“Things are different now.” I close my eyes since I can’t move my head.
I hear him stand up, feel his presence get closer and closer until I feel his breath on my face. The pain is the only thing keeping me still. I know I’m going to have to open my eyes, otherwise he won’t move. So I do.
“The only thing that is different is the fact that you’ve been stuck in this bed for two days, Nevaeh. That’s the only difference. I’m still attracted to you, as you are to me. I still want you as much as you want me despite your denial. But there is one thing that is different. I just don’t want you, I need you. I need you next to me. I need to see you smile, hear you laugh, and see your blue eyes return to sparkling sapphires. I need you, Nevaeh. The innocent touches, the kisses that drive me crazy, the way you look at me like I’m everything, and the way you love me. Because Nevaeh, I love you.”
The tears I’ve been fighting erupt. Not because I was sad or because I was in pain, but because he loves me. Maybe, just maybe, things can work out for us. It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to be hell every single day, but it’ll be worth it.
Chapter 17
I spend two more weeks in the hospital, something about having to get a few more blood transfusions due to all my blood loss. I’m so glad when they finally release me. There’s only so much food I can take from there. Two weeks. I thought the week I was getting sober was the longest week of my life, I was totally wrong. I thought the month I worked at the coffee shop and being around Angel every night was torture, but none of that compared to having to be in this hospital. The smell of antiseptic and all the fake cheerfulness was enough to last me a lifetime. The only bonus of being there so long was by the time I left, the cast stayed behind.
I kept asking to leave, and you would figure since I’m an adult I could just sign myself out, right? I mean it happens all the time. However I was the only exception. Besides the 12 stitches I had to get on the back of my head, and not to mention my bruised back resulting from being repeatedly kicked by Timo, I was also dehydrated. How that’s possible is beyond me. I mean I drank a lot of water, well more than I usually did. The doctor said the dehydration resulted from the drugs. Honestly, I think Angel was telling them to keep me. He would always take their side, well, they would take his side, if I’m being accurate.
We make it home and Martha is waiting for me with some flowers. I smile at her and let her know I’ll be back to work as soon as I can. She hushes me and heads home. I put the flowers on the island in the kitchen. The pink roses look out of place but they add some color. I head to the living room and collapse on the couch. I love the couch, it’s big and soft and… home.
I hear Angel laughing at me so I stick my tongue out at him, only causing him to laugh some more. Rolling my eyes, I rise up on my forearms and smile at him. We haven’t talked about anything since I opened my eyes two weeks ago. We haven’t said the “L” word since then either. I don’t know his reasoning but I feel like it’s harder to say now, since it’s been said already. We can shrug off the first ones, saying we were just emotional after the trauma, even if it’s not true.
I’m about to say something when Angel leans over and captures my lips. God, that boy can kiss. I have to bring my arms around his neck before I collapse back onto the couch. It feels like each time he kisses me is different, each one meaning something more. Eventually there’s going to be a kiss that’s going to be too much to walk away from. It’s amazing how I can forget everything but the way his lips feel on mine. The way they fit mine perfectly.
It’s like a choreographed dance. The way he gives a little and I take. Then I give and he takes. His hands move to my neck, drifts down my back to my hips, and then nudge my legs apart so he can stand between them. I wrap my legs around his back and we join in a way that sets my body on fire, burning that’s begging for me to let go. It’s an urge to just enjoy the moment like I promised myself I would if I was presented the opportunity. And oh how I want that, but not yet. We may love each other but I don’t think we are ready for that just yet.
I lay back, pulling my lips off his, just as his hand goes for the hem of my shirt. Our heavy breathing is the only sound in the house. The temperature is rising to a degree that has my skin flushing red. Angel’s tan skin isn’t hiding his arousal any more than his jeans are. He runs his hands over his face. I know he’s just as frustrated as I am but I want it to be special. I want it to be like my first time should have been. I’m not talking about candles and rose petals. But I want to make love, not bang, have sex, or fuck. I want it to be after a perfect day together, well as perfect as a day gets for us. I want it to be meaningful, something that goes deeper than skin on skin. I want it to reach into our souls, bringing them together as one.
I start biting my lip due to the tension running through my body and the images rapidly flipping through my mind. None of them are nice, all of them revolving around me and Angel naked. I can feel the blush creeping across my skin, my breath comes in rapid gasps, as image after image gets more explicit and detailed.
Angel clears his throat and my eyes open. He has this sexy smile on his face and his eyebrows are raised in question. I can feel my face getting hotter and I start to feel shy. I look away but that doesn’t do any good.
“So, beautiful, do you want to explain what that just was? Not that it wasn’t hot, actually I was hoping you were going to go a little further. Maybe I should have stayed quiet to see how far you were going to take whatever that was,” he chuckles.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I just… I don’t even know what I did. My eyes closed of their own accord,” I laugh.
“Well, babe,” he clears his throat, “not going to lie, that was so hot that I’m more turned on now than I was before. So are you going to tell me what you were thinking?”
“Oh umm…” I trail off “I was thinking of me and you naked and well, other things. And each image was more and more detailed,” I say through my hands.
His eyes are hooded when I move my hands to look at him. That electric blue is back with flecks of silver that I never noticed before. He starts to come toward me and I scramble to get off the couch before he reaches me. He stops and looks at me; the current that ties us together is making the room impossibly tense. I move, he moves. It feels like a game, one I’m not sure about. He’ll catch me, that’s a given, but I need a distraction to get a head start. His phone rings. He’s patting his pockets, trying to find it, so I make my move. His gaze snaps up to mine and I stop moving.
He answers the phone, I move again, inching closer to the hallway. His gaze never leaves mine. I’m not paying attention to what he’s saying until a look comes over his face and I hear the end of the conversation, something about bringing me to meet them. Who’s “them”? My curiosity keeps me rooted in place. He hangs up and comes to stand in front of me.
“I was hoping to put this off as long as I could, but I don’t think they’re going to be patient anymore.” He runs his hand through his hair.
Confused, “What are you talking about and who won’t be patient?”
“My parents.”
That’s an easy way to get rid of dirty thoughts. I didn’t even know his mom was still alive. More proof that we need to wait. I need to know more about him.
“Wait, I’m assuming we are talking about your mom since you said your father passed away. She got remarried already?” I say accusatory. “Wait, I’m sorry I don’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised.”
“It’s okay, beautiful. My parents got divorced when I was fifteen. The divorce was part of the reason I started using.”
I offer him a sad smile, “Okay, so how does she know about me?”
“Well I talk to her every day, usually when you were at work or in the shower…or locked in the closet,” he laughs.
“Hey! That was a hard week for me so zip it, mister. Okay, so why does she want to meet me?” I ask, incredulous it even has to be asked.
“Angel. Why does she want to meet me?” my voice is firm and my hand is on my hip.
“Umm… Well, I told her you are my girlfriend and I don’t usually have girlfriends so she wanted to meet the girl who ‘changed’ that about me.” He looks away as a blush creeps up his face.
I laugh, and then laugh harder, bending over because I’m still sore and the laughing isn’t helping. When I finally stop and look at him, I try to hold it in. He’s having a hard time keeping a straight face and his lips are twitching, causing me to start all over again. He gives up and joins me.
“You know, I love your laugh,” he says through a smile.
I stop laughing to look up at him. “Oh yeah, yours isn’t so bad either.” I wink at him.
“So are you okay with meeting her and my step dad?” He sounds hopeful.
This is important to him. I can see it in his eyes. How can I say no to him even when it terrifies me to meet her? Obviously she knows about me if he called her while I locked myself in the closet… a fact that only scares me more.
“What if she doesn’t like me?” I look at him with wide eyes.
“Nevaeh, she’s going to love you. What’s not to love?” His eyes show his own love for me.
It’s the first time I see it. I feel a little better but not enough to calm down and stop freaking out.
“Well because I’m a complete and utter mess. Standing next to you makes me look so insignificant. Plus, I have no idea what to talk to her about, Angel! Oh my god, I’m going to make a complete fool of myself and you! No, I can’t do this.” I spin on my heels bolting for my room.
I don’t make it far; actually I only make it, maybe a step, before Angel grabs my arm. A full blown panic attack is surfacing. I can feel it as I start to hyperventilate. It’s one thing to make myself look like an idiot but I won’t make him look like one.
Arms wrap around me as I’m crushed to his chest, “Just breathe, babe. In and out. Good. Feel my heart beat and breathe, follow them. Good, you’re doing great. Now listen, my mother is going to love you because I love you. You don’t have anything to worry about because it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It only matters what I think.”
“But she’s your mom, Angel. I couldn’t, no I wouldn’t make you choose between us,” I say.
“It’s not going to come down to that, beautiful. My mom is laid back. You’re going to be surprised and think back to this moment and laugh about getting worked up over nothing,” he chuckles.
“I don’t care how laid back your mom is, well I do, but that’s beside the point. What am I supposed to wear, Angel? And when are we going over there or is she coming here?” I start panicking again.
Just like before, Angel is there for me. I don’t know why I deserve him but I’m grateful for him continuing to stand by me. He starts walking me back to my room, into the bathroom, and back to the closet. I just smile because I know he’s going to pick an outfit for me to meet his mother in. If that’s not the sweetest, cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is.
“My mom is really southern. She spent her life here in Texas, growing up on a farm, and rode horses. She likes cowboy boots and sundresses,” he says as he looks at the dresses.
“I love sundresses and cowboy boots. I never had money to buy them and Timo wouldn’t let me buy anything like that because he said I would be advertising what was his,” I scowl.
“Well, I happen to love them and you can wear whatever you want, Nevaeh. I’m not controlling and I won’t tell you what to do,” he says with a shrug.
He picks out this beautiful dress that I hadn’t seen before. It’s a pretty yellow sundress that has white daisies embroidered onto the bottom near the hem and across the chest. He then picks out the black cowboy boots and I smile.
“Okay, now that we have the outfit crises under control, we’re going over tomorrow morning. It’s out on the farm so if you want to ride bring some jeans and a t-shirt,” he says smiling.
“Oh I’ll be able to ride a horse? I ‘ve never ridden one before,” I say excitedly.
Angel laughs, “Well, you can ride on one with me. We can go down by the lake and explore the grounds. You’re going to love it.” He’s just as excited as I am.
We walk out of the closet, through the bathroom, and into my room. It’s already dark and all the excitement has me worn out. He kisses my cheek and walks backwards to the door. He smiles at me as he walks out, closing the door behind him, and I jump on my bed giggling. I’m not even a little ashamed that I sound like a school girl with my first boyfriend.
Chapter 18
The idea was to go to sleep once Angel left me on the bed. I knew this, he knew this, but obviously my body lost the memo. I’ve been lying in this bed for over 4 hours now, the clock reads 4:30 AM, and I haven’t shut my eyes at all. How am I going to go face his mom with no sleep? I’m going to look like a zombie. Thank goodness for makeup.
I feel the bed dip close to me, and a hand pushes my hair away from my face. A scent I’m all too familiar with invades my senses, arousing me from the dream I was having. I smile and open my eyes to see the subject of the dream smiling down at me.
“Do you know how beautiful you look in the morning when you just wake up?” Angel smiles at me.
“Do you know how much of a creeper you are staring at me while I sleep?” I laugh.
“Are we going to answer a question with a question again, beautiful?”
“That depends, Angel, are you going to avoid answering questions?”
“Nope. Anything you want to know I’ll tell you because we have no secretes right?” he asks.
Normally I would let it slide and chalk it up as my insecurities making something out of nothing, but the way he said that makes me wonder what he’s after.
“If there’s something you want to know Angel, then ask me. I don’t appreciate insinuations when I’ve been nothing but truthful to you. Hell, you know me better than I know myself, so spit it out already,” I say with no emotion.
I scoot away from him because there’s a hundred different ways this conversation can end, none of them look promising right now. When he just stares at me without saying anything, I get off the bed and walk over to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. What the hell is he after? Why would he think I’m hiding something from him?
Turning the sink on, I brush my teeth, and I’m just about to turn the shower on when there’s a knock at the door. I’m extremely frustrated with him for assuming I’m hiding something from him, so I ignore the knock. I turn the shower on, pull my shirt over my head, and walk into the shower. The heat from the water is scalding my skin but it’s a welcomed sting. Closing my eyes, I stand underneath the shower head allowing it to block out all the sounds and thoughts running rampant in my head.
I sit down on the shower floor, wrap my arms around my legs, and let the water pound out all my emotions. There are so many conflicting emotions flowing through my body, and just as a tear escapes. Coldness blows across my skin; I don’t even lift my head from my arms knowing what, or rather, who it is, I do stop the tears because I’m tired of him seeing me like this. I’m not that girl; the one that needs to be saved all the time.
“Do you not understand the concept of a shut door, Angel? If you knock and no one answer’s it, it means they don’t want to talk. So you can shut the shower door, the bathroom door, and then continue to shut the bedroom door,” my voice comes out muffled.
“No.”
I turn my head to look at him and he’s sitting outside the shower staring right at me,” No?”
He shakes his head, “No. This isn’t going to work if every time we ask difficult questions, one of us shuts down.”
“Yeah, well maybe we were fools to think it would work to begin with.”
I stand up, ignoring him as I grab the towel to wrap around me, and get out of the shower. I walk to the closet and I can feel
him behind me. Close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off his body. Focus. I open up the top drawer and select the pink panties with the bra to match. Leaving the towel on, I bend slightly to step into the panties, when I’m stopped and turned around.
“Seriously, can I just get-“But I’m cut off.
“Neveah, I’m serious about what I asked you earlier. Is there something I need to know?”
“Look, Angel, I have no idea what you are talking about, why don’t you elaborate a little more.” I push away from him, crossing my arms over my chest. “What could I possibly be hiding? You know I’m a foster kid that got abused and raped; you know I’m a recovering addict that has issues. What could I possibly be hiding that you wouldn’t know about?”
He studies me so intently that I’m questioning whether I’m hiding something.
“Okay,” he starts to back away.
“Okay? Are you fucking kidding me? Okay? No. It’s not okay, why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask, fuming.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? You’re kidding me right? You know what, have fun at your mom’s house, I’m gone. I won’t be here when you get back.” I pull on the panties and drop the towel to put the bra on.
I grab my old backpack to pull out my old black tank top and my favorite blue jeans. Then I put on my converse and walk around him with my backpack in hand. I’m expecting him to stop me but he doesn’t. I walk up to the big bean bag and grab the path book, open it up and take out the money that I stashed. Before the accident with Timo, I was able to save up about $700. That’ll get me a room in a hotel for a few nights until I can figure something out.
I walk out of the room without a backward glance, and head out the front door to my bike. I can only depend on muyself, nothing’s changed, and I should’ve known that. It was all lies. I get on the bike, turn it on, and allow myself a moment to shed a few tears. Because let’s face it, without him I wouldn’t be true to myself now. I wouldn’t have the strength to face the world sober. So maybe at the end of the day that’s all it was supposed to be. I guess I was right when I said you can’t fall in love in 7 days. The thing is, it’s been about 7 weeks and the worst week is on the horizon. My birthday is in 3 days. That week is going to be the hardest to face alone. I just hope I can keep it together.
Deviation (Deviate Series) Page 10