Forever Yours, Casey
Page 13
“It’s a good thing I wore the pants with an elastic waist.”
This woman is too much, I hope Brittany is just like her someday.
“So what’s all the hullabaloo about?”
“Some guy was trying to get Mommy in trouble then he got dead and now everyone’s happy.”
I nearly swerve off the road. I know we were careful when we talked around him but apparently he picked up on some interesting pieces. I attempt to keep a straight face, “That’s the gist of it, I’ll let Brittany fill you in on the rest.”
“That’s a good enough reason for me to eat.”
We get to the hotel and sit down minutes before the girls join us. Brittany and Kacee both dressed up, they look absolutely beautiful and it hits me that I am the luckiest man in the world to have these two in my life. Everyone settles in and Louise immediately sets the mood, “Austin says we’re eating cuz a guy got dead.”
Brittany’s horrified face looks at me while everyone else tries to stifle their laughter. I shrug and give my best ‘I was as shocked as you were’ look.
“That’s not exactly true and for the record, we would never celebrate someone else dying.”
Louise is filled in on the details as soon as drinks are ordered. I didn’t realize there was a tension hanging over everyone up till now. The obvious relaxation in all of them puts them in great moods. While we wait for dinner, Kacee tells me a lot of the girls have been texting her asking if she heard about Dirk’s accident and if she knows what the meeting at Carter’s is about. We had already agreed she wouldn’t tell any of them about the deals yet. It’s better if everything is handled through the lawyers.
As soon as I take a bite of my appetizer, Louise makes me choke. “So Casey, I guess this means you will be going home soon?”
Silence deadens the table; everyone stares at me intently wanting to know what my answer will be. Once I get the food down, I clear my throat. “Well, all of you are out here,” I grab Kacee’s hand and smile at her, “I am definitely going to make a few changes so I can get to know these two better.” I try not to look over at Brittany, I don’t want to give away any of my plans.
“That’s good to hear, I’d hate to think we won’t be seeing you anymore.”
“Sorry to disappoint, Louise, but you aren't getting rid of me that easily.”
She smiles mischievously before returning to her soup. She sure does know how to rile a crowd, doesn’t she?
The rest of the meal goes off flawlessly with plenty of food, wine and laughs. Austin yawns in his dish of chocolate ice cream. “I’ll take him upstairs so you guys don’t have to rush.” Kacee puts her napkin on the table and stands up.
“Thank you, sweetie, we’ll be up soon.”
The kids hug everyone goodnight before heading up.
“Should we order another round of drinks?” I motion for the waiter.
“Actually, I think it’s time for us to get going, too. I’ll drop Mom on my way home.”
“Thanks, Maria, I appreciate that.”
As soon as they are gone, nervousness floods my system. I’m alone with Brittany for the first time since last night.
“I can’t believe I am going to wake up tomorrow and there will be no trials hanging over my head. It still hasn’t set in that it’s really over.” She nervously rolls the stem of her wine glass between her fingers. “I guess this means the kids and I can move back to our apartment.”
The smile fades from my face, I hadn’t thought of that. “If you want to do that you can, but how about you guys stay here for the rest of the week than Friday morning we can fly home for the weekend? I really want my parents to meet the kids.”
“You know what, I haven’t had a weekend off in sixteen years. Why don’t you take the time to bond with the kids and I’ll do, well, pretty much anything I want?”
“If you are sure that’s what you want then I’ll get everything booked tonight. Why don’t you stay here at the hotel and take advantage of the spa?”
“That actually sounds like a great idea.”
She looks so beautiful in the dim light of the restaurant, glowing from relief and happiness. Without a thought, my hands slide into her hair and pull her face toward mine. “Stay with me tonight?”
Her eyes widen slightly, “I was hoping you might ask me that. How about I sneak in after the kids are asleep?”
“It’s a date.” I sign the check and hold my hand out for her to stand. Arm in arm, we walk back to the room. I didn’t mean for this to happen but god, I’m glad it did.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Brittany
The last few days have been magical; every dream I’ve ever had of Casey is coming true. We are living like a family and everyone is happy about it. Well, as happy as we can be considering I am sneaking in his room after midnight and getting up at five-thirty in the morning to beat Kacee up.
Last night was exciting; the kids have never been on a plane before so getting them to sleep was tougher than usual. They are all packed and leaving for the airport in a few minutes. I still can’t believe I am going a whole weekend without seeing my kids. I am trying not to worry about the reaction their new grandparents are going to give them. Casey is adamant they will accept them readily; I think he’s overly optimistic.
“If everyone is ready, we should have enough time to drop your mom at work before heading for the airport.”
Austin already has his backpack on and is ready by the door. I kiss each kid goodbye and give them the usual stern reminders like ‘Listen to Casey’ and ‘Mind your manners’. I hug Casey but resist the urge to kiss him in front of the kids. They rush out the door first, Casey takes advantage and pinches my butt as I pass by.
The ride in is animated as Austin is nearly bouncing in his seat. With one final quick kiss for each kid, I wave as they pull away.
“Where are they off to?” I jump at Sharon’s voice right behind me.
“Holy shit, you scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry,” she doesn’t look sorry at all. “Now that the case is over, Casey wanted to take the kids home to South Carolina for the weekend.”
“So does that mean we’re having a girl’s night Saturday? Dinner, drinks, and whatever else we can come up with?”
I had planned to spend the weekend relaxing and reading those letters that have been taunting me in my desk.
“Come on, you never get adult time, I’ll buy the first round of drinks.” I can’t resist the hopeful look on her face.
“Sure, we can do Saturday night.” She links her arm through mine and squeezes with excitement as she pulls me into the building.
The day goes quickly as I get texts as Casey and the kids get to the airport, take off, and land. So far no calls from Kacee about evil grandparents so maybe I was overreacting. By the end of the day my nerves have continued to build. The box of letters have been in my desk drawer taunting me almost like they have a heartbeat and want me to remember they are there. I grab the box and head out. Thankfully Sharon is so distracted by making plans for Saturday, she doesn’t even question it.
The taxi ride to the hotel doesn’t take long, and on my way to the elevator I see one of the front desk clerks waving to me.
“Good evening, Mrs. Sanders. Your husband wanted me to let you know he made an appointment for you at the spa tonight at six p.m.”
That sly dog didn’t trust me to pamper myself...he was probably right. I glance at my cell phone, that only gives me thirty minutes to change and be back downstairs. I guess the letters will wait a bit longer.
“Thank you for letting me know.”
She smiles and returns to her post as I get on the elevator. Having someone else look out for me is kinda nice, I could get used to this.
I toss the box of letters on the coffee table and rush to clean up and throw on a comfortable sundress. I grab the room service menu and place an order to be delivered at eight-fifteen. I’m sure they got a kick out of me ordering only one meal wit
h an entire bottle of wine. This is my weekend and I’m going to enjoy it.
The hostess at the spa greets me warmly and offers a menu of services. I choose the deep tissue massage/facial combo and follow her to my room. She shows me where to lock up my clothes and leaves me to undress. I change quickly and climb under the blankets, I’ve never been naked in front of a total stranger before. Unless you count the nurses from labor and delivery but come on, I was way too distracted by my innards being ripped apart to care.
A young, soft spoken woman knocks and enters. I hear soft music come on right before she explains what she is going to do. A few minutes later, she puts cool pads over my eyes and I do the one thing I haven’t done in years. I shut my brain off and let myself go with the feelings.
Two amazing hours later, my body is relaxed and I feel great. I get back to the hotel room minutes before dinner arrives. The aroma from the steak smells heavenly, my stomach immediately growls with need. I find a movie on T.V. quickly and dig in. Two glasses of wine later and my entire meal consumed, the box of letters catches my eye. Being the coward I am, I pour another glass of wine and dig into the chocolate cake I ordered at the very last second in a moment of weakness. I take my time enjoying every bite. Yes, this is stalling, but it tastes so good.
Finally, the movie ends. I grab the bottle of half gone wine, the box of letters and head to Casey’s room. I was smart and had put the do not disturb sign up yesterday. I wanted to sleep in his bed and smell him on the pillows. It’s a sadistic kind of torture but one I will gladly endure.
I climb into the center of the king-sized bed, stuff the pillows into a pile and sit against the headboard with the box in between my legs. With another large gulp of liquid courage, I lift the lid off with shaking hands. The envelopes vary in size and color but they are neatly stacked and tied with a red ribbon. Grandma really did take care of these, I’ll have to remember to thank her later.
The first envelope is written with the messy handwriting I remember Casey having. I pull out a sheet of lined notebook paper, the edges torn raggedly. His handwriting is a frantic scramble. It’s obvious this was written emotionally and not carefully.
Tears instantly well in my eyes, it’s dated two weeks after we left.
July 21st, 1990
Britt,
I don’t know what to do. You disappeared and no one will help me find you. I went to the police but they said you aren’t considered missing since you guys let the landlord know you were leaving. I don’t understand what happened, we had plans. I need to know you are okay. Please call me and let me know where you are. I can come get you, just talk to me please. I don’t know what I did but I promise to make it up to you.
Where are you?
Casey
The desperation and despair rips my heart to shreds. I can’t believe he went to the police; I had hoped my note to him would have been enough to keep him from getting too upset. With another gulp of wine, I grab the next envelope. This one is dated six weeks after we left.
August 17th, 1990
Britt,
Why haven’t you called me? This address is the only thing I have to go on. I am hoping it took you guys a while to drive there and you will call me after you get this. I need to know you are okay, please let me know what happened.
I need you,
Casey
Desperate to get through the pain I grab the next envelope dated three months after we left.
October 10th, 1990
Brittany,
I assume by now you would have gotten to this address if it’s where you were going. I haven’t heard from you so I assume you aren’t there. This is the only information I have from your family; I can’t give up hope that my letters will find you. I’ve begged my parents to find you, we have the money but they say it’s for the best and refuse to help. They are keeping a close eye on me, I think they are afraid I’m going to hurt myself. I won’t do that, I have to find you and I can’t do that if I’m gone. Please let me know you are okay.
I love you,
Casey
Holy shit, I broke that beautiful boy. I know I had it rough in those first few months but I had my mom and grandma to help me get through. He had no one, his parents were never nurturing people. I did this to him, I tortured the boy I loved.
The next four letters are all written over the next eight months. His handwriting has smoothed back to his original handwriting. The paper is now nicer paper. He goes on to document his senior year for me. I’m devastated to read he had skipped prom and barely participated in other events. Thankfully he kept his grades up well enough and he tells me he is still going to Harvard. I can tell his inner voice has changed, his letter’s lack emotion. I almost prefer the panic to the broken.
His last letter of high school has a small graduation picture inside. My eyes blur again with tears staring at his beautiful face. We missed so much, can we really get past all of that?
I grab the bottle of wine for another drink before continuing on only to find it completely empty. I guess I have to do the rest of this on my own.
From this point on the letters become more sporadic; they come roughly twice a year while he’s in college. His handwriting has matured and I actually manage to laugh reading about some of the antics his friends pulled. Each letter had a few pictures in it from important events that had happened since the previous letter. I’m a little overwhelmed by the idea of Casey sitting at his desk listing out his life like he’s catching up an old friend who is going to write back. For the most part the letters are positive, but he does mention therapy and a group he attends where people talk about people they’ve lost.
I knew all along where he was and that he was okay, he treated me like I had died. He has every right to hate me, I don’t understand why he doesn’t.
After college the letters switch to yearly. His handwriting has become slanted and beautiful. They are filled with stories about town, people we went to school with but small tidbits jump out at me more than the rest.
July 8th, 1997
I met a girl, she seems nice. Of course my parents love her. They are pushing me to go out with her. Why can’t they understand she isn’t you?
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 1998
My therapist says it’s time for me to stop looking for you. It’s not healthy and I need to move on. I know he’s right but I’m not sure I can do it. I know you are out there.
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 1999
Monica and I have been dating for a while now, everyone is pushing me to propose. She’s great and she will make a great wife so why am I not more excited? I do admit I love her, maybe this can work out after all. I pray you are doing well wherever you are.
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 2000
I asked Monica to move in with me, she said yes. My job at the firm is going great, I have a really good shot of going far. You would be so proud of me; I’ve accomplished everything we dreamed of. Maybe I am ready to make all this work. You will always hold a special place in my heart but I think I need to give Monica all of me and not just the shell I’ve been hiding in.
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 2001
I asked Monica to marry me, my parents are thrilled. I am too, she is so good to me. I hope you are doing well and have everything you desire.
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 2002
The firm has made me a partner, I’m the youngest in company history! I know you are proud of me; I hope you are reaching your dreams, too.
Forever Yours,
Casey
July 8th, 2004
My parents are pushing me for a wedding. They want it done before I run for District Attorney. You heard that right, I’ve been asked to run. I can’t believe it either. This is so much more than we ever imagined, I wish you were here to celebrate it with me.
I drove by your old apartment building the other day. You would be shocked at how run down it has become. I am glad you got out of there, I’m sure you are happy wherever you are.
Forever Yours,
Casey
When the last letter is done, I let my head fall back against the headboard. That was even more painful than I expected it to be. My eyes feel swollen and my throat has a huge lump in it but I made it through them all. It was like ripping a band aid off, just get it done quickly.
Stifling a huge yawn, I look at the alarm clock and realize it’s almost four in the morning. Maybe I didn’t get through them as quickly as I thought I did. As carefully as possible, I gather the letters and put them on the side table. I need to get sleep; I just pray I drank enough to not have dreams from everything I’ve read.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Casey
The kids were great on the plane, Kacee’s face was hysterical when she saw the flaps move back on the wings as we landed. She thought the plane was coming apart, I thought she was going to break my hand squeezing it so hard.
I enjoyed driving them around the city, showing them where their mom grew up, where we went to school and our favorite hang outs. I think it was good for Kacee to see where she came from.
As expected, their jaws drop as we pull down the drive toward my parents’ house. The house is huge; most people would call it a mansion. For me it was never home, just a place I slept at and waited to turn eighteen and get out on my own. Don’t get me wrong, my parents aren’t bad people, they just never felt particularly fond of parenting.
I pull under the alcove and get out. Looking back I see the kids haven’t moved, they are just staring at the house.
“It’s okay, they are going to love you guys.”