’t leave the club with those two. And don’t drink anything they give you. Please.”
Something in my expression must have gotten through to her. She nodded solemnly and gave me a smile. “Promise, sis. I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”
A sigh of relief filled my being. I wrapped my arms around her and we locked pinkies. “Okay.”
Two hours later, after screaming in rage from Manuel and Maria’s audacity, they wouldn’t let go no matter what I did. If they couldn’t get me, they made it clear: they’d get to the closest thing to me. Dazzle.
If I had to spend the rest of my life fighting their creepy, stalker asses off to enjoy my job, fuck it. I was done. I didn’t need it.
I’d been telling myself it was time to quit for months. I spent even more time trying to tell myself I needed to hurry up and get my stuff together. But I’d never felt so humiliated, uncomfortable, and freaked out in my life.
I worried about Dazzle for over two hours, until she texted me to let me know she was headed home. Alone.
A sigh of relief flooded me when she FaceTimed me.
“Biiiiiitch, you see these racks?” She held up a stack to the camera and sang, “I got these racks up to my ear like I’m talking on the phone…”
I wanted to laugh with her, but my countenance lacked its usual vibrancy. She noticed immediately.
“Okay, spill tea, sis. I’m already in the Uber on the way home right now, and you don’t look too happy.”
I confessed my experience with Manuel for the past few months, our date Friday night, and Maria’s lewd propositions. I also told her about the VIP I ran out of, looking for the manager before running into her and leaving instead.
“The fuck?” Dazzle balked. Her eyes were wide with shock and disgust. “You should’ve told me all this. I wouldn’t have messed with them.”
“I wanted you to make your money. I just didn’t want you to go home or drink with them. Something about them isn’t right.”
A chill ran down my spine. I truly felt there was something underneath their behavior, and it was only a matter of time before we’d discover what.
“Well, in that case, I’m changing my number. I don’t want anything to do with that. Let me call you back after I get off the phone with T-Mobile.”
After a morning session with my personal trainer, I had a phone meeting with Bianca. She wanted to launch the pole dance classes at her studio in three weeks, but we needed to discuss the schedule.
“Most women want classes between five and nine p.m.,” Bianca said. “Part of that time is rush hour, but the truth is that’s the schedule they feel is most convenient.”
Evenings were fine with me. They were much better than working until three or four a.m. anyway.
“What about weekends?” I asked.
“Saturday mornings, definitely, but you’ll find most weekends are ideal for private lessons and parties.”
As we went over the details, I could see this was a great decision for me. Although I wouldn’t be a conventional employee, Bianca wanted to know what I needed to make this work and blow.
“I have to think about that…” I replied, after a pause.
To be honest, I had no real idea. Exotic dancers didn’t get benefit packages and 401Ks with stock options.
“Here’s a card to my husband, Miguel. He’s worked with athletes and entertainers on their contracts. I don’t know every little thing you should consider for this transition, but I want to make sure you get as much as you need for us to negotiate successfully.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking the black and gold card. “I’ll email him as soon as we’re off the phone.”
I heard a baby cry in the background.
Bianca sighed. “In that case, I’ll let you go, okay? The baby’s crying, and I’m still getting used to being a mother. I can’t wait until I’m ready to work out again. You know we need several privates.”
“Oh, you know that’s definitely happening.” I loved Bianca’s sexy yet serious personality. I couldn’t wait until we got into our sessions and I got her pre-baby body back. We were both dancers at heart, and it bonded us.
After shooting off an email to Miguel, I thought about calling out tonight. Yes, I said I quit, but I woke this morning having second thoughts. Don’t we all have these moments where we feel like quitting after a bad night at work?
Yet and still, this dreary feeling told me I needed to stay away from the club for a while.
It was weird because I loved dancing, and I loved working at KoD. But recent events showed me perhaps it was really time for me to move on.
I called Dilayla and filled her in.
“You have to make a decision,” she said. “You can either be committed to making your dreams come true now, or you can keep putting off your plans to quit until things are perfect. Where’s your commitment?”
“I’m committed to myself, but I can’t quit just like that!” I snapped my fingers. “I have a mountain of credit card debt and bills to pay.”
“Girl, eff that. You want to be free, or you want to twerk for the freaky swingers again?”
“I need to downsize massively if I quit,” I confessed. I’d tallied up my bills. They totaled $24,283.34, and that was just my credit card balances alone. This amount didn’t even begin to touch my monthly car payment, insurance, groceries, utilities… you know, rent and things of that nature.
“You can stay with me and Nick for a few if you need to,” Dilayla offered. “Or he can get you into one of his vacant apartments in the building.”
“Girl, I can’t break my lease that easily.”
“Maybe you can’t. But you don’t know until you try, and right now, you’re not trying your best to get out of that situation if all you want to do is complain.”
My cheeks burned. “I just don’t want to rely on anyone else to help me out of this situation. I’ve been independent for a while now. What do I look like accepting help?”
“We’re familia, chica. There’s no way I can’t help my cousin and best friend get her life together if she’s really ready to change.” Dilayla went into a barrage of details, visions, and schemes, completely ready to help me. “We can sell your stuff to a consignment, put some of it on auction, sell your car…”
“No!” I cut in. “I love my car.”
“Sacrifices, chick.”
I told Dilayla I would call her back. I realized she was right. Getting serious about what I planned to do required making plans to c
ut the cord.
I lay down and decided to make a final decision when my emotions were clear or I won the lottery, whichever miracle occurred first.
Morelli
I never called Dilayla back. It wasn’t personal; I was simply too tired and stressed.
I spent the rest of the afternoon crunching numbers. I used $24,283.34 of $30,000 in my overall credit lines. That high utilization destroyed my score.
My savings account was stable, but there wasn’t enough to cover the balances. Even if I purged it to take care of those credit cards, I’d be left in a whole with nothing to start over with.
Then and there, I felt embarrassed. I needed to take better care of my finances and my credit. I made so much money as a dancer that I blew recklessly, buying expensive designer shit, going on vacations, and just living life.
I needed to plan my life better; being spontaneous was the reason I would have to swallow my pride and come back to work. Not just tonight, but every night until I had these bills paid off, even if it meant having to risk more of Maria’s harassment. Ugh.
Why was adulting so hard?
My eyes were closed and I took several breaths. Dilayla had me listening to an Abraham Hicks video on YouTube. It was weird hearing the information; it was so different from what I felt was possible. Instead of focusing on negative thoughts like “I hate my job,” I needed to focus on what I really wanted.
Money. Love. A family with a good man who was ready to settle down and have children. A healthy body. To be a happy wife with a happy life. Simplicity in things money couldn’t buy, even though we were financially comfortable and able to buy whatever we wanted.
The fantasy was good, but the reality seemed so far away. I didn’t trust the majority of men to want me for me. They coveted the fantasy I portrayed. Manuel and Maria proved this in the most visceral way.
I fell into a weird dream. I was teaching a pole class and Maria came in. She brought two girls that looked exactly like her. They were triplets and they paid for the class and a workshop after. Maria kept trying to kiss me and I ended up climbing up the pole to get away from her, screaming like a cat stuck in a tree until firemen came to help me down.