* * * *
I was right in my prediction of getting back before Ralph woke up, in fact, I've also repacked my car and he still hasn’t come down the stairs. I recheck the clock and see that's it creeping closer to lunchtime and I decide to make us some food. I have no idea what the rest of the day will entail so I plan on eating while I know I can. People think that I don't eat since I'm quite slim, but they are very wrong. I can eat my big brother under the table and he got his larger build from my dad. He looks like he should be able to eat a whole cow but he gives up before I do.
Making something for Ralph is a gamble, but since he ate the BLT last night, I take the chance of making a grilled cheese sandwich for him. I had one for the first time when I visited New York a few years back and I fell in love. Now I have one at least twice a week and I'm pretty sure that Ralph will enjoy it, I mean who doesn’t like cheese? I grab everything I need to make it and start preparing. I turn the radio on quietly, singing along with the song that's playing. I like quiet days, the ones where you can forget about the outside world and just be. There aren’t enough days like this for me because even though I work from home, I seem to spend a lot of time with other people. Between helping my brother out at his café and then stepping in every now and again for my Uncle, my job tends to get done in the late night hours when I'm meant to be sleeping or possibly having a life. It has been so long since I went out to meet someone, but I never seem to have the energy these days.
I lean down to get a frying pan, my lack of social life threatening to put me on a downer for the rest of the day, and when I stand up my back brushes against something. The shock of it has me screaming and turning with the pan in my hand, ready to hit whatever is there. What I find is a fully dressed Ralph with his hands held out in front of him. I would think that he is indeed feeling threatened but the huge smile on his face is a dead giveaway that he finds me amusing.
“Morning.” He tries to keep his face straight but I'm not buying it for a single second. Fucker.
“I could have hurt you there. You really shouldn’t sneak up on me like that. It's dangerous.” This gets a full belly laugh from him and I glare, showing him how pissed off I am at him. He might be bigger than me, but I could have done real damage to him. I just didn't want to.
“Do you need a hand?”
I don't reply, just hand him the frying pan and butter. He starts humming next to me and it’s such a difference from yesterday. “Sleep well?”
“I did actually. That bed is super comfortable.”
“I would take that as a compliment but since you’ve been sleeping on … what have you been sleeping on?” It's only now that I realise I don't know that much about the army and the men in it. I know how sexy they look in their uniforms but that's about it.
“We sleep on bunks when on base, but it’s a lot different out on the field. Thankfully the last five months have all been indoors.”
“Have you been in battle?” I'm suddenly very interested in finding out about Ralph’s life. He's the first soldier I’ve had a chance to speak to and I want to know everything.
“Yeah, I was posted in Afghanistan for seven months.”
I feel my mouth drop open at that information. I watched stories about that war on the news, shocked at what was happening but feeling somewhat removed from it all. I knew that men were risking their lives being over there, but since I didn’t personally know anyone that had gone over there, it all felt a little unreal. “You were there when they were fighting?”
He takes over the grating while I stand and stare at him. “I was there right in the middle of the conflict. I wasn’t in the direct line of fire because we spent most of our time on base, but the times we went out, it was pretty intense. It was the first time most of my team had seen real war and it left its mark on them, and not just physically.”
“Did you ever get hurt?”
“A few cuts and bruises, but I've been lucky so far.” He reaches out and touches the wooden windowsill and I would smile at him touching wood but I'm still stuck with the thought of him being shot at.
“So no bullet holes?”
“None, but I've lost a few friends to them. We might not be on the front line fighting the bad guys, but if a vehicle gets overturned or breaks down, we have to go in to get it.”
I just can’t wrap my head around this guy in front of me being shot at. Again, watching it on TV, you become kind of numb to it all. “Wow.”
“I'm sure you’ve spoken to people in the forces before, you aren’t that far from the base here.”
I nod because he's right, but then he's also wrong. “I work at my brothers café occasionally, so I've spoken to soldiers before but I've not thought about what they go through. It’s more just a hello and how is their day going. You are the first one I've actually thought about being out there like… well in danger.”
“The best thing is to not think about it. If you had that in your head all the time, you would never go out and do your job. I just get on with it, and to be honest, driving in Manchester scares me more.”
I burst out laughing, not expecting that answer. “Well, I don’t blame you there.” I finally go back to making the sandwiches, mixing the cheeses so they are all well blended. “I'm gonna make grilled cheese, that okay with you?”
“Yeah. And thanks again for all this. I'm not sure what I would have done last night if you hadn’t given me a bed. I wasn’t exactly in the best condition to be making good decisions. I feel well rested and ready to tackle the day.”
I look him over and see that he's telling the truth. Even though I was watching him while we were speaking, I wasn’t actually seeing him. Now that I am I notice that the dark circles have almost vanished, making his green eyes a lot more noticeable, and his hair isn’t as messy. My eyes work their way down his body taking in the black jeans and white fitted t-shirt, and suddenly his camouflage uniform isn’t the sexiest thing I've seen him in. There is something very appealing about him in regular clothes, or maybe it’s just how relaxed he looks today. “So what is the plan? Or is that being too nosey?”
He huffs out a laugh. “I don’t think it can be classed as nosey when you saw my life go to fuck yesterday. The real answer is I don’t know. I need to talk to William and see what’s happening. After that, I can work out what to do.”
I can only imagine how that’s going to go. “How long were you with him?”
“Two years. I thought William was it, the last man I would be with.” He sounds sad and as much as I should change the subject to save his feelings, I can’t stop the next question.
“Did you have any idea this might be coming?”
He walks to the sink to wash his hands and I think I've maybe overstepped. I concentrate on putting the bread into the pan, covering it with cheese, and then adding another slice of bread. I add another knob of butter and jump when he starts speaking.
“I didn’t see it coming. I thought everything was perfect. Okay, maybe not perfect but not quite at the coming home to all my belongings on the front grass stage. We fought sometimes, I mean he hated my job so that was always a problem between us, but we loved each other. I just need to know what he's thinking, but I'm sure that everything can be worked through.” He sounds sad, and I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise. He just lost the guy he was with for two years.
Chapter Six
Ralph
The more I speak to Aiden the hollower I feel. I keep trying to convince myself that whatever is going on between William and me can be fixed and I can go home, but the fact that he hasn’t reached out to me since I arrived back tells me that I'm probably wrong. I want to keep that little bit of positive thinking I have though because if I give in to the despair, I'm feeling it’s a slippery slope into a hole that I won't be able to get myself out of.
“I'm sure you're right.” Aiden doesn’t sound convinced, but I let it go. He's a stranger and doesn’t know either William or me. “Can you pass me two plates?”
He points to the cupboard behind me and I open it, grabbing two plates and placing them on the worktop. He slides the grilled cheese sandwiches from the pan and the smell hits me, making my stomach grumble just like the night before.
“Are you ever not hungry?” He laughs as he cuts through the centre of both sandwiches, the cheese oozing out of the middle.
“When I'm asleep. But to be fair, the food on base isn’t exactly the best in the world and I'm a big guy, it takes a lot to keep me moving.”
“Yeah, that big body must take a lot of filling.” I don’t know if he means his words to come out sounding like a come on, but as soon as he says them he knows. His cheeks go bright red and his eyes widen as he stares at me. “I meant your stomach. Like you must burn a lot of calories in a day with all those muscles. I didn’t mean that you need filling by...”
“Stop talking, Aiden.” I practically shout at him to get him not to finish that sentence. There is only one way to end that sentence and if he says what he's about to, there is a good chance that my mind will wander to where it shouldn’t.
“Thank you.” He genuinely looks relieved that he's finally stopped talking and I wonder if he always has a problem with word vomit.
“But yes, a lot of calories are needed every day. The food I eat doesn’t look as good as this though.” I grab my plate off the worktop and take a large bite of the grilled cheese. I moan and my eyes close as the taste explodes on my tongue. It isn’t just cheese, the little slithers of onion add another dimension to it, and the little bits of bacon … holy shit. “Oh my god. This is so fucking good.”
Aiden smiles and it looks shy, like he's embarrassed about the compliment, and I try not to think about how attractive he is. “It's not that good, but I'm glad you like it. Working at Jer’s café has let me learn a lot about cooking.”
“Well anyone that can cook like this is a hero in my eyes. I can burn water so when I'm home I tend to eat out a lot. Having you cook for me is ... well, thank you.”
Aiden takes a bite of his sandwich but his eyes never leave mine, and I can see a question building in them.
“Spill it.”
He finishes the food in his mouth but he doesn’t speak straight away, making me wonder if he's going to ignore me completely. He finally clears his throat and speaks. “Didn’t William cook for you?”
I think back over the past few years, to the handful of times that he was around at meal times. “He was never really around when it was time to eat. His work took him away a lot. When he was there, it was more what was quick, anything that could be thrown in the oven.”
Aiden gets a sad look on his face and for the first time, I think that maybe everything in my relationship with William wasn’t as perfect as I thought it was.
I put the last bit of grilled cheese in my mouth and turn to the sink so I can wash the plate. I need to get out of here. I don't even know Aiden and he's here dissecting my life like he knows what he's talking about. I put the plate on the dish rack and turn back to Aiden. “Thank you for everything, but I should go and speak to William. I'm sure that this whole thing can be sorted out.” I smile and start to leave the kitchen, determined to call William and then go home.
I take the steps upstairs two at a time, putting distance between Aiden and me. It’s a dickhead move after everything he's done for me but I don't like to feel judged. I’ve spent too long with people looking down on me because of the life I live, and I won’t take it from Aiden. I enter the room, refusing to think about my parents and their judgey ways. You would think that giving my life over to protect our country would make them proud but no, the only thing they can focus on is the fact I like men. They don't disapprove enough to cut me out of their lives but just enough to make sure I never forget that I'm never going to be accepted fully.
I shake my head as I pack up the few belongings I had removed from my pack, trying to clear the thoughts of my parents from my head. When I'm about to face my possibly ex-boyfriend the last thing I need is to have their words of distaste floating around my head. I grab my pack and put it on my shoulder, leaving the room and heading towards the front door. I open it and step outside, only then realising that I have no idea where I am. I was asleep when Aiden brought me here last night, and even if I wasn’t, I have no way of getting home. The door closes behind me and I hear the jangling of keys.
“Come on, I'll take you home.” Aiden walks past me and gets into a different car from last night. I'm not sure where this car came from, but I follow him down the steps, stow my bag in the boot, and get into the passenger seat.
“Thank you … again.”
He gives me a sweet smile before driving me silently to my house.
* * * *
I take a deep breath and knock politely on the front door of my old house. I can't believe the nerves that are attacking me as I stand and wait for William to open the door. I've faced gunfire as I towed vehicles out of ditches, always aware that there could be landmines within inches of me, and not once have I felt this nervous.
Hearing footsteps heading towards the door doesn’t help how anxious I feel, but I smile, wanting to face William without anger. That thought dies the instant the door opens and I see a stranger standing there. It takes a minute for me to process what's happening and my mind is heading towards the fact that William has moved out and this is the new owner, when I hear Williams voice.
“Who is it, honey?”
The stranger looks a little confused as he stares at me. “I don't know.”
The face I spent five months dying to see walks around the corner and when he sees me standing there he stops, his mouth dropping open like he can't believe I'm here.
“What are you doing here, Ralph?”
“Really? That's what you lead with after you kick me out of my own home?” The anger that I was trying to keep under control is starting to show itself and I swallow it down, trying not to let it explode out.
“William, who is this?” The new guy looks confused as his gaze flicks between William and me.
“No one. Could you just go inside for a little bit, Rickie?”
The first word he speaks has the rage finally spilling over, eclipsing any other feelings I might have for William. “No one? Fucking no one? I’ve been with you for two years, William. Two fucking years and we’ve lived together for over half of that. But now I'm no one?”
Rickie's eyes go wide, his head turning instantly towards William. “He lived here? For two years?”
“I will explain later, baby. Just go in and let me talk to Ralph.”
I take a good look at William, the first proper one in five months, and it feels like I don't know him. He looks the same, his built muscly body looking hot in the tight t-shirt that he likes to wear, his blonde hair sitting sexily on the tops of his shoulders, and his confidence giving him an air of arrogance that always attracted me. Nothing is different, but he isn’t the same. He isn’t the man I thought he was and that makes me see him like everyone else does. They all told me he was a jerk, that I wasn’t seeing the real him through my love fogged glasses. He was a dickhead, a self-absorbed idiot who was only out for what he could get from people, but I told them they were wrong. Now I will have to admit to everyone that they were right, that I wanted more from him and he moved on before I even knew we had ended.
“Wait, I'm not going anywhere. He said two years, but we’ve been dating for ten months.”
William approaches Rickie and cups his cheeks. “Baby, I promise I will explain.”
Rickie knocks his hands away and turns to me. I came here to get answers but they don't seem all that important now. The knowledge that he's been cheating on me should make me angry but I'm just numb. It's like half of my relationship with him has been a lie and that fact takes away the fight. I no longer want to fix this. I just want to cut all ties and move on with my life.
“You said you lived here, when did you leave?”
I don't know if I should give Rickie any answ
er since he's involved with the destruction of my life, but going by the look on his face he knew nothing about it. I have a feeling he was getting lied to just as much as I was. “I found my shit on the front grass yesterday.”
“I don't understand, I’ve been here for two months and I haven’t seen you before.”
Two months someone else has been living in my house without me knowing. Eating from my fridge, watching my television, sleeping in my bed, and fucking my boyfriend. “I’ve been on deployment. I'm in the army.”
If I thought Rickie couldn’t look more horrified I would be wrong, when he hears I'm in the army the colour drains from his face. “Oh god, I'm so sorry.”
I don't know how to answer him, his sympathy completely throwing me off kilter. I shouldn’t feel bad for him but we’re both kind of in the same boat. “Don’t sweat it, at least now I know. Have fun with him.” I don't even wait for a response before turning my back on my old life and towards a future I have no fucking idea about.
Chapter Seven
Aiden
I don't know how Ralph is feeling, but my heart is racing as I watch the scene unfold in front of me. I'm trying not to pay attention to what's happening on the doorstep but it’s like a car crash that I can’t look away from. I knew something was wrong the minute that the front door opened, the confusion on Ralph’s face telling me it wasn’t William who he was looking at.
Each second after that brought more drama until the moment it all clicked into place for Ralph and the new guy, Rickie. It seems William's been having his cake and eating it too, and by looking at him, I can’t work out why. I mean don't get me wrong, the guy is handsome in a very obvious way, but there is something about him that just screams arsehole to me. There's a cockiness to his posture like he thinks he's the shit and no one would be able to convince him otherwise. Even now as the two men are talking about the overlap in their relationship with William, he looks like he will be able to smooth everything over without any problems.
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