He turned and walked away, while I stood there, letting his accusation sink in. He was right.
I was worse.
Chapter 26
I was able to stave off the tears until I got home. Once there, they came and didn’t stop for a long time. I felt wretched, and I deserved it.
I had brought this on myself. There was no one else to blame.
At a different time, I would have probably blamed Jessica. Clearly, she had set out to get me back for the wrongs she thought I’d committed. And her timing had been impeccable, pitting both Steve and Matt against me in one finely, orchestrated Play. I had to give it to her. Three birds with one stone were very impressive. After Sebastian and I, there was no question that Matt would soon follow.
Thursday, I went to English, knowing Sebastian wouldn’t be there. As I sat in class with the professor droning in the background, however, I couldn’t help but feel the sting of rejection, like pure alcohol into an open wound. I doodled in my notebook, my eyes fixed on the page, seeing the images of the last few days dance in front of me like mocking caricatures.
For the next couple of weeks, I went to class and work. I did all I was supposed to in a mechanical way. My thoughts became a series of reruns, where I replayed that moment outside the food court over and over again. On the most pathetic days, I conjured scenarios in which I did everything different, in which Sebastian and I were still together.
In those moments, the heartache was greater than anything I’d ever felt after David, because this time, the pain mingled with longing and the possibility of what could have been, but never would be.
One Saturday evening when I came back from work, I entered my dorm room, feeling tired and grumpy. Without looking into the room, I turned and went into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I turned on the light and was surprised to find the vanity almost bare.
I stepped out and clicked on a lamp. Jessica’s closet was open and completely gutted. Everything was gone. I walked further into the room. Her bed was stripped and her desk sat empty, with all its drawers half open. Her fashion posters were gone from the wall.
She had moved out for good.
I collapsed onto the bed, the emptiness inside of me matching that of the room. I sat there for a long time, wading through a sea of deep emotions, before more practical matters occurred to me. I couldn’t afford this place by myself. I needed to have a roommate to be able to make rent. Crap!
First thing Monday, I got on the phone to try to figure out my options. Maybe I could get another roommate. I hated the idea of getting used to someone else and the possibility that I would have to pack and move somewhere else. When I got someone on the phone and explained my situation, I was shocked to discover that the rent was covered until the end of the semester. The lady explained that Jessica Norton had come in last week and paid the rest of the balance.
I hung up the phone, utterly confused.
Why had Jessica done that?
Anger quickly replaced my confusion. Jessica wanted to clear her guilty conscience by giving me a handout, a handout I didn’t need and didn’t want, a handout that meant absolutely nothing to her because she had money, but that meant everything to me since I was broke. It was the worst type of charity.
I dialed Jessica’s phone, tapping each number with fury. There was a beep followed by a message that indicated the number wasn’t in service any longer. But she wouldn’t hide from me this easily.
I knew where to find her.
***
At 7 p.m. on Monday, I walked into the student center and headed to the small conference room G.A.P. reserved for its biweekly meetings. I walked purposefully, messenger bag bouncing against my hip.
The door to the conference room was closed. I opened it without knocking and came up short. The room was dark and empty. I closed the door and looked around the hall. Behind a glass display case, I noticed a couple of print outs with the conference rooms’ schedules. I walked up to the glass and examined the list.
The G.A.P. Club wasn’t listed anywhere, although I noticed Cristina’s dance classes with a pang of remorse and sadness. I shuffled out of the student center, sure that Jessica had moved the meeting elsewhere so I couldn’t find her.
As a last resort, I called the campus directory to see if there was a new address or phone listing for Jessica Norton. The information the operator gave me was the old one, which I already knew to be wrong.
After hanging up, I sat on the stairs outside the student center, feeling erased from everybody’s lives. My mom’s, Jessica’s, Sebastian’s. I was alone.
I was fighting a huge lump in my throat and blinking at a rapid rate when someone said my name.
“Maddie?”
I looked up and found Brandy looking down on me, her brown eyes curious and cautious.
“Brandy! I was looking for Jessica. Did you guys move the meeting to a different location?” I asked, sounding a bit desperate.
Brandy removed her backpack, threw it on the bottom step and sat next to me. “No. G.A.P. is kaput, didn’t you know?” She didn’t sound regretful, but almost amused. “Nah, I guess you didn’t. Jessica kicked you out, huh? I couldn’t believe that. You were her co-founder.”
“Kaput? What do you mean?”
“Dismantled, gone. No more meetings. No more Plays.” She chuckled.
“What happened?” I asked, turning my knees in her direction.
“A mole happened, that’s what. Can you imagine?” She smoothed her hair and reclined, putting her elbows on the step behind us and throwing her head back. “Remember Clarissa, the new chick?”
“Yes, I do.” Clarissa had acted heartbroken at the start of the semester. Later on, so eager to please, she’d baked chocolate chip cookies for us.
“Well, she joined just to find out what we were up to. Once she knew, she ratted us out. They won’t let us use the conference room anymore, and since the secret is out, all the guys on campus know what we were up to. The news spread like wild-fire in all the dating circles. We might as well wear scarlet A’s on our foreheads, now.”
I put my hand over my mouth, immediately thinking of Sebastian.
“What happened with Matt, the guy Jessica was Playing?” I asked.
“I hear that didn’t end up well. He found out about the club before Jessica finished pulling the Play.”
That had to mean Sebastian knew. Matt would have told him, probably apologized for punching him. And if Sebastian knew about G.A.P., he definitely hated me now, if he hadn’t already.
“Matt invited Jessica to a fancy steak dinner,” Brandy continued, “then made a big scene, broke up with her, screaming at the top of his lungs that she’d given him crabs.” She laughed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but it’s pretty funny.”
Pushing thoughts of Sebastian away, I asked, “Do you know where I can find Jessica?”
Brandy shifted in place. “Um," she averted her eyes. "I thought you two were roommates. Uh, I guess she kicked you out of there too, huh?”
“No, she just left.”
Straightening, Brandy sighed loudly. “I guess it was just a matter of time. What we were doing was bound to catch up with us. Honestly, I’m kind of glad. Don’t tell Jessica, though. I just feel . . . lighter, you know? Like I let go of some big burden I’d been carrying around for no good reason. Now, I realize that after Steve, I should have been trying to move on. Instead of getting stuck, wasting all my energy trying to figure out how to make guys I’d never met pay for something another jackass did to me.”
Brandy gave another sharp laugh and reached for her backpack. “I think Jessica should run for president, don’t you? She could persuade anybody to do anything.”
I smiled sadly and nodded. “Yeah, she could.”
Standing up, Brandy slung the backpack over one shoulder. “You gonna be okay?”
“Sure,” I said. I didn’t feel I would, but what would Brandy do with a different answer? It really was a rhetorical question. We sai
d goodbye, and I felt another chapter of my life close. Its pages smelled musty, which I imagined to be the scent of regret.
Chapter 27
After paying the fare, I got out of the cab and smoothed down my skirt. Hunter’s house was a one-level, stucco structure with a grassy front yard. Several trees shaded the sidewalk and gave the neighborhood an idyllic feel. I hoped Hunter was happy in his new home. It seemed like a very nice place.
Holding his birthday present in both hands, I took a deep breath and headed toward the front door. I’d fretted over coming here for several days, remembering Sebastian was invited. Knowing him, I was sure he would come. He wouldn’t let Hunter down just because I was invited too.
For my part, I talked my way in and out of coming several times. More than once I decided that Hunter didn’t need me here, that it would be best not to attend and let Sebastian do his magic show in peace—without being bothered by my presence in any way.
Then I told myself that Hunter would wonder where I was and would get his feelings hurt, if I didn’t show up. That wouldn’t be fair to the boy. In the end, I told myself to be done with self-pity. I couldn’t make the same mistake I’d made before. I had to move on. I had to learn my lesson. Composing myself, I lifted a shaky finger to the doorbell. Jill, Hunter’s mother, answered the door.
“Maddie, I’m so glad you could make it,” she said with a huge smile. “Come on in, Hunter’s been so impatient, asking about you every five minutes. Here, let me take that.” She snatched the gift out of my hands and placed it on a table where several more gifts were stacked. I felt glad, knowing that I’d made the right decision for Hunter’s sake.
Jill led me through the kitchen, out to the back yard. She introduced me to several family members and friends as we walked by. Outside, there were four rectangular tables, covered with blue plastic tablecloths. Balloons floated above them, tethered to center pieces that held cups, napkins, utensils and condiments. Kids ran around playing and making a ruckus. A man stood near the back fence, cooking over a gas grill. The sun shone brightly, but it wasn’t hot, since the trees shaded the back yard from the late afternoon sun.
I didn’t see Sebastian anywhere. Once again, I found that relief and disappointment make for a very strange combination.
A little girl with dark hair climbed on top of one of the tables, grabbed the balloons and demanded that someone untie them.
“I told you she was hideous,” a voice said from my side. It was Hunter.
“Hunter! Happy 10th birthday! You look great!” And he did. He was standing, no wheelchair. There was a portable oxygen tank strapped to his back, but he was on his own two feet, rosy-cheeked and smiling from ear to ear.
“I thought you might not show,” he said.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugged.
I turned toward the back yard. “So is that your little sister?” I asked, referring to the girl who was still trying to get someone to untie the balloons for her.
“Yeah, her name is Holly.”
“She’s cute.”
“Until she bares her vampire fangs,” Hunter said.
I laughed. “Nice party you have here.”
“Yeah, not bad.” He nodded happily. “But Mom says I’m supposed to be a good host, too. Do you want to have a seat?” Hunter showed me to one of the tables and pointed to a patio chair. “Would you like something to drink? We have organic fruit punch and water. The fruit punch isn’t as bad as I thought,” he added, lowering his voice.
“Then I’ll definitely have some of that,” I said, holding back a smile. He was such a little gentleman.
“Coming right up!”
As Hunter walked toward a large white ice chest sitting next to the back fence, I exchanged hellos with the heavyset lady whose table I now shared. She was bouncing a baby on one knee, her eyes following a second child whom she reprimanded every few minutes.
I looked over my shoulder toward the house, anxiously waiting for someone to walk through the door. I peeled my eyes away from the back door and snapped them back to my lap, telling myself that hope was not an option and I needed to move on.
“Your fruit punch, my lady,” Hunter said with a bow.
“Thank you.” I uncapped the bottle and took a swig. “Nice and cold.” I cleared my throat. “Is Sebastian coming?” The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I hated myself for it.
“Yeah, he’s here already.”
An irregular thudding began inside my chest.
“He’s changing into his costume,” Hunter said in a confidential tone as he made sure none of the other kids heard him. “Actually, I’m gonna go check on him.”
When Hunter walked away, I capped the fruit punch bottle and grasped it with both hands. Unconsciously, I started picking at the label, nervously holding the bottle over my lap. Kids ran around me, laughing and shrieking with delight, sounding far, far away as I became lost in my own thoughts.
“Hey, there.”
My eyes snapped open.
“You okay?” It was a guy in his late thirties. He had brown hair and a large nose.
“Yeah, sure. I was just resting my eyes.”
“You’re Maddie, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m Hunter’s dad, Peter. Nice to meet you.”
I shook his hand and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, too, Peter. Hunter is a great kid. I’m so happy he was able to come home.”
He smiled back. “I can see now why Hunter talks about you so much.” His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I have burgers and hot dogs.” He pointed a pair of tongs toward the grill. “What would you like?”
“A hot dog would be wonderful.”
“Coming right up,” he said, with the same snappy energy Hunter had shown when he went to get my drink. He walked away.
A few minutes later, I was engaged in conversation with the lady at my table, eating a juicy hot dog loaded with plenty of relish. Jill walked out of the house and called out to everyone from her vantage point on the back porch.
“Hello, everyone . . . kids, quiet down! Thank you. Everyone, thanks for being here to celebrate Hunter’s 10th birthday.” She pointed at a banner over her head that read “Happy Birthday, Hunter.”
Several people cheered. Hunter walked up behind his mom, a bright flush on his cheeks. Jill patted him on the shoulder and told him to go sit by the bottom steps.
After he sat, Jill directed the rest of the youngsters. “Kids, sit with Hunter. Don’t run, now . . . there, that’s good.” The kids sat in a semi-circle with Hunter in the middle, looking up at Jill.
“We have a special treat for you this beautiful afternoon. A magician Hunter met in an enchanted land some time ago,” Jill said in a mysterious tone. “He has agreed to come and show us some of his wonderful tricks. Please welcome The Amazing Capello!” Jill announced, stepping out of the way.
Like one of the kids in the audience, I held my breath. I stared at the back door and waited. There was absolute silence and for a few stretched-out seconds nothing happened. At a loud crack everyone jumped. My heart did likewise. A large cloud of smoke exploded through the door, and seconds later Sebastian stepped through it.
I blinked in slow motion, and time seemed to stop. Sounds became muffled, my vision tunneled and all I could see was Sebastian. He was achingly handsome. His black hair was slicked back. It shone with the rays of sunshine that filtered through the trees. There was kohl around his green eyes, highlighting them even more than his thick lashes already did. He wore a black suit with a black tie, white shirt, and a cape that came down to the backs of his knees. He swept a black top hat from his head, spread his arms out and took a bow.
He literally took my breath away.
His eyes went over the crowd, and I might have as well been invisible. I felt my heart split in two. I wanted to run and hide.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,” he said.
Jill pushed a small table next to Sebasti
an.
“Thank you, my lovely assistant,” he said, placing the top hat at the edge of the table. With slow, confident fingers, he removed his cape and folded it in a small square. He placed it on top of the hat.
“My friend Hunter is very fond of coin tricks,” Sebastian said. “We’ve been working on a few of them, and Hunter is getting pretty good at them, isn’t that so?”
Hunter nodded. His friends patted him on the back and looked admiringly at him.
“This trick, however, isn’t one that Hunter has seen before.” Sebastian pulled a large coin out of his pocket. “A silver dollar," he said, holding it up for everyone to see.
Jill twirled in front of Sebastian and handed him a small piece of paper.
“Thank you, Jill,” Sebastian said.
Hunter rolled his eyes. “Mom,” he said reprovingly.
Sebastian’s hands move dexterously. “Now, I’ll wrap the coin in this piece of paper.” He began folding the paper around the coin, making tight creases around it.
“I’m going to seal it really tight.” He kept creasing the paper. “Folding all the corners in.” When he was done wrapping it, he held it up for everyone to see. “You, sir!” He pointed at one of Hunter’s friends. “Would you mind coming up here and inspecting the coin?” The boy sprang to his feet and bounded excitedly up the porch steps. He took the coin and inspected it. “Looks good,” he said, shrugging. He handed the coin back and bounded back down.
Sebastian held the wrapped coin in his left hand. “Now, I’m going to tap it with my wand,” he said, pulling a black stick from his right pocket. He deftly shook it and the stick extended into a white-tipped magician’s wand. “I’m going to tap it.” He hit the coin with the tip of his wand, making a faint tap, tap sound. He set the wand on the table, next to his hat and began ripping the paper. The coin was gone. When he finished, he had many pieces of paper as small as confetti, but no coin.
The kids went crazy. Some of them shouted, “No way!” Others asked incredulously how he’d done it. Some claimed to know it was the easiest trick ever, but went mute when asked to explain it. All the while Hunter smiled and exchanged knowing glances with Sebastian.
The Guys Are Props Club Page 16