I can feel the sun setting and a slight breeze starts to pick up. Shivering from the drop in temperature, I sit up to glance around. Everything is the same. I look toward the pool and remember when Angel had to save me… again. I swear this boy is really a guardian angel. It’s like he’s so attuned to when I decide I’m going to attempt suicide and he just appears. It spurs an idea of a tattoo and I file it away for when I get my check from Martha, or tips, whichever I get more of first. Getting up, I head inside before the ever watchful comes outside to tell me to come in. As I’m walking in, he’s heading out, and stops in his tracks when he sees me walk through the door. At least this time there’s no collision, that’s the last thing I need.
“Hey, I was just coming to get you,” he sounds surprised.
“Yeah, it started getting cold.” As if to prove my point my body shivers.
“Why don’t you go take a hot shower, I’ll order us some pizza,” he offers.
“Sounds good. Extra peperoni for me, please, and there’s money in my backpack wherever you put that,” I say walking off.
I can hear him grunt at even the prospect of me paying for food, and feel his distaste from the way he grunted. It causes me to smile. I walk back into my old room and everything is the same, even the feel. It’s like I never left. All my makeup is still spread out on the counter in the bathroom, my shoes are strewn all over the closet, and all the clothes are still intact. Even the yellow sundress is lying across the center island in the closet were my intimates are contained.
Odd. I wonder why it’s still laying out. Shrugging it off, I grab a regular t-shirt, and some boy short panties with the bra to match. Shutting the bathroom door, I turn the water on hot and get in. Since I had a shower that morning I don’t stay in this one long. I get dressed, grab my throw blanket off the bean bag, and make my way to the kitchen. No one’s in there. I hear the TV on so I walk into the living room and Angel is in some pajama bottoms. That’s it. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.
I try to recall if I’ve seen his naked chest before and can’t. I know I have because it seems familiar, but recalling past events are impossible. Intense desire is coursing through me. When I’m able to pull my eyes away from his chest to his face, he’s smirking at me. I roll my eyes not caring that I got caught. If he wants to play this game, I can play it too. Instead of sitting on the couch next to him, I move the coffee table a little to the side so I can lay my blanket down in front of the TV. I sit and eat a slice of my double pepperoni pizza, drink some of the water he brought, and relax. Once I’m done with the pizza I stretch out on the blanket, facing the TV on my stomach. When I lean on my elbows, bringing my hands up so I can rest my face in my hands, the back of my shirt rides up. , Angel coughs like he’s choking on something, and I look over my shoulder to see him banging on his chest and drinking water. I just shake my head, smiling, and continue to watch whatever crap show is on.
A blanket is thrown on me and I laugh, causing my throat to hurt and me to wince, stopping the laughing at once. I rise up to my knees and then Angel’s legs are in front of me. I will not look up. I will not look up. His hand comes into view and I grab it. He lifts me up effortlessly but instead of letting go like he should, he holds my hand while the other is rising up to my face. I step away, but he still doesn’t let go of my hand. I tug on it but he just tightens his hand around mine. He’s not going to let go until I look up at him. So instead, I turn to walk to the kitchen, I don’t make it far. He’s like a damn brick house. I only make it a few steps, the length of our arms, before I’m tugged back. Have you seen people dance and they spin the girl out and with a flick of the wrist she comes twirling back? That’s what he did. And yes, I ended up in his arms, just like they do.
My breathing speeds up and my heart rate skyrockets. Damn him, and his god-like body, for having this effect on me. With one of his arms wrapped securely around me, I’m rendered still. His free hand is tugging my chin up, and being the stubborn person I am, I close my eyes. I hear his annoyed sigh at my reluctance to look at him. I won’t break, I won’t. Instead of waiting for me to open my eyes, he places his lips to mine. It’s not like all the other kisses we’ve shared. This one is pure need. Rough, undying need. It’s like he doesn’t believe I’m actually here and he’s trying to prove it to himself with this kiss.
I can tell the moment it sinks in that he really does have me here. The kiss turns soft, probing, as he flicks his tongue over my swollen lips, begging me for entrance. When he nips at my bottom lip I gasp, allowing his tongue access. I don’t even feel us moving but we must have because my back is now up against a wall somewhere in the house. I’m pinned to the wall with his hips and his hands pull my hips into him. All of him, every hard inch of him, and just when I’m going to pull myself up to wrap my legs around him, he drops his head to my shoulder breathing loudly, and then steps away.
Confused, I slide down the wall until my ass hits the cold floor. I can feel his eyes on me but I still won’t look at him. Not after that. Not after all the confusion that’s still swirling around inside of me. Damn it to hell, why can’t guys just be honest? All these games we play, it’s no wonder I’m so damn confused. I use the wall to help me get up, totally forgetting what I was getting up in the first place to do. Was there even a purpose or was this just another game? I don’t even know. I’m so rattled by the kiss and my hand comes up to touch my lips. I can feel the heat from his kiss and I can still taste him on my lips. The fact that they are swollen proves that he kissed me thoroughly. With my hand still touching my lips, my head is level with the floor. Slowly, I rake my eyes upwards, from his bare feet to his face. Looking through my eyelashes, his intense gaze causes me to take in a shaky breath.
Just like before, the instant our gazes lock, it’s like we are both lost in one another. I’ve never seen it in him before, but he’s just as affected by me as I am by him. I revel in that, but it doesn’t make what this is between us any easier. If anything, it complicates it. Breaking whatever it is that pulls us into each other, I walk down the hall and into my room. As I look around and think about sleeping in the white room, I realize the “statement” I was planning to make is ridiculous. As much as I hoped I would be able to walk away, I won’t be able to. Not again, I don’t have the strength to stay away from him again.
Chapter 22
I didn’t get any sleep. My body was too wound up after that kiss and my mind was running a million miles a minute trying to dissect each emotion that was flying through me. I know he didn’t sleep much. I heard when he walked to his room because he paused at my door, sighed, and then continued on. He repeated this a few times, each time I hoped he would open the door, but he didn’t. Then again I didn’t open the door either, so we’re both chicken shits. Nice.
I get out of the bed and make it, then walk to the closet to get dressed. I see the sundress again and decide what the hell. It is beautiful and it’s hot as hell outside. Instead of wearing the cowboy boots, I opt for some yellow flip flops. I brush my teeth, then my hair, and braid it to the side. I apply minimal makeup since we’re probably not doing anything but staying home. I don’t start back at work until next week. Poor Martha probably thinks I’m more trouble than it’s worth, but I’m grateful she lets me continue working there. I think it’s because I do the work of two and the customers love me. Looking myself over one last time, I make my way to the door. I’m about to open it when I hear talking.
I pause trying to listen. One voice is Angel’s but I can’t make out the other but I can tell it’s a woman. It sounds like they are whispering but I can tell they’re in eyesight of the hallway so I can’t be sneaky and try to eavesdrop. So do I walk out or wait?
“Nevaeh, I know you’re awake just come out already,” Angel yells down the hallway.
Well hell, so much for acting like I’m invisible. So opening my door, I peak around the frame into the hallway to see an older, feminine form of Angel. Instead of walking out I close my door. I he
ar her laugh and hear Angel making his way down the hall. I’m starting to have a panic attack. My hand comes up over my heart as I start walking away from that door and in the direction of the bathroom. If I splash water on my face I’ll be fine. I’m just about to pass through the bathroom door when I lose my balance and fall to my knees.
“Nevaeh?” Angel’s behind me.
In short gasps I manage to say, “Go… away… Angel.”
His arms come around me, resting across my stomach, his chin resting on my shoulder, “Just breathe, babe. Match your heart beat to mine. Feel my breath. In and out.”
I follow his words. Eyes closed, I concentrate on the way he smells, the strength in his arms wrapped around me, and the firmness of his chest against my back.
“That’s it, beautiful. Okay, I didn’t know she was going to show up here. I’m sorry for that. I know you hate meeting new people without knowing it first, but she’s here and she really wants to meet you,” he pleads with me.
“Okay, even though I don’t know why she wants to meet me. Does she always meet your friends?” I ask.
I feel his body stiffen at my choice of words and turn my head to look at him. “Nevaeh, we’re more than friends. I thought we established that already. I know I have a lot to make up for but we’re not just friends. We’ve never just been friends.”
I turn around in his hold, searching for something. Maybe a tell that shows he’s lying, something, anything, but instead I find nothing. Nothing but the same look he had the first time he said he loved me.
“Angel, I’ll agree that we’re not just friends. We’ve never really been friends but I don’t know what we are. It was so easy to push me away and who’s to say you won’t do that again? That I won’t try to push you away? We’re so completely screwed up, its crazy.”
“Love is crazy,” he states.
“Love. Love is just a four letter word that gives people an excuse to act crazy. What is love, Angel, because honestly I don’t even know?” I ask, looking away from him.
“This is love,” he pauses to kiss me, “it’s this undeniable attraction we have to each other. The way we get lost in each other’s eyes when they connect. The way our heartbeats sync when we’re close to one another. The way our eyes can’t stay off one another but more than a few minutes, even when we try our hardest. It’s the need to be around each other, the drive that keeps us going.” He sounds so sure.
“But we didn’t do all of that,” I say as a tear escapes.
“Beautiful, stop fighting it. I know you love me as much as I love you. I feel it. I see it when you look at me. The only one who doesn’t see it is you.” He lets me go and walks towards the door, “You coming?”
I nod and follow him to the door. Please don’t let me make a fool of myself, or him, in front of his mother. With my luck, however, it’s a sure bet that I’m going to do something stupid. I think it’s wired into my DNA to make massive mistakes. He opens the door, steps out, and when I hesitate in the doorway he grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together as he pulls me out into the hallway. I can feel his pulse and it’s a steady beat. I try to slow my erratic heart beat to match his by breathing in deeply and releasing it slowly. We make it to the kitchen to see the patio doors open and his mother outside sitting at the table on the deck.
We pause just before we hit the door, “Are you ready?”
He sounds more nervous than I feel, so I just nod, not trusting my voice. When we step out onto the deck the yard starts working its magic on me. Soothing my hyperaware nerves and allowing the sun to chase away the apprehension by replacing it with its warmth.
“Mom, this is Nevaeh. Nevaeh, this is my mom, Stacy.” His eyes move back and forth between us.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. Do I shake her hand, hug her, smile? Before I can decide, I’m being pulled into her arms. I stiffen slightly, but bring my arms around to hug her.
“Oh, it’s so good to finally meet you, Nevaeh! My son hasn’t stopped talking about you for months now and he’s so private about everything in his life that I had to take matters into my own hands.” She smiles triumphantly, giving Angel a look. A look only a proud mother can give. A look that has me shying away and retreating into myself.
“I’m sorry, that’s probably a little of my fault. Angel’s been amazing; I’m just a little slow on some things,” I say quietly, my voice still not back to normal.
“Oh, hush pretty girl,” she waves her hands in the air, “sit down so we can chat.”
We make our way over to the table, Angel goes inside to grab drinks, but brings me back a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I smile widely at him. He’s so considerate and thoughtful. I seriously don’t know what I would do without him, I really don’t. For the next hour or so they talk while I get lost in my thoughts and the serene feeling that’s overcome me.
“Nevaeh?” Angel calls me.
“Hmm?” I reply looking over at him.
He’s smiling at me, “My mom wanted to know if we would like to come up to the ranch for a few days. She thinks getting out of the city will do us both some good. “
“Oh, of course! I would love that. I don’t start back at work until next week, so whenever you want to go.” I smile at her.
“Well, y’all can come up in the morning and stay the rest of the week. This way you can explore the ranch, ride a horse, and go swimming in the lake.” She claps her hands in front of her.
“Oh, we can’t impose on you like that, ma’am, but I would love to see the ranch at least for the day.” I look at Angel, hopeful.
“Call me, Stacy, Nevaeh, none of that ma’am business.” She laughs, “I absolutely insist you come up for the remaining five days before you go back to work.”
“That settles that. We’ll come up in the morning, mom, make sure you let everyone know,” Angel tells her with his eyebrows raised.
Tell everyone what? I look at him with confusion written all over my face while he just smiles at me. I look towards his mom to see if she’ll give me what I’m missing and she too is just smiling at me. Odd and slightly unnerving. I let the suspicious thoughts fall away because I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’ve learned that my thoughts are my worst enemies and analyzing everything all the time isn’t any fun.
Stacy stays a little while longer but gets a phone call and she’s out the door quicker than I thought possible. She made us both promise to be up at the ranch by lunch and was gone the next minute. We had some sandwiches for lunch with her, but my stomach started to growl, so Angel told me to go get some clothes ready while he ordered some take out. I have no idea what to pack. I settle on a few pairs of shorts, t-shirts, and some tanks. I also throw some jeans in just in case I do ride one of the horses. Lake…she said swimming in a lake. I shudder at the thought of the murky water but start looking through the drawers to find a bathing suit. I stumble upon a black bikini and a pink one. I put both of them on the bed along with the other clothes I chose. I go back to grab some black flip flops and the black boots.
I’m folding the clothes into piles when Angel walks in with a duffel bag. He comes over to the bed and starts putting the clothes I’ve folded into outfits into the bag, but pauses on the bikinis. He looks up at me and smirks. Oh boy, I’m going to be in some serious trouble. I can already tell by that look on his face. I snatch them out of his hand and grab the panties and bras then shove them into the bag. All packed and ready to go, we place the bag by the front door for the morning.
Our food is delivered, he ordered Chinese and it smells so good that my stomach rumbles. Laughing, we sit down at the table, and make our plates. He tries to copy me by eating with the chop sticks but fails miserably. More food ends up on him, around him, but never in him. He finally gives up and just starts stabbing everything like the stick is a spear.
After cleaning up his mess we decide to go to bed. We have to get up early to drive to the ranch if we’re going to be there by lunch time. It’s a charged silence as we walk down the
hall. Our arms casually brush each other and I feel my face flame, causing him to chuckle. I go to walk through my door when he blocks it with an arm. When I turnaround to see what he wants, I back up a little so my back is supported by the door frame. The smoldering look he’s giving me right now has me unsure that I can stay upright.
“Are you done fighting us, again, Nevaeh? “ He asks with a husky voice.
“I don’t know, Angel. Part of me says yes, the other says no, but if you don’t stop looking at me like that…” I trail off when his thumb traces my bottom lip.
“We’re going to happen, beautiful, it’s just a matter of when.” He kisses the corner of my mouth and walks off towards his room.
I stand there staring at the door he closed without a backwards glance. I walk into the room and shut my door, leaving my flip flops by the door and walk to the bed. I pull the blankets over me as I settle into the bed. My head touches the soft pillows one second and I’m out the next.
Chapter 23
I feel a hand stroking my face and I smile. Dreams are amazing aren’t they? They have this almost realistic quality to them that makes it hard to decipher if what’s happening is actually taking place. When the pillow my head rests on sinks inward with the added weight, my eyes open slowly to see a pair of gentle eyes looking down at me.
“Morning, sleeping beauty.” He smiles at me.
What is it with him and saying I’m beautiful all the time? Pulling the blanket down so I can stretch my arms out, I hear a sharp intake of breath. I open my eyes to see him raking his eyes down my chest. Shit. I forgot I went to sleep in nothing but my bra and panties. Pulling the sheet back up to cover me, his eyes meet mine.
Deviation (Deviate Series) Page 12