“I’m never leaving her again. I promise you that.” I sigh again and prop my hands on my hips. “I’ve been seeing a shrink. Working my shit out. I’m here to get my girl back, Will.”
He watches me carefully and then a slow smile spreads across his face.
“I’ll be in the waiting room.” He slaps my shoulder and pauses next to me. “And I’m warning you now, she won’t be happy to see you when she wakes up. You’ve got some work to do.”
I nod and push her door open, step inside and feel my stomach fall to my knees.
There are monitors beeping and wires running under her hospital gown to her body. Her face is white and scratched. Her hair is matted with dried blood.
Her left arm is in a sling and on her right index finger is a clip with a red light on it that seems to monitor her temperature.
She looks small and frail and it brings me to my knees.
I lower myself into the chair at the side of her bed, lean over and grip her uninjured hand in my own, bring it to my lips, and kiss her knuckles. Her skin is soft and I can smell her lavender and vanilla body wash.
I press her hand against my cheek and gaze into her face.
“Hey, Legs.” I clear my throat and glance up at the heart monitor, mesmerized by the blip, blip, blip of the machine. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
She doesn’t stir. I kiss her palm and lay my head on her stomach and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I let tears come.
Please, baby, forgive me.
Chapter Twenty
~Brynna~
Everything hurts.
Everything.
I’m fighting against the heavy weight of sleep. I want to wake up and see my babies. My eyes are so heavy, but I blink them open and then slam them shut against the light in the room.
It feels super bright, although I know it probably isn’t. My head is killing me.
My shoulder is on fire.
I try to move my head, but it just aches and I feel myself moan in protest.
“Bryn?”
My eyes open again at the sound of his voice, and I stare at him in awe.
“Am I dreaming?” I ask, my voice unrecognizable.
He shakes his head and kisses my hand, then leans forward and kisses my forehead, making me moan again.
“Head hurts,” I whisper.
“I know, baby. I’ll call the nurse.”
When I look up at him again, I frown at the worry in his eyes. What’s wrong?
“Kids?” I whisper.
“They’re fine. Your parents took them home a little while ago, but they’ll come see you tomorrow.”
My mouth is dry, and now the room is starting to spin. I whimper.
“Ms. Vincent, you’re awake.” A nurse bustles in and checks the monitors.
“Hurts,” I mutter softly.
“I’m going to give you some more medicine. You’ll sleep for a while.”
She pushes some buttons and my veins feel warm and I sleep folds around me again.
“Love you,” I hear Caleb whisper, but I can’t make my mouth move as sleep claims me.
***
Someone is holding my hand. It’s probably Stacy or my mom. I wish I didn’t have to take so many meds that make me sleep so much.
My head has gone from a hard, pounding throb to just an ache. My shoulder is still screaming.
“Had a dream,” I whisper, keeping my eyes closed. It feels so much better when I just keep them closed.
Mom or Stacy gently brushes my hair off my forehead.
“I dreamed he was here,” I whisper and feel a tear fall. “Why do I keep dreaming about him? When is it going to stop?”
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
I open my eyes and gasp when I see Caleb sitting beside me, leaning his elbows on my bed. I cry out in pain at the abrupt movement and he curses.
“Don’t move, Bryn.”
“What are you doing here?” And why did I just say that in front of you?
“You’re hurt,” he responds, as if that explains everything.
“You’re not supposed to be here.” My voice is gravel and the dull ache has returned to a pounding throb in my head.
“Brynna, I didn’t know you were hurt until I got here. I was coming home for you, baby.”
I frown and stare at him.
“Who said I wanted you?”
He clenches his eyes shut and kisses my hand, but I tug it out of his grasp.
“I don’t want you here, Caleb.”
“Look, Brynna.”
“Shut up,” I mutter and close my eyes, turning my head away from him, embarrassed and hurt and not ready or willing to trust him. “Go away.”
“Please,” he whispers.
“Go away!” I yell and wince as I wrench my shoulder with the movement and reduce myself to tears. “Just go.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“Get the hell out of here!”
“Mr. Montgomery, you need to leave,” the nurse insists as she comes in my room. “She’s in too much pain to be this upset.”
“Let me just sit with you,” he pleads, his voice rough with pain, but all I can do is cry and shake my head.
“Go,” I whisper around my tears.
“Please, Mr. Montgomery. Your family is still in the waiting room.”
“I want my mom,” I cry.
“I’ll send her in, sweetheart.” He stands and kisses my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Go,” I whisper again.
He leaves the room. I lay and cry in silence, trying not to jar my body too much, but unable to stop the flow of tears. Finally after several long minutes, my mom pushes through the door and hurries to my side.
“I’m so sorry, sweet girl.” She kisses my cheek and gently strokes my hand in hers. “He loves you, honey.”
“I don’t want him,” I whisper.
“Your tears say something different.”
“He left me, Mom.”
“I know. He’s just a stupid man, Brynna.”
I gingerly turn my head and look at my mom through swollen eyes.
“I can’t have him hurt my girls again, Mom,” I whisper.
“I know. Don’t worry about it now. Rest and get strong so you can go home and take care of your girls.”
“Are they really okay?” I ask her.
“They are fine. Nothing that time won’t heal.” She offers me a reassuring smile. “Your father just took them home to bed.”
“Good,” I sigh. “I’m thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some fresh water,” the nurse replies and hurries out of the room.
“Did they find him?” I ask my mom.
“Yes. He’s been arrested and from what Matt said, he’s ratting out the others in Chicago.” She squeezes my hand I am reduced to tears once again. “You’re safe, darling girl.”
The nightmare is over.
***
“I don’t see any reason that you can’t go home this morning,” the doctor remarks the next morning as he looks in my eyes with a bright light. “You’ll just need to take it easy with that shoulder for about a week. It’s going to hurt. Take your pain meds.”
“I have small children,” I remind him. “I can’t be loopy.”
“You’ll need help with them,” he tells me sternly. “And I can give you meds that won’t make you too loopy. If you take them when you’re supposed to, you should stay ahead of the pain. But if you faint, get dizzy, or have any concerns at all, come back to the hospital right away.”
“Okay,” I agree. “Can you send my mom in?” I ask the nurse.
“Oh, she left last night.”
I frown at her and then look about the room for my phone. “I guess I’ll call her.”
“You sure are a lucky woman,” she remarks as she helps me get dressed.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“That handsome guy you threw out of here? He sent the family home and camped out right by your
door all night.” She grins at me and I just stare at her.
“He did what?”
“He insisted he wouldn’t leave you, so I took pity on him around midnight and got him a chair. He stayed put all night.”
“I suppose he’s still there?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“I’m right here,” Caleb responds softly behind me. The nurse has just finished helping me dress, and I close my eyes, not quite ready to face him yet.
“Will you please call my mom and ask her to come get me and take me home?” I ask him quietly.
“No,” he responds. “I’m taking you home.”
“Caleb…”
“I have some things to say, Brynna. I’m not trying to upset you. You need a ride, and I need to talk, so there you have it.”
I turn to face him and have to pull in a sharp breath when I see him. His dark blonde hair is a messy riot from his fingers combing through it over and over. He’s in a black t-shirt and faded blue jeans.
His eyes are shadowed and his chin is stubbled.
He looks like shit.
He looks amazing.
I shrug like I don’t care either way and glance around the room. “Suit yourself.”
“What are you looking for, dear?” The nurse asks.
“My purse and… things.”
“Oh, you don’t have anything with you, honey.”
“Oh.” I frown and look down at my empty hands. It feels weird.
“Can I take her home now?” Caleb asks her.
“Yes, you’re good to go,” she responds with a smile. “Remember; take your meds when you’re supposed to, and take it easy.”
“Thank you,” I murmur and follow Caleb out of the room where a wheelchair is waiting for me. He helps me into the chair and pushes me slowly to the elevator and out to his car.
He gently takes my uninjured hand and helps me from the chair to the car, scowling when I wince. After I’m settled, he shuts my door and joins me in the car.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m sore,” I admit. “Tired.”
“Brynna, I’m so fucking sorry. For everything.”
I settle back against the seat and close my eyes.
“Can we talk when we get to my house?” I ask. “I want to be able to see you when you answer my questions.”
“Sure,” he responds and reaches over to lay his hand on my thigh, but I pull it away. “Can I fix this, Bryn?” He asks with a whisper.
“I don’t know,” I reply.
We ride in silence to the house, and when we pull into the driveway, he goes through the motions again of helping me from the car and inside.
“Couch or bed?” He asks.
“Couch. I don’t have the energy to climb the stairs.”
“I’ll carry you.”
“Couch,” I repeat, ignoring his scowl. I lower myself into the corner of the sofa and adjust the pillows until I’m as comfortable as can be.
Until I need to readjust everything in about four minutes.
“Sit on the ottoman,” I order him. I want to see him square on when we’re talking. I need to see his face. His eyes.
He complies and leans forward, his elbows on his knees and watches my face.
“I hate that you’re hurt,” he mutters.
“I’m not enjoying it myself,” I reply dryly.
“I want to kill him,” he growls, and I can see that he means every single word.
“I understand he’s in jail,” I respond and watch him for a moment. “Where did you go?”
“You don’t know?” He asks with surprise.
“No. I wouldn’t let anyone talk about you around me.”
He flinches. “I was in San Diego, on a training contract with the Navy.”
“SEALs,” I guess.
“Yeah,” he nods. “The contract is over now. I’m going back to work at the old job.”
“You hurt my kids,” I blurt, unable to keep it in anymore. “You hurt me too, but the most important thing is that you hurt them, and they didn’t deserve that.”
“I know,” he sighs. “I’m so sorry I said the things I did. I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. I just didn’t know how to make you let me go. I got scared, Bryn.”
“Why?” I demand. “What is it about the three of us that’s so fucking scary to a Navy SEAL, Caleb?”
“I didn’t know how to handle the way I felt about you,” he begins and swallows. “How I feel.”
“And how is that?”
“I love you so much it hurts,” he responds immediately, his eyes holding mine.
I will not cry!
“So you think you can come waltzing back in here and profess your love for me and that makes it all better?”
He swears under his breath and shakes his head.
“I’m here to apologize, first and foremost. I had a long talk with the girls last night before you kicked me out of your room and before your dad took them home.”
“You did?” I ask, surprised, and worried that he’s got their hopes up again.
“I apologized to them, and hugged them, and we got some things worked out.”
“What, exactly, did you get worked out with two six-year-olds?” I ask with a laugh.
“I’ll get to that,” he responds with a grin, showing me his dimples, and I want to cave right then.
Those damn dimples get me every time.
I try to move in the sofa to find a comfortable position and cry out when I bump my shoulder.
“Hey, easy,” he croons and helps me rearrange the pillows behind me. “Easy, baby.”
“Don’t call me baby,” I whisper.
“Why not?” He whispers back.
“It hurts,” I admit and close my eyes. “Having you here hurts far worse than these injuries, Caleb.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats, and I’m just sick of hearing it.
“You know what, I think I will go up to my bedroom.” I stand, wincing but proud of myself for not crying out.
“Let me help you, damn it!” He stands next to me, ready to wrap his arms around me, but I move away.
“I can do this on my own. My legs aren’t hurt.”
Without another word, I slowly walk to the stairway and up the steps, one at a time, gripping the handrail for balance.
Getting onto the bed and into a comfortable position is pure hell. I don’t bother to try to change my clothes or get under the covers.
I just want to sleep.
I want to sleep with Caleb’s arms holding me, but that’s not going to happen.
Tears fall down my face as I lean my head back against the headboard and pray for a dreamless sleep to claim me.
***
I wake with a start, gasping for breath. It’s still light out, and glancing at the clock, I see I’ve only been asleep for an hour.
But the dream was chasing me again, the one where I can’t find my girls or Caleb, and panic seizes me.
Did I dream him?
Is he really here?
I need to see him. I struggle from the bed, swearing at the dull throb in my shoulder, and slowly move down the stairs to the living room.
There he is.
Caleb is sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees and head propped in his hands. He looks defeated and broken, and despite my resolve to tell him to go to hell, I can’t stop myself from going to him.
I push my fingers into his soft hair and he quickly sits up, his eyes wide as he looks up into my face.
“Bryn?”
“I thought I dreamed you.” I voice catches as tears fill my eyes. “I needed to see you.”
“Ah, baby,” he murmurs and stands, lifts me gently into his arms and lowers us effortlessly onto the couch, cradling me close to him, kissing my forehead and cheek. “I’m sorry baby.”
“I know. You can stop saying it. But I do need you to talk to me.” I tip my head back so I can look him in the eye. “The past three months have been horrible for me and the girls, Caleb.
They miss you. They kept asking if they did something wrong to make you go away.”
His eyes fill with tears but I keep talking. “We love you so much, and you just left us. After everything we’d been through together.”
“I know,” he whispers, his voice raw. “I was pretty fucked up, Bryn. You saw the nightmares. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you again, and I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“What are the nightmares about?” I ask and watch as his face goes white. “You can tell me.”
“It’s classified,” he replies, but I cup his cheek in my hand and make him meet my gaze.
“Who the hell am I gonna tell, Caleb?”
He sighs and leans his forehead against mine.
“I was on a mission in Afghanistan about seven months ago with three other men. It was just supposed to be a recon mission…”
I raise my eyes at him as if to say, “English, please.”
“We were just supposed to go in and gather information,” he continues. “We knew there were armed Taliban in the area, but we didn’t know if there were ten or a hundred. Our intel wasn’t the best.”
I frown and watch his face as it tightens as he continues the story.
“Turned out there were roughly fifty of them, and they were waiting for us.”
“How did they know you’d be there?” I ask.
“Good question,” he responds. “I’ll spare you the details, but I lost all three of my teammates that day.”
I gasp and drag my hand down his cheek, comforting him. “Oh, I’m so sorry. How did you make it out?”
He swallows hard and licks his lips. “I was knocked unconscious and they thought I was dead. Just as they began to retreat, our Special Forces guys came in to help. It was too late for the other guys on my team, but they pulled me out of there.”
I stare at him, processing all he’s telling me, and I can’t stop touching him, his hair, his face.
I almost lost him before I even had him
“Was that the last mission?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he confirms. “I was up for re-enlistment, and I decided against it. I put enough years in.”
“Caleb, there are people you can talk to about the nightmares.”
“I already have been,” he replies, his gaze sober. “I started seeing a shrink in San Diego, and I’ll keep seeing one up here. I’m working my shit out, Brynna. I even called my guys’ families, at the direction of my shrink.” He blinks, as though he’s surprised.
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