by Tanya Allan
That same drive that kept me pushing for combat assignments was now redundant. The reasons for pushing had gone completely. It is hard to quantify, but that drive was my reaction to the inner urges that I had to suppress for all those years. Somehow, my subconscious believed that as long as I was an active Marine and doing the more dangerous and challenging activities, then I would not be able to surrender to the urges.
With possible redundancy, or at least a shore-based role removed from the old challenges, came the fear that the urges might overwhelm.
Those urges had gone, so the drive had gone with them. I was still a marine and still well-able to do my job, but I no longer had to prove it to myself.
One of the greatest joys was having someone with whom I could talk about it. Gilly claimed that since she lost the ‘urges’ she’d been walking on air. Not that she was a terribly feminine woman, even though she could look fantastic when she put her mind to it, but most of the time she flopped about in jeans and tee shirts. There was no getting away from being the farmer’s daughter, well used to riding her motorcycle on the farm and more at home in her wellies than in high heels.
She agreed with me; not having to prove anything to oneself was the most satisfying factor.
Not constantly having a little voice in one’s head telling you that you were the wrong gender was just such a relief.
I attempted to drown out that voice through being a marine. Gilly did the same with her work. She engrossed herself in her studies and work, so much that she had no social life whatsoever. Whenever she was forced to socialise, she felt she was being pushed into conforming to everyone else’s view of what she should be, and she resented it.
She enjoyed her teaching role, despite her initial misgivings about teaching that age of kids. They responded to her sarcastic and dry sense of humour, even when most of the faculty failed to understand her. She quickly became the most popular teacher, without trying.
Andrew Simpson, unable to cope with her completely different approach to languages, tried to bluff the principal by handing his resignation with an ‘Either she goes or I do!’ threat.
The principal accepted the resignation without hesitation and wished him well with his new job. Pride prevented the windbag from backing down, so he left at the end of that semester.
I was in my office when the call came. Not a telephone call, as Gilly and I had risen above them.
‘It’s started!’ she said to me.
‘Okay, I‘m leaving now, can you hang in there?’
‘Karen from next door is with me, she’s called the paramedics. My waters broke in the kitchen. Sorry, but there’s a bit of a mess.’
‘No problem, as long as you’re doing okay?’
‘Fine, but the contractions are getting stronger.’
I was now getting into my car.
‘I’m in the car, so I’ll be with you in ten at the most.’
‘Don’t kill yourself, as I really need you now!’
‘Okay, hang in there.’
They made me put on sterile scrubs, as I was wearing my military fatigues. I felt a real idiot, but then everyone else looked the same.
Three hours, sixteen minutes and eight seconds after my arrival at the base hospital, the first of our daughters was born. Jane was seven pounds exactly, and looked like a miniature version of her mother. I was present throughout, and it was an amazing experience to actually watch it for a change.
Ten minutes later, Layla arrived, and she was identical in every way to Jane, but two ounces lighter than her big sister. Gilly looked completely shattered, radiant, but shattered. As the two little bundles fought over their first feed, she looked up at me with weary eyes and smiled.
“You okay?” I asked, holding her hand.
“Just,” she said, with her usual Scottish grit.
“You did well,” I said.
“Fuck, it bloody hurt, Ed!”
The nurse looked at her and smiled.
“Yes, hon, it surely does. All those who say it doesn’t haven’t had twins!” she said.
“So,” I said. “Ready for the next one?”
“In your dreams, you bastard. I have no intention of going through that again. Next time, it might be triplets. God gave me two hands for a reason – one hand per child, so, next opportunity you get, it’s vasectomy time!”
The nurse chuckled and shook her head.
I smiled and sat next to my wife as she fed her girls. She was smiling as she looked down at their little heads.
“Aren’t they beautiful?” she asked.
“Like their mother; you look simply gorgeous,”
“I’m a fucking wreck!” she said, chuckling.
“A beautiful wreck. Did you think they’d be identical?” I asked.
“It’s in the family. My grandfather on my mum’s side was an identical twin. His brother died in the war.”
I was content to sit and be with her, conscious that our lives had just changed forever. Not in a bad way, in a lovely way, but with all the other changes that we’d recently experienced, I actually yearned for a period of stability for a while.
‘You’ve been through it too, haven’t you?’
‘Yup, three times as Jane. Layla wasn’t ever that kind of a girl.’
‘It’s funny having a husband who can wholly empathise with me. There are not many girls who can say that.’
‘To be honest, they asked me if I wanted the memories blocked. I thought about it, but decided not to. While you were going through it, I experienced a vivid flashback.’
‘You miss them, don’t you?’
‘Of course, but then they were Jane’s kids, not mine. That might sound odd, but I can cope with it that way. Besides, they’re all dead now.’
‘How about the kids you had with your wife; the ones you never see?’
‘Don’t go there; it’s an area of shame and sorrow for me. They call another man ‘dad’ now, so I have had to let them go. If I met them today, I doubt I’d know them.’
‘I’d like to hope we could build some bridges before too long; you are their dad, after all.’
‘Let’s see,’ I thought, hoping to close the subject.
After a couple of days, she was allowed to bring the girls home. So started a period in which sleep was at a premium, as two hungry girls never got enough without some assistance from dad.
We settled into a routine. I was fortunate to be given some time off to help, which Gilly claimed was invaluable. This time around I shared the load equally, finding that those maternal instincts of Jane were still with me, if a little blunted.
Needless to say Gilly’s mom, Jeanette, was as good as her word and was over within a few weeks to help. She had never been to America before, but kept saying, “Gosh, it’s just like on the telly!” She was a no-nonsense person who said things as she saw them, so we got on great.
After being with us for a week, I was able to go back to work. Jeanette adored the girls and even got up in the night to help with the feeds, allowing us one third more sleep than we would have got.
I don’t remember what my children with my first wife were like, as I was never there. It was a matter of great guilt for me, so made sure I put in extra time with these little smashers. They were actually very good, by any standards, but would set each other off if we were not careful.
Jeanette stayed for four weeks, and left, promising to come back whenever we needed her. By that time, we had the routine down pat, so life began to return to a state of reasonable normality once more.
My training role was more to make sure the training instructors were doing what they were supposed to be doing, so actually, there wasn’t a great deal for me to do, unless things went wrong. They had a habit of occasionally going wrong; usually stupidity or someone wanting to cut corners, but in the main, things ran smooth enough.
The colonel in charge was an old friend of Rick Masterson from way back. His name was Colin Coxeter, and he was a good man. I’d served with hi
m briefly a couple of times, and he was up front from the start.
“Ed, you and I are old professionals. We don’t need the bullshit that the rest need, so you have a problem, then you come to me and we sort it together. Likewise, if I need your advice, then I’ll be sure to ask for it. Just keep me in the loop with what’s happening, and I’ll leave you to deal with your end without intervention. I’ve told my officers to give you free rein, so with the possible exception of a few second lieutenants fresh from training, just get on, and do things your way. They’ll come round fast enough.”
We had the usual episodes of excessive booze, women problems and a few who smuggled drugs into the base. I deal with it all, not having to bother the boss very often, except when an example had to be made. We were marines, so we looked after our own and never washed our dirty laundry in public.
Was I frustrated?
No.
Had you asked me about that before the island then I don’t think I’d have taken the job. But now, it was made for me.
I cannot remember a time in my life when I had been more content – any life!
* * *
Gilly
Being a mother of two little girls was so knackering!
I had no idea exactly how tired I was going to be. The books were clear and very useful, except that as far as babies are concerned, very little goes by the book. Ed was fantastic, as I imagined he would have been. There are very few genetic men who had actually been mothers to three children themselves – none, I should say.
We were both tired, but my mum helped a lot in the month she was with us. We were able to get into a sort of routine and life became bearable. Mind you, as soon as you manage to inflict a routine on babies, they change the rules and it all goes to pot!
The books never talk about the shitty times!
Talk about shit!
I had no idea that something so small could produce that amount of poo! With twins, it was poo doubled. Thank God for disposable diapers.
Anyway, I was beginning to think that I’d never get to a state of un-tiredness ever again when Ed returned from work one day wearing an expression that I had come to know.
“Now?” I asked.
“Soon,” he said.
“Tell me?”
“Michael called; he has a reasonably urgent job in which he wants us both to get involved. But you need some training first, just so you aren’t being flung in the deep end. He trusts me to conduct a degree of on-the-job training when we get there, but some stuff you need to get done by them beforehand.”
“Okay, how will this happen?” I asked, looking worried.
“He’ll pick you up at five pm tomorrow and get you back a half hour later. I’ll look after the girls.”
“They can train me in half an hour?” I asked, the doubt seeping into my voice.
He looked a little weary, and his voice reflected that.
“We’ve gone through this Gigi, you’ll be outside time for the duration.”
“How long will I be gone?”
“For me, half an hour; but for you, two, perhaps three weeks.”
“I can’t leave the children for that long.”
“Gill, you won’t, remember? Half an hour, tops, even if you leave me for a year, it will still be half an hour for me and the girls.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling a little foolish, as Ed had gone through this with me a while back. “So where and when are we going?”
“We won’t know until we do the briefing together before we go.”
“I’m not sure I want to leave the girls right now.”
“I understand, but that’s why the training is happening now, so that we can be ready to go at some point in the future.”
“But…”
Honey, you’ll be fine, you’ll see. Half an hour of the girls’ time, and I’m sure I can manage until you get back. Besides, how often have you said how nice it would be to get a break and talk to some different human beings for a change?”
“I know, but…”
“No buts; just go and get what you can from the course. Then we can work together. It’ll be great, you’ll see.”
“Hmm.”
I wasn’t convinced, but, as he said, it was just half an hour.
* * *
Ed.
Michael was exactly on time, as always. Gilly was still not entirely convinced, so he spent a little time calming her down and emphasising that she would be home within half an hour at the worst.
“It all depends on the traffic. We have to drive around three miles, and then come back again.”
“I’m going to be away a lot longer,” she pointed out, regarding her small suitcase that we’d packed together.
“As far as Ed and the girls are concerned, you will be back in a jiffy, so stop worrying.”
In the end, she agreed and kissed me and the girls goodbye. The silly thing was she’d been off shopping whilst leaving the girls with me or her mother for far longer.
The girls were asleep, and so I sat down with a beer and watched the ballgame on the TV.
Twenty minutes later, the front door opened and she ran inside and straight upstairs without a word to me. Michael followed her in and grinned at me.
“How did she do?” I asked, getting off the couch.
“Brilliantly, she is a highly intelligent young woman and so coped with some of the more complex issues without blinking. She didn’t like not being with you and your daughters, though.”
“How long has it been for her?”
“Three and a half weeks. That’s not bad, for someone without the usual military or other relevant training; it is normally six or seven weeks.”
“Get yourself a drink, I’ll just go see how she is,” I said, mounting the stairs.
She was in the kids’ bedroom, kneeling between their cots, bawling her eyes out.
She looked up as I entered the room. Neither child had woken so they’d not missed their mother.
I knelt beside her, wrapping my arms around her.
“I’m so sorry, Ed, you must think I’m a silly fool.”
“Nah, I understand completely. The important thing is you’re back and we never need be apart again.”
She chuckled through her tears.
“Daft git, what happens when we get sent somewhere? We’ll just have to trust we’re not going to be long.”
“As I told you, I was away for a complete lifetime, and yet was back only seconds after I had left. The girls will never even know we’ve been away; until they get old enough to join us, that is.”
She stared at me, starting to shake her head, but then grinned suddenly.
“Imagine their friends’ faces at school when their essays on some period in history are more accurate than the damn books!”
Trust a teacher!
“Seriously, how was the course?”
“Interesting; it was a fascinating set-up. Michael explained to me where, or rather – when it was. It’s hard to imagine being outside time. Also, getting one’s head around the way people can move into time zones using proxy bodies, took some getting used to.”
“Did you do any physical stuff?”
“That was so weird, they somehow manged to implant skills into my mind without me having to do anything. I found that afterwards, I was able to do all sorts of martial arts stuff that I’d never tried before. They also enhanced the languages I already had, which was amazing. I’m fluent in nearly twenty languages now!”
“Remember, if you don’t use them, you’ll lose them!” I said.
“I don’t think so. Michael told me that the implant is very deep. I’ve these skills for life, and they’re transferable to my proxy.”
“So, you’re less reluctant to go off on a job, now?”
She made a face.
“I still would rather wait until the girls are bigger.”
“And then?”
“Huh?”
“And then you will want to wait for them to get to sch
ool age, and then through university, and then….?”
“Oh, all right, clever clogs. Maybe I’m just afraid of not getting back in one piece and leaving the girls without a mother of father.”
“I share that, but they surely told you about the safeguards?”
“Yes, they did, but things can always go wrong.”
I wisely remained silent. She needed to get through this by herself.
“While I was there, Michael let me read the official reports of your last job. He offered to share some of Jane’s story, but I felt that might be too intrusive. I said that you’d tell me when you were ready. Anyway, Layla was a real kick-ass bint!”
I smiled.
“Yes, she was.”
“And, a bit of a lezzy?” she asked, with a naughty grin.
“Let’s say she played both sides of the field.”
“So Gaius was enough of a man to swing you back?”
Unaccountably, I found myself feeling embarrassed. She must have sensed it, so touched me gently on the arm.
“I’m sorry, my love, but I found it all so exciting. Maybe we could have a jaunt where we change genders, just so we can truly say we can see things from the other side of the fence.”
“Regretting what happened on the island?”
“No way! Let me just say that I’ve been set free, so it’s not like I’d want to stay like that forever, but it’s sufficiently part of my past to make me curious.”
I smiled, wondering how long it might have taken her. Personally, I wasn’t bothered anymore, as I’d been and gone and done it; twice! For her, though, the curiosity must be overwhelming.
“We can speak to Michael. Did he give any indication when he wanted us to go?”
“He was very kind. He said when I was ready.”
I simply looked at her.
“Give me a day to get the courage up, please?”
Epilogue
(& Prologue to Book 4: Roundhead or Bootneck?)