by Mia Archer
Idiot! If they didn’t think there was anything weird about it before they definitely would now what with me stumbling all over my tongue trying to explain myself! Why did I have to be such a goof?
Only Savannah reached out and took my hand again. That electric energy was back. She smiled, and there was no hint of the blush now. Just her beautiful face. Those eyes locking with my own and hypnotizing me.
“Don’t worry. A lunch date sounds just fine to me,” she said.
We stood there holding one another’s hands with our gazes locked together for a moment that felt like it was stretching into eternity. God I could get lost in her eyes forever and a day. I was so distracted that for that moment it felt like we were the only two people in the room.
That moment lasted right up until Ethel cleared her throat reminding us that she was standing right there next to us. Both of us jumped, and both of us pulled our hands away as though we really had been shocked. Both of us turned to Ethel and both of us blushed at the same moment. It was like there was a mirror between the two of us.
“Right then,” Ethel said. “I’ll just have my usual soup at the front desk. Take your time.”
“Wait, I’m the boss. Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to make the schedule anyways?”
“Well yes, but still. Don’t feel like you need to hurry back on my account. I’ll be able to hold down the fort while you two have your fun.”
And with that she turned and disappeared out of my office leaving me alone with Savannah. Savannah who was so warm. I was painfully aware of how close she was to me. I was painfully aware of how tempting it was to slam the door shut to my office and press my lips against hers.
I didn’t do that, of course. I was just really tempted. There was a good chance that would end with a scream and a slap and maybe me being out of my job. I liked being able to make a living even if I wasn’t thrilled at where I had to live to make that living.
I smiled at Savannah. She looked at me and blushed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot. It had me hoping all sorts of things that I probably shouldn't be hoping.
"So are you ready to go?" I asked.
"Sounds like a plan to me," Savannah replied.
And so I walked out with her at my side. My mind reeled at this sudden change of fortune. Just ten minutes ago I figured I’d be going over to my apartment to have heated up chili from a crockpot I'd made up at the beginning of the week, and now here I was going out to lunch with this beauty. Sure it was probably just lunch, just as friends, but still.
Funny the places life could take you in the blink of an eye.
6: Avoidance
"So what did you have in mind for lunch?" I asked.
Kirsten paused for a moment. She tapped a finger against her lips, and then smiled. "I'm not entirely certain. I heard that the Trout Shack down on Main has a Michelin five star rating, but I'm not sure if they'll be able to seat us on such short notice. Plus neither one of us are really dressed for the occasion. I don't think they accept business casual."
It took me a moment to realize what she was getting at, and then I smiled. I laughed. That was just stupid enough to be clever.
"I don't know about that. We could go down to the taco place one block over," I replied. "Though I have seen articles in the newspaper that they have lots of health code violations."
I frowned. That wasn’t really funny at all. That was more disgusting than anything else. I really wasn't good at this whole flirtatious humor thing.
Wait. Flirtatious humor? Was I trying to be flirtatious? Granted Kirsten was a looker. She got me hot and bothered, but she also probably didn't swing my way, and it's not like I was going to say anything to determine which way she did swing, one way or the other.
What the hell was I thinking?
"Yeah," Kirsten said. "That's really more gross than anything else."
We walked on in silence and I kicked myself. We had a good thing going there. We were kind of going back and forth. And then I had to ruin it by mentioning food poisoning at the local Mexican food joint. It's not like the food there was that great to begin with. It was run by a guy named Steve whose career choices had been open a taco stand or go into the family business with his dad cooking meth.
Your typical small-town success story. The guy probably would’ve been better at cooking meth than tacos anyways.
"We could always just go to the diner?" Kirsten asked.
"Yeah, the diner sounds fine," I said.
Kirsten fell into step beside me and I was driven to distraction by her being so close. I’m talking really close. It seemed like she was almost going to bump into me. I almost moved away, but it felt so nice. So I didn’t. She was so close that I’d just have to move my hand maybe an inch and it would be brushing against hers. I shivered at the thought, but didn’t do anything.
Pure torture.
A few minutes later we sat down at a booth near the back of the Eggs and Coffee diner. The name advertised breakfast but they were open for lunch as well. Not dinner, though. The waitress came over and eyed the two of us and I was certain she thought we were on a date. I don't know why that thought terrified me so much. It's not like it should be a big deal, and yet it was around here so I constantly thought of it as a big deal. My skin crawled as she looked at us and then smiled.
"So how can I help you to do today?" she asked.
“I’ll have the quick breakfast special,” Kirsten said.
“Same here,” I said quickly. I wanted this waitress away from us. I knew it was my paranoia doing the talking, but I couldn’t help myself.
I instinctively glanced around the diner. There were a couple of people in this town that I definitely didn't want to run into. Especially if I didn't want any rumors about me and the pretty new librarian to start spreading like wildfire. No, that was the last thing I wanted to do to her.
Even if this was just a nice and friendly lunch. With a special emphasis on the "friendly" part of that. At least that's what I was still telling myself despite the flirtation. Despite how she got so very close to me as we walked to the diner.
Damn it. Why did I keep thinking like this? I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I needed to stop thinking of her as a dating prospect. The last time I did something stupid like that it had blown up spectacularly. That was part of the reason why I found myself looking around the room to make sure there wasn't anybody dangerous in here.
"I'd love to know what's got you so freaked out that you're looking around like that," Kirsten said.
I turned back to her and the panic must have been obvious on my face. She looked genuinely worried. I felt bad that she’d be worried on my behalf. That my freaking out would make her feel awkward. God I hoped I wasn’t making her feel awkward. This whole thing was awkward enough. God she was so beautiful. She smiled and I melted.
No! I shouldn't be melting! Dammit!
"So what's on your mind?" she asked.
"Nothing really," I lied.
It was funny how easy that lie came to my lips. Then again, I did a lot of lying while I was home. So much that it had almost become second nature. A second nature that I very much wanted to shed for Kirsten.
"Well whatever it is, it looks like it's got you pretty worried!"
I blushed and looked away from her. I hated how often I was blushing. Not that it took that much for a blush to come to my cheeks. Not with as light as my skin was. It was very annoying precisely because it always let someone know exactly when I was embarrassed. Or turned on, for that matter. I’d had one girlfriend in college who’d made very interesting use of that feature.
Now it was more embarrassment than anything else causing the blush, though. Okay, so maybe there was a little bit of turn on as well.
"We don't have to talk about it," Kirsten said. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"No, I am okay," I said.
She had no idea just how okay I was. How over-the-top okay I felt being with her like this. I wan
ted to lean forward and kiss her, except that would probably draw every eye in the diner. So I didn't.
Not to mention that I didn't know how she would react. I got a vibe from her, but my vibe detector was a little rusty since I’d been back home. Take that and add in a dash of worry about a blowup getting back to my mom and I was paralyzed with an irrational fear that I hated even as I was a slave to it.
"So I know what brought you back here, Ethel told me all about your mom, but what made you leave for the big city in the first place?" Kirsten asked.
I stared at her for a moment. I felt panicked again. It was an innocent enough question, but she was leaning forward as though she was expecting a certain kind of answer. Hope flared inside me as I knew what kind of answer I wanted to give her.
"Well I had to go off to college. At least that's what everyone always tells you. Go off to college, get a degree, get a good job," I said. "Fat lot of good that ended up doing me."
Sure I went off to college because that’s what you were supposed to do, but that wasn’t the only reason. I also wanted freedom to explore who I really was away from the dangers that lurked in this seemingly idyllic slice of small town America. If I knew now what I did then I might not have ever gone, though. Being free at college made it a hell of a lot more difficult to come back to the town I’d grown up in and loved where I couldn’t be myself.
Kirsten sighed. "Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from on that score."
"What are you talking about? You have a good job and a grad degree! You're living the dream!"
Kirsten barked out a laugh. "Yeah, I wish I was living the dream. The dream was to work in a university library. A nice college town where people were a little more open-minded…"
"Open-minded about what?"
Now it was Kirsten's turn to look worried. To look positively terrified of answering that question. And in that terror I saw so much of the terror that I felt when someone started asking questions that were a little too probing for comfort.
"You know. Just about anywhere is open-minded compared to this place," she said. “Just in general. No specific reason.”
I shook my head. This was heavy stuff for a first date. Why the hell did I keep thinking of this as a first date? I could see where she was coming from. There was definitely a certain point of view living in a small town like this. A point of view that didn't leave much room for people like me.
"So what brought you back here if you aren’t exactly a fan of the place?" I asked.
Kirsten smiled. A sad smile. "Let's just say that the job market for librarians isn't the greatest. Hasn’t been the greatest for awhile, no matter what they told me when I went off to get my graduate degree. Never trust anybody who's trying to get you to give them thousands of dollars. They promise you the world and break your heart."
"Yeah, I know where you're coming from on that. Just talk to the people who have my student loans!"
Kirsten giggled. "Would you believe that both of my alma maters actually call me and asked if I wanted to donate money to them?"
I giggled right along with her. "Oh my God yes! I finally had to tell them to stop calling."
"I told them I would be more than happy to give them money after I'd paid off all the money I gave them the first time around. They asked when that would be, and I said in about thirty years if they're lucky."
"That's a good line," I said. "I'll have to try that one out! Somehow they keep calling me even after I tell them not to."
“Yup, and with what they’re paying me around here thirty years might be a tad optimistic.”
"So you're trapped here because of your job," I said.
It made sense. She didn't seem like the kind of girl who’d be happy staying around here for long.
"Yeah, and you're trapped here because of your mom."
"Actually, it's not like that," I said.
Kirsten raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"I wouldn't go so far as to say I’m trapped. I actually do like it here."
Kirsten blinked. Something told me that wasn't the response she was expecting. There had to be a certain number of people who enjoyed the small-town life, though. Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone to live here in the first place. Everyone would move off to the city and that would be that.
"Oh. I guess I didn't have you pegged as the kind who would like it here."
"Well there’s good and bad," I said.
Thinking of the bad had me looking around the room again. Looking for a couple of people in particular who made life very bad for me back when I was still in high school. Who were a big part of the reason why I couldn't get far enough away fast enough when I went off to college, though admittedly I'd only gone a couple of hours away for school. And then I’d come back.
"There you are with that looking around thing again," she said. "Seriously. What's going on here?"
"Let's just say there are some people who made me pretty miserable when I was younger, and I'd rather not run into them."
Particularly while I was out with another girl. If I’m being totally honest with myself, I think the danger of running into Pastor Dan was a big part of the reason why I spent so much time at home in the country where it was just me and mom all to ourselves.
"Really? They made things that bad for you?"
I sighed. It wasn't something I really wanted to go into. Even all these years later I still sort of blamed myself. After all, I was the one who'd carried a torch for a girl to the point that I went to youth group at one of the most conservative churches in the county. That was saying something in a place where “crazy conservative” was pretty much a part of the stationery for most all of the churches.
I thought back to the smile on Pastor Dan’s face turning to a purplish rage when he caught me looking a little too long at a now former friend and figured everything out. He was a youth pastor then. Since promoted to full pastor much to my annoyance. He’d been far more perceptive than I would've liked. He realized what I was even before I fully realized it, and he'd made my life a living hell as a result.
"Let's just say there are some people around here I'd rather not run into all that often."
Kirsten smiled. Her smile was radiant. Beautiful. "All the more reason for you to move away when you get a chance!"
“So are these people perhaps one of the numerous species of men of the cloth that populate our small town all out of proportion?” Kirsten asked.
My eyes darted up and met hers. Again I had that strange feeling that she knew something. That she was fishing for something. I wasn’t going to bite.
“Something like that,” I muttered.
"I can understand having trouble with the religious types," Kirsten said. "My mom was never one for the organized religion. Kind of weird for around here."
"You're lucky," I said.
Though to be fair my mom had always been pretty unobtrusive about that as well. We went to church for the big holidays, but even that had fallen off by the time I was older. No, I’d walked into the den of the beast without quite realizing what I was doing.
"Yeah, well the way some of my friends reacted when I left for college you’d think I was going off to study English and then Library Science at Sodom and Gomorrah University."
I laughed. That was such a ridiculous image. And yet it pretty much summed up the vibe I'd gotten from people around here.
"Well at least you know they know how to have fun at the University of Sodom and Gomorrah."
Kirsten grinned, a twinkle in her eye. "I actually hear the better parties are at Sodom and Gomorrah Community College. They're not as focused on academics there, you know. More of a safety school."
That one had me drumming the table and laughing. I wiped a tear from my eye. The joke wasn't really that funny, but there was something about Kirsten that made me want to smile. Made me want to laugh.
Then our food came and we concentrated on eating. Punctuated by brief conversation here and there, but it wasn't as involve
d as before. We finally finished and the waitress came by with our check.
"Can we split this?" I asked.
Kirsten looked at me and grinned. "Really? You're not going to let me treat you?"
"What can I say? I'm a cheap date."
"So this is a date, is it?" Kirsten asked, a dangerous twinkle in her eye.
I was actually feeling pretty good about this whole encounter. Good enough that I didn’t have the usual panic attack at her insinuation. At least I felt pretty good until the bell above the entrance to the diner chimed. I looked up. The smile froze on my face.
Of all the people to walk through the door at this moment, why did it have to be him? Pastor Dan. At least that's what he liked everybody to call him back when I went to the youth group at his church. I couldn't imagine that things had changed just because he'd been promoted to heading up the church.
He had a smile plastered on his face. Why not? He was a man of God, after all. He was surveying the members of his flock, even though most of the people in this diner probably didn't have anything to do with him or his church. He was a man who was fully in control of his destiny, even if that destiny included making poor confused teenage girls miserable.
The asshole. I hated him. I was surprised at the strength of that emotion, but there we were.
He continued surveying the room and then stopped on me. His eyes ran over me for a moment and then came back. He looked at me and Kirsten and that smile faded to a frown.
Not good. Very not good. Damn it.
7: Walk in the Park
"We should probably get out of here," Savannah said.
I blinked and looked around, though I didn't see any reason why we should need to get out of here all of a sudden. I still had plenty of time left on my lunch break, after all, and everything had been going so damn well. It seemed a shame to ruin the day this early.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely," she said.
I looked at the bill and tossed down some cash. The diner didn’t take credit cards. I usually wouldn't leave a tip that big, but Savannah seemed to be in a hurry so I figured it wouldn't be good to wait around for exact change.