by Tania Crosse
‘Well, he keeps me busy every minute of the day! We don’t really see any other children up at Princetown, but I made a friend at the maternity home. She lives here in Tavistock and we see quite a lot of each other. And then there’s my friend, Ethel. I told you about her if you remember. Back in Plymouth. So, overall, I’m quite content.’
‘Good. I’m so pleased to hear it. But is there anything you need for Charlie? Money, for instance? That’s one thing I’ve got plenty of,’ she snorted, her voice for the first time tainted with bitterness.
‘No, honestly. We manage fine. Oh dear, no peace for the wicked!’ Anna grinned as Charlie stirred, blinked open his eyes and began to grizzle. She lifted him out of the pushchair and sat him on her lap, opening her bag and giving him a Farley’s Rusk to suck on.
‘He’s teething,’ she explained to Frankie.
‘Poor little thing. I suppose they can’t understand. Does he say anything yet?’
‘Good Lord, no. He’s only eight months.’
‘Is that too early? I’ve no idea about babies, you see. Not having one of my own.’ Frankie licked her lips wistfully but the next moment was smiling again. ‘I’ve finished my sandwich. Let me hold him so you can have yours.’
‘Would you mind? I’ve got a bottle of milk made up if he gets fed up with the rusk. You don’t have to feed him, though. He can hold it himself.’
She settled Charlie on Frankie’s lap and the other girl took him with a woman’s natural instinct, Anna reflected, as she watched Frankie support Charlie with one hand while the other was ready to catch the rusk if he dropped it. Their meeting had fallen into place, the initial reserve over, and for ten minutes they chatted away like old friends. Then Charlie started fidgeting and holding out his arms towards his mother.
‘I’d better take him back,’ Anna said, ‘before he starts yelling his head off and spoiling everyone’s lunch.’
‘Yes, I suppose you’d better.’
Frankie sounded reluctant, but she lifted Charlie up towards Anna who had stood up to take him across the table. As she did so, the short sleeves of the bolero rode up over her upper arms. Anna gasped in horror as she gripped Charlie against her chest. On both Frankie’s arms were livid bruises as if someone had recently grabbed hold of her with brutal force and tried to shake the life out of her.
‘God, Frankie,’ Anna breathed in disbelief. ‘Did … did Gilbert do that?’
Frankie’s cheeks at once flushed as if with guilt and she hastily pulled her sleeves back into place. Her eyes met Anna’s almost defensively for a moment, but then her face dissolved as moisture collected in her eyes and she nodded slowly.
‘He … he wanted … you know,’ she whispered distraughtly. ‘I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but he … he insisted. He said it was no wonder we weren’t getting a child.’
She hung her lovely head and Anna stared at her in horror. She had seen a flash of that other vile, latent side of Gilbert’s nature herself, hadn’t she, the day she had told him she was pregnant? No longer the charming, persuasive young gentleman, there was a secret violence in him when he couldn’t get his own way. But to have turned on his defenceless, wronged wife like that was despicable.
‘Oh, Frankie,’ Anna repeated, utterly horrified. ‘Oh, if only there was something I could do—’
‘You have. Meeting you here has been a real tonic to me. And Charlie’s a little love. I’m so glad I’ve seen him. But now I must go.’ She rose to her feet decisively. ‘I do hope we can meet again like this.’
‘Of course we can. I’ll look forward to it.’
‘I don’t know when, though. It could be months. I’ll get word to you in the same way.’ She opened her handbag and took out her purse. ‘There, that’ll cover the bill. And take this for Charlie.’
She quickly placed two ten pound notes on the table, and Anna’s mouth dropped open. It was a fortune. ‘Oh, I can’t possibly—’
‘It’s Gilbert’s money. Charlie’s his child, and if he won’t accept any responsibility for him, then I will. Take care, Anna.’
She spun on her heel and made for the door before Anna had a chance to say goodbye – or shove the notes back in Frankie’s hand, although she had to admit that the money was more than welcome. She watched her friend leave the café, her heart weighing heavily in her breast. Frankie wasn’t the sort to fight back, but what could she, Anna, possibly do to help? She hugged Charlie tightly and kissed his little forehead before sitting him back in the pushchair. How blessed she was!
‘Thanks ever so for the lift, Jeffery.’
‘All part of the service,’ the young man grinned back. ‘I’m proper glad you an’ Carrie enjoyed the film. Does you both good to get out without the little ones once in a while.’
‘Mmm, yes, it does. I’m so lucky to have Queenie to babysit. But I think I’d better go in before she starts wondering where I am.’
‘OK, see you soon, then.’
‘Thanks again.’
Anna got out of the little Austin Seven and turned up the lane beside the lodge. The dank mist of the November night made her shiver, and once Jeffery had turned the car round and disappeared into the murk, an eerie silence muffled the moor once again. Anna hurried along the short distance to the cottage, which was no more than a long, low shadow in the gloom, and crept silently inside. Despite what she had said to Jeffery, she expected Queenie to be fast asleep in bed. Anna knew she herself would feel tired the next day but it was worth it to have a few hours to relax. Going to the pictures with Carrie and enjoying the heroism and excitement in a repeat showing of The Dam Busters, which she had missed when it had been shown in Tavistock the previous January, had been a welcome change – even if she would really have preferred something more romantic. It had been like being back with Ethel, making her feel young again – even if she was only just turned twenty!
The cottage felt instantly cosy and welcoming after the penetrating damp outside. Queenie had left one of the oil lamps on very low so that a diffused amber glow reflected on the whitewashed walls. Anna tiptoed towards the range, not wanting the heels of her shoes to click on the flagstones. It was only then that she heard the low, hushed crooning and realised that Queenie wasn’t in bed but was sitting in one of the sagging armchairs. She must have been having trouble with Charlie and was rocking him to sleep on her lap. Anna could hear the muted snuffling he made when he was nodding off, so she didn’t want to disturb him just at the wrong moment.
‘There, there, Charlotte, my darling,’ she heard Queenie’s soft, lilting whisper. ‘You go to sleep, my little one. Mammy’s yere. She won’t let you down again.’
Anna’s heart froze. Dear God. Was Queenie losing her mind? But somehow she didn’t think so, although there had been the occasional, odd moment – always with Charlie – when some deep-seated, emotional memory seemed to stir.
Queenie looked up, startled for a second as she evidently hadn’t heard Anna come in. Then she inclined her head towards Charlie who must have only just drifted off, as his mouth was still working in the way babies do before they sink into their deep slumber.
Anna smiled down knowingly, attempting to conceal her concern. In the jaundiced shadows, Queenie’s face looked even more seamed than usual, tinged with a wistful contentment that spoke of hidden, past regret. Anna was curious, but above all she wanted to heal the hurt that she read in Queenie’s strange, opalescent eyes.
‘’Er’s just gone off,’ Queenie mouthed. They both knew they would have to wait a few minutes until Charlie was so heavily asleep that he wouldn’t wake up again as he was slid into the cot Anna had bought second hand, together with the pushchair, from someone in Princetown.
Anna sank into the other chair, the enjoyment of the evening with Carrie dissipated by her worry over Queenie’s murmured words. There was some buried but never-forgotten secret in the elderly woman’s heart. Something that rose, unbidden, to the surface and was so strong that Queenie was powerless to resist it.
/> At last Charlie seemed well asleep and so Anna took Charlie from Queenie with a grateful smile. She felt uneasy and wanted a little cuddle with her son before putting him down for the night. She watched him for a second or two in the apricot shadows cast by the luminous coals in the grate. His face was peaceful and serene, and she felt she could watch him all night. She reluctantly dragged herself away. There was another matter to be resolved.
Back in the kitchen, Queenie was making some cocoa, shuffling about in her worn slippers and her old dressing gown.
‘Oh dear, he hasn’t had you up all evening, has he? I’m ever so sorry.’
‘Oh, no, cheel. ’Er’d just woke up a bit grizzly, like. ’Er was soaking so I changed ’is nappy an’ gave ’en just a little feed an’ a cuddle. So don’t you fret none. You deserves a night out yere an’ there. Good film, were it?’
‘Yes, it was. Takes me back, going to the flicks. Ethel and I used to go quite often. We had a television, but it wasn’t the same as the pictures.’ She answered almost without thought and sat down, cupping her hands around the hot drink Queenie handed her. She shivered with apprehension and felt as if she was taking her life in her hands, but she had to ask for both their sakes. ‘Queenie, who was Charlotte?’ she gulped.
She heard the old lady draw a breath and for some gruelling seconds there was total silence. Anna thought she had made a terrible mistake and was torn with remorse. Queenie gave a huge, wrenching sigh and Anna glanced sideways at her. Queenie’s eyes had become glazed as she stared into her cocoa, but her hands were strong as they held the mug quite firmly.
‘I suppose you should know, cheel. No one else in the world does. No one what counts, that is. An’ if I ’as to tell someone, I thanks the Lord it’s you.’
Her head bobbed up and down as if she were accepting her own words, but as she sipped her cocoa, Anna thought she had changed her mind. Or perhaps she had become so lost in her own emotions that she had forgotten Anna was there, or so entangled that she couldn’t find her way out. Anna swallowed her own drink, expecting that to be the end of it. But then Queenie put down her empty mug decisively on the table, and leant back in the chair again.
‘I were deeply in love. Much like you was. Farmer’s son, ’e were. Good, ’ard worker. ’Ad our lives all planned out, us did. Take over the farm eventually, that were the plan. Us was so ’appy. Still got the engagement ring, I ’as. Cheap, worthless thing, but it meant the world to me. An’ then the war came along.’
Her dreamy, reminiscing tone suddenly hardened and her lips twisted with bitterness. Anna lifted her eyes to this dear woman who had become like a mother to her. Queenie was gazing ahead, her face set, and Anna judged it best not to interrupt.
‘Lord Kitchener needs you,’ Queenie’s voice crackled with contempt. ‘Didn’t ’ave to go, Clive didn’t, especially being a farmer. But ’e wanted to do ’is bit. No white feathers for ’en. Be an adventure, ’e says, ’is eyes shining. An’ it’ll be over by Christmas,’ she scoffed acidly in a way Anna would never have believed of her. ‘Well, it were for ’en. One o’ the first to fall. An’ by the time ’is parents got the telegram, I knew I was ’aving ’is babby.’
Anna audibly gasped. She hadn’t meant to, but it was the last thing she had expected. Not from Queenie, who always seemed so practical and in control.
‘With ’er going away, us’d got carried away a few times,’ Queenie went on. ‘’Oo could blame us, really, like? But back then, it were a terrible thing. Well, you knows yersel’, cheel, ’ow things can be for you ’aving Charlie out of wedlock. But then, it were even worse, believe me. A sin. I couldn’t bring that shame on my family. So I went away. Said I wanted to do my bit, an’ all. An’ I did. In a munitions factory. Only I stopped to ’ave the child. A little girl. I called ’er Charlotte, though I doesn’t know if the couple what adopted ’er kept the name. I never knew where she went, but I expect it were to a good family. All I knows is that she be out there. Somewheres …’
She broke off in a trail of sadness, leaving only the dark, shadowy stillness of the night. Anna sat, not daring to move. Hardly daring to breathe. Only her heart tearing in two as she shared Queenie’s crushing grief.
‘And … that’s why you wanted me to keep Charlie,’ she croaked when a good minute had passed.
‘Yes, cheel.’ Queenie sounded more resolute now. ‘I didn’t want you to face the same regret as I always ’ave. It were the biggest mistake o’ my life. Came back yere arter the war, I did, an’ no one knew no different. But I knew that out there, somewhere, were a little girl … She’d be in ’er forties now, of course. P’r’aps wi’ chiller of ’er own. So, when you turned up, cheel, it were like God ’ad given me a second chance.’
‘Oh, Queenie.’ Anna released her sigh through gently pursed lips, her insides choked with emotion. ‘I can’t imagine … But, thank you. For everything.’
She got out of the chair now and went to give Queenie a huge hug, patting the elderly woman on the back. So much sorrow. But then she felt Queenie pushing her away.
‘Give over, cheel. It’s all in the past. What matters now is you an’ little Charlie. An’ if us doesn’t get to bed soon, us’ll be all yonderly tomorrow.’
‘Yes, you’re right. Goodnight, then, Queenie. And thanks again for babysitting.’
She left Queenie nodding and went off to her room, closing the door softly. Dear Queenie. But who’d have thought …? She changed and slid silently into bed, mulling over Queenie’s story as she drifted asleep.
Chapter Twenty-One
‘Spoke to Gladys, today, I did, while you was out. Finally off at the end o’ next week. Miss those three old biddies, I will. Been Queenie’s neighbours since … well, I cas’n remember a time when they wasn’t there. Three unmarried sisters, eh … Albert used to tease us that they was three witches, cuz they was old even then. But three nicer women you cas’n meet.’
Anna cocked an eyebrow in Queenie’s direction. Charlie had been having his afternoon nap while she had battled her way to Princetown through the January snow to do the shopping. Now Charlie was full of beans, sitting on the rag rug spread at their feet and playing with the few toys they could afford for him. Anna had bought him a wooden train for his first birthday the previous week, and he was crawling along the edge of the rug and pushing the little engine on the flagstones next to it.
‘Yes, I’ll miss them, too,’ Anna agreed. The three elderly sisters who lived in the big old house almost next to Holly Cottage had always been kind to her. If they had been a touch sceptical over the story that she was Queenie’s long-lost niece, widowed and left with a baby to bring up alone, their qualms had soon been dissipated. They had taken Anna on face value, always friendly, and doted on Charlie like old maiden aunts. Unlike Olive’s husband, who always lifted his nose in the air and turned his back whenever he saw her.
‘Still, you can’t blame them for wanting to move somewhere more convenient. And that old house is so big and draughty, and the new one’s got all mod cons. It’ll be much easier for them, and they are getting on a bit.’
She threw Queenie a questioning glance. The Crow sisters were a lot older than she was, but it was obvious that Queenie was finding her hard-working life at Holly Cottage increasingly taxing. Anna sometimes wondered how Queenie would manage without her help. And at least Crow House had had running water inside the kitchen and a flushing indoor lavatory – luxury far beyond the primitive facilities that served Holly Cottage. But before Queenie could reply, Charlie crawled over to his mother, hauled himself into a standing position using Anna’s knees for support, and was now gleefully bobbing up and down as he bent and stretched his legs in this wonderful new game he had discovered for himself.
‘Well, I reckons it takes all folk different, like,’ Queenie pronounced from her chair. ‘But I cas’n imagine living anywheres else. ’Ave to carry me out feet first in a box, they will, from yere. Born in ’Olly Cottage, Queenie were, an’ she’ll die in it, too.’
A sudden, dark cloud threatened Anna’s buoyant mood. She loved Queenie almost as much as she had her own dear mother, but she could envisage a time when Queenie would find living at Holly Cottage beyond her. But Queenie could be as obstinate as the proverbial mule, and getting her to leave her beloved home and move into more suitable accommodation as the Crow sisters were doing might be nigh on impossible. But hopefully that would be way, way in the future.
‘Oh!’ Anna gasped, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. ‘Oh, Queenie, did you see that?’
Bouncing up and down in front of her, Charlie had relinquished the support of her knees, and tottered half a dozen steps across the rag rug, chubby hands held up before him, before sitting down hard on his bottom.
‘I certainly did!’ Queenie exclaimed, her cheeks creasing as she grinned proudly from ear to ear.
Charlie swivelled his head round to stare back at his mother in comic astonishment at his own actions, and then he broke into a beaming smile. Anna’s stunned eyes went from his delighted little face to Queenie’s joyful, wrinkled one, and back again. She felt her own heart ready to burst with elation, wiping out her misgivings of a moment earlier. For Charlie had taken his first steps.
Dear Annie
I cas’n tell you how happy I am. At long last Bert’s finished his National Service and he’s coming home for good. I feel I could burst, I’m so happy, like. Only one more week and he’ll be here. I cas’n believe it.
Anna’s lips curved into a smile as she paused to take another bite of the toast she had cooked by spearing it onto the toasting fork and holding it in front of the open firebox. She didn’t envy Carrie her brand-new electric toaster. Being in the trade, Jeffery was able to purchase electrical equipment at cost price, Mr Trembath being very generous to his electrician who could always be relied upon to do a good job. The Cresswell home possessed a radio, a television and even one of the new plug-in record players. Anna didn’t mind not having any of these, though she always enjoyed listening to music when she took Charlie down to Tavistock on the bus to spend a day with Carrie and baby Polly. If it wasn’t nice enough to sit in the garden in the summer, or to wrap up warm and go to feed the ducks along the old Tavistock Canal, they would enjoy themselves in the sitting room, hopping around to the beat of Tommy Steele’s Singing the Blues or some such hit. The one thing Anna really envied was Carrie’s Mark One washing machine. It was old by modern standards and still only had a hand-worked mangle, but it would be a lot easier than scrubbing Charlie’s nappies on the wooden washboard and scraping her knuckles raw!