She still didn’t relish the idea of fighting, but it no longer terrified her the way that it had a moon ago, when she hadn’t even trusted herself to be near a blade. And now that she’d been forced to fight again in self defense, it was difficult to think of a life completely devoid of her sword. Perhaps Mitsu would be willing to spar with her, on occasion. Would that be enough for her?
“I don’t know,” she said, after a long silence. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”
“You don’t have to choose right this moment,” Yasuhiko said. “I simply wondered if you had considered your options.”
For the past six moons or more, she’d been constantly on the move, and it had come to feel like her natural state of being. She wondered if she would ever feel comfortable in a single place again. She shook her head, trying to free herself from the thought, and looked to Yasuhiko once more.
“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” she asked, preparing to stand and take her leave.
“Yes, actually,” Yasuhiko said, leaning forward, his face grim. “Tell me what you think of Kusuko-san.”
Mishi’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and her mind stumbled over the question. How was she supposed to answer that?
“She helped to save my life, more than once,” she said carefully.
Yasuhiko nodded.
“And?”
“And…she seems fond of Taka-san,” she added, unsure where this conversation was meant to lead. She wasn’t sure why she was reluctant to tell Yasuhiko about her suspicions regarding Kusuko’s loyalties. She knew that Kusuko had already made her report. Surely the young assassin hadn’t turned herself in as a traitor, had she? But even if she had, what did he expect her to say? Mishi was reluctant to make accusations against Kusuko-san, though she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps because she knew how close Taka had grown to the young woman, and she wanted to spare her the pain? That didn’t make any sense. If Kusuko really was a traitor, then surely it would be better for Taka to know it now, rather than find out later, when she was even more involved with her, wouldn’t it? But, in truth, she had nothing concrete to report on the matter.
“I…question whether she is truly a former hishi. Indeed, I wonder if anyone can make such a claim,” Mishi finally managed to choke out.
“Oh?” Yasuhiko said, his intonation suggesting that she should continue.
“She worked with Inari-san to save my life at the sanzoku camp, and she led Taka back to us along with a full complement of New Council soldiers…. Yet, I can’t help but wonder…”
“Yes?”
“How did she know she was needed in either of those places, if she weren’t still getting information from the enemy?”
Mishi said no more on the subject. Kusuko was obviously still a hishi, with a hishi master, but she wasn’t sure that meant that the young woman couldn’t be trusted. At least, not when it mattered most.
“I see,” was all that Yasuhiko said.
Kusuko stared into the small koi pond, watching the golden and red fish swirl mindlessly in circles around each other. It was strange to be back in Rōjū City, somehow, though the place had always been her home. She hadn’t gone to her own rooms yet, nor had she visited the hishi compound, or attempted to report to Mamushi-san. Instead, she waited in the small garden closest to the rooms that the Zōkame family occupied whenever they were in the city.
As she breathed in the fresh, earthy air that permeated the garden, she wondered when Tsuku-san and Yasuhiko-san, or the New Council—though they were almost one and the same—would decide to imprison her, or exile her.
If this government were run by anyone else, she would fear execution, instead, but she knew Tsuku-san and Yasuhiko-san too well to think that they would have her killed for her crimes. They were far too forgiving.
Was that the very reason that she found herself making the series of small decisions that were leading her away from Mamushi-san and his allies, and toward the New Council and its allies instead?
Or, was the reason a young healer, whose deep brown eyes drew her own in, just as easily as the dancing red and gold fish of this koi pond?
The truth was, she didn’t know, and she hated not knowing her own mind. She had never been this unclear before. She supposed this was the very weakness that Mamushi-san had always warned her of.
She knew it would be smart to leave Taka, and all the New Council allies, and return to her father. She knew that it would be the safest thing for her, and probably for Taka as well. She risked all of them, if she disobeyed Mamushi-san.
That decided her, then. She wouldn’t risk everyone else. She would leave tonight. She would—
“They’ll try to separate us again!”
Kusuko heard the voice of the girl child, Mizu-chan, coming from the other side of the tea house nestled into the trees behind her. She sounded upset. Concerned and curious, Kusuko silently moved closer to the small, open-windowed building.
“Mizu-chan, Taka-san said that we could stay together. That they wouldn’t separate us. That we could both learn healing together.”
Kusuko thought that voice sounded like Tsuchi-kun’s.
“But I don’t want to learn healing. I want to learn to fight, like Mishi-san.”
“Well, they won’t teach you to fight like Mishi-san if we run away again.”
“They won’t teach me to fight like Mishi-san anyway. They will send you off to learn with boys, and me to learn with girls, and they won’t let us stay together.”
“But they said they would.”
“Adults lie, Tsuchi-kun. They lie to us all the time. Why would these adults be any different?”
“But they helped us!” Tsuchi sounded a bit desperate, and Kusuko wondered if he was always on the losing side of arguments with his twin sister. “And the last time that we tried to run away, those men captured us and were going to kill us.”
“They were only after us because they wanted to capture Mishi-san.”
“I thought they wanted to get rid of all female Kisōshi.”
“Well anyway, all those men were captured outside of that walled town because of the men that Taka-san and Kusuko-san brought with them. It’s safe now.”
“I don’t know, Mizu-chan. I don’t like the idea of running away again.”
“You want them to separate us, don’t you? You don’t care what they do with me, do you?”
“No! Mizu-chan, you know that’s not true. I don’t want them to separate us. Not ever. I want us both to be safe.”
“Then we need to leave. Tonight, after everyone is asleep.”
“I don’t know—”
“If you don’t come, I’m leaving without you.”
Kusuko heard the stamp of little feet, then a pause, followed by more little feet running after the first set.
She sat on the step to the tea house, and thought for a moment. The information she now held could be valuable. Mamushi-san might find it useful to know that someone Taka cared for would be vulnerable very soon, especially if the Rōjū still hoped to bring her onto their side. Were they desperate, now that so many of their schemes had failed them? Or had they, perhaps, finally given up?
Even contemplating the idea of handing the two children over to the Rōjū made Kusuko feel strangely uncomfortable, as though she had swallowed something unpleasant. Then, she thought of telling Taka the children’s plans, so that she might prevent any foolish risks the children might bring upon them all. She waited to see if this stirred any feelings of ill ease, and when it didn’t, that decided her.
In the quiet of the room that was set aside for her in the Zōkame family wing of the New Council complex, Taka fumbled the tie she was working on and cursed the second under kimono. Then she decided to go ahead and curse the entire outfit, all three layers, all the ties, the padding, the obi, all of it. She hated how long they took to put on, how much they stifled her movement, and how clumsy she felt when she was wearing them. She couldn’t imagine how people did this every day.
She wished that she could wear her leathers to this dinner, but Tsuku-san had provided her with kimono specifically for the purpose of dressing appropriately for these types of occasions, and she had been dismayed to find that Tsuku-san had had the foresight to provide her with more here in Rōjū City. Taka wouldn’t normally dress just to please someone else, but the older woman, once she had learned that the twins were likely Kiko-san’s children, and thus her own great grandchildren, had been so enthusiastic about the dinner being a celebration that Taka didn’t have the heart to dress down for the occasion.
She cursed again, when she heard a faint knock on the sliding door to her room.
“Come back later, I’m trapped by ridiculous clothing,” she muttered, struggling to retie the belt that was meant to hold the excess fabric of the second kimono in place.
She was furious, then mortified, when she heard the screen door slide open and turned to find Kusuko standing in her doorway, looking perfect in her own red and black kimono, as though it were a second skin rather than a trap made of silk.
“Can I be of any help?” she asked, quietly.
Taka wanted to scream at her to leave, but she took a deep breath and realized that was just her own embarrassment rising to the front. She truly needed help, or she was likely to miss dinner entirely. She swallowed, reminding herself that Kusuko was probably very good with kimono, and it was in no way inappropriate for her to offer to help.
“Yes, please,” she said, when she’d gotten herself under control. “I’m not used to these clothes.”
Kusuko slid the door closed behind her, and moved quickly to Taka’s side. She moved with confidence and efficiency, and Taka couldn’t even keep track of all the little adjustments that Kusuko made to various layers of the outfit. Before Taka could even ask what the young assassin was doing, she had moved on to the next piece, and in a blur of motion Taka found herself fully dressed, her obi tied in a grand and decorative bow behind her.
She shivered slightly when Kusuko placed a small wooden comb into her hair, and her hand lingered by Taka’s neck.
“You look lovely,” Kusuko said, her eyes cast at the floor.
Taka was so taken aback by the expression on Kusuko’s face that it took her a moment to laugh.
“You must be joking,” she said. “I feel like a child in her mother's clothes.”
Kusuko met her gaze, then, her eyes flashing with frustration.
“And can you not look lovely, even when you feel uncomfortable?”
“I suppose I could, but I very much doubt that I do.”
“Can you not simply believe that I think you look lovely?”
“I have no reason to.”
“I just said you did.”
“Those are just words.”
And then Taka, who hadn’t even been sure why she was arguing, except that the notion that she looked lovely in her current circumstances seemed preposterous to her, was shocked into silence when Kusuko stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and pressed her lips to Taka’s.
Taka considered pushing the young assassin away from her, but every part of her body objected to that idea. Instead, she found her arms yearning to reach for Kusuko’s waist and pull her closer. She stopped them, but only barely.
Only once Taka’s whole body was alight with a fire she had not felt before, did Kusuko finally step back and break the contact.
“There,” she said, defiance in her gaze. “Now you have more than words.”
Taka inhaled slowly, the scent of Kusuko’s honeyed soap blending with the grassy smell of tatami that filled the room, and then she exhaled to the same long count.
“How did you know about the danger to Mitsu and Mishi in Shikazenji?” she asked.
The words surprised her, even coming from her own lips. She hadn’t meant to ask them. Not right this moment. But Kusuko’s kiss had taken her by surprise, and she’d liked it rather more than she felt comfortable with. She didn’t trust this woman’s affection, though she desperately wanted to, and that was the danger. Anything Kusuko said or did could be part of a trap. She couldn’t be sure that Kusuko’s words were real. Even when she used kisō to detect lies, she couldn’t be sure when words were only dancing around the truth. This woman who beguiled her so easily was a master of deceit, and nothing made Taka more wary than the idea that Kusuko, beautiful, perfectly presented Kusuko, found her attractive.
Kusuko’s face was the cold mask that she took on when she was disguising her emotions, which meant that Taka had surprised her. She supposed she should feel accomplished for having surprised a spy, but she only felt a sense of sadness, as the warmth that had been in the young woman’s gaze drained away.
“A spy informed me,” she replied.
Taka had sent out her kisō to meet Kusuko’s, and she knew that the words Kusuko said were true, although that didn’t necessarily mean that they represented the whole truth.
“Whose spy informed you?”
“A hishi spy,” Kusuko replied, the distance between them growing as she spoke, even though neither of them had moved.
“Why did you come here?”
“To report to Zōkame-sama, as I was bid. You were there when I was given my assignment.”
“No, I mean, why did you come to this room, just now?”
“I had something to tell you.”
“More information, from another spy?” she asked.
“In a way,” Kusuko said, a smile beginning to play on her lips.
Suddenly Taka couldn’t take it anymore, the attraction that pulled her to this woman she couldn’t trust. She didn’t have the energy to try to sort through all the things that Kusuko might say, to play the word games that might be needed to find the truth. She was done with this not knowing, not trusting.
“You should go,” she said, before Kusuko could speak again.
“But this information—”
“Go!” Taka said. “I don’t want to hear any more of it. Whatever you have to say, you can say to someone else.”
Kusuko looked as though someone had slapped her, and instantly Taka wanted to call her back and unsay it all. She was tired from their journey, she was frustrated with having to wear a kimono, and she was flustered by Kusuko’s compliments, and her kiss.
Before Taka could form the words her mind supplied, Kusuko was gone, the sliding door closed behind her.
She wasn’t surprised by Taka’s response, really. She had half expected it. Certainly, it was an understandable and predictable reaction to feeling attracted to a person you could not trust, and she knew better than anyone how little Taka should trust her. What surprised her was how much the reaction had hurt her, as expected as it was, and how much it pained her to find herself running through the former Rōjū complex, heading not for her own rooms, but for those of her father. Knowing what she would tell him, and fearing what it would mean for all of Taka’s friends and allies.
At least one thing was certain. With all ties cut to Taka-san, she would no longer be endangering the young healer. At least she could be sure that Mamushi-san would not lash out at the young woman, just to destroy Kusuko’s caring for her.
She ignored the moisture that gathered at the corners of her eyes, and the swollen feeling in her throat, focusing on her destination instead. She thought about all of the things that she would tell Mamushi-san, and tried not to think of the few things that she would never tell to anyone at all.
2nd Day, 4th Moon, Cycle 1 of the New Council
TAKA WOKE SLIGHTLY before dawn, rubbing troubled dreams from her eyes, and wondering what she could do to apologize to Kusuko-san. The young assassin hadn’t joined them for the evening meal last night, and Taka had gone to bed feeling more than a little bit guilty. In truth, she might have been the only one who had noted the young woman’s absence. Tsuku and Yasuhiko were both so entranced with getting to know their great-grandchildren that they had barely paid heed to anything else during the meal, and Mishi and Mitsu had seemed rather pre
occupied with…each other. Taka was pleased at that development, as she thought it would be a good thing for both of them, and increased the likelihood that Mitsu would remain a part of her life, but her own worries about Kusuko, and the damage she might have done to what little trust they’d built between them, made it hard for her to appreciate whatever new thing was budding between Mishi and Mitsu.
She stretched, then slid open the screen beside her futon, which opened onto a small veranda overlooking a private garden. The predawn light cast an eerie glow over the small green space that was still coated in morning mist, and she shivered once before rising to dress herself.
Kami curse it, she was not going to bother with a kimono today. She couldn’t imagine anyone being offended with her failure to dress for the morning meal, and besides, she could always change if she had to.
Comfortably dressed in her leathers, she headed out to find Kusuko-san.
~~~
Kusuko was not in her rooms in the Zōkame wing, and there was no sign that she had stayed there the night before. Taka thought that the young spy must have chosen to return to her own rooms in the hishi complex, instead. Taka’s guilt deepened, as she considered how much she must have offended Kusuko, in order to drive her from this part of the city.
Having gotten used to the twins’ early waking habits, over the many days they had traveled together, Taka thought that they were the only other people in this wing who were likely to be up, so she decided to go see if she could interest them in another writing lesson. When the twins had asked what they would be taught at the school for healing that Taka would take them to, they had both seemed very excited when she’d mentioned reading and writing. They had seemed so eager that, as she and Kusuko had first started leading them to the Zōkame estate, Taka had instructed them daily whenever they stopped to eat and rest, and they both had made great strides. She felt a new surge of guilt, remembering how Kusuko had helped them both with their practice characters when they had stopped to make camp in the evenings, while Taka was busy snaring and preparing their supper.
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