‘Hurray!’ cheered Mickey Thompson.
‘Shall it be blue?’ asked Chrysanthemum.
‘If it seems best,’ said Purvis. ‘Now, we need to think of something he likes.’
‘Blue,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘We’ve decided that.’
‘Yes, but something more,’ said Purvis.
‘Pink,’ offered Chrysanthemum.
‘RED,’ boomed Maud. ‘GREEN. PURPLE.’
‘I meant something that’s not a colour,’ said Purvis. ‘Something to visit, or do.’
‘Oh, like a cake sale,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Exactly,’ said Purvis.
‘Cakes have colours,’ objected Maud.
‘And Mr Bullerton doesn’t like cake,’ said Allen, worriedly.
‘Doesn’t like cake?’ gasped the animals.
‘Allen’s right,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘He doesn’t.’
‘I’ll tell you what,’ said Purvis. ‘Let’s make some signs and arrows saying “THIS WAY MR BULLERTON”, and stick them up, and by the time we’ve done that we might have thought of something else. OK?’
‘OK!’ said the others.
So Maud wrote:
on a lot of pieces of paper, Mickey Thompson and Purvis drew a lot of arrows on a lot of other pieces of paper, and everyone else coloured them blue.
‘There,’ said Purvis, putting the finishing touches to the last arrow. ‘I think we’re ready.’
‘We’re not,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘We haven’t made any plans about how to find Raspberry.’
‘RASPBERRY!’ shouted everyone else.
‘TOOT!’ trumpeted Ortud.
‘TOOOOOOOOOOT!’
‘AH-HA,’ boomed Maud. ‘Good thinking, Ortrud.’
‘Eh?’ said Purvis.
‘Kitchen cupboard,’ said Maud.
‘Sorry?’ said Purvis.
‘You’ll see,’ said Maud, as Ortrud cantered off to the small kitchen area and crashed about and cantered back again, waving something in her trunk.
‘That’ll do it,’ said Maud, ‘it’s the—’
‘STRAWBERRY SAUCE!’ shouted Mickey Thompson.
Raspberry
Recovery Part 2
‘BRILLIANT!’ shouted Purvis, leaping up and racing off. ‘LET’S GO!’
Allen and Ortrud and Mickey Thompson and Maud and Peg and Bob and Jan and Chrysanthemum raced across the room after him, leaping over beanbags, knocking over cups of tea and narrowly missing worried-looking animals.
‘Ooh-err,’ said the porcupine. ‘I got splashed.’
‘Sorry,’ said Purvis, as he rushed by.
‘So sorry,’ said Allen, as he rushed by.
‘I’m all damp,’ grumbled the porcupine.
‘GRUMBLING?’
boomed Maud, as she rushed by.
‘Sorry, Maud,’ mouthed the porcupine, as Purvis rushed out of the door and set off up and around the spiral steps and through the fence and across the grass, with Allen and Ortrud and Mickey Thompson and Maud and Peg and Bob and Jan and Chrysanthemum following close behind.
They zigzagged across the zoo, sticking up signs and dangling arrows in one direction, and dribbling strawberry sauce in the other direction.
‘Phoof,’ puffed Mickey Thompson, as they jogged along. ‘I’m thirsty.’
‘Me too,’ puffed Allen. ‘I could really do with a cup of—’
‘NO!’ shrieked Mickey Thompson, and everyone skidded to a halt.
‘What is it?’ puffed Purvis.
‘HOWARD’S TEA!’ shouted Mickey Thompson.
‘WE’VE FORGOTTEN IT!’
So they all charged back across the grass and down the steps and through the door and into the room.
‘Here we go again,’ commented the porcupine.
‘Sorry,’ said Purvis.
‘Got it,’ said Allen, finding the take-away cup of tea he’d made for Howard earlier.
‘Great,’ said Purvis. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Er, er,’ dithered Allen.
‘What’s wrong, Allen?’ asked Purvis.
‘I’m afraid it’s gone rather cold,’ said Allen.
‘Oh dear,’ said Purvis.
‘Should I make a fresh one, do you think?’ said Allen.
‘Um, er,’ dithered Purvis.
‘He’d probably prefer it hot,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Hmm,’ said Purvis.
‘Although he might prefer it fast,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Hmm,’ said Purvis.
‘Which, then?’ said Allen.
‘Hot,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘OK,’ said Allen.
‘No, fast,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Help,’ said Allen.
‘I can’t decide what to do for the best,’ said Purvis.
‘DITHERING?’
boomed Maud.
‘Why doesn’t your Howard get his tea from Café Marmoset, like normal people? Then he can make sure it’s just as he likes it.’
‘He has to stay behind the bush,’ explained Purvis.
‘BUSH?’ boomedMaud.
‘Yes,’ said the mice.
‘Is he mad?’ whispered Maud.
‘No,’ said the mice.
‘He sounds a little bit mad,’ said Maud.
‘He’s not the only one,’ muttered the porcupine.
‘I think he sounds lovely,’ said Chrysanthemum.
‘MAD,’ boomed Maud.
‘Steady, Maud,’ said Chrysanthemum.
‘STEADY, Maud,’ said Maud.
‘Oh, boy,’ said the porcupine.
‘Well, anyway,’ said Purvis. ‘I think we’d better get going. He can make do with cold tea for now and we’ll find him a hotter one later.’
‘Good idea,’ said Allen. ‘That way he’ll get two cups!’
‘Yes, that’s what I thought,’ said Purvis, ‘and…’
‘LET’S GET ON WITH IT,’ boomed Maud.
‘Sorry, Mau— whoops,’ said Purvis.
‘What?’ said Maud.
‘QUICK!’ shouted Purvis, racing away out of the door and up the steps and through the hole and across the grass. Mickey Thompson and Maud and Peg and Bob and Jan and Ortrud and Chrysanthemum RACED off after him, and Allen followed behind a little more slowly , carefully carrying Howard’s cup of tea.
They hurried across the ornamental bridge, quacked at the ducks on the boating lake, and passed through the Azure Zone near the bats and macaques, dangling arrows and dribbling sauce all the way.
Finally they arrived at Howard’s bush, where Howard was curled up underneath his mackintosh, snoring heavily.
‘Howard,’ puffed Purvis, prodding him.
‘Wuh?’ mumbled Howard. ‘HOWARD,’ said Purvis, prodding harder.
‘WAAAH!’ yelled Howard, shooting upright. ‘Where am I? What’s going on?’
‘You’re behind the bush,’ said Purvis. ‘And we’re back.’
‘WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?’ said Howard.
‘Well,’ began Purvis, ‘we…’
‘You’ve been gone AGES,’ said Howard.
‘I know,’ said Purvis, ‘we—’
‘I told you NOT TO TAKE TOO LONG,’ said Howard. ‘“Don’t take too long,” I said.’
‘Yes,’ said Purvis, ‘but you see…’
‘“I can’t hide here all day,” I said. “We’ll be as quick as we can,” you said,’ said Howard, crossly.
‘Sorry, Howard,’ said Purvis. ‘We got held up.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ spluttered Howard, suddenly noticing the other animals hovering nearby. ‘Who’re all this lot?’
‘Maud, Peg, Bob, Jan, and Chrysanthemum,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Helloooo,’ said Maud, Peg, Bob, Jan, and Chrysanthemum, to Howard.
‘I’m afraid he won’t be able to understand you,’ whispered Purvis.
‘WHY?’
boomed Maud, and Howard jumped.
‘We’re not sure,’ said Pur
vis. ‘It seems he can only understand Mickey Thompson and me.’
‘So I was right,’ said Maud. ‘He is mad. MAD,’ she boomed, running around in a circle. ‘MAD.’
‘Hush, Ortrud,’ said Howard, holding his head. ‘I can’t hear myself THINK.’
‘That isn’t Ortrud,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘It’s Maud.’
‘What are you on about?’ said Howard. ‘Of course it’s Ortrud.’
‘Maud,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Ortrud,’ said Howard.
‘Maudtrud,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘What?’ said Howard.
‘Wait!’ gasped Purvis, looking around. ‘Where IS Ortrud?’
‘Looking for RASPBERRY,’ boomed Maud.
‘What is wrong with you all?’ said Howard. ‘And what’s wrong with her VOICE?’
‘MAD,’ boomed
Maud still circling.
‘MMM
MMMM
MMAD.’
‘And what are all these bits of paper,’ said Howard, ‘and all this … eugh,’ he said, putting his hand in some sauce.
‘We’ve been busy while you slept,’ said Purvis.
‘That’s it!’ said Howard, glazing over. ‘I am asleep, and this is but a dream, and OUCH!’ he squawked, as Mickey Thompson tweaked him.
‘Bother,’ said Howard. ‘But whatever were you thinking of, Purvis? I asked for a cup of tea, not a pack of animals.’
‘Ooh, I nearly forgot,’ said Purvis. ‘Here comes the tea now.’
‘Here what the what, what?’ said Howard, confusedly, as Allen trotted around the side of the bush with the take-away cup of tea.
Howard made a gurgling noise, and fainted.
‘He’s fainted,’ observed Mickey Thompson.
‘Oh dear,’ said Purvis.
‘I knew I should have made a fresh one,’ said Allen.
Everyone gathered round Howard and stared down at him.
‘EXPLANATION?’ boomed Maud.
‘Nervous Exhaustion,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘There’s a lot of it about,’ explained Purvis.
‘Poor thing,’ sighed Chrysanthemum.
‘What shall we do now then?’ asked Mickey Thompson, brightly.
‘I’m thinking,’ said Purvis.
‘Can we go and see the unicorns?’ asked Mickey Thompson.
‘Eh?’ said Purvis. ‘No.’
‘Well, how about an ice cream?’ suggested Mickey Thompson.
‘The kiosk’s been crossed out, remember?’ said Purvis. ‘And anyway, there isn’t time. We’ve still got to find Raspberry, and—’
‘Um,’ said Allen.
‘—lose Mr Bullerton, and find Ortrud, and—’
‘Excuse me,’ said Allen.
‘—get Howard a fresh cup of tea, and—’
‘HOY,’ shouted Allen, and everyone jumped.
‘That’s the way to do it, Allen,’ said Maud, approvingly.
‘Yes, er, but… oooooooh,’ said Allen, hopping, and flapping a paw.
‘What is it, Allen?’ asked Purvis.
‘Help!’ said Allen, pointing. ‘Look over there.’
Everyone peeped out over the bush.
Everyone peered at where Allen was pointing.
Everyone shouted
‘EEEEEEEEEK!!!!’
‘What is it?’ groaned Howard, coming to.
‘Wake up,’ said Purvis, prodding.
‘Where am I? What’s going on?’ said Howard.
‘You’re still behind the bush,’ whispered Purvis.
‘And so will Mr Bullerton be in about half a minute,’ whispered Mickey Thompson.
‘YIKES!’ squawked Howard, leaping up.
‘Stay down,’ whispered Purvis.
‘Too late,’ whispered Mickey Thompson, peeping out again. ‘He heard.’
‘What’s he doing now?’ whispered Purvis.
‘He’s stopped,’ whispered Mickey Thompson.
‘That’s good,’ whispered Purvis.
‘He’s started,’ whispered Mickey Thompson.
‘That’s bad,’ whispered Purvis.
‘He’s coming,’ whispered Mickey Thompson.
‘Oh no,’ gulped Purvis.
‘He’s here,’ squeaked Mickey Thompson, and he and Purvis and Maud and Peg and Bob and Jan and Chrysanthemum and Allen dived under Howard’s mac just in time as a shadow loomed over the bush and Mr Bullerton arrived, brandishing one of the paper arrows.
Breathing heavily, Mr Bullerton peered over the top of the bush and stared down at Howard, cowering behind it.
‘IT’S YOU,’ thundered Mr Bullerton.
‘No, it isn’t,’ said Howard.
‘Who are you then?’ demanded Mr Bullerton.
‘Someone else,’ said Howard.
‘No, you are not,’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘You are Howard Armitage, and you’re supposed to be working hard at your desk, NOT VISITING ZOOS.’
‘That proves it then,’ said Howard.
‘What does?’ said Mr Bullerton.
‘I can’t be who you think I am,’ said Howard, ‘because if I was I wouldn’t be here, would I?’
‘Eh?’ said Mr Bullerton.
‘Exactly,’ said Howard. ‘Now, it’s been pleasant chatting to you, but if you’ll excuse me I really must be getting on.’
‘Oh, must you,’ said Mr Bullerton, through gritted teeth.
‘Indeed I must,’ said Howard.
‘Go on then,’ said Mr Bullerton, staying put. ‘Off you go.’
‘Yes, well, er, right then,’ said Howard, also staying put.
‘What are you waiting for?’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘And what have you got hidden under that mac?’
‘Mac?’ said Howard, gazing around. ‘What mac?’
‘THAT GREAT SCRUFFY LUMPY ONE THERE,’ shouted Mr Bullerton, pointing. ‘You’ve stuffed something in it.’
‘No, no,’ said Howard.
‘Hoh, yes,’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘Look, there’s a tail sticking out, and— hang on a minute, I’ve seen that tail before.’
‘Impossible,’ said Howard.
‘That tail,’ said Mr Bullerton, ‘belongs to the dog that belongs to—’
‘RUN!’ shouted Howard, starting to run.
‘HOWARD ARMITAGE!!’ shouted Mr Bullerton, also starting to run.
Allen and Chrysanthemum and Jan and Bob and Peg and Maud and Purvis and Mickey Thompson shot out from under the mac and also started running.
‘YOU COME BACK HERE,’ shouted Mr Bullerton, chasing Howard over the grass and through the puddles and along the paths, with Allen and Chrysanthemum and Purvis and Peg and Jan and Mickey Thompson and Bob and Maud chasing behind.
‘GO AWAY, YOU HORRIBLE LOT,’ Mr Bullerton shouted at them.
‘SHOO!’
They carried on chasing.
‘CLEAR OFF,’ shouted Mr Bullerton. ‘LEAVE ME ALONE, OR I’LL HAVE YOU LOCKED UP. ESPECIALLY THAT THING,’ he shouted, pointing at Chrysanthemum.
Everyone chased him harder, over the ornamental bridge, twice around the boating lake and back over the bridge in the other direction.
‘Why are we running?’ asked a duck, joining in.
‘We’re chasing Mr Bullerton,’ puffed Purvis.
‘Jolly good,’ said the duck, and several of his friends joined in too.
‘THIS ZOO’S A DISGRACE,’ yelled Mr Bullerton, sprinting off towards the little wooden hut marked INFORMATION POINT. ‘I SHALL HAVE IT SHUT DOWN.’
Everyone sprinted after him and chased him around and around and around the little hut.
‘LET ME IN,’ shouted Mr Bullerton, thumping the door each time he passed it.
‘GET LOST,’ shouted the woman inside, each time he thumped it.
‘LET ME IN,’ thumped Mr Bullerton.
‘GET LOST,’ shouted the woman.
‘LET ME IN,’ thumped Mr Bullerton.
‘GET LOST,’ shouted the woman.
‘I’m getting a little bit
dizzy,’ puffed Allen, as they circled the hut for the seventeenth time.
‘Me too,’ puffed Purvis.
‘Oh, how can we make it stop?’ groaned Mickey Thompson.
Just then, there was a loud toot and Ortrud galloped up, waving the squeezy bottle of strawberry sauce.
‘LOOK OUT!’ shouted Purvis, and everyone ducked as Ortrud squirted, and Mr Bullerton skidded and crashed, stickily, to the ground. The door of the hut flew open and a giraffe tottered out.
‘TTHH BFT!’
‘You,’ SNARLED Mr Bullerton, nastily.
'TTHHPFT!' blew Raspberry, wetly, and started to lick.
‘EUGH! Stopitgetoff,’ spluttered Mr Bullerton, struggling up. ‘HOW DARE YOU!’ he thundered. ‘YOU DO THAT ONCE MORE AND I SHALL LEAVE THIS ZOO AND NEVER COME BACK, AND THEN WHERE WILL YOU ALL BE? EH?’
‘TTHHPFT!’ went Raspberry, again. ‘TTTHHHPPPFFFT!!!’
Mr Bullerton turned puce, stomped away across the zoo and slammed out of the big green gate, with Raspberry and the other zoo animals following at a safe distance, just to make sure.
‘Phew,’ said Purvis.
‘Toot,’ agreed Ortrud.
‘What now then?’ asked Mickey Thompson.
‘CAFÉ MARMOSET, of course,’ said Howard, patting Allen’s head. ‘And the faster we get there the better.’
So as fast as they could, they did.
Copyright
Text copyright © Sorrel Anderson 2011 Illustrations copyright © Nicola Slater 2011
ISBN: 978-0-00-733937-2
EPub Edition © 2011 ISBN: 9780007440955
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Zoo Page 4