by Ronica Black
Because there was no guarantee who or what she’d find as she emerged from the depths to take in air. But one thing was for certain. There’d be absolutely nothing there if she chose to never surface again.
Chapter Forty-five
Blake took two sips from the heatable Campbell’s soup container she’d grabbed off her desk, grimaced at the now tepid tomato soup, and tossed it in the trash before heading back out into the main hallway of the Livingstone family practice. Another attempt at eating down the tubes. She blamed lack of time, but truthfully, she didn’t try to make time. Her angry, growling stomach had become less of a nuisance lately, as if it had learned that protesting resulted in nothing.
Blake crossed to the main hub of office operations where the three medical assistants they employed were headquartered behind a rounded counter. One assistant passed by her with a patient in tow, another was pecking away at a computer with her two index fingers, and the other, Yvonne, her medical assistant, rose from behind the counter, handed Blake her small laptop, and breezed past her toward the exit.
“New patient in two,” she said. “I’m going for lunch. Rubio’s. You want your usual salad?”
“No, thanks. I’ll grab something around here.”
“Soup?” Her young face was crinkled with the sarcasm that had drenched her question, her top lip curling upward just enough for Blake to see her braces.
Blake adored Yvonne, and most of the time, her knowing Blake so well worked out fine. It helped them remain in sync and work effectively together. But at the moment, their close rapport was annoying her. “Maybe.”
Yvonne rolled her eyes. “I’ll bring you a salad. You don’t want it, don’t eat it. Someone else gladly will.”
“You better hope so,” Blake said, walking toward exam room two. “I wouldn’t want you to waste your money.” Yvonne mumbled something Blake couldn’t make out and Blake wished again that everyone would just leave her alone and let her do her job. Her mother was constantly on her case, questioning her health and state of mind. Her father, who was more like Blake, respected her privacy and left her alone to her face. But he voiced his worries to everyone else and it seemed everyone in the practice was focused on her, asking when she last ate, slept, took time to herself. She didn’t understand the problem. She was doing what her family wanted. She was working hard and busting her ass to be able to take over the practice. What was the problem?
She knocked softly on the door to exam room two, wondering if she should even take a lunch at all after she saw this patient. She decided against it, knowing if she did she’d end up thinking about Mexico and the clinic and…Cam. She’d rather work than dwell on what she couldn’t have.
She walked inside the room. “Hello,” she greeted politely. She didn’t glance up completely before turning to close the door behind her. Then she opened the laptop, focused on the awakening screen, and moved toward the small counter where she normally sat. “I’m Dr. Livingstone.” She set the computer down and smiled over at her patient.
Her heart stopped.
She started stepping backward, her hand over her throat. She hit the rolling stool and nearly fell.
“Cam.” She blinked at her rapidly, the sight of her too fantastical to be real. The way she looked was equally as fantastical. She was wearing a dark, designer skirt and matching jacket. The blouse between the two was as crimson as her lipstick. Her black as night hair was styled with a wet look and it set off the glimmer in her matching irises. She was made up and dressed to the nines. From her perfectly arched eyebrows, alluring smoky eye shadow and her seductively mascaraed eyelashes, to her well-tailored suit and her shiny black designer heels. The sheer shock of her presence was enough to bowl Blake over. But seeing her like that, like the absolute drop-dead gorgeous woman she was, left Blake feeling brainless. “What are you—” She searched for words. Stammered. “I don’t—you’re—here.”
“I have an ailment,” Cam said. “And I heard you’re the best doctor around these parts.”
Blake waited for a grin to crack her well-poised face. A playful lift of her eyebrow. But neither showed. She appeared to be just as serious as she was sexy, and Blake wasn’t sure what to make of her presence. So she persevered in the best way she knew how. As a concerned physician.
“If you’re not feeling well, I can get someone else in to see you.”
“I want to see you.”
“I—it wouldn’t be professional for me to see you.”
“I don’t really care.”
Blake fought again for the stability and formality she’d always had in precarious situations. This situation, however, seemed to be far more formidable than any other she’d faced before. Her heart was pounding and adrenaline was racing through her, enough to make her hands tingle like they should be moving to save someone, like she should be moving to save someone. Just like she used to feel when she did her rounds in the ER. And yet Cam was sitting there on the examination table, luscious legs gracefully crossed, not showing the slightest sense of injury or illness.
So why do I feel like I’m about to jump out of my own body?
“I’ll go get another doctor in to see you.” It would be her mother. Her father had already left for the day to tend to his sick brother. Her uncle was gravely ill, and his condition was the reason why she’d had to return home so suddenly. She thought briefly about how she would explain to her mother the reason why she couldn’t treat Cam, who was, ironically, one of her favorite authors.
“I won’t see anyone else.”
“Cam, I can’t—”
“No one else can help me.”
Blake clamped her mouth closed. “Pardon?”
“No one else can help me, so there’s no need to go get anyone else. I won’t see them because it’s pointless. So, it’s either you or…no one.”
No one else can help her?
“I don’t know what you want me to do.”
“I want you to help me.”
Blake forced down a swallow and cleared her throat. “Okay. How is it that I can help you?”
“I told you, I have an ailment. I hurt.” She pulled her burning stare away from Blake as if what she’d just said was somehow too revealing. Blake took a step closer, alarmed.
“You’re in pain?”
“Yes.” She whispered like it was difficult to get the word out and her gaze remained fixed on the wall.
Blake crossed to her, full of concern.
“Where is the pain?”
Cam was quiet. She eased out of her suit jacket and placed her hand on her chest. “Here.” She finally looked at her and her eyes were large and glistening. “I hurt right here.”
Blake started to speak, to question whether or not she meant that literally, but then stopped, realizing it didn’t matter. If Cam felt anything like she did, then she was hurting in every way possible, the cause something that even modern medicine could not fix. That kind of pain was very real and she wanted to help her in any way she could.
Blake struggled with her stethoscope, her instinct as a physician still piloting her. Regardless of what was causing her chest pain, Blake needed to examine her. Cam, however, reached out and stopped her. “No. Not that way. I don’t want you to listen to my heart.” She took her hand and placed it on her chest. “I want you to feel it.”
Blake’s breath shook as she looked into her eyes and felt the subtle thudding of her heart.
“Can you feel it?”
“Yes.”
“Can you feel how fast it’s beating?”
“Yes.”
“It’s because you’re touching me. Because you’re here with me. Can you feel that?”
Blake swallowed. “Yes.”
“Can you feel how it aches when you aren’t touching me? When you aren’t with me? Because it does, Blake. It hurts so badly sometimes I think it’s going to give out on me completely. For a while, I was hoping it would. That way the pain would be gone. But I don’t want to live like that. I don’
t want to walk around without a heart, with a hollow chest. I want to feel. Even if it’s awful and agonizing. Because there are moments when it’s worth it. Like now. Like the way I feel when I’m with you. And I don’t ever want to give that up.”
“Cam, I—”
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t speak. Don’t think. Not right now. Just feel.”
She pressed Blake’s hand firmer against her chest. “Feel me, Blake. Feel my love for you.” She reached out with her other hand and cupped Blake’s jaw. The heat of her palm and the soft caress of her thumb caused Blake’s body to melt and she made a small noise as she exhaled and fell into the lure of Cam’s gaze. Cam pulled her to her and they stared into one another without saying another word. With just the beat of Cam’s heart between them.
Chapter Forty-six
When Blake saw her red lips part and beckon, with her heart beating beneath her hand, encouraging her, she moved in to take those lips with her own.
But just before she reached her, Cam whispered, “I love you,” and Blake nearly fainted as she captured her mouth, the words so good and so sweet, she wanted to taste them to see if they could taste anywhere near as good as they’d sounded. She found her answer quickly, and disbelieving of the impossibility of how delectable Cam and her words were, she took more of her, sucking the sweet words from her lips, chasing them with her tongue. She couldn’t believe how she’d forgotten what kissing Cam was like, how delicious she was, how warm, how soft, and how skilled and agile she was in kissing her back, as if she, too, were rediscovering her all over again.
The taste of the lipstick was new and it, along with how fucking amazing it looked on her, drove Blake to near madness, and she literally wanted to consume her. She felt Cam’s heart careening wildly beneath her hand as their kisses deepened, and she realized she needed to feel more of her. She broke their kiss and sought for breath as her fingers hurriedly unbuttoned her blouse.
“What are you doing?” Cam asked, sliding her hand along the back of Blake’s neck, her lips lightly touching Blake’s as she spoke.
“I’m doing what you asked me to do.” She undid the last button and pulled the shirt from her skirt and spread the front open, exposing a matching red lace bra. “Dear God,” she breathed, taking in the sight of her bronzed skin, the beautiful dip along her collarbones and the firmness of her chest.
“What I asked you to do?”
“Yes,” Blake said, skimming her fingers along the outline of the lace. “I’m helping you.”
Cam shivered and grabbed her hand. “Here?”
Blake met her gaze. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Cam glanced at the door.
“Am I not helping you? Did I misunderstand?” Blake tilted her chin so Cam was once again looking at her.
“You didn’t misunderstand. I just didn’t think you’d want to do anything like this…here.”
“Are you being serious?”
“Someone could walk in. This is your office, where you work—”
“You came here, without my knowing, dressed like this, looking like this, saying the things you said and you didn’t think I’d want you right here and now?”
“I’m meeting my agent for lunch at a nice restaurant. I needed to look nice—”
Blake pulled away. “Well, you definitely do, Cam. There’s no denying that. I guess I did misunderstand, because I thought that maybe you’d—I don’t know—done all this for me.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? I could’ve made the appointment for another time. A time when I didn’t need to look so nice.”
“You are confusing the hell out of me.”
Cam grabbed her hand and tugged her back toward her. “I was hoping my looking nice would help to…entice you into forgiving me. Or at the very least would make you listen to what I had to say. So I did make the appointment at this time purposely. I did do this for you. It was you I thought about when I chose this outfit.”
“It worked. You got me. But just so you know, it wouldn’t have mattered how you looked.”
“But it helped, right?” She raised her eyebrow and tugged her closer.
“It helped a little too much. Because now I want you, would do anything to have you, and you’re slamming on the brakes. You’re killing me.”
The grin that Blake had been searching for moments before showed itself.
“You aren’t the only one suffering.”
“If you’re suffering, then why are you grinning?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.” Her gaze flicked back to the door. “Does that door have a lock?”
“No. But my medical assistant is out for lunch.” Blake trailed her fingers along the edge of the bra again. “Does that comfort you any?”
“Not really.”
Blake laughed. “Cam, you’re worrying. It’s not like you.”
“This is your office. Your parents work here. It’s not like you to not be worried.”
Blake laughed again. “I know. But here we are.” She leaned in and delicately kissed her neck, causing her to shudder. “You’re anxious and I’m calm. The irony.” She traced her fingers down to Cam’s bare thigh and ran them up under her skirt, causing a sigh and a shudder this time.
“Blake,” Cam let out. “What if your mother walks in?”
Blake kissed her ear. “Then I’ll introduce you.”
Cam laughed but gripped her shoulder as Blake continued to place kisses along the side of her neck and down to her chest. “That’s not quite the introduction I had in mind when I imagined meeting your family.”
“You actually imagined meeting my family?”
“I’ve been imagining a lot.”
“Mm. But not this? Getting it on with me in an examination room?”
Blake kissed her breast through her bra, used her tongue to tantalize her through the lace. Cam gasped and tangled her hand in her hair.
“Oh, I imagined it, I just didn’t think you’d want to do it.”
Blake peeled the cup of the bra down. “Well, I do. So what are you going to do about it?” She took her already puckered center in her mouth and Cam cried out quickly before stifling herself.
“There’s not anything I can do about it, is there?”
“Other than tell me to stop, no.” She teased her nipple with her tongue while her fingers continued to tease her upper thigh.
“I—can’t.”
“I didn’t think so.” Blake straightened, kissed her deeply and hurriedly helped her hike up her skirt. Then she lowered herself back to her breast as her hand returned on its quest along her thigh. Cam started to speak, probably to voice more worries, but Blake licked her nipple and distracted her. “Don’t speak. Don’t think. Just feel.”
Cam looked down at her and Blake gave her her own version of a wicked grin as she pressed her fingers against the hot flesh hidden behind her panties. She rubbed her carefully at first, while she continued to tease her breast with her mouth. Until Cam was knotting her hair in her hands again and crying out softly repeatedly, her hips urging for more.
Blake rose back up to her ear and said, “I love you,” as she eased her panties aside and snuck her fingers into her slick folds, quickly finding and feeding her hungry clit with firm strokes. Cam made a sharp cry of helplessness and clung to her, her body moving against Blake’s erotic assault, seeking all that it could.
Blake spoke more words of love in her ear and devoured her neck. Then she watched her for a few moments as she made love to her, taking in the expression on her face, the pulse beating in the vein on her neck, the slick feel of her core in her hand.
“I love you,” she said again, giving it to her harder and faster.
“I—love you, Blake.” She clenched her eyes. “Oh, God, I love you.” And she came then, loudly, and Blake covered her cries with a searing kiss while Cam came in her hand, her body convulsing. She felt so wonderful as she climaxed into her, so beautiful, so hot and slick, Blake slid her fingers up inside her and f
ucked her until she came again, her body bucking, her flesh rubbing against the heel of Blake’s hand. Cam moaned into her mouth and their tongues danced and dueled for as long as Cam’s body fed. When she finally stilled, Blake kissed her softly before breaking their connection so they could both garner breath.
“I came for you,” Cam said.
“Yes, and it was beyond fucking beautiful.”
“Blake. I mean I came for you. Came here for you. To see you. To tell you how I feel. I—miss you. Want you. Want to be with you.”
“Cam I—I don’t know what to say. So much has happened here—”
“I don’t expect you to do anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel. How badly I do want to be with you. How much I do love you. I couldn’t go on with you not knowing.”
A quick series of knocks sounded at the door and Blake felt Cam stiffen and she tugged her blouse closed.
“Doctor?”
It was her mother’s medical assistant. Blake turned her head to yell at her. “I’ll be out in a second.”
“I need the smaller blood pressure cuff. I think it’s in there.”
“In a second.” She turned back to Cam who looked panicked but far from ashen. She had the color of a woman full of fire, one that was still a long way from being properly put out. But for the time being, Blake had to give up her attempts to do so. “Well, that was a nice, final little thrill.” She gave her another grin.