“You’re not allowed back in the examination room, sir. It’s policy”
“Look,” Noah shot back. I could see his jaw twitching as he worked to contain his anger. “She’s my girlfriend and I’m not letting her do this by herself. I don’t give a shit what your policy is. She’s not going in there alone.”
With nothing more than a roll of her eyes, the nurse stepped through the door and led us to the cold, sterile exam room.
“What are we going to do?” I sobbed.
“I don’t know.”
I looked across the cab of Noah’s truck to see him white-knuckling the steering wheel as we made the drive back to Pembrooke from Jackson Hole. When we first walked into the doctor’s office, I was so hopeful that we’d find out the test was wrong. Hope wasn’t on my side.
“We c-can’t have a b-baby, Noah,” I hiccupped through my tears. “We’re teenagers for Christ’s sake! I don’t know the first thing about babies!”
Noah’s jaw ticked. It had been ticking from the moment we walked into that god forsaken exam room and hadn’t stopped since.
“Just… calm down.”
“Calm down?!” I shrieked. “I’m pregnant! I’m in high school and I’m freaking pregnant! How am I supposed to calm down?!”
“I already told you, it’s all gonna be okay. We’re seniors and the year’s halfway over, anyway.”
“But what about college, huh? You have a scholarship to Ohio and I got in to NYU. What are we supposed to do with a baby? And… oh, God. What are we going to tell your parents?” I dropped my head into my hands and cried even harder. Everything was such a mess.
“I…” he started, but suddenly stopped. “I don’t know,” he finished in a quiet, defeated voice. “Shit. I don’t know.”
I woke with a start, feeling disoriented. Dreaming of the past was most definitely taking a toll on my sleep, and quite possibly, my sanity. Rolling to my back, I stretched my arms and legs, feeling the slight ache in muscles that hadn’t been used in years, reminding me of the evening before and just how spectacularly Noah had manipulated my body.
Images flashed through my groggy mind causing my breathing to pick up and my thighs to clench. However, the desire coursing through me at the thought of a repeat was drowned out by the apprehension swirling around in my gut. I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions, unsure of which way I wanted to go.
Pushing out of the bed, I made my way down to the kitchen for some much needed coffee. I needed a day filled with mind-numbing reality television to drown out the indecision and uncertainty. I didn’t want to think. I wanted to lay on the couch all day, only hauling my butt off when nature or hunger called too loudly to ignore. I wanted to binge on junk food and pretend the world outside those walls had disappeared.
Unfortunately, the sight of my surly brother standing in the kitchen tossed those plans right out the window.
“Ethan,” I spoke cautiously, unable to gauge his mood from his expression alone. He could have still been pissed at me. Or maybe he was still sleepy.
“Ruiner of lives,” he regarded me sarcastically.
“Oh for God’s sake.” I rolled my eyes and headed for the coffee maker. “I didn’t ruin your life. Stop being such a girl.”
“I’ll be lucky if Shannon ever talks to me again!” Ethan lamented as I filled my cup and moved to grab the creamer from the fridge. I had no idea what I was doing. I was clueless when it came to kids, and that cluelessness was multiplied tenfold when dealing with a teenager. A horny, hormonal, pain-in-the-ass teenager. But if what I’d seen in his room was any indication, there were things we needed to discuss that couldn’t afford to be put on the back burner.
And because karma was a bitch from hell, it appeared that responsibility fell on my shoulders.
“Ethan, sit down,” I pointed to one of the stools at the island. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” he asked with narrowed eyed skepticism.
“Just sit.” Sucking down a fortifying gulp of caffeinated goodness, I thought of the best way to broach the subject. I was coming up blank, so I decided on the tried and true method. “Ethan, when a man and a woman love each other—”
“Oh, God!” he shouted, shooting up from the stool. “No. Nuh uh. No freaking way! Are you seriously trying to have the sex talk with me right now?”
I held my hands up trying to calm my little brother’s freak-out. “Look, I’m doing the best I can, okay? I’ve never had to have this… discussion with a kid before. Cut me a little slack.”
“This isn’t happening, Low-Low. I’m pretty sure it’ll scar me for life.”
“You think this is any fun for me?” I asked, my voice going slightly whiny. “Trust me, this is the last thing I wanted to do on a Saturday… or ever, really. But I need you being some girl’s baby-daddy about as much as I need a whole in the head! So you’re gonna sit there, and you’re gonna listen to every damn word I have to say!”
“But I already know about sex, Harlow!” Ethan informed me, causing all the air to expel from my lungs.
“Are you…” I started, bile rising up in my throat at the thought of it. “Have you…”
Ethan tucked his chin into his chest, his intense focus on swirling pattern of the granite countertop as he answered, sounding almost embarrassed. “No. I mean, I know about that… stuff. I just haven’t… you know, done it yet.” His last word came out a whisper.
“Okay. Okay, that’s good,” I said on an exhale.
“For you, maybe,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at me.
“So… last night,” I hedged. “You weren’t going to…”
“Well, not once you came barging in.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed sarcastically. “Excuse the hell out of me for coming home.”
Ethan’s annoyed expression matched mine to a tee. “Are we done here? I’d rather go be grounded in my room.”
“Just shut up, and let’s get this over with, all right?”
Ethan plopped back onto the stool, begrudgingly, keeping his eyes focused on a spot over my shoulder the whole time. That worked for me. Having the sex talk with my brother was about as fun as a root canal with no drugs. Maintaining eye contact would have just made it that much more awkward.
“Okay. Condoms,” I started, earning a loud groan of discomfort from my brother, but I pushed on. “You always wear a condom. ALWAYS, Ethan. Do you understand?”
His head fell back on his shoulders, his eyes to the ceiling. “I understand that I don’t want to be having this conversation with my sister!”
“And never double bag it,” I continued, to his mortification. “That’s an urban legend. You’re more likely to have one or both condoms break if you’re wearing two of them.”
“Why me, God?” he asked the ceiling as I imparted on him wisdom that would guide him through many years.
“And if she tells you that you don’t need to wear one because she’s on the pill, she’s full of shit. Never trust a woman. I speak from personal experience, our gender are a bunch of manipulative bitches. No glove, no love, Ethan. Say it with me.”
“I’m not saying that!”
“Say it!”
He pulled in a deep breath as his scowl deepened. “No glove, no love.”
“That’s right,” I replied in relief. “Now, for the most important part…”
“There’s more?” he yelped in a shockingly high-pitched voice.
I gave him a solemn nod, hoping he understood the seriousness of what I was about to tell him. “Yes. And this is something you need to remember for the rest of your life. You ready?”
Ethan’s face was a mask of stern concentration as he nodded.
“The woman always comes first.”
“AGH! GOD!”
To say the rest of the lecture went horribly would have been the understatement of the century.
“Poor Ethan,” Chloe sighed, her face a mask of concern once I finished recalli
ng the little chat that I wasn’t all too sure Ethan and I would fully recover from. After I finished waxing on about the importance of not being selfish, Ethan had quietly stood from his stool and slowly walked up the stairs and into his room. That was Saturday morning. It was now Sunday afternoon and I was still pretty sure he hadn’t left the confines of those four walls in over twenty-four hours.
“Poor Ethan?” I asked in bewilderment. “I gave that kid gold! It’s not like I wanted to have that discussion. I could have gone the rest of my life thinking of my little brother as completely asexual.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure that’s not something you’ll have to worry about after that little heart-to-heart,” she deadpanned.
“How do you think I feel? It’s not like I knew what I was doing. I had to wing it!”
Chloe looked around the bakery, making sure my little outburst hadn’t disturbed any of her customers before turning back to me. “I think your brother is going to need some serious couch time as he gets older. There are some things siblings should never discuss. And the importance of girls before boys is one of them.”
I rested my elbows on the counter and dropped my head into my palms. “I totally fucked that whole thing up, didn’t I?”
Walking over to the large espresso machine, Chloe refilled my cup and set it back down in front of me. “I’m not saying that, babe. Honestly, I don’t even know what I would have done in that situation. At least he knows you cared enough to talk to him about it, right? That has to mean something.”
“I feel like everything is spinning out of control,” I groaned as I massaged my temples.
“This isn’t just about Ethan.” She didn’t phrase it as a question. She knew me well enough to understand. “It’s Noah.”
“Among other things,” I admitted. “Work and Ethan and trying to settle here. But yes, it’s mostly about Noah.”
I looked up into her green eyes, brimming with worry for me as she rested her forearms on the counter and leaned closer. “I figured as much. Seeing how you two interacted at the Moose the other night was like stepping back in time. Swear to God, Low-Low, there were moments when I’d forgotten what had happened.”
“I know.” I paused, then hastily added, “We had sex.”
“Holy shit!” she whisper-yelled, leaning even further across the counter. “What? Where? When did this happen?!”
“Friday night,” I replied, feeling that nagging headache behind my eyes begin to grow even stronger. “At his parents’ house—Well, his house now, I guess.”
“Oh my God! How did that even happen?”
I told her all about rushing over to Noah’s after the whole Ethan debacle. I explained how I blamed him, how we had words, how things got exceedingly out of hand, and finally, I told her everything he’d said; about me being the love of his life and how we were starting over, how we agreed to take things slow.
“I’m scared, Chlo,” I admitted softly as the backs of my eyes began to burn with unshed tears. I reached over the counter and took her hands in mine, my voice laced with desperation. “I need you to tell me if I’m making a huge mistake, because I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing here.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she soothed, turning her palms up to twine her fingers with mine. “I can’t tell you that. I wish I could. This is something you have to figure out on your own.”
I leaned back on the stool and looked at the ceiling. “God! Why didn’t anyone ever tell us that being an adult would suck so bad? I don’t know about you, but I was so not properly equipped to deal with this shit.”
I looked back to my friend as she let out a giggle. “None of us were. It’s a cruel joke the adults pull on us when we’re younger. The more we suffer, the bigger a kick they get out of it.” I laughed in return before we lapsed into a momentary silence. “This doesn’t have to be bad, honey.”
My head tipped to the side as I regarded her. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying, you were both kids back then, Low-Low. Things change. People change.” One of her shoulders lifted in a tiny shrug. “They grow up. Maybe this is a chance for you and Noah to get to know the people you are now.”
I thought about what she’d said, really thought about it. “When did you get so smart?” I teased, letting go of her hands to lift my coffee cup to my lips.
“I’ve always been the smart one in this friendship,” she joked back. “You were the pretty one.”
“Hey!” I protested. “I’m smart!”
“O-kay,” she laughed sarcastically. “Tell me that after you’re finished paying your brother’s therapy bills.”
I gasped in mock-offense before throwing a piece of my blueberry muffin at her head as we laughed ourselves silly.
“But in all seriousness,” Chloe started, wiping all humor from her face. “I have something I need to ask you.”
“What?” I asked, my head tipped to the side in concern at the change in her demeanor.
All of a sudden, a shit-eating grin broke across her face. “What was it like to lose your virginity for a second time to the same dude?”
“Asshole,” I yelled, reaching out to smack her as she snorted in hilarity at her own joke.
Just like every time I was in Chloe’s presence, some of the weight lifted off my chest. My shoulders felt lighter, looser whenever she was around. She unknowingly shouldered some of my burden.
That was the sign of an irreplaceable friend.
I pulled into the school parking lot the following Monday to the glorious sight of Noah standing against the side of his SUV, arms and ankles crossed in a casual way that would make any woman stand up and take notice. And I should know, the tingles shooting from my nipples to between my thighs weren’t for just anybody. How the man could stand in his winter gear and still exude sexiness was beyond me.
“Hey.” My voice was brighter than I’d expected as I climbed out of my truck after parking right next to him.
“Hey, baby.” His voice was a low masculine purr as he pushed off his truck and stepped toward me. “Missed you this weekend.” As he spoke, his chest hit flush with mine, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a panic as my gaze shot through the parking lot.
“Relax, wildflower,” he chuckled. “No one’s lookin’. Too damn cold for people to stand around out here anyway.”
My body relaxed into his strong hold before I could think to control it. I lifted my head and found myself smiling up at him. “Then what are you doing standing out here in the freezing cold?”
He shot me a devilish smirk as his lips came down on mine. “Hoping to fool around with my girl for a little bit before we have to go back into hiding.”
“I told you, it’s not about hiding,” I replied, my back stiffening as the smile fell from my face. I tried to pull out of his hold, but his arms just got tighter. “You said you understood,” I said in an accusing tone.
“Harlow, calm down. I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed. “I do understand. I was just making a shitty joke. I’m sorry, okay?”
I melted into him and rested my hands on his chest. “I’m sorry, too. This is all just a little strange for me, you know? It’s weird trying to start something that feels new with someone I was so familiar with.” I gave my head a shake, hoping it would help organize my jumbled thoughts. “I’m not even making sense,” I spoke more to myself than to him.
Noah’s arms twitched around me. “You’re making sense, babe. I understand what you’re saying. That’s why I agreed to go slow with you. I’ll take you any way I can get you, and if slow’s what you need, I can do that.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, resting my forehead on his strong chest. I was freezing outside, but standing in his warm embrace seemed to protect me from the worst of the chill in the air.
“But that being said,” he continued, “you’re gonna have to find a place in your schedule to carve out alone time. Only so much jacking off a guy can do be
fore he rubs himself raw, baby.”
“Oh my God!” I laughed as I pulled back and gave his arm a playful slap.
“Just stating the facts. I think I got a few more callouses over the weekend, wildflower. If I don’t get inside you again soon I’m afraid my dick’s gonna fall off.”
“Were you always so painfully honest when we were together, or is this a new development?”
Cars slowly filtered into the parking lot, so we disengaged and made our way toward the school side-by-side. To any unsuspecting onlooker, we appeared like nothing more than casual acquaintances.
“Baby, I felt that pussy of yours Friday night for the first time in almost six years. If you think I’m not gonna do everything in my power to get back in there, you’ve lost your damn mind.”
My pulse sped up as those tingles grew into an intense ache. I could only hope anyone who saw would assume the bright flush on my cheeks was from the cold. Noah’s scandalous words bounced around in my head as he held the glass doors open and followed me into the warm hallway. God, I wanted him too. And if he didn’t stop talking like that, I wasn’t sure I could be held responsible for my own actions.
As we walked at a leisurely pace I tried my best to appear unaffected while, on the inside, I felt like I could spontaneously combust at any moment. The hallways filled with students and teachers, but I was still able to hear Noah’s knowing chuckle of the din of activity.
“You’re rather arrogant, you know that?” I snapped as we made it closer to my classroom.
“It’s not arrogance when it’s true, wildflower.” We stopped in front of my closed door and he leaned in closely. My back pressed against the cold metal of the lockers as I worked to control my breathing the best I could. The smell of him was filling my nostrils and overwhelming my senses, making it almost impossible to think clearly. “Tell me you aren’t wet for me right now and I’ll stop,” he whispered so low no one passing by could hear him.
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