Mishi caught Tsuku-san’s gaze then, and realized that the elderly woman had watched her moment of comprehension. Now she continued.
“It is because of that training and discipline that people do not fear having Kisōshi live among them, though, to be honest, many still do. You have had the same training, the same discipline, instilled in you as any other Kisōshi, and your kisō still comes to your call. That power not only comes with the need for training, it comes with a great weight. You are only responsible for your own life, Mishi-san, that much is true, and I cannot force you to help me in this. The New Council’s rule will not be like the Rōjū’s rule. We will not lock up and punish any who refuse us, if they have broken no laws. And yet…who shall I send to do this task instead of you, Mishi-san? I have sent a handful of my best Kisōshi to seek out the sanzoku and do you know what I have found?”
Mishi shook her head.
“Corpses. I have found the men I sent lying dead on the roadside, leagues from where they were supposed to be. The sanzoku know who we are, they know what we intend, and they are hiding in the woods like cowards between each of their attacks. Everyone I have yet sent to track them has either returned with nothing, or has not returned at all.”
Mishi felt the blood leave her face as she considered what Tsuku-san was saying.
“I know that what I ask of you is incredibly dangerous, and I am aware that you have been feeling…unwell, but there is no one else I can send on this mission who I believe will succeed at it.”
“I’m not a tracker,” Mishi objected, before her brain could stop her. Tracker or not, she still couldn’t go on this assignment. She was just as likely to harm the people she was protecting as the sanzoku were.
“I’m aware of that. I’ll be sending Mitsu-san with you on this mission, in case that talent becomes necessary. He’s the best tracker we have, in all honesty, but I was reluctant to send him lest the same fate befall him as did all the others. He has two advantages, though.”
Mishi quirked one eyebrow in silent question.
“He is a natural tracker, unlike the others, who were merely trained to track…and he will have you to protect him.”
Taking a deep breath of the cool spring air that wafted through the window to her guest room, Taka refolded the three kimono that Tsuku-san had gifted her with for the third time since she had begun packing, and cursed the need for any clothing other than her leather leggings and tunic. Her saddle bags lay in the center of the small, tatami floor and were the focus of her entire attention. Mishi-san had seemed preoccupied at the morning meal and Taka had decided she had better pack sooner rather than later, in case she needed to go running after her friend soon. Now she was fully absorbed in preparing her few belongings for immediate travel.
Perhaps that’s why she didn’t hear the small knock on the shoji before it slid open.
“Taka-san?” asked a quiet voice from the doorway.
“Hmm?”
She turned distractedly toward the door and then sputtered when she realized who was there.
“Kusuko-san! Hello. I…I’m sorry. Can I help you?”
She was surprised at how embarrassed she felt at being caught unable to fold kimono properly by the beautiful young assassin, but suddenly her tongue felt like an exhausted donkey that had to be prodded to do its task.
“I was just coming to see if you needed any assistance preparing for our trip,” said the diminutive young woman.
Taka shook her head.
“No, I’m just wrestling with these kimono. I’m no good at folding them properly, I always wind up with creases. Comes from never wearing them, I suppose. Silly things if you ask me.”
Her cheeks reddened before she could get her mouth to stop running. Kusuko, of course, was dressed immaculately in a dramatically colored kimono of black and deep scarlet, with enormous sleeves. Kusuko was always dressed in ornate kimono. Wonderful, thought Taka, I’ve insulted my travel companion before even setting foot on the road.
“They are tricky, ne?” Kusuko agreed, before Taka could even begin to mutter an apology. “But here, I’ll show you a trick I learned.”
Before Taka could stop her, the young woman had swept across the room and was laying out one of the three kimono Taka now owned.
“Line up the hems like so,” she said, demonstrating as she went. “And then fold here and here, folding the sleeves in last.”
Kusuko held up a small, perfect rectangle of kimono that would pack away nicely into Taka’s saddle bags. Taka nodded dumbly, although she very much doubted she would be able to replicate the procedure.
It must have showed on her face.
“Why don’t you pack your other belongings while I fold these, ne? It’s a small thing that I can do for you.”
“My other belongings are already packed,” she said, before she could stop herself. The woman didn’t need to know that she owned next to nothing. Taka took a deep breath. She was far more rattled by Kusuko’s presence than was reasonable.
“I’ll just go find Mishi to take my leave,” she said, looking for any escape, and also reminded of her original hurry.
“Oh, you didn’t hear?” Kusuko asked, already folding the next kimono.
“Hear what?”
“No one had seen Mishi since the morning meal, and then one of the guards reported seeing her leave through the western gates not long ago.”
20th Day, 2nd Moon, Cycle 1 of the New Council
DESPITE THE MANY conflicting emotions still battling for supremacy within Mishi’s mind, the tall pines, clear blue sky, and steep mountain backdrop allowed her to be distracted by the gentle spring sun on her face as she walked along the northern road. The air still held winter’s bite, but she could feel the season begin its turn and she looked forward to the coming warmth that would melt what remained of winter’s grip. Perhaps she was too focused on those thoughts of promised warmth, or perhaps the man was just too stealthy for her, but she had no conscious notion that Mitsu was there until his hand clamped down hard upon her shoulder.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” he asked, as she turned to him with her arms in a defensive posture.
She stepped back quickly and wondered which part of her had recognized it was Mitsu before she saw him. Some unconscious part of her must have, or she was certain that he would be dead by now.
“Currently? Restraining myself from doing you real physical harm,” she said, looking pointedly at his hand on her shoulder. “But just before that, I was enjoying the beginnings of spring.”
Mitsu removed his hand from her shoulder, but kept pace with her as she turned to walk along the road once more.
“I mean, what are you doing on the road already? You left without telling anyone. We were supposed to depart together. Instead it took me a day and a half just to find you.”
Mishi took a deep breath and returned her eyes to the road instead of keeping Mitsu’s green gaze.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t find me. I can see that was wishful thinking.” She glared at him and wondered how he had tracked her so easily. She had made good time, been careful to avoid other people on the road, and even allowed herself to be seen leaving through the gates on the wrong side of the city, just to throw off any pursuit. She had thought it would take him much longer to find her, and had hoped he wouldn’t find her at all. She was as much a danger to him as she was to Taka. Now she would have to find some other way to leave him behind. “And I had hoped…especially after my talk with Tsuku-san, that perhaps she and Yasuhiko-san would consider letting you stay behind if I left without you.”
Mitsu snorted derisively.
“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “It only made them send me to catch up to you, in case you decided to try something foolish like go up against a band of sanzoku alone.”
Here he paused to look pointedly at her, but she didn’t react. That hadn’t been her plan…at least, not at first.
“Besides,” he continued, “you forgot your
katana and wakizashi, so they insisted that I bring them for you.”
He gestured toward the roll on his back, out of which poked the ends of her katana, and Mishi grimaced. She had left the blades behind on purpose.
“I can’t take those,” she said, as she felt her hands begin to tremble and her entire body start to shake. “Don’t let me near them.”
She felt her stomach souring and she worried that the visions might overtake her once more. She took deep, calming breaths, and looked away from the blades, focusing on Mitsu’s face once more. Perhaps she should keep talking. Perhaps that would remind her of where she was…and where she wasn’t.
“You experienced firsthand what I did on the road to Rōjū City. Imagine how much worse it would have been if I had been wearing my swords.”
Mitsu’s eyes widened, and he turned so that the blades were no longer visible to her.
“It’s all right, Mishi-san,” he said. “You don’t have to take them. I’m sorry. I….Look.” He reached into a pouch that he kept slung across his chest and pulled out a small scroll. “Taka-san told me to give this to you.”
He handed her the scroll, but was careful not to touch her, and to keep himself aligned so that she couldn’t see the swords in his traveling roll.
“I have others as well, one from Tsuku-san and some from your friends, but read that one first. Taka-san said it was important.”
Mishi, unsure what Taka could possibly have to say that would help, but willing to do anything that might distract her from a new onslaught of visions, opened the scroll and began reading.
Dear Mishi-chan,
I know that you never meant to hurt Mitsu-san or me the other day on the road to Rōjū City. I understand that you’re not feeling like yourself these days. I wish that I could help you, but I understand that you didn’t wish to risk hurting me again. I assure you, I think the risk is worth it, but we find ourselves once more on different paths as the New Council has asked me to lead their healers, and has asked you to fight again. I’m not sure which task seems more impossible.
Since we cannot all travel together, Mitsu-san and I have discussed it and we agree that Yanagi-sensei may be able to help you. Will you agree to travel with Mitsu-san as far as Yanagi-sensei’s forest? It’s near the northern province that is plagued by sanzoku anyway, and Yanagi-sensei may be able to help you in a way that I cannot. He helped Mitsu-san when he lost his family, and he helped me too after I lost Kiko-san.
I know you don’t think you’re worthy of my friendship right now, but I love you, and I would be devastated if I lost you too. Please consider at least meeting Yanagi-sensei.
With love,
Taka-san
Tears came to Mishi’s eyes as she realized just how well her friend knew her and her thoughts. She sighed, rolled up the scroll, and tucked it inside of her travel roll.
“I suppose I’m stuck with you,” she said, turning to Mitsu once more. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t accidentally kill you between here and Yanagi-sensei’s forest. We’d best travel hard and fast. If I’m exhausted each night you might have a better chance of surviving.”
Mitsu’s face changed completely as laughter lit the corners of his eyes.
“Come along then!” he called, even as he turned to run ahead of her.
~~~
They had finally stopped running long after dark, when Mishi had decided that exhaustion would pull her down into sleep before any more visions would be able to plague her. Mitsu had insisted that they needed a hot meal though, and she had blearily gone about starting a fire while he traipsed off into the craggy forest to snare them something to eat. She had taken her time about it, using a flint and steel as anyone else would, rather than calling to it with her kisō.
Now Mishi listened to the fire crackle as her eyes took in the cracks of starry sky that peeked through the trees and mountains above her, and she breathed in the crisp spring air that held a hint of smoke and cooking rabbits. She was grateful for the exhaustion that kept her limbs heavy and her head clear. Even the smell of smoke and cooking meat, which had brought on the visions more than once while they were traveling to Rōjū City, weren’t enough to stir the memories in her now. She simply watched the fire and let her mind wander freely.
Enjoying the companionable silence as fat hissed and dripped from the two hares that Mitsu had caught and prepared for them, Mishi took a moment to appreciate the fact that Mitsu didn’t always feel like talking. If he had nothing to say, he said nothing. Mishi approved of that kind of companionship. Eventually, though, she noticed a change in the silence and she looked at Mitsu to see what might be troubling him.
It was difficult to tell. Mishi wasn’t an expert at reading people outside of battle, but eventually she decided that he seemed nervous, as though he expected an enemy to arrive at any moment. Then she realized that he probably thought the enemy was already here.
“I can move farther away if you like,” she said, trying to keep her tone casual, when she saw Mitsu shudder momentarily as the fire shifted in the wind.
His green eyes snapped to hers and held them for a moment.
“Why would you do that?” he asked, sounding suspicious.
“Because you’re afraid of me,” she replied. “I can see it now, in the way you sit. And I’ve noticed it at other times.”
She waited, but he said nothing.
“It’s all right,” she said quietly, though she didn’t really feel as though it were all right. Something inside of her didn’t like the thought of Mitsu being frightened of her. “I understand.”
Mitsu shook his head as though chasing off an insect, and then spoke.
“It’s not you. I’m not afraid of you.”
Mishi didn’t believe that.
“You’re intimidated by fire,” she said.
“Exactly! I’m afraid of fire…even this cooking fire disturbs me. Watching the way it devours that wood, and changes the nature of the hares…”
“But, Mitsu…I am Fire. If fire makes you nervous, then I should terrify you.”
“I know you won’t hurt me, though,” he protested. Mishi almost laughed at how comically untrue that statement was, and was about to point out that she had already disproved it quite viscerally, but Mitsu continued before she could speak. “This fire has no conscience, it has no soul, it just is. And fire consumes, that’s simply what it does. It has no choice. You have choices, and you choose not to harm, whenever you can. So, yes, I’m afraid of fire and its nature, but I’m not afraid of you.”
“Perhaps there is more of fire’s nature in me than you imagine.” Mishi thought of her dreams, and all that she had done, and shuddered slightly.
“Just because it’s the element you are called to doesn't mean you must act like it in all ways. I’m tied to wind, but you don’t see me blowing down people’s homes or tearing up trees, do you?”
Mishi laughed, because the image that came to mind of Mitsu doing either of those things was humorous to her, but then another thought struck her and she stopped laughing.
“Mitsu-san, you and Taka-san both agree that I’m…unwell enough that I need to seek Yanagi-sensei’s help. Couldn’t it be that the fire within me is taking over? That it’s bending me to be as destructive as the soulless fire that you fear?”
Mitsu was silent for a long time, and Mishi began to wonder if he ever planned to reply.
“I don’t know what it is that’s causing the visions exactly, or why they take reality from you, but I think the core of you is still there. I think the part of you that wishes to help people rather than harm them is not only there, but still the driving force behind your actions.”
“How can you say that?” Mishi asked, panic rising in her chest at the memory of what she had done to Mitsu and Taka. “How can you say that after I attacked you and Taka-san outside of Rōjū City like that? Isn’t it clear that I’ve lost myself?”
“Mishi-san, you may have accidentally hurt us when you were lost in a vis
ion, but think of what you did next. Once you realized what was happening, you were so concerned with protecting us that you tried to run away.”
Mishi was silent for a long time.
“I assumed everyone would think I was simply shirking my duties to the New Council.”
Mitsu actually laughed at that.
“Oh Mishi-san, I don’t know what the rest of Rōjū City thinks, but for Taka-san and I, and probably the Zōkames as well, it was as clear as anything that you were leaving in order to protect us.”
Mishi said nothing then, silently accepting the hare that Mitsu passed to her and eating her fill before she could fall asleep where she sat.
Even as sleep claimed her that night, she kept coming back to one question: Why did it please her so to discover that Mitsu-san knew her well enough to understand why she had run?
27th Day, 2nd Moon, Cycle 1 of the New Council
MISHI HAD NEVER run so much in her life, but she was truly glad of the exhaustion she had felt each night as they collapsed into whatever small clearing or copse they used for shelter against the light winds and rain that followed them into the north. Mitsu always had the energy to find them a small animal for the evening meal, whereas she barely had the energy to strike flint to steel and coax a fire to life in whatever small space they managed to keep dry long enough for her efforts to take hold. Mishi often wondered if perhaps Mitsu called on wind and earth to help him run so quickly for so long. She decided she would ask him the next time that she could catch her breath.
Traitor's Hope Page 4