“My turn,” he growled, dragging her up his body, and startling a surprised squeak out of her, which morphed into a gasp as he took her mouth. Tasting himself on her lips, he groaned, rolled, and put her under him as his hand moved to a breast. Slowly, he circled a long finger around the strawberry birthmark beside her left nipple, satisfaction strumming through his veins as he watched her arch into him. Pulling back, he rested on his elbows, staring hungrily down the length of the body now spread out and lay beneath him. A hiss of pleasure leaving him as his length brushed against her core, his eyes travelled up from the apex of her spread thighs, over her lush hips, tucked in waist, and finally landed on the tight tips of her breasts. “God, Hannah, you have no idea what you do to me,” he rumbled huskily as her arms lifted, reaching for him.
Adam moaned in his sleep, going willingly into her arms, but she was no longer there. Confused, he looked around and found that he wasn't just alone, he was also no longer naked. He was dressed in combats as he stood in the middle of a dirt packed, dusty street. Derelict buildings surrounded him, and as he turned, he heard the familiar whistle in the air.
He sprang upright in bed, panting, hand dropping to his fucked-up leg as the pain hit, tearing through him like the bullet and buckshot that had done the damage.
Dropping back, he lay there panting, sweat pouring off him, making the sheets stick to his now soaking skin. Eyes now squeezing tightly closed while heaving breaths sawed in and out of his lungs as he tried to push the memory away. Then frowning, he thought about what he’d been dreaming of before it had morphed into a nightmare.
Hannah.
God, it had felt so real.
Did she even have a birthmark?
And if she did, how did he know?
He was missing something - he knew he was.
Maybe he needed to talk to the shrink after all. Especially as the headache hit again when he tugged at the shadows in his mind. His head felt like it was being split in two.
Cautiously, he turned his head, the seat beside his bed empty, and the ward lights dimmed.
“Hey, you okay?” the nurse asked, tiptoeing over to him.
“Nightmare,” he told her.
“Flashback?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, trying to get comfortable, sucking in a breath as his head throbbed.
“Do you have a headache again?”
“Yes,” he winced, a hand rubbing his temple.
“You didn’t hurt your head in the ambush did you, there’s nothing in the notes?”
“Manoeuvres a few months back.”
“What happened?” she asked, moving around the bed and taking a seat.
“Exercises. I can’t remember what I did exactly but I woke up beneath the wall. I must have fell somehow and knocked myself out… Well, I think I knocked myself. I must have as I woke up with a cut on the top of my head and a headache which had its own heartbeat… therefore, I assumed I must have landed on my head.
“Where you concussed?”
“Mildly, I guess, I was nauseous but not sick.”
“Any memory loss?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why isn’t it in your notes?”
“Because I didn’t feel it was important. I wasn’t out for long and I don’t seem to have had any other problems. I mean, I was well enough to carry on so I didn’t see the point in going to the doc,” he told her.
“I think it’s worth mentioning.”
“I had a thorough check up when I came in with missing pieces,” he told her dryly.
“Yes, but they didn’t have all the facts.”
“It was months ago.”
“But stil…”
“Honestly, I’ll be fine,” he told her, again rubbing at his temples.
“How about I get you something for the headache, and a hot chocolate, it may help you settle?”
“That would be great, thanks.”
Adam lay there staring at the ceiling as he thought back to that stupid accident.
Surely…
No, if anything had happened with him and Hannah, he’d have remembered. Plus, he’d never have touched her… she was Phil’s sister, Kay’s daughter, if he had it would be tantamount to breaking an unspoken oath. You didn’t mess with your brother-in-arms family, you just didn’t.
Plus, she’d have said something.
Wouldn’t she?
Chapter 6
Hannah came onto the ward the following night. She’d meant to do some research when she’d gotten home, but after a Chinese, a bottle of wine – and a few tears – she’d passed out.
As she got to the entrance of the six-bedded room where Adam was staying, Tim, the physio passed her, features grim.
“See if you can talk some sense into him will you. I still can’t get him out of that bed.”
“Isn’t it too early?”
“No, not if he wants out of here, he needs to start rebuilding his strength.”
“What do you need from me?”
“If you care for him, you have to stop pussyfooting around him.”
“But he’s injured.”
“Yes, but he’s still alive, it could have been so much worse.”
Hannah’s eyes moved to the young soldier who’d lost an arm and a leg, as well as having a serious case of road rash on his face after stepping on an IED. He was manoeuvring his wheelchair single handed down the corridor, grinning in triumph as she passed her.
Hannah’s mouth firmed as she nodded at Tim, and headed into the room.
“You’re a stubborn sod, listen to your physio. Get in the damn chair,” Hannah hissed at Adam as she sat down beside him and put her bag on the floor.
“Hello to you too.”
“Why are you still not moving?”
“What is the point?” Adam told her, turning his head and staring at the television monitor again.
“You need to get out of that bed.”
“I can’t walk.”
“You will once you’ve healed enough for a prosthetic.”
“I don’t want to be here.”
“Well, tough shit, you are. Now stop sulking like a baby and get your stubborn arse out of that bed, and into that god, damn, chair.”
“I think you need to work on your bedside manner.”
“You lost your leg, not your life, now get up.”
“Such sympathy,” he drawled.
“I’m not your mother, I’m your friend, now get up and get moving. You cannot just lie in this bed.”
“No, you’re not my mother. She dumped me in the foster system and walked away when I was 2-years-old.”
Hannah winced, but then her jaw firmed.
“Boohoo, now get up and get moving before you get sores on your arse. You need to rebuild the strength you’ve lost in your upper body and the only way to do that is to get up and in the gym.”
“I don’t want to be in a god damn wheelchair.”
“So get off your arse and fight, then you can get back on your feet.”
“Foot, singular, I only have one now.”
“Yes, but you’re still breathing.”
“Mores the pity.”
“Oh, for god sake, how many of your brothers have you buried. How many of them do you think would swap places with you in a heartbeat?”
It was his turn to wince at that one, and his head turned, glaring at her.
“I don’t like you very much at the moment. Where’s the shy kid gone who never talked.”
“She grew the hell up. Now, I suggest you do the same, and GET UP out of that bed.”
“I don’t want to be like this,” he told her, jaw rigid.
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry you’re still here,” she told him, sadly, placing her hand over his where it twisted in the bed sheet.
“Hannah, I can’t be who I was. I’m sick of pretending, I think you need to leave.”
He couldn’t do this anymore, couldn’t pretend that everything was going to be ok
ay. He couldn’t keep spending time with her, enjoying her company and weaving fantasies of a life with her. He wasn’t capable of being what she needed.
He wasn’t whole.
He was also uneasy over that dream last night… uncomfortable with how far his fantasies over her had weaved. He needed to get her to go and not come back, needed to let her go, sever the relationship with her like his leg.
A clean cut.
“What?”
“You need to leave, I’m grateful for all you’ve done, but I think you need to go home. Go back to your life and forget about me.”
“Adam, we’re frien…”
“I can’t be anything for anyone right now,” he interrupted. “I…” he sighed, a tick working at the side of his jaw. “Look it’s better that you leave.”
With that, he pulled his hand from beneath hers and turned over, giving her his back.
A nurse entered the room, coming towards him to do his checks and Adam spoke. “Nurse, can you escort my friend from the ward please, I no longer want to receive visitors.” The nurse looked towards Hannah and back towards Adam, then sighing, mouth grim, nodded.
“Of course.”
Hannah slowly sat back, blinking and swallowing the golf sized ball of emotion in her throat as she rose from the chair.
“Adam…” He just shook his head, and with a sigh, she bent and retrieved her bag from the floor. Then standing, she slowly walked around his bed, giving the nurse a shaky smile.
As she left the room and headed down the ward, she refused to look back. She did not want him to see that he’d broken her. He would not see the tears that slowly trickled over her bottom lashes and ran down her cheek as she left that room.
She walked past the nurses’ station and, Tim, the physio turned to her, mouth grim as he moved around the counter.
“Hey, come on,” he told her as he put his arm around her shoulders and lead her towards the family room. “It’s not him, this is not him…”
“The sad thing is, I think it is, Tim. Adam, the man I knew is no longer here. He may have come back, but he didn’t come home whole. He’s left a part of himself over there and I don’t mean his leg.”
“It will just take time.”
“He doesn’t want me to give him the time.”
Then, smiling sadly, Hannah lifted on her tiptoes and brushed her mouth across the cheek of the jovial big guy who gave his time to all those who needed it. “Thank you for your kindness. Take care of him, okay.” With that, she moved left off the ward, and entered the maze of corridors that lead to the car park. She would not be back, not only had he specifically asked not to have visitors, she would not go back unless he called her himself.
It was time to go back to her life. She’d wasted too much time due to the stupid fantasy she’d had of Adam suddenly realising he had feelings for her.
It was over now.
She’d got the message loud and clear.
It had always been one sided on her part, a stupid, childish fantasy.
She was done waiting on him.
Yes, there was a huge part of her that would always wander ‘what if,’ but that wasn’t all of her.
There was also a part of her that wanted to live, to love, to be whole too, and this wanting and waiting, this hoping had to end.
She wanted a family of her own, she wanted to be loved, and with the way she’d held back that had been impossible. Now, today, he’d set her free.
He would always hold a special part in her life, he was just never going to be the whole of it anymore.
She may have slipped once, but as he didn’t even find it important enough to remember, why should she.
She was putting him back where he should have always stayed.
He was now and forever, Sergeant Jones, friend and brother-in-arms to her beloved, nosey, and bossy big brother, Phil.
He was no longer her future he was her past.
Chapter 7
A week later: -
Adam shot up in bed, sweat dripping down his face, sheets tangled around and sticking to him.
“Hey, are you okay?”
He lay shaking, left arm over his eyes, trying to block the memory. He was back on patrol, the sound of the bullet like a crack of thunder as it took his leg out from under him. He felt the searing agony and ground his jaw, trembling with pain
“Adam?” the nurse spoke again.
“Flashback,” he ground out, slamming his head into the pillow.
“You could do with talking to the…”
“I don’t want to talk to the shrink,” he gritted out. “I know what it is, it’ll fade,” he told her, pushing himself up in the bed.
“Do you enjoy the flashbacks?”
“What?” he asked her incredulously, the arm he’d flung over his eyes dropping as he stared at her.
“The flashbacks, the self-containment… is it working for you?”
“I’m not in the mood for this,” Adam hissed, putting his arm back over his eyes, blocking her out.
“You are 31-years-old, you have a long life ahead of you. Are you intending to just lie there or are you going to work and get yourself out of here?”
“I have nothing to go back to.”
“You have a future. Don’t waste it. Now, do you need anything?”
He just shook his head and with that, she walked away.
He lay there staring at the ceiling, shivering as the sweat began to dry on his body.
“Hey?”
Adam dropped his arm and pushed up, looking over as the young soldier who’d been put in with them the day before spoke to him. His bed was opposite, and as he watched, the lad, pushed himself up and managed to sit on the edge of his bed, grab his chair and after putting the brake on, manoeuvred himself into it. He then, painstakingly wheeled himself over to Adam’s bed.
Adam sat up and shoved himself backwards, digging his left heel into the bed as leverage.
“What’s wrong?”
“Daniel, my names Daniel, Private, Daniel Wiest,” he told Adam as he arrived at the side of his bed. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure” Adam said as he straightened his blankets.
“Why won’t you use the chair?”
“I don’t… shit, I don’t know. I don’t want to be like this.”
“Me neither, but shit happens. I was like you at first you know. I didn’t want to face what had happened.”
“What changed for you?”
“I’m going to be a dad,” he grinned.
“A dad?”
“Yeah, my girl, Nicola found out she was pregnant just before I was due to ship out for my second tour. She didn’t want me worrying while I was away, so had planned to tell me when I returned. Obviously, I didn’t come back the same way I’d left. I decided in my wisdom that I was no good for her, that she deserved someone whole. I sent her a text message saying that she wasn’t’ to come to the hospital and that we were over.”
Adam winced and Daniel chuckled.
“Yeah, not my finest hour.”
“So what changed?”
“She sent me a text back, no words, just a scan picture with ‘your son’ written on it.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, I was stunned, I’d not had a clue.” Daniel shook his head at that as if he still couldn’t believe it. “She’s clever my Nicola, she didn’t message me again. However, a few days later, she came to the hospital to tell me that she still loved me, and that my injuries were just a part of me, not the whole. She also asked me to marry her.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” Daniel grinned.
“So, the thought of becoming a dad is what made you…”
“Not just that. I love Nicola, I’m alive. I also want to walk down the aisle at my wedding under my own steam. I want to be able to hold my son, and then, when he’s old enough play football with him.”
“You’re braver than me,” Adam told him, feeling very small and cowardly
in the face of Daniels strength and courage.
“No I’m not, I’m scared shitless,” Daniel admitted. “However, I’m more scared of losing Nicola, of not having a life with her and Davey.”
“Davey?”
“That’s what we’re going to call him.”
Adam nodded, and Daniel spoke again.
“Come to the gym with me, give it a try. What have you got to lose?” and with that, he wheeled himself towards the door.
Adam watched Daniel go, watched how he struggled to move his chair one handed. Jaw rigid with tension, he glared at the wheelchair sitting beside his bed, then slowly, shuffled around in his bed. He lowered the railing, and swung his legs around until he was balanced on the edge of the mattress. Left leg now on the floor, the bandage on his right leg became a beacon… a white galling reminder that he’d lost a portion of his leg. He ran his hand over it, feeling the rounded stump where the calf was cut off. Sighing, he sucked in a breath and leaned over, reaching for the wheelchair which had been sat there goading him for over a week. Putting his weight on his left leg he tried to pull the chair closer, but the brake was on and he couldn’t move it. He tried pushing himself up off the bed and was shocked when it shook, weakened by the length of time he’d been in bed. Although, Tim, the physio had come around each day and tried to get him to do stretching exercises in bed, he’d refused even that.
Growling, he dropped back on the bed, shame swamping him as he realised he’d done this to himself.
“Adam?” he turned at the familiar voice as Phil came in the room.
“Hey.”
“You okay?” Phil asked, warily watching him.
“I’ve been an ass,” Adam agreed.
“Hell, you won’t get an argument from me,” Phil told him. “You ready to join the living?”
“Yeah, I think I am… although I’m not guaranteeing anything.”
“It’s a start,” Phil told him. “Hang on a minute,” and with that, he dropped a carrier bag on the bed and walked out again.
A minute later, Phil came back with a nurse in tow.
“I’ve been given permission to accompany you to the gym,” Phil told him with a grin. “A Physio is already down there so they’re going to let them know you’re coming.”
Help Our Heroes: A Military Charity Anthology Page 76