Lucas says, "I go to work. You know that."
The child lies on Lucas's bed. "I'll wait for you here. If you worked in the bars you would come home at closing time, at midnight. But you come home much later."
Lucas sits on a chair in front of the child. "Yes, Mathias, you're right. I do come home later. I go and see some friends after the bars close."
"Which friends?"
"You don't know them."
The child says, "I'm alone every night."
"You should be asleep at night."
"I would sleep if I knew you were here, in your room, asleep as well."
Lucas lies down next to the child. He kisses him.
"Did you really think I sent you to the orphanage so that they could keep you? How could you think such a thing?"
"I didn't really think that. But when I arrived at the door, I was afraid. You never know. Yasmine promised she would never leave me. Don't send me there again. I don't like going toward Grandmother's house."
Lucas says, "I understand."
The child says, "Orphans are children who don't have any parents. I don't have any parents."
"You do. You have your mother, Yasmine."
"Yasmine is gone. And what about my father? Where is he?"
"I'm your father."
"But the other one, the real one?"
Lucas is silent for a moment before replying, "He died before you were born, in an accident, like mine."
"Fathers always die in an accident. Will you have an accident too?"
"No. I'll be careful."
Lucas and the child work in the bookshop. The child takes books out of a box and hands them to Lucas, who is standing on a stepladder setting them on the shelves of the bookcase. It is a rainy autumn morning.
Peter comes into the shop. He is carrying a hooded falcon. The rain is dripping down his face onto the floor. From under his falcon he takes a packet wrapped up in jute cloth.
"Here, Lucas. I've brought them back. I can't keep them. It's not safe at my house anymore."
Lucas says, "You look pale, Peter. What happened?"
"Don't you read the newspapers? Don't you listen to the radio?"
"I never read newspapers and I only listen to old records."
Peter turns to the child. "Is this Yasmine's child?"
Lucas says, "Yes, this is Mathias. Say hello to Peter, Mathias. He's a friend."
Mathias stares at Peter in silence.
Peter says, "Mathias has already said hello with his eyes."
Lucas says, "Go and feed the animals, Mathias."
The child lowers his eyes, rummages about in the box of books. "It isn't time to feed the animals."
Lucas says, "You're right. Stay here and tell me if a customer comes in. Let's go upstairs, Peter."
They go up to Lucas's room.
Peter says, "That child has amazing eyes."
"Yes, he has Yasmine's eyes."
Peter gives Lucas the packet.
"There are pages missing from your notebooks, Lucas."
"I know, Peter. As I said, I make corrections, I cross things out. I delete anything that isn't indispensable."
"You correct, you cross out, you delete. Your brother Claus won't understand a word."
"Claus will understand." "I understood too."
"Is that why you brought them back? Because you think you understood everything?"
Peter says, "What happened has nothing to do with your notebooks, Lucas. It's more serious than that. Our country is in the throes of an uprising. A counterrevolution. It began with intellectuals writing things they shouldn't have. Then it was taken up by the students. Students are always willing to sow the seeds of unrest. They organized a demonstration that degenerated into a riot against the forces of order. But it all began to get out of hand when the workers and even a part of the army joined up with the students. Yesterday evening, soldiers were distributing arms to irresponsible individuals. There are people shooting at each other in the capital, and it's now spreading to the provinces and the peasants."
Lucas says, "That covers every level of society."
"Except one. The class I belong to."
"You are greatly outnumbered by those who are against you."
"Indeed. But we have powerful friends."
Lucas is silent. Peter opens the door.
"We probably won't see each other again, Lucas. Let's part on good terms."
Lucas asks, "Where are you going?"
"Party officials have to place themselves under the protection of the foreign army."
Lucas gets up, holds Peter by the shoulders, and looks him in the eyes.
"Tell me, Peter! Aren't you ashamed?"
Peter grabs Lucas's hands and presses them to his face. He closes his eyes and says quietly, "Yes, Lucas. I am very ashamed." Tears escape from his closed eyes.
Lucas says, "No. Stop that. Get hold of yourself."
Lucas accompanies Peter to the street. He watches the dark silhouette walking away in the rain, head lowered, toward the station.
When Lucas comes back to the bookshop, the child says to him, "He's handsome. When is he coming back?"
"I don't know, Mathias. Maybe never."
That evening, Lucas goes to Clara's. He goes into the house, where all the lights are out. Clara's bed is cold and empty. Lucas lights the bedside lamp. On the pillow is a note from Clara: "I have gone to avenge Thomas."
Lucas goes home. He finds the child in his bed. He says, "I'm sick of finding you in my bed every night. Go to your room and get some sleep."
The child's lip trembles. He sniffs. "I heard Peter say that people are shooting at each other in the capital. Do you think Yasmine is in danger?"
"Yasmine isn't in danger, don't worry."
"You said that Peter might never come back. Do you think he'll die?"
"No, I don't think so. But Clara, definitely."
"Who's Clara?"
"A friend. Go to bed, Mathias, and sleep. I'm very tired."
In the little town hardly anything happens. The foreign flags are removed from public buildings, along with the effigies of Party officials. A parade passes through town with the old national flags, singing the old national anthem and other old songs, recalling another revolution in another century.
The bars are packed. People talk, laugh, sing louder than usual.
Lucas listens to the radio continually, until the day when classical music replaces the news broadcast.
Lucas looks out the window. In the main square stands a foreign army tank.
Lucas goes out to buy a pack of cigarettes. All the shops are closed. He has to go to the railway station. He passes other tanks along the way. The gun barrels turn in his direction, track him. The streets are deserted, the windows are shut, the shutters closed. But the station and the surrounding area are full of soldiers and border guards without weapons. Lucas approaches one of them: "What's going on?"
"I don't know. We've been demobilized. Did you want to catch a train? There are no trains for civilians."
"I didn't want to catch a train. I just wanted to buy some cigarettes. The shops are closed."
The soldier hands Lucas a pack of cigarettes. "You're not allowed inside the station. Take this pack and go home. It's dangerous out on the streets."
Lucas goes home. The child is still awake; they listen to the radio together. Lots of music and a few short speeches. "We have won the revolution. The people are victorious. Our government has asked for the help of our great protectors against the enemies of the people." And again: "Remain calm. Gatherings of more than two people are forbidden. The sale of alcohol is forbidden. Restaurants and bars will remain closed until further notice. All individual journeys by train or bus are forbidden. Observe the curfew. Do not leave the house after nightfall."
More music, then instructions and threats: "Work must begin again in the factories. Any workers who do not turn up at their place of work will be laid off. Saboteurs will be brought up before specia
l tribunals. They will face the death sentence."
The child says, "I don't understand. Who won the revolution? And why is everything forbidden? Why are they so evil?"
Lucas switches off the radio. "We won't listen to the radio anymore. There's no point."
There is still some resistance, fighting, strikes. There are also arrests, imprisonments, disappearances, executions. Two hundred thousand panic-stricken inhabitants leave the country.
A few months later, silence, calm, and order reign once more.
Lucas rings at Peter's door. "I know you're back. Why are you hiding from me?"
"I'm not hiding from you. I just thought you wouldn't want to see me. I was waiting for you to make the first move."
Lucas laughs. "I've made it. Basically, things are just like before. The revolution has achieved nothing."
Peter says, "History will be the judge of that."
Lucas laughs again. "Such grand words. What's got into you, Peter?"
"Don't laugh. I've been through a serious crisis. First I resigned from the Party, then I let myself be persuaded into taking up my old position in this town. I like this town very much. It has a hold on my soul. Once you've lived here you can't not come back. And besides, Lucas, there's you."
"Is that a declaration of love?"
"No. Of friendship. I know I can't expect anything from you on that score. What about Clara? Has she come back?"
"No, Clara hasn't come back. Someone else has already moved into her house."
Peter says, "There were thirty thousand deaths in the capital. They even fired on a march where there were women and children. If Clara participated in anything . . ."
"She certainly participated in everything that was going on in the capital. I think she has rejoined Thomas, and that is for the best. She never stopped talking about Thomas. She thought only of Thomas, loved only Thomas, was ill because of Thomas. One way or another she would have died for Thomas."
After a silence, Peter says, "Many people crossed the border during the troubled period when it was left unguarded. Why didn't you take advantage of it to rejoin your brother?"
"I didn't consider it for a moment. How could I leave the child all on his own?"
"You could have taken him with you."
"You don't set off on an adventure like that with a child his age.
"You can set off anywhere, anytime, with whoever you want, if you want to badly enough. The child is just an excuse."
Lucas lowers his head. "The child has to stay here. He's waiting for his mother to come back. He wouldn't have come with me."
Peter doesn't answer. Lucas raises his head and looks at him. "You're right. I don't want to go find Claus. It's up to him to come back. He's the one who went away."
Peter says, "Someone who doesn't exist can't come back."
"Claus exists and he will come back!"
Peter goes up to Lucas and grabs him by the shoulder. "Calm down. You have to face facts. Neither your brother nor the child's mother will ever come back, and you know it."
Lucas mumbles, "Claus will."
He falls forward off his chair, he hits his head on the edge of the low table; he slumps onto the carpet. Peter pulls him onto the sofa, he wets a cloth and wipes Lucas's face, which is bathed in sweat. When Lucas comes to, Peter gives him a drink and lights him a cigarette.
"I'm sorry, Lucas. We won't talk about this again."
Lucas asks, "What were we talking about?"
"What about?" Peter lights another cigarette. "About politics, of course."
Lucas laughs. "It must have been pretty boring for me to fall asleep on your sofa."
"Yes, that's right, Lucas. You've always found politics boring, haven't you?"
The child is six and a half. On the first day of school Lucas wants to accompany him, but the child prefers to go on his own. When he comes home at noon, Lucas asks him whether everything went all right. The child says that everything went all right.
In the days that follow the child says that everything is going well at school. But one day he returns with a wound on his cheek. He says that he fell. Another day his right hand bears some red marks. The next day the nails on this hand all turn black, with the exception of the thumbnail. The child says that he jammed his fingers in a door. For weeks afterward, he has to write with his left hand.
One evening the child comes home with his mouth all split and swollen. He is unable to eat. Lucas doesn't ask questions, he pours some milk into the child's mouth, then places a sock filled with sand, a pointed stone, and a razor on the table. He says, "These were our weapons when we had to defend ourselves against the other children. Take them. Defend yourself!"
The child says, "There were two of you. I'm on my own."
"Even on your own you have to learn how to defend yourself."
The child looks at the objects on the table. "I can't. I could never hit anyone, hurt anyone."
"Why not? They hit you and hurt you."
The child looks Lucas in the eyes.
"Physical wounds don't matter when I receive them. But if I had to inflict them on someone else, that would wound me in a way I couldn't bear."
Lucas asks, "Do you want me to talk to your teacher?"
The child says, "Definitely not! I forbid it! Don't ever do that, Lucas! Have I complained? Have I asked for your help? Your weapons?"
He sweeps the defensive tools off the table. "I'm stronger than all of them, braver, and above all, more intelligent. That's all that matters."
Lucas throws the stone and the sock full of sand into the garbage. He closes the razor, puts it in his pocket. "I still carry it on me, but I don't use it anymore."
When the child has gone to bed, Lucas goes into his room and sits down on the edge of his bed. "I won't meddle in your affairs any more, Mathias. I won't ask any more questions. When you want to leave school, just tell me."
The child says, "I'll never leave school."
Lucas asks, "Tell me, Mathias, do you cry sometimes when you're alone?"
The child says, "I'm used to being alone. I never cry, you know that."
"Yes, I know. But you never laugh either. When you were small you laughed all the time."
"That must have been before Yasmine died."
"What are you saying, Mathias? Yasmine isn't dead."
"She is dead. I've known for a long time. Otherwise she would have come back."
After a silence, Lucas says, "Even after Yasmine left, you still laughed, Mathias."
The child looks at the ceiling. "Yes, maybe. Before we left Grandmother's house. We should never have left Grandmother's house."
Lucas takes the child's face in his hands. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps we shouldn't have left Grandmother's house."
The child closes his eyes. Lucas kisses him on the forehead. "Sleep well, Mathias. When you feel too much pain, too much sorrow, and you don't want to talk to anyone, write it down. It will help you."
The child answers, "I've already written it down. I've written down everything. Everything that has happened since we've been here. My nightmares, the school, everything. I've got a big notebook like you. You've got lots, I've only got one, only a slim one so far. I'll never let you read it. You forbade me to read yours, I forbid you to read mine."
6
At ten o'clock in the morning an old bearded man comes into the bookshop. Lucas has seen him before. He is one of his best customers. Lucas gets up and asks with a smile, "What can I do for you, sir?"
"I have everything I need, thank you. I came to talk to you about Mathias. I'm his teacher. I have written to you on numerous occasions to ask you to come and see me."
Lucas says, "I never received your letters."
"Yet you've signed them."
The teacher takes three envelopes from his pocket and hands them to Lucas. "Isn't that your signature?"
Lucas examines the letters. "Yes and no. It's a good forgery of my signature."
The teacher smiles as he takes back
the letters. "That's the conclusion I came to also. Mathias doesn't want me to speak with you. I decided to come and see you during school hours. I left an older pupil in charge of the class during my absence. This visit can remain our secret, if you wish."
Lucas says, "Yes, I think that would be best. Mathias has forbidden me to talk to you."
"He's very proud, arrogant even. He is also by far the most intelligent pupil in the class. Nevertheless, the only advice I can offer you is to withdraw him from school. I can sign the necessary papers."
Lucas says, "Mathias doesn't want to leave school."
"If only you knew what he goes through! The cruelty of the other children is beyond belief. The girls make fun of him. They call him 'spider,' 'hunchback,' 'bastard.' He sits on his own in the front row, no one wants to sit next to him. The boys hit him, kick him, punch him. The boy behind him slammed the desk shut on his fingers. I have intervened many times, but that just aggravates the situation. The other children can't stand the fact that Mathias knows everything, that he's best at everything. They are jealous of him and they are making his life unbearable."
Lucas says, "I know it, even though he never talks to me."
"No, he never complains. He doesn't even cry. He has considerable strength of character. But he can't go on suffering so much humiliation forever. Withdraw him from school and I will come every evening to give him lessons here. It would be a real pleasure for me to work with such a gifted child."
Lucas says, "Thank you, but it's not up to me. Mathias insists on going to school normally, like the other children. For him, leaving school would mean recognizing his difference, his infirmity."
The teacher says, "I understand. However, he is different, and one day he will have to accept it."
Lucas is silent. The teacher browses through the books on the shelves.
"These premises are very spacious. What would you say to setting out a few tables and chairs to make a reading room for the children? I could bring you some secondhand books, I've got plenty that I don't know what to do with. Then the children whose parents don't own books, and there are lots of them, believe me, could come and read in peace here for an hour or two."
The Notebook + The Proof + The Third Lie Page 19