by Carla Blake
Instead, leaving the house and still worrying whether her clothes looked too much like she was attending a day at court, she’d hit the road twenty minutes late, only to find herself caught up in the tail end of the school run and in the middle of a fraught and seething mass of harassed looking mothers, who ferrying miserable looking children in oversized 4x4’s, seemingly didn’t give a toss for either the rules of the road or for late office goers struggling to emerge from side roads.
Thus Rachel had arrived at work a quarter of an hour late, which she didn’t think was all that bad.
Phil Meadows did though.. The minute she plonked herself down at her desk and picked up the note, he was there. His hands buried in the pockets of the same old suit he always wore as he towered over her and stabbed a finger at the wall mounted clock.
“What time do you call this?” He asked, running a hand through his thinning hair. “ In case you hadn’t noticed, we scrapped flexi time six months ago, which means you have to be here by nine o’clock. Not quarter past, not half past. Nine o’clock!”
Glaring at him, Rachel dumped her handbag on the desk. He hadn’t seen what was lying on top of a folder and with it now out of view, she activated it, forcing herself to smile. “ First of all you are not my supervisor so you have no right to berate me about my time keeping.” She began. “Secondly, I am only quarter of an hour late which I can easily make up for at the end of the day, and thirdly, if you really want to have an argument about time keeping, then I suggest you look to yourself first. Three times you’ve been back late from lunch this week. Or doesn’t that count, because you’re a ‘ supervisor’?”
Turning red, Phil thumped his hand down hard on the desk. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He thundered, hardly daring to believe a worm like Rachel had had the guts to stand up to him. “ I could have you sacked for talking to me like that!”
“And I could have you sacked for using abusive language.” Rachel said, deftly lifting her handbag and pointing to the two, tiny spools of her Dictaphone busily turning inside. “ Now please go away. It is not my fault the traffic was bad and like I said, I will make up the time at the end of the day. That good enough for you?”
Phil didn’t say anything. Instead, stabbing the ‘off’ button on the Dictaphone, he pointed a finger in her face. “ Think you’re clever?” He fumed. “Well I’m watching you.”
The note was still there. Crumpled in her hand where she’d been holding it the entire time Phil had been hovering over her. It felt slightly clammy now, the result of all the sweat the confrontation had leaked from her skin, but the writing was still perfectly legible and carefully unfolding it in the shelter of the crook of her arm, she smiled at the single line of print.
‘Meet me in the clubroom loos.’ It read. ‘ About ten? K. xx’
Two kisses, Rachel thought. That’s encouraging. Kate must still be interested despite me not meeting up with her again yesterday. But why did she want to meet her in the toilets? It wasn’t exactly salubrious and what was wrong with going out for lunch?
Ten o’clock crept round with all the speed of an arthritic snail towing heavy shopping, and by the time the minute hand reached eleven, Rachel had transformed herself from a calm and efficient clerk to a quivering a bag of nerves.
What if Kate had changed her mind, she fretted. What if she merely wanted to say their encounter in the basement had all been one, huge mistake and she never wanted to do it again? She’d be heartbroken, she knew she would, even though they’d met only once. And what if she saw Kate and thought the same thing? What could she say to her then? ‘ Thanks for the fuck but I don’t think I’ll be repeating the experience.’ How would Kate take that? For all she knew Kate might get the hump and decide to tell everyone what a cheating cow she thought she was, and then all hell would break loose, especially as no one here knew she was gay. But then, how many people knew Kate was? And how long had she been with ‘ Power Surge’ anyway? Before yesterday she hadn’t even seen her around on a casual basis, although if she was busy attending meetings in the conference room, someone must know who she was. But that didn’t alter the fact she had no idea how she was going to react.
Light the blue touch paper and hope for the best then.
Nervously fingering her collar, Rachel pushed aside thoughts of fireworks and again glanced at the clock. It was time to go.
The clubroom foyer was much as she expected, namely deserted for the time of day, and gazing around at the empty space, Rachel couldn’t help but contrast it with the other end of the basement and the claustrophobic filing rooms. Back there everything was dark and creepy and covered with a thin layer of greasy dust experience had taught her was a bugger to shift from her clothes. Here though was the exact opposite. The eggshell blue walls, clean and fresh looking, perfectly complimented the wooden furnishings that led directly into the clubroom itself, whilst the bar and dance floor were light and airy. There was also a pool room whose ancient table and hopelessly bent cues made playing the game whilst sober almost impossible. But that was part of the fun and Rachel often came down for a quick glass of wine after work.
Now though, with the place so quiet and empty it was a totally different experience and turning full circle in the middle of the foyer, conscious of the fact she could actually hear herself breathing, she wondered if Kate had beaten her to it?
She had and a few minutes after Rachel’s arrival, she stuck her head out of the door to the ladies and beckoned her over with a wave of her hand.
“Thought I’d been stood up.” Kate smiled, sounding relived as she closed the door softly behind her. “I was beginning to dread going back upstairs and passing you in the office.”
“Well now you don’t have to.” Rachel said, glancing at the cubicles and noticing they were all empty. “But where exactly do you work? You’re not on my floor.”
Kate wriggled her eyebrows. “I am from today. I actually managed to wangle a transfer from Personnel – I was on five before, but can you believe that? Do you know that Pritchard bloke actually makes you prove your biro is empty before giving you another one? God, I have to stop saying ‘actually.’”
Rachel laughed. “You do.” She agreed, “ and I do know about Pritchard. He hides, you know, whenever a collection is going round. And he dries out his teabags to use again. But that’s not why you asked me here, is it, to talk about biros. It’s about yesterday, isn’t it? About being your girlfriend.”
Kate stared at her. “And?”
“And I’d love to know why you thought I was gay in the first place? I mean, what gave me away? Is it the clothes I wear? Or the way I speak? What? I thought I was doing alright, the epitome of discreet and all that, but if there’s something glaringly obvious about me that just screams ‘gay, then for God’s sake tell me what it is before someone else finds out and makes my life a misery. Like Phil.”
Kate smiled sympathetically. “Him? God, he wouldn’t notice if you wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it on his head! And really, you have no need to worry! It’s nothing you say or do, I promise. Truth is, I didn’t know. I just took a chance and hoped it would turn out alright.”
Rachel gaped at her. “You did what!?” She spluttered. “Bloody hell Kate, that wasn’t taking a chance, that was aiming for potential suicide! What if I hadn’t been up for it? What if I’d slapped you in the face and gone running to the manager? Do you know how much trouble you would have been in?”
“Erm, plenty?”
“Too bloody right!” Rachel carried on. “Christ, you could have got the sack if I’d reported you.”
“And you really think I would have cared? God, Rachel, you have no idea. I’ve been following you around for ages, trying to pluck up the courage to speak to you. But I’ve always bottled it, every time I thought ‘ yep, this is it, I’m gonna ask her out’, I’ve caved in like some.. useless man. But when I saw you heading for the basemen
t, and all on your own, something in my head just said go, and I did. The rest – well you know the rest.”
Rachel blew out her cheeks. “Well, you’ve certainly got guts girl.” She said. “I’ll give you that. I’m not sure I could have done it.”
“Sure you could. But did it work? That’s what I really want to know. Will you go out with me or have I just made a prize prat of myself?”
“You.” Rachel smiled, turning to slip the bolt on the door and lock them in, “ haven’t made a prat of anyone Come here..” And taking Kate in her arms, she kissed her.
Together they snuck into the clubroom. Kissing Kate had been wonderful, Rachel conceded, but getting intimate in the ladies wasn’t something either of them were all that keen on, and so, sneaking into the clubroom, they’d crept across the carpet and into the pool room, figuring it would probably be safe enough from prying eyes at this time of day.
The pool room was cool and gloomy and smelt faintly of stale beer. A pot plant standing in the corner, appeared to be wilting despite the fact it was plastic and the pool table baize, streaked with wavering ribbons of pale blue chalk dust was littered with cue balls.
Kate rolled one into the corner pocket and then pushed the bright red sofa away from the wall. “A little additional privacy.” She said, ushering Rachel behind it and giggling when Rachel complained at the amount of crisp packets littering the floor. “And a little additional security.”
Rachel couldn’t quibble about that, she thought. Getting caught, for either of them, wasn’t something she wanted to think about.
Hidden from view then and confident they wouldn’t be missed for a while, they slipped off their blouses, unclasped their bras and lay breast to breast. There’s been no discussion about it, no reluctance. They’d simple done it; holding each other whilst they’d softly touched each other’s skin and their mouths had barely parting as they kissed long and slow and Rachel briefly opened her eyes; almost melting with desire when she saw Kate’s were firmly closed.
Heaven, Rachel thought, relishing Kate’s lips. This is just so perfect. Her mouth, the faint taste of cigarettes on her breath, the way her hands are wrapped around my waist, reaching up to stroke the length of my back. Her perfume. Her breasts. Those gorgeous, brown eyes, fluttering open now and smiling into mine. All heaven. And they promise so much, those eyes. I want her. Right now! I want to rip her bloody clothes off and take her right now. But I can’t.
I can’t.
Not here on this smelly, clubroom carpet, with a well used sofa between us and discovery pressing at my back. This isn’t where I want our relationship to begin. I want it to be special. Romantic. Something unforgettable.
Reluctantly Rachel pulled away, nuzzling at Kate’s nose when she looked hurt at the withdrawal.
“It’s not that I don’t want to make love to you.” Rachel whispered when Kate’s mouth turned down. “I do. Like you wouldn’t believe! It’s just.. “
“What?”
“I don’t want to do it here! I want our first time to be special Kate. Not all rushed and clumsy because we’ve got that bloody clock ticking away above our heads or because we’re worried someone might walk in and find us. And to be honest, I think if we went all the way now, I wouldn’t really appreciate it. I want to be able to savour you and really enjoy it, you know, not regret that we didn’t wait. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Course not.” Kate said kissing the tip of her nose. “And thank you for the compliment. Wanting to ‘savour me’ is very flattering. Anticipation is also half the pleasure. If you want to wait, then we wait. Shit! What the hell was that?”
“What the hell was what?” Rachel hissed, feeling panic rocket through her veins. “ Is someone there?”
“Yeah.” Kate nodded. “I think so. I can hear someone in the bar, rattling bottles.”
Swallowing hard, Rachel swore under her breath and struggled to restrain the panic that threatened to narrow her throat. What was the matter with her lately, she thought concentrating on her breathing. She never used to be like this, all panicky and jittery and jumping at shadows. She used to be up for anything and hang the consequences, relying on her favourite adage that if money couldn’t sort it out then a smile and a cheeky quip usually could. But now. Or rather recently, she seemed to have been stung by the evil barb her dear old dad liked to call ‘ Adult responsibility’ and some of the fun was starting to leech out of her once carefree life to be replaced by bills and worry and shed loads of obligation. The house. The mortgage. Her job. Her promises to Polly not to move away and leave her saddled with a load of debt. Her soon to be ex boyfriend Simon...
The list went on and on, inexplicably growing in length despite her having no knowledge of ever actually starting one. And now this. The threat of being found out and having to explain why, exactly, she was lying half naked with another women in the clubroom? Like there was any other explanation, other than the obvious.
Squeezing Kate’s fingers, Rachel asked her who she thought it might be?
Kate shrugged. “Probably Joe the barman. Is it delivery day?”
Rachel stared at her. “How should I know?” She said, pushing Kate’s blouse into her hands and gesturing at her to get dressed. “I don’t know what shifts they work, but I do know I don’t want to be still here if matey- boy out there decides he wants to sink a few balls.”
Kate smiled at her. “You are a bag of nerves aren’t you?” She teased, reaching for her bra and kissing Rachel on the way. “There’s no need to be. He won’t come in here, I promise you. He never does.”
“Oh, really?” Rachel asked. “And how come you know that? Sneak down here often do you?”
Kate grinned. “Actually I do. It’s one of the few places I can smoke without being detected.”
Rachel pointed at the smoke detector. “What about that? Don’t you worry it will go off?’
“Not really.” Kate said, waving the problem away. “I always take the batteries out before I light up. Hey, no worries, babe.” She added when Rachel looked shocked, “ I always put them back in after.”
Three
Retrieving her e-mails, Rachel sucked in her bottom lip and fought hard to control the smile that wanted to spread across her face. The taste of Kate was still on her lips, the scent of her perfume still clinging faintly to her clothes. The memory of their flight across the carpeted clubroom still fresh enough to make her grin, as she recalled waiting for Joe the barman to start unloading noisy crates of bottles before dashing out the door, back up the stairs and finally into their office, where plonking herself heavily into her chair, she’d rolled her eyes at her colleagues and sighed, pretending the trip away from her desk had been tiresome and labourious instead of exciting and sexually arousing, and only then realizing that Kate was now sitting a mere three desks away. Pointing to her own chest and then to Rachel’s, whilst Rachel frowned and shook her head before finally cottoning on to the fact, that in her hurry to dress, she’d put her blouse on inside out.
Polly had again beaten her home by the time Rachel pulled up outside, quarter of an hour late.
She was also in the bath, humming a tune by Madonna, and smiling at her house mate’s total lack of self consciousness, Rachel poured them each a large glass of white wine, checked on the casserole Polly already had simmering in the oven and tapped on the bathroom door, accepting Polly’s invitation to ‘come on in’ before plonking herself down on the toilet seat and crossing her legs.
“You’re not going to be able to do this if Kate stays over.” Polly said, thanking her for the wine and taking a dainty sip. “What if she’s the jealous type?”
“Don’t think so.” Rachel replied, dipping her finger into the bathwater and wondering how Polly could stand it so hot? Ten minutes in there and she’d emerge like a lobster. “ Kate’s fairly easy going and besides what’s there to be jealous of? We’re only talking.”
“Like what? Slipping on the soap? A fatal accident with the shampoo?”
“You know what I mean.” Polly said enigmatically.
Rachel nodded. “Course I do, but as I’ve already told you a million times before kiddo, I ain’t gonna tell anyone. Including Kate.”
“Well, you’d better not.” Polly replied gravely, lathering her arms with bubbles. “ But you can’t blame me for worrying, especially as it only happened because we were both outrageously drunk..”
“You were, you mean. I thought I’d just got lucky.”
“… oh, very funny, but I’d still hate Kate to get the wrong idea about us and bring hassle into our lives. We’ve had enough of that with Simon…”
“Polly, I promise, I won’t say a word. It’s over. Gone. So how about letting it go now, eh? You can’t let one night haunt you forever.”
Polly swallowed more wine. “I know and I wouldn’t - usually. It’s just every time you meet someone new, I’m always terrified it will all come out and everything will go pear shaped for you just because of me.”
“Oh, I see! “ Rachel chuckled. “What you’re actually saying is that our little dalliance is now set to be the benchmark for all my future relationships, is that it??”
“No, of course not! That’s not what I meant at all!”
“I know! I’m just teasing you. Seriously though, it’s going to take more than something like that to split Kate and me up. I really like her, Polly. She makes me smile. She makes me.. oh, I don’t know.. tingle! And don’t laugh! You can’t tell me no one’s ever made you feel that way! Now, how about you get yourself out of that bath and come downstairs for dinner. My stomach’s so empty you could park a bus in there!”