by Toler, B N
After I sip my coffee and dress, I head downstairs. Tia is perched at the breakfast table, her hair in a messy knot, wearing sunglasses. She looks like hell.
“Good morning sunshine.” I give her a saccharine smile.
“Stop shouting,” she whispers loudly.
“Are we feeling a little under the weather today?” I giggle.
“I hate you,” she replies grumpily.
I laugh as I head to the fridge and pull out some orange juice. “Where’s Brandon?” I ask more to Antonio than Tia, but she answers anyway.
“Out for a walk. How’s your hand this morning, slugger?”
“Not too bad, a little sore.”
“How are you so chipper? You drank just as much as me last night.”
“Well, I puked my guts up so I guess I got it all out of my system.”
“Puked your guts up is an understatement. You disemboweled yourself,” Brandon laughs as he strolls in. His dark hair is shaggy, he hasn’t had it cut in a while and it makes him look younger. The Mexican sun has done wonders for his complexion. I bite my lip as I take him in, unaware I’m doing it until he cocks his head and smirks.
“Go on. Look away my dear. I can give you a private viewing later if you’d like.” He calls me out and I roll my eyes.
“Been there, done that,” I reply with a playful shrug.
My husband and I are flirting shamelessly. I can’t remember the last time we did this and God it feels so good.
SIXTEEN
Brandon
By the fourth day, Sophia and I have rolled into a playful banter stage. It almost feels like it did when I was that nervous idiot trying to convince her to go out with me. Back then, chasing her felt like torture I wanted her so badly. Now, I’m actually enjoying it.
Weird, I know.
“I need a shower,” Sophia states after coming in from her morning run.
“You look exhausted. Do you need some help washing? I’ve got plenty of hands.” I waggle my eyebrows.
“No, but enjoy imaging me in the shower,” she shoots back as she runs up the stairs. She’s different, but in the best way. She somehow seems lighter, and I’m seeing less of my wife and more of the woman I met on the shore that day by the lake. A confidence maybe that I hadn’t noticed was gone until I’ve seen it beaming from her like moon rays.
“You won’t do it again, will you?” Tia’s serious tone awakes me from my thoughts and I turn to her. “Cheat on her?” she clarifies.
“I know she doesn’t believe me, but it wouldn’t have gone that far. I swear it, Tia.”
“I’m sure she wants to believe that, but in her mind it’s the question of would you have stopped had she not been there.”
“I know.” I run a hand through my hair.
“The girl you kissed….she won’t be the only one that ever makes a move on you, Brandon. That’s what all these fucked-up college girls with Daddy issues do.”
“It just happened. I had no idea…I mean looking back, I can see where she may have been dropping signals and I dismissed them, but when she kissed me I was floored.”
And that is the truth. Looking back, I see now there were obvious signs that Nadine was inviting me to pursue her, but I dismissed it as harmless flirting. She wasn’t the first young girl to do it. I’d had dozens flirt with me, but nothing inappropriate ever happened.
I suppose one of Nadine’s more obvious gestures was how she always volunteered to stay and help. If I were really trying to pick apart her behavior for signs I’d add her clothing, too. She dressed like a naughty school girl, but somehow made it seem harmless with glasses or a jacket. I don’t know. I hadn’t pursued a woman in years. Sophia was my last and after I got her I stopped paying attention to other women for the most part. Don’t get me wrong. I am a man; I notice other women, but not anything beyond appreciation for their beauty.
But no woman has ever been Sophia, nor will they ever be.
“Yet you didn’t pull away right away. You let her kiss you,” Tia scolds me. I keep trying to think back to that moment, that moment when Nadine looked up at me and I ask myself, why didn’t I push her away?
“Maybe not right away. I’m not proud to admit that either, Tia, but I did pull away. I did. So, yes, I let a girl kiss me and I hesitated, but I did stop.”
“Jesus, Brandon. I just don’t get it.” Tia shakes her head. “How would you feel if you had walked in on Sophia kissing another man?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I punched your boyfriend in the face because they were dancing together.”
“I know maybe you’re waiting for her to make some grand gesture signaling you to move in on her, but you won’t get it.”
“Why’d you bring her here, Tia? To convince her to leave me?”
Tia recoils as if I just called her a whore. “Me bringing her here has nothing to do with whatever decision she makes. I brought her here to help her remember she’s more than your fucking full-time cheerleader, house cleaner, laundry washer, and child raiser. How dare you ask me that? You spent the last five years leaving her on the back burner so you could pursue your career and she gladly did it. And for what? So you could let a grad student make out with you and not even know why?”
“Okay, okay.” I hold my hands up in surrender. “I was just asking.” I think my balls just shriveled up after her verbal assault. “Do you think she’ll take me back?” I ask in defeat. Tia would be the only person to know at this point, other than me, and I sure as hell don’t know.
She smacks her hand to her forehead as if she’s annoyed. “You know the answer to that, Brandon,” she groans. “That isn’t the question you should be asking.”
“What?”
“Phi will take you back. She’s selfless that way. She wouldn’t break up her family because her ass of a husband kissed another woman. The question you should be asking is, will she forgive you?”
I run a palm over my face. “If she takes me back, doesn’t that mean she forgives me?”
“No. It means no such thing.” Tia sighs and sips her coffee before continuing. “She will go home and never mention it again. Things would probably go back to just the way they were before this happened. But I promise you, she’ll put on the act, but deep down, she’ll resent you. She’ll always wonder if you’re lying to her, cheating on her. With that in mind, Brandon, is getting her to take you back what matters most? Or is earning her honest love and trust more important?”
“Shit,” I mumble. I hadn’t thought about it like that. I’ve been terrified Sophia would leave me, but some part of me believed she would take me back, just like Tia said. Sophia loves our daughters, and I know a broken home is the last thing she’d ever want to give them. But the thought of her only taking me back for that reason kills me. I want her to love me and trust me, to want me.
“If I were you, I’d get busy showing her she’s the best thing to ever happen to you. And let’s face it, Brandon.” She gives me a pointed look. “She is the best thing that ever happened to you.” With that she traipses out onto the patio with her coffee, leaving me completely conflicted.
My mind unravels. I can’t lose her. Even if she keeps me, I could still lose her. That’s not an option. Before I have time to really think about what I’m doing, I climb the stairs and open her bedroom door. My heart thunders in my chest because this could go many ways. One way being Sophia punches me in the face and screams at me. The shower is running so I sit on the edge of her bed and wait. My knee bounces and my palms sweat as I wait, anticipating what might happen. She may refuse me, she may spit in my face, but I’m going to show her that I want her, that I need her. Once the shower turns off, she emerges from the bathroom in her towel and freezes at the sight of me. She doesn’t yell at me or ask me why I’m in her room without permission; she just stares at me, clutching the towel tightly to her chest.
My mouth goes dry at the sight of her in nothing but a white towel, her beautiful bronzed skin slick and wet. I stare at her, speechless
for a moment. This is my wife. My world. How did I convince this woman to love me? I shift gears and focus on my reasoning for sneaking into her room. I know I’m testing some serious boundaries here, but I need to know where Sophia stands with us. Does she want me? Is she waiting for me to make the first move?
“Drop the towel,” I order her. I’m completely surprised by my own demand, but even more so when she actually releases the towel and lets it fall to the floor, pooling around her feet. My God, she’s a fucking beauty. She stares at me, her brown eyes challenging me, telling me she’s game. I love this confidence in her. The woman never ceases to amaze me. My dick is already straining against my pants and I have to take a deep breath to steady myself. With grace, I stand and make my way towards her. “You are stunning, Sophia,” I breathe as I walk around so that I’m behind her. Her wet hair is plastered to her back and I take it gently, and pull it to the side. Running the tip of my nose up the wet skin of her shoulder and neck, I whisper, “Do you want me to touch you?”
Her breath hitches as she leans her body against mine and I’m about to go insane. When she arches her back, her breasts rise and her nipples are already hard. Swallowing hard, I fight the urge not to reach down and graze her sex with my fingers. I know she’s wet, but I need to be patient. I haven’t touched her, not really touched her, in months. I’ve fantasized about how our first time together again would be. I want to take it slow, cherish it, and commit every touch to memory. There were moments I’ve been sure I’d never get to touch her again.
“Sophia, I want to touch you. Do you want me to?” I ask her again when she doesn’t respond the first time. A small whimper escapes her mouth and she nods yes. “I want to touch your breasts. You know how I’ve always loved your perfect, beautiful tits. Do you want me to touch you there?” I’m almost to a whisper, my voice deep and gravely as I try to contain my own nervousness and excitement.
Sophia nods yes and my hands grope her perfect soft mounds. We both let out a hiss and Sophia pushes against me, harder, her hands rising up to encourage mine. I run my thumbs over her hard peaks and she moans. “I’m going to lick them now. Do you want me to?”
When she nods again, I spin her around, scoop her up and lay her on the bed. Her legs spread, welcoming me to lie against her body and within seconds, I’m on her, one hand groping one breast, my mouth nibbling and sucking the other. Her hands fist my hair as she moans.
“Are you wet, Sophia?” I ask when I already know the answer. I won’t venture to forbidden places until she tells me it’s okay.
“Yes,” she whispers so low I can barely hear.
“I want to taste you, Sophia. Do you want me to?” Although I’m asking her, the need in my voice is evident. I want to hear her moan my name in pleasure. I want to taste her.
“Yes,” she breathes and I begin slowly kissing down her body as she trembles.
Goosebumps blanket her skin and I trace the folds of her sex gently with two fingers and almost come in my pants. She’s so wet. My heart races as I lean in and graze her sex with my tongue, tasting her. As I begin to work, letting my tongue pleasure her, she writhes and moans and before long her body tenses just before she unravels, her orgasm bursting from her and into my mouth. When her body relaxes again, I kiss my way up her stomach to her chest until my face is above hers.
My breathing is heavy as my hand gropes her breast once again while the other supports my weight. “I want to kiss you, Sophia. Do you want me to kiss you?”
Not waiting for her answer, I lean down, but she pushes me back. “No,” she answers softly, her big brown eyes staring into mine. “I don’t want you to kiss me.” And there it is. The hurt she’s holding inside of her. The hurt I put inside of her. It’s staring back at me right now from her beautiful, brown eyes.
My stomach flips. I thought everything that just happened between us was a sign. But she won’t kiss me and now her allowing me to fuck her a million times wouldn’t mean shit to me until she allows me to kiss her. I nod, half dazed and roll off her. Tia’s right. Getting her to take me back has never been my greatest feat. Hell, she’ll take me back and carry on with her wifely duties, sex included, but she won’t trust me. She won’t forgive me and that’s something I absolutely need from her. I want her to love me like she did before I let her down.
She climbs out of bed, collects her towel, wrapping it back around her, and scurries into the bathroom. When she doesn’t come back after a few minutes, I leave her room, unsure if I just made my wife come or some woman I barely know.
SEVENTEEN
Sophia
I take my time drying my hair and applying my makeup hoping Brandon will be gone by the time I come out of the bathroom. To my relief he’s gone when I emerge. I throw on a sundress as I have nothing other than dresses and bikinis to wear thanks to Tia. When I enter the kitchen, Tia is putting a dish in the oven and she smiles when she turns back and sees me.
“Well, don’t you look…” She pauses and looks to the ceiling. “Refreshed,” she finishes as her gaze cuts back to me.
I roll my eyes at her. “Where are the guys?” I take a seat on one of the barstools as she dices a tomato.
“Antonio took Brandon down to the shore for a beer. Brandon didn’t look quite as….refreshed as you.” She smiles knowingly. “Left him with an old case of the blue balls did ya?” she laughs. “I have to say, I’m impressed.”
“With what?” I question as if I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“That you let him please you, but didn’t offer anything in return.”
“Well, he offered. Who am I to refuse an orgasm?” I shrug. “It’s been a while.”
Tia stares at me with awe-struck eyes. “There she is.” She nods with satisfaction.
“What?”
“The girl in the boat house.”
“Tia if I had known that sexual encounter in Mamaw and Papa’s boat house would have had this much of an influence on you I wish I’d have provided a better visual. You seem to have summed me up in that one night.”
“No. I feel like I didn’t see all of you until that one night. You had him, Phi. It was like he would eat out of your palm if you asked him to.”
“Still, this whole fascination you have with that night is strange.”
“Fine. I won’t mention it again.”
“Besides, I’m pretty sure Antonio would eat out of your hand, too, if you asked him.” I try to shift the topic to her which she gladly allows.
“Antonio would eat anything off of my body,” she laughs. Just then Van Morrison’s Brown-eyed girl plays on the radio and Tia’s eyes get wide as saucers.
“Oh, Phi! You used to sing this to me when I was a little girl! Remember?” she squeals as she turns it up and runs around the counter to me. “Let’s dance.”
Before I can refuse she yanks me from my chair and we’re dancing, singing at the top of our lungs, sha la la la la la lade da. When Tia would have a bad day, maybe some dweeb at school picked on her for her braces or she got in trouble for something, I’d play this song as loud as our radio would boom and we’d dance around like idiots. It always seemed to cheer her up. I can still remember my sister with her big brown eyes, so bright and full of life. A young and wild creature. Not much has changed.
Suddenly, Antonio is sliding between us, taking me and turning me to the rhythm as Brandon takes Tia and does the same. We’re all laughing and then Antonio twirls me to Brandon who takes me by my hips after sending Tia to Antonio. Brandon doesn’t let me tense or feel awkward, he just moves and I go with it as he sings.
“Cast my memory back there, Lord,
Sometime I'm overcome thinking about
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium
With you, my brown-eyed girl,
You, my brown-eyed girl.
“Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah”
I’m laughing so hard my head fall
s to his shoulder as my body convulses. Just as the song ends, as if the stars aligned, the song we danced to at our wedding comes on. Unforgettable by Nat King Cole.
Brandon pulls my body to his, his cheek pressed to mine and we move as he sings every word to me. When the last verse plays, he holds me tighter, his words becoming raspier as he sings.
“Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too.”
My eyes tear up and I close them, letting the moment linger. I do love him. God, I love him. But why can’t I just let go of this hurt? I want so badly for us to get past this, make a million more happy memories, but I’m so damn scared. What if he does it again? What if I take him back and I’m miserable because I can’t let it go?
“Ah hem.” Tia clears her throat and I immediately back away from Brandon. “You guys have been dancing to silence for like an entire minute. It was getting awkward.” She nods.
“Sorry.” I shake my head and wipe under my eyes realizing Brandon is staring at me.
“Let’s eat!” Antonio chimes and we all enjoy an awesome meal together, downing four bottles of wine between us. My liver hasn’t worked this hard in years.
When the meal is over, Brandon hops up and starts grabbing plates. “You guys made a great dinner,” he says to Tia and Antonio. “I got the dishes.”
“I’ll help.” I join him in clearing the table and Antonio and Tia head out to the beach for a walk.
“He’s in love with her, ya know?” Brandon says as we both stare out the window over the sink at them. They’re holding hands and laughing as they walk away from the house. Tia rests her head on Antonio’s shoulder as they descend.