“Back up is coming!” Bates called down to me, just before another bullet caught him in the left shoulder and he slumped to the ground.
“You hold on!” I called out to him, my heart beating erratically. “Get down, Bates!”
“Roger, sir,” he responded and watched me with glassy eyes as I continued to take out the enemy around us.
A flash of light came straight for us and landed several yards away, knocking me out cold.
What am I doing?
I shake my head, pulling myself back into the here and now and splash more water on my face with shaking hands.
I’ve wanted Brynna since the first time I laid eyes on her. She’s fucking gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to fuck her?
But goddamn it, she’s more than that. Why did I think I could just have her in my bed, and not fall in love with her?
Why couldn’t I keep my fucking hands off her?
I stare at the hollow, broken man in the mirror, knowing the answer already.
Because Brynna Vincent is it for me. There will never be another woman who can make me feel safe, make me feel happy.
Make me feel loved.
And her daughters are two little beacons of light in this dark hell I call a life that I just can’t resist.
And God knows I don’t deserve them.
Any of them.
Just the thought of Josie and Maddie calling me Daddy fills me with so much pride and so much fear I don’t know what to do with myself.
Things have gotten so far out of hand. We have to stop playing house. If not for my own sanity, for the sake of the girls because only heartache can come of this.
I couldn’t protect my men. What in the name of Christ made me ever think I could protect these precious women?
I stomp out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, punching the keys on my phone as I move, yank my bag out of the closet and throw the few articles of clothing and toiletries I have into it, zip it, and jog down the stairs, preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Because I’ll never be the best thing for her.
“What are you doing?” She asks with a scowl, rising from the couch when she sees me.
“I’ve texted Matt to come be with you and the girls. It’s time I go, Bryn.” Dear God, don’t look at me like that. She blinks and her eyes turn sad, but she crosses her arms over her chest and thrusts her chin in the air.
“Why?”
I shrug and pull my jacket over my arms.
“It’s time. I think I’ll take a job I’ve been offered in San Diego. You’ll be fine with Matt.” Every word is like a knife stabbing through my heart.
“So, I tell you I love you, my girls fall in love with you, and all you can do is run away?” She asks, her soft voice full of anger.
Betrayal.
“Look,” I begin and wipe my fingers over my mouth, not able to look her in the eye. “I can’t help it if you mistook me fucking you for anything more than that.”
She gasps and I turn my back on her, my chest heaving, hating myself.
How can I do this to her?
“I figured I’d have some fun with you while I was here, but…”
“But what?” She growls between clenched teeth.
“But I don’t love you back,” I can’t turn around and look her in the face. God, I love you so fucking much I can’t stand it.
I hear her breathing hard behind me and pray she doesn’t cry.
Doesn’t beg.
But this is Brynna we’re talking about, and she doesn’t beg for anything.
“I’m telling you right now, Caleb Montgomery, if you leave you will not be welcome to come back.” Her voice wavers on the very last word and it’s a kick in my gut.
I nod stiffly. “I’ve already texted Matt.”
“Am I supposed to fuck him too, since he’ll be filling in for you?” She asks, her voice full of venom and anger, and she does exactly what she’s aiming for.
Stabs me right through the heart.
I’ll fucking kill him if he puts a hand on you.
I clench my jaw and my fists and turn to look her in the eye. I do my best to keep my face impassive, but I know I’m failing horribly.
I’d never crack under pressure if I were being interrogated by the enemy, but this is breaking me, and I need to get the fuck out.
“Fuck whomever you want,” I reply.
Her jaw drops and eyes widen, filling with tears, but she pulls herself together and narrows her eyes on me again.
“You’re a fucking pussy,” she growls.
“I told you I’m done and I’m leaving, Brynna. What do you want?” I ask in anger, raising my voice for the first time.
“I want to be someone’s fucking first choice, goddamn it!” She yells back at me. “I want someone to want to stay with me. To choose me!” Her eyes are wide and pissed as she stomps her foot and glares at me. “I thought you were that man.”
“You thought wrong.”
You are my every choice, Legs.
She turns away just as I hear Bix jump off the girls’ bed and begin barking. One bark, about every three seconds.
“I’m so fucking…”
“Stop.” I hold up a hand, making her stop mid-sentence and listen. The house is quiet, except for Bix’s measured bark.
“Why is he…”
“I said stop talking,” I interrupt and she covers her mouth with both hands, watching me with wide eyes. Suddenly something shatters the back picture window, next to the sliding glass door, and I spring into action. I pull the pistol from my waistband and push it into Brynna’s hands.
“Take this and get upstairs with the girls,” my voice is low and hard. “Get all of you, including Bix, into the bathroom and lock the door. Do not open it unless I say to. Do you hear me?”
She shakes her head, eyes wide with fear and just stares at me.
“Go!”
“I love you,” she whispers and runs up the stairs.
***
~Brynna~
Get the girls. Get the girls. Get the girls.
I repeat it to myself, over and over, as I climb the stairs two at a time and race to their bedroom. Bix is standing at attention at the foot of their beds, hackles raised, teeth bared. He whines when he sees me.
“Mommy!” Maddie cries and launches herself at me just as I hear Caleb’s hard voice downstairs, swearing and grunting.
Someone’s in my fucking house!
I quickly grab both girls and pull the comforter off the bed as I hurry into the bathroom. Bix joins us and I shut and lock the door.
“What’s happening?” Josie cries.
“There’s a bad man downstairs,” I say as calmly as I can. There could be more than one!
I throw the blanket into the tub and lift the girls inside, then join them. Bix stands a few feet from the door, growling, hackles still raised and teeth bared, standing guard.
I fucking love that dog.
I pull my cell out of my pocket and dial Matt.
“Yeah,” he answers.
“Matt, we need you here,” I begin and Maddie lets out a loud wail, scared to death.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Someone broke in. Caleb’s downstairs alone. We’re in the upstairs bathroom.”
“I’ll be there in thirty seconds.”
He hangs up and I dial 911, fill them in on the situation and set the phone on the side of the tub, still connected to the operator, as we wait.
The girls huddle against my sides and I grip Caleb’s pistol in my hands, aimed at the door, and wait, panting and shaking in fear.
Oh, God, what is happening down there?
More glass breaks, and I hear furniture being toppled over.
I can hear muffled voices and more grunting in pain, and I pray with everything in me that Caleb is whole and safe.
After several seconds of no noise at all, there are two gunshots, and then a third, and then silence.
Tears run down my cheeks. I wipe them on the arms of my shirt and keep the gun trained on the door. Bix is still growling and barking, but suddenly, he stops and tips his head to the side, as though he’s listening carefully.
“Bryn?” Caleb calls from the other side of the door.
“Caleb!” Maddie cries as I stand and reach over to unlock the door and let Caleb in.
“Where is he?” I ask through my sobs.
Caleb simply shakes his head and pulls us all into his arms, squeezing us hard.
I pull away, and the girls cling to him, crying, afraid, and I want to follow suit, but the words he spoke moments before our world came falling in are still here between us.
He’s leaving us.
I’m not who he wants.
When the girls are calm, he whispers for them to hug Bix, and as they do, he pulls me against him, buries his face in my neck and holds on tight, but I still don’t wrap my arms around him.
I hold still and wait for him to finish.
“Brynna,” he whispers.
“Where are you?” Matt calls out frantically.
“We’re in here!” I call back.
Matt rushes into the room, other cops following close behind him, spreading through the house to be sure there is no further threat.
“You’re hit,” he announces to Caleb, his eyes hard, and I glance down to find blood running down Caleb’s arm.
“Oh my God, I missed this!”
“It’s just a graze,” Caleb shakes his head, his eyes still on me, full of worry and fear, but I ignore him and launch myself at Matt, hugging him tight.
“Are you okay, honey?” He asks me.
I nod, and turn back to Caleb. “You need to go to the hospital.”
“No, I’m fine,” he shakes his head and pats Josie’s back, who has latched herself around his waist, hanging on with dear life.
“The ambulance is on the way,” Matt informs us just as sirens come from the driveway. “They can patch you up.”
We finally all move downstairs after the coroner comes in and removes the body. The girls and Bix huddle together on the couch while Caleb is cleaned up by a paramedic and I give my statement to Matt and his partner, distracted by the mess surrounding us; broken furniture, glass littered on the carpet. Even the loveseat is sitting on its back. Blood is pooled on the hardwood floor in the dining room.
The process is long and exhausting, and as we all come down off the adrenaline from the break in, it’s all the girls and I can do to keep our eyes open.
“We can’t stay here until the window is fixed and this place is cleaned up,” I murmur to Matt.
“I’ll take you to a hotel,” he responds with a smile.
“They can stay at my place,” Caleb replies as he joins us.
“We’ll take the hotel,” I mutter, not meeting Caleb’s gaze with my own.
“I think…” Caleb begins but I cut him off.
“I don’t want to be at your house, Caleb. We’ll go to the hotel.”
His blue eyes harden, but I look away and swallow as Matt watches us both closely.
“I’ll take them,” Caleb murmurs softly.
“I…”
“I’ll take you,” he repeats, his voice hard and leaving no room for argument.
I turn away without responding and kiss the girls. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m just going upstairs to pack our bags. You stay here with Bix and Matt and Caleb.”
They nod sleepily as I turn to Matt. “Make sure the hotel takes dogs. He goes where we go from now on.”
Matt smiles and nods. “Good girl.”
Once our bags are packed, Caleb loads us into his car. Matt has offered to stay behind and oversee the cleanup and make sure the window is boarded up.
“Bryn…” Caleb begins but I sigh and cut him off.
“You’ve already said all you need to say, Caleb. We’ll be fine.”
Although I don’t know if we’ll be fine. I don’t know that we’re out of danger. Who was that guy that broke in and tried to hurt us?
The check-in process is blurry and I feel like my feet are filled with led as Caleb leads us to our room. He’s carrying both girls, and I’m pulling our one suitcase behind me. Bix is at my side, even without a leash.
I think I forgot the leash.
The room has one giant king sized bed, but I requested that. I want my girls with me tonight.
Caleb tucks the kids in the large bed and motions for Bix to join them. I pull my own pajamas out of my suitcase and move into the bathroom to change.
“You don’t have to do that on my account,” he whispers.
“You never get to see me naked again,” I reply, noticing the way his jaw tightens and his eyes harden at my words. I can hear the sadness in my voice and I don’t have the energy to try to be brave.
He’s leaving us.
When I return to the room, I join the girls in the bed. Josie has begun crying again, and is clinging to Caleb.
“Where is the bad man now?” She cries softly.
“He’s gone, sweetheart,” Caleb croons to her. “He can’t hurt you.”
But he hurt you. I glance at his arm and frantically temper down the need to crawl to him and kiss his wound, to fuss over him and make sure he’s okay.
He doesn’t want me.
Finally Josie’s cries disappear and Caleb lowers her back into the bed. He’s stretched out on his side, on the other side of the girls, watching them sleep. Bix is curled up at their feet, and I’m lying opposite to Caleb, also on my side, but I’m watching him.
Memorizing every line of his body, every hair on his head.
Finally, he brushes their hair back and leans in to lay a soft kiss on each of their foreheads. He lifts his gaze to mine, and in his bright blue eyes is sadness and regret. He reaches across the girls and cups my cheek in his hand, wipes a tear with his thumb and takes in every inch of my face with his eyes. He sighs deeply and releases me, rolls away from the girls and stands, turns off the light and walks to the door.
As he pulls it open, he looks back at me and whispers, “I’m sorry, Legs,” just before he walks out and quietly pulls the door closed behind him.
For several long seconds I stare unseeing where Caleb left, then I roll away from my babies and bury my face in the pillow, letting my tears and grief flow out of me in violent sobs.
Caleb is gone.
Chapter Nineteen
Three months later.
~Caleb~
“Your usual?”
I nod at the redheaded bartender and keep my head down, staring at the scarred bar top in front of me.
“Isn’t your contract up?” She asks me as she reaches for a tumbler and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“How do you know that?” I ask and slam back the amber liquid and push it forward in a silent request for more.
“I’ve been tending this bar for more than fifteen years,” she informs me and pours me another. “I know the comings and goings of the military guys on this base. And I can tell by looking at you that you’re not active duty anymore.”
I glare at her and take a sip of the Jack, not confirming or denying her assumption.
“So why are you here and not back home fighting for your girl?” She asks with a sympathetic smile.
Fuck off and let me drink.
“You don’t know anything about it,” I growl and slam my drink.
“I know plenty.” She grabs a white bar towel and wipes off the bar, clearly not ready to leave me in peace. “I know you’ve been coming here three nights a week like clock work for the past three months. You drink whiskey until you stagger out of here and walk back wherever you came from. You’re drinking to forget something, and my bet is it’s a woman.”
“Maybe it’s a man,” I smirk.
“Nah, I’ve seen you check out some of the SEAL bunnies’ asses, but if they approach you, you growl and scare them away.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with looking,”
I sulk. I just want to drink until I’m so drunk that it dulls the mile-wide ache in my chest and I forget the look in Brynna’s face as I walked out of her hotel room three months ago.
“No,” she agrees and shakes her head thoughtfully. “But you look guilty as hell after you do.”
“What do you want?” I ask and push my empty glass forward for another.
“Just thought I’d talk to you is all,” she replies with a smile. “You don’t scare me with that glare, by the way. Been married to a SEAL for ten years, and his glare doesn’t scare me either.”
“Congratulations,” I mutter and swig my whiskey.
“Oh, it hasn’t been a walk through the park, trust me. The fool actually left me for a while. Claimed he didn’t deserve me.” She shrugs and chuckles as I whip my head up and stare at her with narrowed eyes.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“Said he didn’t deserve me,” she repeats and watches me for several seconds. “Ah, there it is.” She shakes her head again and rolls her eyes. “So, when they’re teaching you guys to bench press a pine tree and hold your breath for forty-five minutes…”
“Four minutes,” I correct her with a growl.
“Do you they also teach you to be stubborn asses?”
“They taught me to ignore nosy fucking bartenders,” I reply and pop a pretzel in my mouth.
“Okay, don’t talk, then, moron and listen to me.”
“Why are you talking to me?” I ask incredulously.
“Because you’re gonna ruin your fucking life, and you’re too damn hot for that, so shut up and listen to me.” She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me, and for a minute I’d swear I’m talking to my mother.
“Fine,” I sigh and keep my eyes on the bar.
“He didn’t come back to me until we found out I was pregnant,” she begins and then sighs. “Lost that baby, though.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I’ve had three more,” she responds and I can hear the smile in her voice and I can’t help but hate her just a little. She’s a nice, if not way too nosy, woman, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about her kids.
“But I’m going to tell you what I told him, and then I’ll go pay attention to the other customers.”
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