“I am not sure, Ann.” she plates up our food.
“Okay, mum. Shall I call the boys in?” She nods at me and I run out shouting as I always did for my brothers “AMANDA” I laugh as I shout his nick name. He runs in with Paul and they start to fight. It doesn’t take long before my mum tells them both off, and as she does Dad walks through the door. We turn as we hear the door and shout “DADDY” in unison. He smiles tiredly and says hello to my mum, with a kiss and then comes to kiss us all on the heads.
My memories flashes to the Remembrance Sunday.
Hearing my mum shout upstairs, “Will you three hurry up?” I hurry up and apply my make-up, tie my hair back and leave my bedroom, before making my way downstairs and help Paul get ready.
I grab my black high heels and put them on, just as our taxi pulls up outside our house. I always felt excited to go to the Barracks. I always had fun.
I look at my mum as we get into the taxi and give our location. “Mum, when we get there can I go see dad? “
She nods and tells me, “If he is in the kitchen, then yes.” Smiling, I know he will be there. I remember all the hiding places my friends and I used to use. As the driver pulls up to the gate of the Barracks, I have a big grin upon my face.
My mum pays the driver as Andrew, Paul and myself go to the gate to tell them we are here and to let us through. I run through the gate as it opens and run to the doors and run up the stairs to my dad’s kitchen. When I get there, I wash my hands. It’s our number one rule, and then I see my dad smiling as I do.
“Hi dad. Can I help at all?” He turns from cutting onions, and smiles. “I am fine, thank you. Why don’t you go to the Ors mess and I will be there very soon? I am just finishing up, okay?”
I nod and smile as I turn to walk out calling behind me “Okay, daddy” I turn around the corner and make my way along the cream balcony and push the double doors open, which makes my way to the ORS mess, where all the army personal are drinking cans of beer or larger and having a laugh. I see all the other army brats playing together. I go and greet everyone I know and love with a hug.
The day passes as it always does. The lads always teasing me and my mum or finding myself being squadron child care service with a group of 20 kids at a time.
I can’t help but grin as I remember all these flash backs from my youth, and now, as a thirty-year-old woman I look back on the love and solid grounds I was brought up on and the family values I still hold to this day.
August 2014 my worst nightmare began
As I enjoy my day off from work, I feel my phone vibrate and I reach into my pocket before pressing the accept button. When I look down at my phone, I can see it’s my mum and she’s saying my dad had gone to hospital.
I grabbed my coat and walked out of the house, locking up and made my way to the hospital. The 614 and 619 buses seemed to take twice as long to get me to the hospital, and my mind was already on overdrive.
I arrive at the hospital 45 minutes after receiving the call. I make my way to the ward my dad was on, and when I locate it, I find his bed and see him laying on top of the covers. He gives me a small smile, I walk straight to his side and kiss his cool cheek and then I sit down in the chair beside his bed.
“Ann” His voice is deep as he starts to talk. “the doctors have discovered I have two tubes connected to my right Kidney.”
I can’t help but chuckle and face him. “You greedy sod, dad.” His chuckle was low but also sounded off, I look up at him instantly.
“Ann, they have also found a mass in my bowel and they want me to have tests when they remove the extra tube” My world stands still as I hear the word mass. I shake it off and think it will be nothing.
“It will be nothing dad” My voice is unsure, but I need to be thinking positive when he turns to face me.
“Ann it could be Cancer. The doctors want to remove my extra tube as soon as they treat me for Sepsis. “
I look at him as he says the word sepsis. Oh my god, not blood poisoning too! “You don’t do it by halves do you dad?” I joke but deep down my heart is breaking and I want to curl up in his arms like when I was a kid and cry, but I knew I had to stay strong in front of him. After chatting for an hour or so about everything, I say good bye to him with a kiss to the cheek. I leave his room and ward where I ring my area manager to inform her of what my dad has told me and that I will be back to work as normal, but I will be having my phone on me in case I was needed.
Working in a different town to where you lived was hard, but now felt the worst. My days would consist of working 9 till 5.30 and the travelling to visit my dad at the hospital.
A week later my phone rings whilst I am in the stock room sorting our point of sale out for the shop floor, when I see it’s my brother Pauls name, and I quickly answer it.
“Hi Paul, what’s up?” As he talks it sounds hoarse from crying.
When he says, “Ann, dad has Cancer.” I break down and cry with my brother for a few minutes. When I dry my eyes, I say, “Paul, I am going to hang up and call Lis and I will be on my way.”
I hang up the call as my Assistant manager walks in and sees me sat on the floor as I cry some more, and she rushes over to me as hugs me. “Ann, what has happened?” As I explain, she hugs me more. “Ann, go home. Be with your family and dad”
I look at her “Sab, I need to call Lis.” She leaves me to call Lis, as I dial her number I get her voicemail. “Lis it’s Ann. I need you to call me ASAP. “My voice breaking as I speak with unshed tears, I hang up and I try her again. I still get her voicemail.
As I do, I hear Sab call in to the stock room. “Ann, go home.” I get up and dry my eyes and walk towards the door.
“No, honey, I need to speak to Lis,” I go to grab my things ready for when I can go to my dad’s side, and just then the store phone starts to ring.
I answer in my normal greeting, only this time with a fake happiness, to hear it is Lis. My heart breaks again as I start to speak and I rush back into the stockroom. “Lis, it is my dad. The Doctors have confirmed” I start to sob again as I talk “that he has cancer.”
I hear Lis gasp as I tell her. “Ann, go be with your family and he will be ok. I am praying for your family honey, and I am here if you need me.” I dry my eyes, but my voice is laced with hurt and emotion.
“Thank you, Lis “I hang up and grab my things and put my coat on as I rush out of the store to the bus station—desperate to make my way back to my home town, so I can get to the hospital.
The whole hour and half journey, I kept praying that he will beat this, and he will be okay. I make my way into the ward two hours after leaving my store, placing a fake smile on my face once again, and as I look at my dad I know he sees right through me. But he knows I am doing it for my mum’s sake as I kiss her head and kiss my dad’s cheek.
My brother Andrew is happily married and has a little girl, Elise who lights us all up when we see her, especially my dad.
Andrew brings my niece into the room and my dad automatically sits up with a big smile on his face. Even though Andrew is three years younger than me, he helps me keep my mum busy whilst dad is in hospital.
October 2015
I start to see my dad get worse.
He had lost at least two stone in two weeks, and his pain was getting worse—more than he let on, but I can see right through him.
Andrew brings my niece Ella and goes right to her sick granddad and she starts to play with him, to cheer him up even though she is only one and half, she knows her granddad is sick.
The sight of them melts my heart, knowing full well that if and when I have kids they will never meet this amazing man.
I get up from the couch and smile. “Mum, Dad, Andy, Paul, would you guys like a drink?” My mum nods and my dad, far too busy playing, he just shakes his head, and Paul says, “No thanks.” Andrew shakes his head.
I walk in to the kitchen and take the kettle, making sure there is enough water in before bringing it back and put i
t on to boil. I grab the sugar and tea bags and then start to pour the boiling water to make myself a drink.
All I seem to do is work all the time. Visiting my Dad and mum, and sleep, I have no time to sleep.
I was so drained and tired. My friends would always ask me if I wanted to go out and get drunk, so as the month passed by into November I decided to take my mum out of the house and do some Christmas shopping. That way we could have some mother, daughter time, and to help her de-stress.
We all laugh and cry and as December rolls around, work starts to get busy as it is our busiest time of the year.
Because we have worked so hard, and my team have been so amazing and supportive with me, on the twentieth of December I took them all out for a Christmas meal.
The next day after finishing work I go to see my hero—my dad.
When entering the room, it hits me every time I see my hero, he’s all skin and bones. I try to keep strong, but it’s hard.
I see the nurse making my Dad more comfortable and administer the Morphine as he is unable to eat and barely drinking anything now.
My brother Andrew is at work, Paul is speaking with the nurses and my sister-in-law Shari is calling for updates, so Paul keeps relaying the information.
I get told to go home at eleven-thirty, to my empty place and curl up.
I wake up to the sound of my phone as it starts to ring and vibrate. I answer, half asleep and as I glance at the clock, I can see it’s twenty past four in the morning.
I would be getting up within the next hour. Deep down, I know what this call is.
On the December 22nd at 4.20, my dad was taking his last few breaths.
“Andy?” His voice is full of hurt and tears “Ann, we think dad is ready to go. You need to get here fast.”
I put the phone down after saying okay and call a taxi and I rush to get ready. As I get to my parent’s place, I walk in and see the doctor attending to my dad and calling his time of death at 4:25 am.
I had missed his last breath, but I know he had gone while I was asleep as I was sure I had felt a gentle kiss on my cheek and thought I heard the words “I love you Ann”
I burst into tears as I rushed to his cold, lifeless body on the couch and kissed his head and I kept asking why they had to take my hero. I finally left his side to call my boss, to tell her and notify my team to run the store for me.
Christmas was so hard without him there, but we had to put on a brave face for my niece. She knew her granddad was not there, and she was pointing to my dad’s photos. She was running around pulling me into the kitchen to play with my mum’s fridge magnets.
January came and my friends finally persuaded me to go out to take my mind off things, when I accidently bumped into a tall handsome bloke. I almost stutter but calm down before I speak to him.
“I am so sorry about that.” He smiles at me and tells me “Are you okay?” He looks at me as he speaks, “I’m Michael.“
I smile shyly back at him “Hi Michael I’m Ann,”
He offers to buy me a drink. “I am with my friends, but they say no-go have one.” and push me away grinning, and so I do, and we start to talk and laugh, I look over a few times.
Epilogue
Wow I cannot believe Michael and I are living together and are very happy. He has been so supportive and held my hand at my dad’s funeral as I said goodbye to my dad. My hero who was given a guard of honour. Michael was my rock, my light at in my darkest time of my life. It turned out that we knew of each other at school.
“What a small world” He kneels down on one knee, and I look down at him in shock as he starts to speak.
“Ann, will you marry me?” He holds out a beautiful retro style cluster engagement ring, and my hand flies straight to my gasping mouth as I nod my head.
“Yes, I will Marry you, Michael” I cry out as I jump into his arms.
1 year later
As I am ready to make my way down the aisle to the man I love, I have a moment of unhappiness as my dad should be here to do this honour and walk me to my husband to be and give me away. Andy looks at me knowing what I am thinking “Ann, Sis you look so beautiful and dad would be so happy and proud of you today. Shall we get you down that aisle to Michael?” I nod and look at him. “Yes, I am and I know dad is here with us right now smiling at us both” I Link my arm with his we start to walk down the aisle as mine and Michael’s friends and as my man stands in Cream whilst our ushers are in charcoal grey. “Yes you all heard me In Cream!!!!” But DARM he looks hot my bridesmaids had entered before me down to the song Christina Perri’s A Thousand years, In My beautiful princess wedding dress. He looks at me totally stunned at how I looked he leans closer to me and whispers “You look stunning baby” We say our vows and place our wedding rings on and then enjoys our wedding reception.
Help Our Heroes: A Military Charity Anthology Page 81